My family really enjoys weather-watching. We love to watch storms approaching on radar. Many, many times, we watch a huge storm comes straight towards us on radar but then it splits north and south and our village slides through the tiny gap between. Either that or the storm dies before it reaches us. It might be the geology of the land or influence of the lakes or something that causes storms to avoid us.
Featureless gray sky with a couple of clouds
EJ and I didn’t think yesterday’s storm was as severe as predicted. When we sat on the front porch as the storm passed over us, the sky was mostly a featureless gray color. Only occasionally did we see a distinct cloud or two float by. We had a little bit of wind, a little bit of rain, and a few lightning bolts lace across the sky. EJ said that if we had paid for this storm, he’d want his money returned.
Last night’s storm clouds in a city about 30 miles from us were much more dramatic.
However, nearby towns were not so fortunate. The town where EJ works, which is just ten miles away, was hit particularly hard. Last night, I read comments on Facebook that the town looked like a war zone with trees and power lines down everywhere. A local news article said that there were 60 mile an hour winds, torrential rain, and a lot of lightning. The city manager said this is the biggest storm to ever hit the city. “The big problem we have right now is with social media, everyone’s aware of the damage and everyone’s out driving around town,” he said last night. “What I’ve witnessed tonight is fire trucks, emergency response vehicles and our electric vehicles stuck in traffic jams trying to get to the areas that need to work.”
Wow.
I’m glad this storm missed us.
Today we had a quiet, relaxing day, filled with study and interesting discussions. One of our discussions occurred while we were sitting at the kitchen table. Our cat Kee-Kee came up to me and gently pawed at me to indicate that he wanted some loving attention. “With the way the cats interact with you,” EJ mused, “You’d have been considered a witch in previous centuries.”
That started a conversation about how INFJ Personality types would have been perceived in the past. INFJs tend to love animals, nature and gardening. We are introverts. We think differently and more profoundly than others. “We are natural nurturers; patient, devoted and protective. We tend to be observers and listeners, we deeply understand people, we are concerned for people’s feelings, and we try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. For this reason, wounded people often come to us for love, acceptance, and advice. We are more skilled than most at accurately discerning what is happening in a given situation and we have uncanny insight into people and situations so we are often seen as mystical seers.”
INFJ
So imagine a gentle “odd” woman in the 1600’s who thinks differently than others. She is an introvert who loves privacy so she has a little cottage at the edge of a forest away from others. She has a garden in which she raises herbs and she also goes into the forest to search for medicinal plants.
INFJ
Since INFJs are natural nurturers, protectors, and Empaths who can’t bear to see anything suffering, I imagine she’d bring home injured wildlife to heal and she’d adopt stray cats and dogs, who’d respond to her gentle love. Villagers would also come to her for herbs and advice and find her insights perceptive and uncanny. That fits the old description of a witch. I’m sure that when times got difficult and people were looking for someone to use as a scapegoat, they’d accuse the INFJ of being a witch. I wonder how many were burned at the stake because they were who they were?
EJ said that in other periods of time, INFJs would have been perceived differently. I think it’s interesting to look at history through different eyes. I began searching to Internet to look up “famous INFJs.” I found several lists. Here is a shorter list from INFJ Anonymous. There are longer lists out there.
EJ and I left the house at 10:30 a.m. to get more firewood. First we drove to the gas station to put gas in the truck. I said to EJ, “I understand how a person gets their physical characteristics from their parents, but where does a person’s personality come from?” I mean, I know that we are formed by God, but did He make a sort of DNA that forms personality, or does He attach a personality to us when we are conceived, or what? That started a discussion in which EJ mentioned that Norwegians brightly decorate common items which they use. They feel that as an item wears out, it becomes more beautiful. And the Japanese have a beautiful centuries old art form called Kintsugi in which they repair broken pottery with seams of gold. This made us think of tikkun olam which is a Hebrew phrase that means “repairing the world” (or “healing the world”) which suggests humanity’s shared responsibility to heal, repair and transform the world. We have discussions like this all the time.
Driving to get more wood
After the gas station, we drove the 2 miles (or less) route to get more firewood. We figured we could get a couple of loads of wood before the storms forecasted for this afternoon reached us.
It was a beautiful morning. But hot. And humid. And very hot. The temperature reached about 90 degrees. After we had unloaded and stacked each load, we’d go into the house to cool down. After we had two loads in the woodshed, but we decided to go get a third load. This last load was the worse because we were really tired, hot, sweaty, and dirty. I kept going by telling myself, “We are almost done and then we can enjoy a day of Shabbat rest!” On Sunday we will get one…and maybe two more face-cords of firewood. But tomorrow we rest. We worked so hard because it is satisfying to know that we have almost a winter’s supply of wood in our shed. We won’t have to worry about running out or stacking wood in the cold. This is the earliest we have ever gotten all our wood for winter. We discussed that maybe EJ should take a week off work at this time every year so we can get all the wood we need.
Anyway, when I saw that EJ was getting the last armful of wood from the truck to the shed, I almost ran inside to the bathroom, shed my wet dirty clothes, and took a shower. When I looked in the mirror, my face was red with heat and exertion. As soon as I was done with my shower, EJ took his shower. He was as soaked, dirty, and tired as I was.
The Farmer’s Market
We wanted to rest, but EJ needed to go to the pharmacy to pick up a couple prescriptions, so as soon as we were clean and had cooled off a little, we drove to the store in the next town. We could see dark clouds piling up and we wanted to get there and back again before the storms hit. We saw that the Farmer’s Market was set up in the hospital parking lot. We are all out of honey, so we turned left instead of right and bought some raw honey from a vendor. The woman who sold us the honey said that it’s from their own bees. EJ bought some maple syrup from another vendor. We hadn’t seen the market all summer, but I was told today that this year the vendors don’t set up their tables until around 2:30, which is when EJ drives in to work.
Then we went on to the store. In the entry way, we met friends we hadn’t seen in quite a while and we stopped and chatted with them for a while. Then EJ got his prescriptions and a few other items and we headed home. We made a quick supper and then I washed the dishes.
We had just begun to settle down for a quiet evening when the storms hit. There had been warnings that there would be large hail, high winds, and possible tornadoes, but we just got rain, a bit of wind for a short time, and some lightning and thunder. The clouds were simply gray rather than dramatic. It wasn’t that bad of a storm for us, though we heard later that nearby areas were hit hard with a lot of power lines and trees down. Police were warning people in those areas to stay off the roads. The conditions in those nearby towns is probably why our power flickered and then went out.
