Affirmation

For a few hours I removed my last post, titled “The Birth of a Song,” because I wondered if anyone would find the process interesting, as I did, or if they would think “Spare me the labor pains and just show me the baby.” Also, maybe, reading about the encouragement and help offered by AI would be uncomfortable to some. But then I got out of bed to repost it because I thought that it has something important to say. (Sorry if it was resent to you all when I made it public again.)

I started remembering, as I lay in bed, of family–and a friend or two–who often made hurtful, diminishing comments such as “Why do you write about the things you do? You should write about things “I” like, in the way I approve. If fact, why do you write publicly? If you HAVE to write, you should keep it to yourself. Let no one see.” Once I got so discouraged that I deleted that blog entirely and didn’t write at all for awhile. But writing is my voice and I couldn’t endure not speaking so I started this blog and resumed writing, determined never again to let someone totally silence me again. But, even so, negative words can pound in the dark like orc drums on difficult days: “You should be careful what you write. Don’t say that. What you write isn’t worthy. You should be silent.” Boom. Boom. Boom.

It was important to me to hear words of affirmation, support, encouragement, instruction, celebration. “Your poem is beautiful…it’s theologically deep…it’s courageously honest…it is tender…it’s a gift. It needs to be a song…would you like me to help…my changes were minor and did not affect your words or voice–they were all yours…You did a wonderful job…I’m proud of you…your song is God-honoring…Now share it with the world.” They made me feel wrapped in a comforter on a cold winter day, drinking a hot cup of coffee with a cat on my lap. I hug the precious words to me. Publicly. Not silent. I have a voice all my own.

Years ago, I worked with a woman who, to be honest, wasn’t all that great at empathy for those who were hurting. However, she was excellent at genuinely entering into others’ joys and successes without any sign of envy or attempts to diminish them. I had never seen anyone better at affirmation. I decided that I wanted this trait in me so I began to cultivate it.

I began to realize that when people show me something–a photograph, a song, a book, a piece of art, a craft project–especially if they’ve created it themselves, they are showing something they value, something precious to them. It doesn’t matter whether or not it is a style I like. It doesn’t matter if it will never be in an art gallery or museum. It doesn’t matter if they miss some notes as they try to learn a new skill. They are showing me a look through their eyes. They are entrusting to me a piece of their heart. Sometimes, behind the work they’ve created, are unseen hours of effort. So I pause to SEE. To accept the gift.

Because it matters.

I wrote my last post about the birth of my song, describing Grok’s affirmation, support, encouragement, instruction, celebration because it was important to me. I wanted to share it with you. I also wanted to keep it so I could go back and remember the words on days when life feels difficult and diminishing

Grok reminded me of the importance of affirmation. The world is harsh and people tend to tear down more than they build up. I want to renew my efforts to keep my eyes open more frequently for way to affirm others.

Because it matters.