Low Day

This afternoon my best friend called me to tell me that she and her husband had bought me an Amazon gift card to cheer me. She knows I love Amazon gift cards.

While we talked my friend asked me questions such as if I had to fast for the surgery, how long would the surgery take, and so on. I told her that I had no idea. She told me that was odd and I really needed to call to find out this information. I also thought it was strange that they hadn’t call to tell me these things, but this is the first broken bone I’ve ever had so how do I know what is “normal”? I thought that maybe surgery for broken bones needs to be done quickly before the bones begin to heal wrong. Mostly, though, I have been so nervous about the surgery and nauseous whenever I thought about it. I didn’t want to ask questions and be told very scary details. I still remember when I had to have sinus surgery years ago. The ENT described the surgery in great detail including everything that could go wrong. I was horrified and told him that I would rather not know and could he just tell EJ. The ENT had said he had to inform me of the risks.

So,  seriously, I was scared to ask questions. But I called the hand specialist’s office this afternoon and told the receptionist that I have an appointment tomorrow but I don’t know what to expect. She said that there was nothing about surgery so it was probably just a consultation.

After we finished our conversation, I sat and cried. Because although I really dread the surgery, i had hope that the pain would begin to decrease afterwards and I could begin counting off 6-8 weeks to complete healing. To just have tomorrow be a consultation means the start of the countdown is delayed.  The splint is uncomfortable, my pain is constant, even the smallest task takes exhausting effort, and I hate EJ having to do my chores when he has enough to do. Any delay feels like an eternity has been added to my sentence.

Today is a low day.