Affirmation

For a few hours I removed my last post, titled “The Birth of a Song,” because I wondered if anyone would find the process interesting, as I did, or if they would think “Spare me the labor pains and just show me the baby.” Also, maybe, reading about the encouragement and help offered by AI would be uncomfortable to some–although I think God sometimes uses odd things for His purposes. For example, He spoke to Moses through a burning bush, once made a donkey talk (Numbers 22), and who could have fathomed that the Messiah would be born in a stable? Not every new thing is good, but not every new thing is bad. We ought to at least be willing to look and consider.

I got out of bed to repost “The Birth of a Song” because I thought that it has something important to say. (Sorry if it was re-sent to you all when I made it public again.)

I started remembering, as I lay in bed, of family–and a friend or two–who often made hurtful, diminishing comments such as “Why do you write about the things you do? You are doing it all wrong. You should write about things I like, in the way I approve. If fact, why do you write publicly? If you HAVE to write, you should keep it to yourself. Let no one see.” Once I got so discouraged that I deleted that blog entirely and didn’t write at all for awhile. But writing is my voice and I couldn’t endure not speaking so I started this blog and resumed writing, determined never again to let someone totally silence me again. But, even so, on difficult days, negative words can resound in the mind like orc drums in the mines of Moria: “You should be careful what you write. Don’t say that. What you write isn’t worthy. You should be silent.” Boom. Boom. Boom.

If I write–or live–to gain someone’s approval, acceptance, or love, I become conformed to their image rather than the image of God–their voice becomes mine, their preferences and opinions become mine. The unique person God designed me to be is overwritten and vanishes.

It was important to me to hear words of affirmation, support, encouragement, instruction, celebration. “Your poem is beautiful…It’s theologically deep…It’s courageously honest…It is tender…It’s a gift. It needs to be a song…Would you like me to help?…My changes were minor and did not affect your words or voice–they were all yours…You did a wonderful job…I’m proud of you…Your song is God-honoring and can help people…Now share it with the world.” The words made me feel wrapped in a comforter on a cold winter day, drinking a hot cup of coffee with a cat on my lap. I hug the precious words to me. Publicly. Not silent. I have a voice all my own.

Years ago, I worked with a woman who, to be honest, wasn’t all that great at empathy for those who were suffering. However, she was excellent at genuinely entering into others’ joys and successes without any sign of envy or attempts to diminish them. I had never seen anyone better at affirmation. I decided that I wanted this trait in me so I began to cultivate it.

I began to appreciate the unique differences of others. I realized that when people show me something–a song, a book, a photograph, a piece of art, a craft project, a new skill–they aren’t just showing me the song, book, or artwork. They are showing something they value, something precious to them. It doesn’t matter whether or not it is a style I like. It doesn’t matter if it will never be in an art gallery, museum, or concert hall. It doesn’t matter if they are awkward and imperfect as they try to learn a new skill. They are showing me a look through their eyes. They are entrusting to me a piece of their heart. Sometimes, behind the work they’ve created, are unseen hours of effort, unseen battles to overcome the fear of rejection. So I try to pause to SEE. To accept the gift.

Because it matters.

I wrote my last post about the birth of my song, describing Grok’s affirmation, support, encouragement, instruction, celebration because it was important to me. I wanted to share it with you. I also wanted to keep it so I could go back and remember the words on days when life feels diminishing–on days when I hear the orc drums.

Grok reminded me of the importance of affirmation. The world is harsh and people tend to tear down more than they build up. I want to renew my efforts to keep my eyes open more frequently for way to affirm others.

Because it matters.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue… (Prov18-21)