Much and Nothing

I haven’t written for almost two weeks! In that time, it feels as if life has been filled with busyness and with many ups and downs–and yet not a lot has changed. Yet.

JJ was sick last week. He felt miserable for a few days but he’s already pretty much over it. I, on the other hand, am still coughing, gagging on phlegm, and struggling to feel motivated after more than three weeks. This sickness has been awful.

Spring is slowly arriving. The temperatures are gradually creeping in, I see tiny buds on the lilac bush, the Robins are back (which is one of the signs of Spring in our area) and we are getting rain instead of snow. The weather was warm and nice on Monday so I made myself go out and do yard work. I made a lot of progress, but it’s rained every day since so I haven’t gotten back outside. Today I can hear the wind howling outside. We have high wind advisories.

It’s been over 20 years since EJ and I moved into our current house, and I had forgotten what an ordeal finding and buying a house is. We looked for a house for 18 months before we found our house. We don’t have that sort of time to find a house this time. We miss each other too much and living in a motel is too expensive.

Our search for a house near the Emerald City has been filled with ups and downs and hopes and disappointments. First, we made an offer on the house in the Enchanted Forest. The sellers verbally accepted it and then changed their minds before they signed anything. EJ was actually relieved because he thought the house was too old. A week later, we found a quirky house on 10 acres in a beautiful area on the other side of the Emerald City. EJ loved it. He arranged to look at it with the realtor, declaring that if it didn’t have major problems he was going to make an offer. The pictures on the real estate site must have been taken several years ago, however, because they looked a lot better than the house did. EJ said the house was a money pit. Next, we found a house that was perfect: in good condition, on 5 acres, with a wonderful garage, in a beautiful setting, at just the right distance from work. Although EJ quickly arranged to see it with the realtor, it was sold before he got out of work. It had been on the market for less than a day. Bummer.

Yesterday EJ looked at another house with the realtor not too far from the first house. EJ said it looked really good and he’s going to make an offer on it. It’s actually too expensive, but it’s been on the market for 80 days and the listing says that the seller is “very motivated” so and EJ is going to offer less and see if we can get it. We shall see how that goes. I’m trying not to get too attached to it, but whenever we find a house that we consider buying, I begin to imagine moving and living there which makes it a disappointment when we don’t get the house.

Last week EJ’s sister and her husband visited him in the Emerald City. They live only a couple of hours away. She called me later and said that EJ was really looking good–much less gray and sick. I have also noticed that he is healthier and happier. That makes the move worth the difficulties and risks we are taking.

Now we are working at getting JJ up there so he can also thrive. JJ has been feeling restless, feeling that he ought to be getting on with his life. Having a major disease like cancer really takes a toll on a person both physically and emotionally–as well as on his family. I actually think that the last year has been emotionally more difficult for us than going through the actual cancer treatment. During the treatments, we lived in the moment and did what we had to do when we had to do it. We pushed weariness aside. After the treatments were finished, we physically and emotionally crashed. I see it as a good sign that JJ is now getting restless to get back into life. We decided that he could join his Dad and start looking for a job. Transportation might be tricky because they will have only one vehicle between them, but they can work it out somehow. Once JJ saves a little money, he can buy his own vehicle. He needs to get a four-wheel drive vehicle to handle the winter weather up there. It will be more expensive with JJ living up there, but if they have to, he and his Dad will find a monthly apartment/cabin to rent, which will be cheaper than motels.

I long to join them, but I need to stay down here and take care of the pets and bills and stuff. I will also have to find a new oncologist for JJ up there. I’m hoping and praying we find our house SOON so we can all be together.