“Don’t Worry. He’s Friendly.”

Our son, JJ, is a deckhand on a Great Lakes bulk carrier. Last Spring he slipped on deck and badly broke his leg. That ended the shipping season for him. He had to have surgery to insert a plate in his leg and recovery took months.

JJ returned to his ship last Wednesday. The day before he had to leave, he brought his cat, Astrid, over for us to take care of while he was gone. This was the first time we’ve watched Astrid. Usually JJ’s roommate takes care of her, but JJ felt we’d do better at providing her with emotional care in addition to physical care. I knew that it’s stressful for an animal to go to an unfamiliar place, JJ said Astrid has never been around dogs, and Hannah isn’t overly fond of strangers, whether human or animal, so that would be an additional stress. But I had a plan to slowly, carefully, and calmly introduce Astrid and Hannah.

It didn’t go as planned.

It was unfortunate that the day JJ brought Astrid here, our friend TH arrived with his dog, Cletus. They stay with us whenever TH has medical appointments in our area. He warned us ahead of time that he was coming, but his message wasn’t clear and his arrival that day was unexpected. Despite Cletus’ huge size, he is a gentle and easy going dog. However, his presence could bring additional drama to a cat who is already stressed and scared and to our Hannah who views strangers as a security threat. I explained to TH the need for us to introduce Astrid and Hannah carefully–without Cletus there. When JJ arrived, EJ and I met him in our short hallway, which is a contained space that we can close off from the rest of the house. I had Hannah on her leash and JJ held Astrid in his arms. The plan was for Hannah to see us give lovings to the cat so she’d understand that the cat wasn’t an intruder. This plan has worked before. Then TH opened the door and let HUGE Cletus in to the already crowded hallway. I knew that if Astrid freaked out and leaped out of JJ’s arms, Hannah would go after her, and we could have a bad situation. So I ordered, “Get Cletus out of here!” TH said, “It’s ok. Cletus likes cats.” I exclaimed, “This isn’t about Cletus! GET. HIM. OUT. OF. HERE!” and I herded Cletus out the door.

I felt frustrated because I had JUST explained the plan to TH. Don’t get me wrong. TH is a very nice guy and he loves Hannah and she adores him. I just don’t think TH fully understands Hannah’s issues. This nonunderstanding leads into a pet peeve of mine: That people often don’t seem to understand that interactions between animals can be unpredictable. I sometimes want to tell people, “Not every animal is like YOUR dog. Just because YOUR dog is friendly, don’t assume the other person’s dog is friendly. Also, just because YOUR dog likes cats, doesn’t mean the cat is ok with the dog. Always, ALWAYS, ask the owner for permission to approach their pet and respect their wishes.”

Before Hannah, we had Danny. Danny was gentle and easy-going. He LOVED people, especially children. When we lived in a small village downstate, I would often walk Danny through the village and he’d drag me over to be petted by everyone he met. However, he didn’t like every dog. If we encounter others walking their dog, I’d give them a wide berth to avoid any possible problems. At one place dogs would rush across the street and start circling us until the owners called them back which was a bit scary. A few times, we’d meet someone who’d walk straight for us, calling out, “Don’t worry! My dog is friendly.” Once when this happened, Danny and their “friendly dog that I shouldn’t worry about” got into a huge fight and it was tricky getting their leashes untangled and them separated.

Our Hannah was abused. She’s very lovable, but she has issues. We know her issues and are very patient with her. We set boundaries for her because if we let her get away with a little thing, she tends to push the boundaries. For example, when we ate popcorn in the living room, EJ used to throw her a few pieces. He had to stop it because she felt that she had a right to popcorn and a few times she plunged her head into my bowl and started gobbling it down.

We are careful about introducing Hannah to strangers. The first time TH brought Cletus over after he adopted him, I was careful to introduce the two dogs. TH had said Cletus would be fine, but we had to help Hannah. Their first encounter was rather noisy, but it went well (better than I expected) and Hannah has grown calmer with each visit. Now Cletus and Hannah are fine with each other.

We are careful when, where, and how we feed Hannah because she quickly develops bad habits that are hard to break. During Cletus’ first visit, Hannah tried to steal his food and I stopped her. TH said, “Don’t worry. Cletus doesn’t mind if she eats his food.” But it matters that Hannah doesn’t do it. She was starved by her previous owners and is very obsessed and protective of food. If we let Hannah steal Cletus’ food, she’d become very difficult to deal with. In fact, this last visit, TH forgot to bring Cletus’ dish in from the car so he just poured his dog’s food into Hannah’s dish. Hannah went ballistic and frantically tried to eat the food before Cletus did. Hannah’s bowl is her bowl. As I said. we have to be careful with our Hannah.

I repeat: Don’t assume other dogs are like yours. Always ask the owner’s permission before you approach or do anything with their dog. Respect the owner’s wishes. Always. They know their dog better than you do.

It can take time for a cat to get used to new surroundings. Right now Astrid is staying in the large storage room/pantry off the hallway that we can keep shut off from the rest of the house. We go in often to give her lovings. The other cats have access to that area. Timmy ignores Astrid while Clara is trying very hard to make friends with her. Astrid is an “only cat” and isn’t ready for friendship, but she’s hissing less at Clara so I’m sure they will work it out. Once Astrid feels more safe and starts exploring, we will work again to introduce her to Hannah.

I take videos and photos of Astrid each day to send to JJ while he’s on the boat. He enjoys seeing how his kitty is doing.