With no electricity, EJ and I sat on the porch for a while oohing and aahing over occasional flashes of lightning. When it was no longer thundering, we went for a walk through our darkened town, occasionally meeting and chatting with neighbors and petting their dogs. (We always pet their dogs.) We were told that several towns and thousands of people were without power and that there was no timeline for when it would be restored.
When we got home again, Luke leaped onto my shoulders. I have learned that a black cat leaping through a dark, powerless house onto my shoulders is really quite scary.
We talked. We ate ice cream–you know, so it wouldn’t melt if it took a long time for the power to be restored. I lit some candles and read by lantern light. EJ got his battery operated radio from the basement and listened to it. JJ read a book on his Tablet. We kept our computers off in case we were without power for a long time. I took a couple of pictures, but then my camera started flashing “low battery.” So did my phone.
The power came on at about 10 p.m.; it was off for about three hours.
I slept well last night. Duh. I was exhausted. When I got up this morning, first thing I did was check the weather radar. A HUGE amount of rain was headed our way. I thought, well, it looks like we aren’t going to be getting much firewood today. So I washed dishes (I was too tired yesterday), paid the bills, took out the garbage, and sorted the dirty clothes so I could wash the laundry when JJ woke up and brought down his dirty clothes downstairs.
EJ woke up and we ate breakfast. We checked the radar and thought we’d probably have enough time to get a load of wood before the rain hit. After we loaded the wood into the pickup, brought it home, and stacked it in the woodshed, we came back inside to cool off (and drink tea in front of the fan). I checked the radar again. The storm kept approaching and then retreating. We decided to get another load. We brought it home and stacked it in the woodshed.
JJ had been wanting to get another pair or two of jeans, so we drove him to the Hospice store in a nearby town. The local Hospice operates the thrift shop to raise money for its organization. I found a pair of jeans for me and a t-shirt. JJ found only one pair of jeans for himself. We bought a few used books and a couple other things. I told JJ we could also go to Goodwill if he wanted more jeans, but he said one pair was adequate and he wanted to go home.
When we got home, EJ and I went back to buy third load of wood. We unloaded it and stacked it, and then staggered into the house. We were tired, but I was not as tired as yesterday when I had had very little sleep. We now have six face-cords of firewood. Only four more left to get
We never did get any rain today. There is a chance of storms predicted for tomorrow, but we are planning to get two or three more loads if it doesn’t rain too much, and maybe another one or two on Sunday. We are working hard to get all our winter’s supply of wood this week while EJ has vacation days. We are working so hard that I think that if I have not sweated and worked myself down a size in clothes this week than life is totally unfair. 😉
EJ took a shower while I made supper. After we ate, I washed dishes, took a shower, and then got more laundry going. Then we sat down and watched a couple Firefly episodes on Netflix while I folded clean clothes.
Poor Danny didn’t get his walk today, but he didn’t really complain too much.
I had trouble sleeping last night. I think I finally fell asleep at around 4 a.m. I woke up at 7 a.m. something, and then only dozed for a bit more. Our sleep cycles are still not back to normal. A few days ago, EJ was staying up until 6 a.m. And poor JJ worked so hard at getting his sleep patterns fixed. He finally was sleeping at night and getting up in the morning, but the last couple of days he’s back to staying up most of the night and sleeping until early afternoon.
Although I only had a few hours of sleep, today was very busy. Actually, I think the busyness helped me stay awake.
Filling the truck with firewood.
Today EJ and I bought more firewood. Each trip involves loading up the pickup, driving home, and then unloading and stacking the wood in the woodshed. I’m always amazed that it never seems like all that much wood when it’s stacked at the farmer’s yard, but it completely fills up the back of the pickup truck. It always seems like a lot when we are unloading and stacking it at home. I was tired and sweaty when we were finished. I went in the house, poured a glass of iced tea, and sat in front of the fan until I cooled off.
Once I was cooled off, I suggested that we order take-out at the local diner. I called the order in and then EJ and I walked to the post office for our mail, and then to the diner to pick up our food.
Northern Leopard Frog
When we had eaten, I went out and mowed the lawn. Today seemed the best day to get it done. With all the rain we’ve had, the grass had grown quickly. We have spotted several beautiful Northern Leopard Frogs in our yard so I kept an my eyes open so I wouldn’t inadvertently run over any with the mower. I did come across one, and I nudged it with my foot until he leaped to safety. The lawn looked really nice when I finished. However, I was hot and sweaty so I went inside, poured a glass of iced tea, and sat in front of the fan until I cooled off.
After a bit, EJ and I went back to get another face-cord of wood. We loaded the truck and drove home. On the way home, EJ noticed a grasshopper holding on to the hood of the truck. When we got home, he was still there, so EJ nudged him until he leaped off. We unloaded the truck and stacked the wood in the woodshed. I was very tired. My arms felt like lead. I felt like I moved very slowly. However, it’s really nice to see the wood stacking up in the woodshed. We now have three face-cords. We need at least seven more. When we finished stacking the wood, I was hot, sweaty, and very tired. I went inside, poured a glass of iced tea, and sat in front of the fan until I cooled off.
Several times through the day, Danny looked at me with anticipation, hoping for his walk, but I always said “Not now” because I busy with the firewood or lawn. After I had cooled off from unloading the second load of wood, I took Danny for his walk. By this time it was around 7 p.m. I was exhausted, but the evening was very beautiful and quiet, and I really enjoyed the walk.
I am now collapsed on the couch, too tired to move.
It’s going to get colder soon.
We heard that the weather is supposed to turn cold next week. It might even frost. EJ and I are hoping to get as much firewood that we can this week. Tomorrow we are going to try to get at least two more face cords of wood–and maybe three.
Monday afternoon we had storms. There wasn’t a lot of lightning and thunder, but the wind was strong and it rained and rained and rained. It rained sideways, and waves of water ran down the street, and the sides of the street flooded a little bit. It didn’t flood like other nearby towns, but even the little bit seemed like a lot because usually we don’t get any flooding at all. I went on the porch and took a video of the rain. I’m sure you are not surprised.
