Usually I don’t walk down to the mailbox in the late afternoon but last Friday I decided to put a couple of things in the mailbox to be picked up the next morning. I didn’t want to miss the mailperson and have to wait until Monday. I asked Danny if he wanted to go with me. He did. I opened the door and he started to trot down the driveway ahead of me, and then he broke into a run, and suddenly the turkeys that were coming up the driveway scattered and one flew across the driveway into the forest. I urgently called Danny and he obediently returned to me and we went back into the house. I’m always surprised when Danny obeys because he was never really officially trained and I would think it would be a huge temptation to chase wild things. Danny is such a good dog.
I was worried the turkeys would be permanently scared away, but they weren’t. I love watching the flocks of turkeys. In the past, “turkey” always meant the store-bought turkeys that we eat on Thanksgiving. Now “turkey” means a beautiful, interesting, intelligent bird that wanders across our land. I think it’s interesting that the adults act as sentries to watch out for threats and that the little ones scratch the leaves to find bugs to eat. I hope they eat gigantic spiders.
A few mornings ago, when I took Danny outside, I came across some mushroom-ish things. I don’t know what they are exactly, but I thought they were beautiful.
I have always loved watching the night sky–stars, meteorites, comets, eclipses, northern lights–so I was really excited about the super blood moon lunar eclipse that happened Sunday night. All last week we had beautiful weather with clear skies, but on Sunday the clouds moved in and totally blocked our view of the moon. I was so disappointed! However, we were able to watch it on-line, which is better than nothing.
Last week was very difficult emotionally. I continued to feel upset about the doctor, even though I thought it was silly. I couldn’t sleep and felt very stressed and anxious. I finally decided that “I don’t have to go to this doctor if she makes me feel so upset,” so I went to the Patient Portal and cancelled my appointment. I was asked to give a reason for the cancellation, so I did and said I was looking for a new doctor. I felt relieved about not seeing the doctor again, but also second-guessed myself, wondering if I was overreacting, or if I should have explained why I was cancelling, or if I should have spoken or remained silent. Whether I speak or am silent, I always feel that I should have done the other thing. Welcome to my world. At least after I canceled, I slept better.
On Sunday, it suddenly occurred to me that chronic stress can cause vital nutrients to be depleted, which can make it difficult for a person to handle additional stress. I probably should have thought of this before, but with all the craziness of the last couple of years, I totally forgot. I decided to intentionally start taking supplements and eating foods that will replace nutrients that are depleted by stress. We shall see how it goes.
Yesterday someone in an INFJ group asked if other INFJs have trouble with anxiety, and there were a lot of people who said they struggled with a great deal of anxiety. Joy Rabon, a member of the group, commented, “INFJs are prone to anxiety and depression because we feel things and experience things so deeply and see perspectives that are completely invisible to others and it’s frustrating. Also, along with that, if you have a high IQ, that is common as well. We just look at things differently.” I thought that was interesting.
This morning I came across an interesting article called “Why Empaths Freeze Around Inauthentic People.” The article began,
Ever spent time with someone who on the surface seemed as nice as pie but when with them you feel awful and struggle to form a sentence? This is caused by your Empathic antenna sensing that all is not what it seems. You are detecting that what this person is showing is a fake persona created to hide something from others.
When an Empath comes across fake people it is common for them to shut down as a form of protection. This can be seen as stumbling over words or one’s memory and thought process being affected. Anyone who is not emanating truthful vibes will put an Empath on high alert.
I thought that was interesting because it was exactly how I felt when I went to my New Patient Appointment. I walked into the exam room and at the doctor’s first question I began crying and couldn’t stop. I have never ever reacted that way before. My brain seemed to shut down and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. Of course, it didn’t help that the doctor kept interrupting.
Speaking of the traits of INFJs or Empaths, and other such things, can seem very mystical but I think that people are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Not only can our bodies be affected by stress and helped through nutrition, but I believe that various experiences can develop certain traits in us. For example, they say that when a person is blinded, his other senses often grow stronger–so, he can hear much more than a sighted person can. In the same way, I think that a person who has experienced pain often grows very compassionate. A person who has been abused often develops a strong ability to “read” body language–that ability can save her life. Narcissists often lie, deceive, withhold information, and twist the truth, so a victim of narcissistic abuse tends to develop a love for truth and genuineness, and an ability to discern lies and falseness. And so forth. Is not a “mystical power” as much as the way our bodies and minds work.
Furthermore, I believe that the Bible teaches that God gives His people special gifts, such as wisdom, discernment, mercy, giving. So various traits or gifts are not anti-Biblical.
Anyway, today I had an appointment with a new new doctor. This doctor was friendly, but in a professional way, not in a “my new best friend” way. Her first question was “Do you have any health concerns?” I explained that my family–including me–feel exhausted, stressed, and anxious and I explained why (abusive family, JJ’s cancer, EJ’s job). She asked, “How do you want to handle it?” And I told her that in many ways I believe we have begun to handle it–by removing ourselves from the things that caused us stress and by moving to an area that we love. I told her that I realized that stress could have depleted my body of necessary nutrients so I have begun changing my diet and taking supplements to replenish them. She suggested adding Vitamin D to the supplements I am taking. She, as expected, suggested a physical, but when I told her that I’d like to postpone it because I felt it was more important right now to not add to my busy schedule, she agreed and told me to call in a few months–after I’ve had time to reduce stress–and set up the physical. At this appointment I never felt the doctor leaped to conclusions, I never felt unheard, I never felt pressured, and I felt that my choices were respected. So I’m content with this new new doctor.
The new new doctor’s office is located in a hospital in Eureka, rather than the Emerald City, so everything medical can be handled in one place. It’s also in the same town as our pharmacy, which will make it easier to get prescriptions filled. Its actually much closer and easier to get to this doctor’s office than to the previous new doctor. Once I get to town, it’s just a right turn at the traffic light and then a left into the hospital. Easy peasy. I felt thrilled that I am beginning to find my way around this new area. Of course, when I left the hospital, I went straight instead of turning and found myself in an unfamiliar area and didn’t know how to get to the main street. I turned around and found the hospital again and then located the correct street–but then I went the wrong way and ended up in the cemetery. I found the hospital again and, finally, I was on the correct street and in the correct direction and after that I easily found my way home. My super power is finding lost items and it totally amazes EJ and JJ. However, my super weakness is that I am severely directionally challenged and I always lose myself.
Next week I have an eye exam. It’s been a while since I’ve had an eye exam or new glasses, so I am looking forward to it. The eye doctor’s office is also located in the hospital in Eureka.