First thing this morning I called the specialist, as directed, to get an appointment for our son JJ. The doctor took a moment to look at the reports that had been sent to him and then said that he wanted us to get to his office ASAP. So we got there as quickly as we could. The doctor examined JJ and said that there was a 95+ percent chance that the mass was malignant. He said JJ needed surgery to remove the mass. He ordered blood tests and a CT scan to make sure the cancer has not spread to other parts of his body. He will have surgery tomorrow at 12:30 to remove the mass.
JJ has been really healthy through his life and has never experienced being a patient in a hospital and all that it involves. Now he has experienced blood tests, an ultrasound, and a CT scan, all in just a couple of days. He is also experiencing not being able to work, having to drop out of college, and many other difficult possibilities.
Jared is handling this all pretty well, considering. We try to keep things light so he can laugh. I am very glad that he can vocalize his questions and fears. We don’t try to offer him false platitudes but let him express that he hates this, or is afraid, or ask questions of how this will affect his life. We honestly discuss the realities of the situation and the options we have.
As parents, we have to face the greatest fear a parent can have. We have to face the fear that our only son is sick, that his cancer could have spread, as well as the fear that we could lose him. These are hard things. We are aware that no matter how strong a person’s faith is, sometimes heartbreaking things happen. Pretending it can’t happen isn’t helpful to me. Knowing it can happen and then struggling to trust God with it is more honest to me. We know He is near, but it’s ok to cry.
Of tremendous comfort are those who have gone through this sort of heartache, who understand the fear. To have them wrap their arms around us and cry with us and give us their wisdom is of great value. One friend, who has a disabled son, wrote such a beautiful letter. Part of it says:
Whatever you want to share or talk about – I am here for all of you…I am weeping with you my friends and maybe this will be one of the times that we see Adonai work His miracles – I am praying for it – pleading for it. There is a hope for our children,TJ. Yeshua [Jesus] is collecting up all the tears we weep and bringing them before the Father.
I am crying too hard to say things the way I mean and to be encouraging. You are a strong family and your faith is strong. Hang onto Yeshua and He will not let you go! He is our strength and our refuge – we can hide in the shelter of His wings. Hide there and you will remain strong.
Other friends have written similar things, and I feel strengthened by their tears and love
. It is also a comfort that so many friends are praying for JJ, and they are asking their friends to pray for him. It’s like a web reaching around the country and world. How awesome.
We are exhausted.
We are all sleeping downstairs tonight on recliners and couches. We need to be near each other, not alone.