When the rain stopped, EJ and I took Danny for a walk. The world was soggy. At the end of our walk, when we were in front of our house, EJ pointed to a hollow knot in our maple tree a few feet above our heads. There was a tree toad in it. It was cute so we took a picture of him. You can just barely see him in the bottom left of the hole.
The Toad in the Tree
This morning EJ and I drove to our friends to retrieve the truck. It used to be ours, and then it was our friend’s, and now the friend is selling it back to us. EJ stayed to visit with his friend while I drove the car back home. After I ate lunch, I cleaned out the car, took out the garbage, and swept the floor. Then I took Danny for his walk. We went for a slightly longer than usual walk–out to the Village limits and back. I’d like us all to work towards walking a mile out of town and a mile back so we can get more exercise.
A face cord of wood.
Eventually, EJ returned home. He ate and then we drove to buy a face cord of firewood. For those who don’t know, a full cord of wood is a stack of wood four feet high, eight feet long, and eight feet wide. A face cord is a stack of wood four feet high, eight feet long, and only 16 inches deep (one piece of firewood deep). Where we live, people cut trees down on their land, saw pieces into 16-inch lengths, and stack it in racks near the road for people like us to buy. We have a couple of places we buy wood from. This picture is from last year, but this is the same place we bought wood today. The man was selling black walnut today, which EJ says is very good firewood. We need at least 10 face cords of wood to heat our house over the winter.
EJ and I loaded the wood into the truck, drove it home, and then unloaded the truck and stacked the wood in the woodshed. It felt good to work so hard. One down, and least 9 more loads to go.
At sunset this evening I was doing dishes when I noticed the chimney swifts circling. At sunset during this time of year, thousands of chimney swifts circle round and round an old school on the other corner of our block that was turned into an apartment building. A sweet 90+ year old lady that I used to go to church with attended the school when she was a child so the building is very old. She was a widow and a few years ago she married her childhood sweetheart, who also had attended the school. We attended the wedding. It was so sweet. I’m not sure just when the old school was turned into apartments–but it was long before we moved here. Anyway….each time the swifts circle around the building, some drop into the chimney until finally they are all inside. It’s really cool to watch. The first time I saw them, years ago, JJ and I thought they were bats. Each year we like to walk down the street at sunset to watch them. EJ and I walked down this evening so that I could video the sight. By the time we got to the building, many of the swifts had already dived into the chimney but there were still thousands flying around.
Thank you, my readers, for indulging my “thinking” posts. Now that I have poured out those thoughts, I can get back to writing my regular types of posts.
It is now September! Yay! I can’t wait for cooler temperatures and brightly colored leaves! I have a couple of friends who live in Australia where seasons are “backwards.” That twists my mind a bit. When I begin sharing pictures of colorful Autumn leaves, they are sharing pictures of beautiful Spring blossoms. While June, July, and August mean HOT to me, it means COLD to them. While I am shivering in December, January, and February, they are going to the beach. Also, they are ahead of us in time so that when I am saying “good night” at the close of one day, they are saying “good morning” to the beginning of the next morning. The world is an interesting place.
After two weeks putting it off because it was either too rainy or two hot and humid, I finally got the lawn mowed last week. The grass was longer than I usually let it get so it was a bit of a chore, made even more difficult in places where the mower sank into mole tunnels. However, I got the lawn mowed and it looks nice.
EJ has been walking with Danny and me every day–ever since the doctor told him he really should. Last week JJ decided to try to walk with us every day too. It’s really nice to have my guys walk with Danny and me. We chat about this or that as we walk along, as people do. Sometimes one or the other of them chooses not to, but mostly everyone has been faithful to go on our daily walk. When it’s just me and JJ, he talks about his cancer and recovery, and his frustration about wanting to get back to “normal” life, and yet he doesn’t feel up to it. I have always felt the “in-between time,” when a person is recovering from an illness but not totally back to full health and strength, to be a very difficult time.
These are what the flowers look like.
On our daily walk, we always pass an empty lot where a trailer was torn down earlier in the summer. There are orange dandelion-type flowers growing there. We thought they were Indian Paintbrushes, but I looked it up and they look more like Hawkweed. I think they are beautiful. I asked EJ to retrieve some of the seeds for me so maybe I can plant them in my garden. He took a very small handful, which he says is enough but I say isn’t. I always threaten to “steal” a few more seeds, and he always exclaims “You can’t do that!” Sheesh, it’s not like I’m going to dig up the plants or anything, I say. I just want to get a sandwich bag full of seeds. I’m not robbing someone’s prized garden flowers, I am taking the seeds of weeds that will get mowed down. But I always forget to get the seeds or I let EJ talk me out of it, so it’s merely a fun “argument.” So far, that is. I laugh that my guys get so appalled that I would consider getting a few more seeds.
There seems to be an overabundance of grasshoppers this year. Or maybe they are locusts. I think it was last year that I researched the difference between the two, and discovered that, basically, “locust” is a stage in the life cycle of some grasshoppers. DifferenceBetween.com says
“The difference between these two is primarily based on the behaviour of swarming and the presence of hopper bands. In addition, the population dynamics are directly involved with a particular grasshopper species being a locust species. The stage of the life cycle, abundance of food, number of individuals in the population, behavioural ecology, and morphological indications are the main factors that should be aware of in order to identify a certain grasshopper species as a locust species.”
Grasshoppers!
I think that is interesting. As we walk, many grasshoppers (or locusts) hop, hop, hop out of our way so that they resemble popcorn popping in a pan. Yesterday a large grasshopper hopped onto Danny and clung to his side. EJ gently removed it, assuming it would hop away as soon as he brushed against it. Instead, it clung to his hand. He shook his hand, and it kept clinging. He shook his hand again and still it hung on. EJ had the worst time trying to get it to fly away. I just stood there and watched him and laughed. After the ‘hopper finally flew off, EJ said, “Well, that didn’t go the way I expected.”
When I go to my herb garden to pick herbs, the grasshoppers always fly every-which-way and I shudder at the thought of returning to the house covered from head to foot in clinging grasshoppers. Maybe that wouldn’t happen, but you never know.
