Mostly Good

I really didn’t mean to go so long without posting an update…oops.

I am doing mostly good in a lot of ways. I had been afraid that I would be in much more pain after the surgery, but I am actually in much less. No doubt the metal plate in my wrist has stabilized the bones. I still feel pain, of course, but the pain meds help tremendously. The first few days I took whole pills, but on Sunday I began to take half pills and I’m doing fine on the lower dosage.

My new splint is more comfortable than the first one. The splint doesn’t cover my fingers so they aren’t all crushed together. I can move my fingers which is wonderful. My arm was painted with something orange during surgery so it looks as if I’ve been eating Cheetoes–or as if I’m turning into an Oompa Loompa from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Before the surgery I was in so much pain that I could only sleep an hour or two at a time. After the surgery I slept much better. In fact, I don’t know if it’s because of the injury to my body or the meds I am taking but I have been sleeping a lot. One moment I’m awake and alert and the next I suddenly can’t keep my eyes open so I go take a nap. This tiredness is why I haven’t posted. I am so tired that it feels as if it takes too much effort to peck out a post.  Mostly when I’m awake I do a few tasks, watch Netflix or Amazon Prime videos…and then take naps.

Mostly I have a good attitude about everything, but every now and then I have a very down day. It is frustrating and physically tiring to struggle to complete the simplest tasks but the emotional struggle is even worse. I worry about EJ because he lives with such chronic pain and fatigue every day. I always try to do as much as I can around the house so he can rest when he is home. Even with my injured hand I’m trying to do everything I can to help out, but there are many things I just can’t do and EJ has to take over many of my chores. It’s difficult knowing EJ has to care for my poultry before and after work when he is exhausted and hurting yet if he doesn’t keep their coop clean and give them clean water every day, they could get sick and die. I’m torn between wanting him to relax and wanting my poultry cared for so they don’t get sick. Sometimes EJ just wants to relax but if he doesn’t take Hannah outside then she paws at me, which is stressful because I’m afraid she will paw my injured arm and hurt it. So I take the dog out as often as I can to try to spare both EJ and me, but it requires effort and sometimes I am tired and don’t want to take her out. But I don’t want to nag EJ to do it.

I think JJ sees me doing a lot of tasks and he assumes I’m almost back to normal. I felt like crying when I asked JJ to please take Hannah out for me before my surgery and he complained that the only reason I was asking him to do it was because I didn’t want to do it myself. I wanted to snap that, no, the only reason I take the dog out is when I’m alone and she needs to go out, and I’m trying not to be a burden. In reality, I’m in excruciating pain, and it’s an effort to take Hannah out, and I’m always scared that I’m going to slip and fall outside and injure myself further. I don’t want to have to plead for help. I don’t want to feel like a burden.

So I struggle to do simple tasks, I feel like a burden (the guys wouldn’t have to do my chores if I hadn’t fallen), I’m trying not to place too many demands on the guys, I feel dependent, vulnerable, and helpless. I am tired, and frustrated, stressed and sometimes anxious.  Sometimes all these emotions grow too overpowering and I have a low day where I feel depressed, frustrated, impatient, and I cry. On those days I don’t want to talk to any friends so I don’t burden them with my emotions.

But not every day is low and mostly I am doing well.

JJ is going to be moving out. He and a friend will be getting an apartment together. It’s actually quite a nice apartment and the complex has a pool, gym, and so on. It will be an adjustment to have him no longer living with us, but I think he is really ready for independence. I think there are valuable lessons and maturity to be gained by moving out that he can’t learn while he is a kid living with his parents.  I know I learned a lot when I moved from my parents years ago and I value the experience. JJ is excited and nervous about this huge step, but I tell him that I’m sure he will do fine and will soon enjoy his independence.

We are selling JJ our Xterra. This is a bit of a sacrifice for us because we liked the Xterra and without it I won’t have any transportation, and we won’t have a backup vehicle if something goes wrong with the sub. However, JJ has been driving it all the time anyway and he needs to have a vehicle.

Last weekend southern Michigan was hit with a snowstorm. The storm didn’t reach our area. I’m glad because EJ didn’t have to snowblow the driveway.

 

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5 Comments on “Mostly Good

  1. TJ – Glad to read about your recovery, slow as it may be. You said you would get a cast in two weeks from the surgery, so in about a week from now you should have more mobility and stability and it will protect your arm, so you won’t be worrying that your arm could get injured. Glad you didn’t get what we got snow-wise. We did get slammed badly here with snow. From 12/01/17 to 02/11/18 we have received 52 1/2 inches which is twice as much as usual. I told you the other day about the bad ice – it is an icy glaze on the snow and is treacherous to walk on. I have to go out and run my car and three days in a row I have been scared I will fall as it is so slick. Baby steps to get there and back. We are having temps in the 40s later today, so I hope I can get out there tomorrow morning and shovel all this icy crud off. How far up North are you from here – as far as the UP? My boss is friendly with our landlord and goes to the UP all the time to stay at their lodge which is in the middle of Hiawatha National Forest. He always talks about how beautiful it is in the UP. I was there just one time, when I was a kid, but don’t remember much except Mackinac Island and traveling across the bridge.

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  2. The UP is gorgeous and worth visiting again as an adult. We don’t live that far north. We live in the TC area, which is also gorgeous with a lot of natural beauty as well as outdoor, historical, cultural, and culinary activities and events to enjoy. I know I sound like a Pure Michigan commercial but I totally love living here.

    I heard that you all got hit with a lot of snow. I think we usually get about 140 inches of snow annually. I’m not not sure what the total is so far this year in our area. Today is sunny and mid 40s. The snow is melting and drip, drip, dripping off the house. I’m thinking oh, boy, it’s going to re-freeze into slippery ice. I will try to be careful–and you be careful too!

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  3. I should go back again TJ and enjoy it more as an adult … I was in Traverse City in the Fall, maybe in the 90s. Someone told us that we should go to see the colors the second week in September, and that year, the trees were late changing and we got there and the leaves were all green! From the pictures I’ve seen, it does look gorgeous up there – if you look at the Pure Michigan websites and listen to those great commercials, it is easy to see the good points that this state has. Here in SE Michigan, there is not as much beauty unfortunately. 140 inches of snow – and here I am complaining about the 52 1/2 inches in six weeks. I would be beside myself. I am hopeful that this warm 40-degree temps we have today and mild overnight will get rid of that pesky ice – it is bad. Thanks, I’m going to be very careful to not take a tumble and no walking until the streets are clear as a bell for me.

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    • We moved here in 2015 and I was nervous going into our first winter. I wasn’t sure what to expect or how we would deal with it. But, honestly, it hasn’t been that difficult. It’s much more difficult dealing with ice than snow.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, the ice is scary here too, and by March it is the worse, so that will be another worry, and then comes Spring (and spiders) and your arm will be ready to swat by then!!!

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