Today is Labor Day, a national holiday in the USA. Usually on this day people have cookouts or one last little vacation before the school year starts. Yesterday EJ said that if we were wanting anything from the store, we better get it that day because a lot of businesses and stores are closed on Labor Day. We discussed how we were going to spend our Day. On the one hand, the idea of doing something “fun” is appealing. On the other hand, the actual preparation and traveling feels too tiring. I keep telling myself that one day we will all have our energy back. Since storms are in the forecast–some could be severe–doing anything outdoors is not really a good idea. Although we could do it BEFORE the storms hit, but….meh. We decided to take a trip to the grocery store and get a few things–like jugs of water and pet food and picnic type food that we will eat at home while we watch storms. We always have fun going to the store together because we discuss what to buy or not buy and crack jokes. We are simple folk who are easily entertained. 🙂 We bought a watermelon, potatoes for potato salad, and maybe I will make a zucchini pie from the zucchinis our neighbor gave me the other day. He said they have lots of zucchini growing in their garden and have been having lots of meals and desserts made of zucchinis so he can spare some. I suggested to EJ that we should plant zucchini next year.
We thought EJ had used all his vacation days so he could be with us while JJ was undergoing Chemo and surgery. However, he discovered a month or two ago that he still had a week of vacation days left, so he took this week off. He is hoping to get some projects done this week in preparation for winter. I’m not sure how many outdoor projects he will be able to complete: Some forecasts predict rain just about every day this week while others predict rain on only a couple of days.
Maybe, if it storms, we can leap in the car and go stormchasing and get some cool pictures. We don’t go if the weather is dangerous, but JJ and I have fun driving through the storms. JJ enjoys while I take pictures of dramatic clouds. However, we have only one car right now and when EJ is at work, we are grounded. However, EJ is home this week….
Here are a few pictures of JJ and me stormchasing in June 2013:
I had to write my previous post before I could write this one because the first is the foundation of the second. The frustrations of being an introvert in an extroverted world, of having my personality traits seen as flaws instead of unique differences, led to pondering how often people use unfair comparisons. I think this is a tendency that comes naturally to everyone.
I first began to really observe this in conflict situations, specifically when the anger was directed against me….
Superman and Clark Kent
<< And now I am getting stuck writing my thoughts about this, so I will pause and explain that my INFJ and HSP traits cause me to hate to cause pain to others and to be very negatively affected by conflict–so I will avoid conflict when possible. However, I hate it when people assume I’m spineless. My strong sense of protectiveness, justice, and personal values cause me to refuse to give in to what I believe is wrong so when a battle is important to me, I will engage. Even as a child, I have stood up to bullies who tormented friends and I have refused to give into abusive pressure to think, believe, or act against what I believe is right or true. I do see my faults and failures (usually) and I will acknowledge when I am wrong, but there is a point at which I make a stand. Maybe I am somewhat like Clark Kent who is very mild-mannered until there is injustice to battle? >>
Anyway, I watched a transformation occur in the eyes of family who once praised me but then became angry with me when I refused to give in to demands that I couldn’t fulfill and which I felt were wrong. I saw myself transformed from “Caring One” who was praiseworthy to a horrible monster who couldn’t do anything right. I often heard “I did this and this and this good thing for you….and you failed in this and this and this way.” I deeply love my family, but I never could reconcile with them, despite years of trying, because there was no room for compromise or differences, it was all “Do what we say or feel our wrath.” They felt “the burden of reconciliation rested entirely” on me because I was the one who was terrible. Yet, they were unwilling to recognize any good in me. When I heard “All your efforts to reconcile are a mere ‘drop in a teacup’ and I will never forgive you no matter what you do….” I knew there was no mending the relationship.
For a while I really struggled with whether I was as monstrous as I was told, but then I began to ponder that it really wasn’t a fair comparison if Person A compares his strengths and good actions against Person B’s weaknesses and failures (or perceived failures–because sometimes the “wrong” is perceived as a wrong but really isn’t) because then, OF COURSE, Person A will look like an angel and Person B will look like a monster. It’s not a fair comparison. To be truly equitable, a person would need to compare strengths to strengths or failures to failures. In that case, it is probable that Person B wouldn’t appear as bad as Person A believed, or that Person A would not be as blameless as she believed she was. At that point, where both Persons A and B could see each other’s weaknesses AND strengths, reconciliation would be possible. Reconciliation is impossible if one (or both) sees the other as without good and beyond forgiveness while he believes he, himself, is without fault and with no need for repentance. I think a person has to remove any hint of goodness from the other person or group so he can feel justified in continuing to hate him.
Although I had never denied the good things my family has done for me, I struggled for a while with acknowledging it. I think that the process of forgiveness is much like the grief process, in which there is 1. Shock and Denial, 2. Pain and Guilt, 3. Anger and Bargaining, 4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness, 5. The Upward Turn, 6. Reconstruction and Working Through, and 7. Acceptance and Hope. I don’t believe there is an easy shortcut through these stages, especially when the wrong is great and the damage is severe. However, I have been able to reach a point in which, even though the relationships are “irreconcilable,” I can say, “You meant to do me harm, but God meant it for good” and to acknowledge the good they have done and to cherish the many good memories I have. I have learned a tremendous amount about forgiveness, repentance, reconciliation, and many other things including an understanding of the fact that if we are going to compare ourselves to others, we must use a fair measure.
And this leads to the next observation: that people tend to use themselves as the standard that others ought to conform to. People tend to value their own strengths while feeling contempt towards those who don’t share those strengths. For example, if a person is outspoken, he might not value those who are quieter. If a person is physically strong, he might feel contempt for those who are physically weaker. A person who is intellectual might feel superior to those who are not as intellectual. And so on. The list of comparisons is unending.
Drawing by Stephen Wiltshire
What is not understood is that while a person might not have the strength that Person A has, she is likely stronger in areas in which he is weak. Yes, she might not be outspoken, but she might be more patient and compassionate toward others. One person might not be as good at inspiring and motivating large crowds, but he might be more gifted at mentoring and encouraging suffering individuals. Person B might not be as athletic as Person A, but he might have a more brilliant mind. And a person might not have the intelligence that a scholar has, but he might have an amazing one-of-a-kind gift, like Stephen Wiltshire, an autistic savant who can draw beautiful detailed cityscapes from memory.
The Animal School
There is a wonderful fable about animals who organized a school for their children. They decided that the children would all take the same curriculum which involved running, climbing, swimming, and flying. Of course, the duck, rabbit, eagle, and fish were all excellent in things that played to their natural abilities, but failed at classes requiring abilities they did not have. To expect them to all excel in every area was unrealistic. To see them as failures because they could not compete in areas they were weak in is also unrealistic.
In other words, rather than criticize people for not having our strengths, understand that each has their own strengths. Celebrate the differences rather than criticize them.
Although I have written about the frustrations of an introvert in an extrovert world, I was focusing on only one small matter. The truth is that I feel that the gifts of both introverts and extroverts are valuable and essential in this world. If everyone had the same strengths, they’d also have the same weaknesses. It would be like having a football team filled with quarterbacks. A good team has people of many different talents to fill many different positions. The quarterback wouldn’t be effective if he didn’t have his offensive line to protect him. Yellow might be my favorite color, but a picture wouldn’t be as beautiful without the colors of the other crayons in the box. I have strengths that EJ doesn’t have. He has strengths that I don’t have. We are stronger together because his strengths fill in where I am weak and my strengths fill in with he is weak. As the Bible describes it:
For I am telling every single one of you, through the grace that has been given to me, not to have exaggerated ideas about your own importance. Instead, develop a sober estimate of yourself based on the standard which God has given to each of you, namely, trust. For just as there are many parts that compose one body, but the parts don’t all have the same function; so there are many of us, and in union with the Messiah we comprise one body, with each of us belonging to the others. But we have gifts that differ and which are meant to be used according to the grace that has been given to us. (Romans 12:3-6,)
…For indeed the body is not one part but many. If the foot says, “I’m not a hand, so I’m not part of the body,” that doesn’t make it stop being part of the body. And if the ear says, “I’m not an eye, so I’m not part of the body,” that doesn’t make it stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, how could it hear? If it were all hearing, how could it smell? But as it is, God arranged each of the parts in the body exactly as he wanted them. Now if they were all just one part, where would the body be? But as it is, there are indeed many parts, yet just one body. So the eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you”; or the head to the feet, “I don’t need you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be less important turn out to be all the more necessary… (1 Corinthianns 12:14-22)
In addition, I believe that our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses. Or, as Detective Monk often said about his unique talent in the television series, “It is a blessing…and a curse.” I’ve seen people with tremendous gifts use them graciously to strengthen and encourage others. I’ve also seen people misuse their gifts in ways that destroyed others. For example, a person gifted with generosity can tremendously bless the needy…or she could become prey to every con artist with a sob story to the detriment of her own family or those in real need. A person gifted with organizational skill can do tremendous good in a community…or he can become a domineering control freak. Being able to boldly and graciously confront wrong can change many lives for good….or a person can become a critical and self-righteous person who destroys those who displease her. Compassion is a beautiful gift…but it can easily be used to enable others in their dysfunctions. The key is to learn to live in balance, wisely using our gifts and abilities to truly help others rather than to destroy them.
A final observation is that people tend to believe that there can be only one right perspective–their own. But that’s not true. I believe that there is absolute truth, good and evil, ethical and unethical, etc. However, there is a difference between a true right and wrong and a personal believe or perspective. For example, 2 + 5 = 7 is always true and any other answer is not true. However, the fact that yellow is my favorite color doesn’t mean you are wrong if blue is your favorite color.
Mike Rowe and Freddy
I have seen this difference of perspectively recently regarding the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that is sweeping the world. I dislike such challenges because they feel manipulative to me. I have compassion toward those who suffer from various diseases, but I have limited funds and I’d rather give to people or causes that are important to me….without a lot of drama. (This actually corresponds to another INFJ trait that I read about: “INFJ may be asked by a friend or relative to donate to a cause they don’t believe in. This puts them in the difficult position of deciding between honoring their own perspectives or maintaining the harmony of the relationship.”) I also watch people leaping to participate in fads that periodically sweep the world with bemused amazement. However, I honestly don’t feel people who participate in the Ice Bucket Challenge are inferior or wrong. Many are giving because they feel deeply touched by those who suffer from ALS. One friend who said she would not want to participate in the Ice Bucket Challenge actually researched ALS and felt great compassion for their suffering. She might choose to give without the Challenge. I did not look up information about ALS, but I do usually research diseases that friends are suffering so I can understand what they are going through. Other friends are concerned that the donations from the Challenge are given to an organization that uses stem cells, which they believe is morally wrong. Some participate in the Challenge but give to an ALS organization that doesn’t use stem cells. Finally Mike Rowe (who hosted Dirty Jobs) offered his response to the Challenge on his FB page. You can read it here. I thought he was thoughtful and gracious. All these perspectives are different, at least in part, from each other. Which one is the correct one? Does one “right” perspective make all the others untrue? I actually thought that the responses of all the people were thoughtful and caring and all of them had validity. Each person highlighted slightly different perspectives about the Challenged and I was thankful that they gave me different eyes to look through and to consider.
So this is–more or less–what I have been pondering this summer and for many years. To sum it all up, the moral of my post is:
Let the fish swim. Let the rabbits run. Let the eagles fly. Play to people’s strengths.
Look through others’ eyes.
Celebrate the differences.
Everything is beautiful, but not everyone sees it.
I am almost never bored because I think that even the most common things are interesting to me. I think stories about every day life are fascinating because they give glimpses into how people live. I also am grateful to those who write stories or diaries about their lives because they give future generations a glimpse into how life used to be. I have a treasured memory of EJ and me visiting an older couple from our church–years ago, before JJ was born. We sat on the large wraparound porch sipping lemonade on a hot summer day as the elderly man described how, back when he was young, his family would have to stop to patch the tires on their car every few miles on their way to town because, back then, tires weren’t so good and “blew” easily. How interesting! Family stories are how we pass history down to future generations.
My mind is always thinking
I enjoy writing about my own every day life but while I do my routine tasks, I am always thinking, thinking, thinking on deep levels. I rarely find routine tasks boring because the more routine the task, the more attention I can give to my thoughts. Thinking is sort of the background music to my life. I do not often write about my deep thoughts because I find it difficult to put into words the thoughts that I am thinking. In fact, this is the third day that I have tried to describe thoughts I have been thinking about all summer. After writing for several hours each day, I have given up in frustration, thinking “I can’t explain my thoughts! Who cares what I think and what does it matter anyway?”
The problem is that sometimes thoughts fill up in my head and if I don’t pour them out in writing, I can’t sleep. Grrrr. I once told JJ that the only way a person has to share who he/she is with another is through communication–whether spoken, written, art, etc.–and if he can’t communicate then it’s as if “Who He Is” is locked in solitary confinement. Sometimes that is how it feels when I am filled with thoughts that I cannot express: Locked in a prison with no ability to communicate Who I Am. Well, maybe sometimes I have a sort of morse code, but a simple tap-tap-tapping is entirely inadequate to express complex thoughts.
INFJ Personality
I have been thinking a lot this summer about personality traits and introverts/extroverts. I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test to learn my personality type and I found it to be very helpful to me. In our society extroverts are valued while introverts are often considered to be broken, flawed, deficient, inept–so it’s easy for an introvert to feel there is something wrong with her. Articles that affirm that we aren’t broken extroverts, we are unique people with amazing gifts, are refreshing, healing, and empowering. According to the Myers-Briggs Test, there are 16 different types of personalities. I learned that I am an INFJ, which is a rare introverted type that only 1-2% of the population has. I (and EJ) am also a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Lights, noises, smells, etc., all get absorbed, processed and evaluated by HSPs. Unfortunately when there’s too much activity and noise around them, they can’t handle it for a great length of time. Emotionally, they are affected by much of the disharmony in the world. They feel another person’s heartache, they are aware of low levels of anger or resentment in a room, they are greatly affected by conflict, they empathize with other people’s problems, and they feel great sorrow over horrific tragedies.
There is a lot to think about
People with INFJ traits are very deep thinkers who perceive the world differently and more profoundly than others. (No, we do NOT think too much, it’s how our brains are wired.) According to various websites, we take in tons of information through our senses, and we are sensitive to patterns and similarities, quickly seeing connections among disparate pieces of data. By seeing how everything is connected and interrelated, we are capable of discerning universal laws and structures. We constantly work to process and synthesize incoming data, like assembling pieces of a puzzle. (I have often said to EJ that I turn thoughts this way and that, trying to make sense of them and fit them together similar to trying to solve a Rubic’s Cube.) Eventually, we construct an impression or vision of what is happening. We also have the ability to read emotional expressions and body language.
We have uncanny insight.
Because of the way we connect, process information and read people, we are more skilled than most at accurately discerning what is happening in a given situation and we have uncanny insight into people and situations. We are usually considered to be very wise, insightful, and accurate in our assessments. In many cases, we do not fully understand the nature of an insight until we are given the opportunity to verbalize it. (You should hear how many thoughts that I pour out to my EJ!! And often I have to write things out to understand them.) We may have a hunch or a gut feeling, but the content of the intuition can remain somewhat nebulous until it is expressed.
Everything is connected in my mind
All this describes why I need to express my thoughts and also why I sometimes find it difficult. I see many connections between many different things and I consider many different perspectives. The more complex the subject, the more connections and perspectives I see. Sometimes I see so many connections and interconnections, so many trails of thought branching off into others which branch off into others, and so many differing perspectives that a topic can become too immense, too complicated, too impossible to write about. It can be uncomfortable to be filled with thoughts but be unable to pour them out.
I feel more comfortable writing than speaking. I hate to be put on the spot with questions like “What do you think about this……” I’ve read that introverts might appear “slow” to some people because we need time to think, but EJ says that he believes I think so very fast that I need time to sort through all my thoughts and connections and perspectives when I am asked a question. I think he is correct. Writing allows me to sort through my thoughts better than speaking does. (I can totally relate to Tevye in the movie Fiddler on the Roof when he pulls back and appears to “freeze” time to work through all the perspectives of a situation.)
I don’t swim in shallow water
Thinking, processing, connecting, and working thoughts like a puzzle enables me to learn deeply. For example, in struggling to make sense of painful experiences like abuse or conflict, I process and question and puzzle, working through connections and inter-connections, until I can understand what forgiveness, repentance, reconciliation, love, etc., is and isn’t. Many times my understandings have been later verified through other sources. I was amazed to observe how many of the beliefs that I struggled to understand actually conform to ancient Hebraic understandings. (Maybe that’s why I love Hebrew so much–I relate to its many connections and perspectives.) However, my thoughts don’t always “mesh” with common teachings so I also find that I am often not understood when I try to explain my thoughts to people. So sometimes it’s very difficult to explain my thoughts.
They don’t listen to me, but you understand me, right?
In addition, I find that people tend to hear what they want to hear and it’s easy (for us all) to make assumptions without really listening to what is actually being said. For example, when I struggled with emotional abuse, many people assumed that I was dealing with a simple conflict that could be resolved if I “only just loved them more” rather than understand, as I sensed, that it was a serious battle against abusive control. They gave me advice that kept me in the abuse for a long time until my understanding reach the point that I could free myself. Also, at the last church we attended I really thought, processed, wrestled with, and questioned what the pastor was teaching and doing because it was extremely controlling–and I sensed deeply that he was abusive. My experience at this church was the worst and most painful church experience I’ve ever had, although I am thankful that it caused me to question, think, and process many things. I learned a lot and I am where I am now because of it. But it was very difficult. I have observed that whenever a person mentions abusive experiences like these, most people immediately conclude the person is being unfairly critical and they argue that no one is perfect, we ought not to judge, and (in regards to the church) we need to support and submit to our leaders. But unfairly judging is totally different from dealing with abuse. Jim Jones was a cult leader several decades ago who started out as a Baptist minister. I have sometimes wondered how many people remained in his cult because they were told “not to judge” when they expressed concern about his teaching as he transformed from a Baptist minister into a cult leader who led 918 followers to a Kool-aid poisoned death. It can be tricky to know when someone is being critical and when he has valid concerns, but I think we need to be discerning and wise and not too quickly leap to assumptions. I ponder thoughts like these all the time, but many times I can’t express them. For one thing, they can sound (or sometimes be) too critical. JJ and I have conversations about keeping balance. On the one hand, we are all imperfect people who have weaknesses, wounds, and failures, and we all need forgiveness and help at one time or another. On the other hand, we need to discern when a person is abusive, etc., so we can maintain healthy boundaries and, if need be, walk away.
What I Think and What I Say
I’ve learned that painful experiences can often lead to great understanding and growth. Many times the pain and struggle give depth and understanding to what was learned and leaving out those details diminishes the truth learned or victory gained. For example, a person can share her beliefs about forgiveness, but there is more understanding if her “audience” is aware that her beliefs were formed through great heartbreak and struggle. Leaving out the original experience or the struggle feels to me like jumping into the end of the story. It leaves out essential parts of the story. Yet, I also understand that we need to be very careful that we don’t publicly humiliate or hurt others. So sorting through what to share and not to share, how to give understanding without revealing what ought not to be revealed, can add to the difficulty of sharing thoughts.
In addition to deep, complex thinking, my personality type tends to be very gentle, deeply caring people who are often Empaths, meaning we deeply feel and are affected by the suffering of others. We are natural nurturers; patient, devoted and protective. We tend to be observers and listeners, we deeply understand people, we are concerned for people’s feelings, and we try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. For this reason, hurting people often come to us for love, acceptance, and advice. We are also very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well so we avoid it as long as we can. These traits explain why we often appear to be “people pleasers” who don’t stand up for ourselves. However, many times I don’t criticize people because I deeply understand their wounds, pain, and struggles. This reminds me of a Sunday morning several years ago when a woman severely reprimanded EJ for parking in a parking spot close to the church doors. She told him that he ought to be ashamed of himself for not parking further away so the old and disabled could have the closer spots. (FYI: He was not parking in a handicapped space.) What the woman didn’t know was that EJ usually parked in far away places for just that reason, but on that particular morning EJ was suffering such severe back pain that it was amazing he even made it to church or was able to hobble to the door. She had assumed that because EJ looked strong that he was. She might have been more empathetic if she had known EJ’s painful struggles.
I feel the suffering of others
I am usually slow to criticize because I realize that I do not always have all the facts and that suffering is not always visible. And sometimes I do not criticize because I DO know what a person is suffering, I know that he or she is fighting fiercely and bravely to overcome a problem or wound. Also, I know that God’s timing is not always mine, that no one can overcome every “failure” or “weakness” all at once, and growth and healing takes time. What I do instead is try to support and encourage them in their current battles. This is not “not speaking up” or “people pleasing.” This is love and understanding.
Of course, there is also another perspective to this: Love and understanding doesn’t mean that we have to accept insults or abuse from others. Healthy boundaries are, well, healthy. I have suffered abuse from people who I knew were deeply wounded, but I eventually learned that my accepting their insults was destructive to both me and them…
We stand up to others when it matters to us, no matter what it costs.
Anyway, people with my personality trait also have strong value systems, and we need to live our lives in accordance with what we believe is right. We will not violate our beliefs and values in order to fit in and be accepted. This is kind of difficult to explain because I am willing to change my beliefs if, after processing them, I discover them to be untrue, and I also believe people ought to have the freedom to make their own choices–and experience the consequences of their actions, good or bad. However, no amount of pressure will force me to believe or do something that I believe is untrue or wrong. One example is that I have come to believe that the Torah (Law) is not “done away with” as I was always taught, and I celebrate the biblical Feasts and Shabbat even though that puts me out of step with many Christian friends who believe otherwise. If asked, I will explain my position, but I will not try to pressure others because I think that is something they need to work out with God. If a person honestly seeks God, I’m confident that He can change anything that needs changing in them, but if a person is unwilling to change, no amount of “logical argument” will convince them otherwise. So I simply live true to my own beliefs and no amount of pressure, no matter what it costs me, will force me to unwillingly change my beliefs or actions. But sometimes I feel a great struggle within me when my love of people conflicts with my need to live according to my values. It can be difficult to reconcile the two.
All that I have written thus far is merely the beginning, the foundation, of what I have been thinking all this summer. I will now try to write the next part of the story. That may take days, hours, weeks, or never, depending on how successful I am in expressing my thoughts.
This blog is not primary about my faith, but my faith is woven into my life. I sometimes write about celebrating Shabbat so I thought I’d begin this post by sharing a little bit about why I celebrate it though I am not Jewish before I move on to describe my day.
As I wrote a couple of days ago, Hebrew is a language of deep meaning so I can’t help learning about life and faith as I study grammar and vocabulary. When I first began to study Hebrew, I also learned more about the Jewishness of Jesus (or Yeshua in Hebrew), and the Hebraic perspective of the Bible, and I began to meet Jewish people who also loved their Messiah. These Jewish people–several of them Biblical scholars and teachers and all of them people who love to study–taught me and my family a lot and eventually we began to understand the deep meaning of the Feasts described in the Bible. We began to celebrate them, recognizing the deep and rich meanings they had to teach us. Such teachings deepened my faith. One Jewish friend answered my tons of questions about Shabbat until I finally understood that it is not the legalistic day that I had been taught it was, but a wonderful restful day of delighting in G-d, family, and nature. It begins with a beautiful candlelight dinner on Friday evening and ends with a small ceremony on Saturday evening called Havdalah. Hatikva.org describe the Havdalah ceremony this way:
At the conclusion of the Sabbath or any Biblical festival, a ceremony for the close of the ‘holy’ day is observed and prayers are said for the coming week. This ceremony is known as Havdalah, which means separation; a time to separate the holy from the mundane. The ceremony uses all five senses: taste, sight, smell, hearing, and touch, to convey the message of the benevolence of G-d and our relationship to Him. The elements of the Havdalah include a wine goblet filled with wine, a jar of spices, a braided candle, and a saucer or plate on which these elements are placed.
During the Havdalah ceremony a special braided candle with several wicks is used. In Hebrew theHavdalah candle is called a lapidot, a plural Hebrew work for torches. The candle is lit, the room being dark, and the appropriate blessing is recited. The candle is then passed in front of each present who extend their hand toward the flame. The candle must pass close enough for each to feel its warmth. The fingers are spread to allow the rays of light to pass through the fingers. Possibly the prophet Habakkuk was referring to this ceremony when speaking of the coming of the Messiah. (For a description of the ceremony and prayers, click here: Havdalah.)
In between the beginning and ending of Shabbat, we relax and enjoy ourselves without feeling any guilt about things not done. I always try to get everything ready beforehand so I can do as little work as possible. We spend time together on Saturday studying and discussing scripture. It’s a wonderful day that we look forward to every week.
This morning while we were studying, one of EJ’s sisters called so we paused so EJ could chat with her since he hasn’t talked to her for a while. She said that she is hoping to visit us in a week or so. That will be nice. This sister has had cancer, and I heard EJ tell her that JJ is very tired and ask her how long it took her to recover from cancer. EJ’s sister said it took her a year or more to recover. I have reminded JJ many times that Chemo and his several surgeries have assaulted his body in major ways so it will take time to recover, and I have told him that a friend who has been struggling with cancer told me that her doctor said that recovery is long and slow, but JJ gets impatient at times, feeling that life is passing him by and he should be back to normal by now. I figure it doesn’t hurt to have multiple people telling him that recovery isn’t going to happen overnight.
While EJ was talking to his sister, JJ suddenly pointed to the window and said to me, “Come look! Nature is happening!” So I went over to the window and I saw a spider crawling along the window sill. I do not like spiders and if they are in the house, I usually kill them. If they are on me, I do the “GET IT OFF!!” dance first and then if I can find them after I’ve frantically brushed them off me, I kill them. I especially hate spiders that resemble little tarantulas. However, this was a Daddy-long-legs, which is not as scary and is not harmful. It was quite large and had long delicate legs which it moved gracefully. One “leg” appeared much longer than the others and the spider used it to feel its path ahead. It was fascinating. JJ and I watched it together for several minutes. Then JJ asked me to open the window and let it out so the cats couldn’t find and kill it. So I carefully opened the screen and then used an envelope JJ handed me to gently push it outside. It stayed outside the window for quite some time. After watching it for a bit more, we both went to our laptops to figure out exactly what it was and to learn about it. We all love to learn about things. EJ and I have always felt that small common everyday things–like birds, flowers, insects, animals, places, tasks, people–are not really common at all. Instead, they are beautiful, amazing, interesting, fascinating, wondrous. One of my favorite poems is by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
We always tried to teach JJ to also see beauty in everyday things. I think it’s sad that too often adults come to the place where “There is for me no wonder more, except to wonder where my wonder went and why my wonder all is spent.” (Pilgrimage, Zenna Henderson). I love it when I see that JJ has not lost his sense of wonder. One of my fond memories is when I came across a praying mantis while Danny and I were walking a few years ago. I called JJ with my cellphone: “Do you want to come see the HUGEST PRAYING MANTIS that I have ever seen?” He was 16 or 17 years old at the time. He said he wanted to see it so I told him my location, he jumped in the car and drove to where I was, and we stood together at the side of the road admiring the praying mantis.
My friend Fred
Anyway, after JJ and I watched the spider for a bit, we both went to our computers to research exactly what it was. We learned the “spider” is actually called a “Harvestman” and is not really a spider at all. Spiders have two parts to their bodies and multiple eyes while a Harvestman has one body part, two eyes, and very long legs. I read at the website Backyard Nature that Harvestmen often gather, linking legs together. Isn’t that interesting? I also read that “If you watch one eat, notice how after each meal it draws its legs one at a time through its jaws, cleaning them.” When EJ got off the phone, he joined us and we all three watched the Harvestman. Then I said, “Oh, look! He is cleaning his legs just like I read they do! Wow! That’s AMAZING!”
EJ said he was really proud of me for not killing the Harvestman. I said, “I am going to name him Fred.” “Now, don’t go naming him,” EJ said. I replied “I have to name him…because he is my friend.” It’s easy to kill an insect that is an invader in my house, but it’s impossible to kill a Harvestman named Fred.
This brings up a memory of when JJ was quite young. A lot of the neighbor kids would hang out here and one day I found them in my garden happily killing worms. A creepy-crawly in my house is on my turf, but they are on their own turf outdoors and I didn’t want them killed. So I exclaimed in dismay, “Oh, please don’t kill the worms. They are my friends. That one used to be Ernie!” Little voices began to clamor, “Is this worm your friend too?” “Yes!” What’s his name?” and they began to point out various worms: “Is this one your friend?” “What’s his name?” “Who is this one?” “That one is Harry….Bob…Bertha…Agnes….” I said, making up names as quickly as I could. “So don’t hurt any more of them, ok?” They agreed not to. And they never did…because it’s almost impossible to kill things with names.
I will end this post with a picture of Kee-Kee. His newest place to sit now is on my food dehydrators. Silly cat.
All this talk about herbs and spices makes me think of a landscape supply company that we drive by whenever we go to the City. It has dozens of huge mountains of different types and colors of mulch and dirt. The different colors always makes me think of spices so I call it “spice dirt.” Sometimes I try to associate the colors of mulch with the corresponding color of spices: black pepper, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves…I absolutely love the different colors. Sometimes I feel a desire to run my fingers into the spice dirt, or smell it, or jump in it. I resist the urge, however, because I don’t think the company would appreciate me if I did that. 🙂 I always intend to take a picture of the colorful mountains, but I never remember until we are driving past the company and it’s too late. One day, maybe, I will remember, but until then here is a picture I got off the company’s website.
Spice Dirt
Isn’t it beautiful?
I didn’t have to make Challah bread this morning because I had frozen some the last time I made it. However, I was getting low on bread to make sandwiches for EJ’s lunch so I decided to make Honey-Wheat Bread, which is what I usually make when I am not making Challah. I prepared the dough, made and ate breakfast, and then EJ and I went to the store in the nearby town to buy jugs of water. (Our water is not so good for drinking or cooking.) Lately we have been finding only two or three jugs on the shelves at the stores. We recently read news reports that said:
A water emergency, which has left nearly 500,000 people in southeast Michigan and Toledo unable to drink what comes from their taps, is entering its third day after test results continued to show toxin in the water….An algae bloom in Lake Erie is the likely culprit that produced an unsafe level of the toxin microcystin, which can cause kidney damage. Chemists discovered the toxin at Toledo’s Collins Park Water Treatment plant. The emergency includes 11,575 households in southeastern Michigan that draw water from South County Water System in Monroe County.
That does not include the area where I live, but EJ speculated that perhaps people in affected areas are buying water from our stores or maybe companies are diverting more jugs of water to those areas so we have fewer. Whatever the reason, there is less water on the shelves of areas stores so I buy water whenever I see it. We also bought a few other items, but not many. While EJ was paying for our groceries, I went to the coffee center near the door which has cups of coffee available to customers for free. It has three selections of coffee–decalf, regular coffee, and a speciality coffee that changes from day-to-day. I poured us each a cup of regular coffee but I put a “glug” of caramel coffee in my cup. On the way out of the store, I took a sip or two. Yum! When we got to the car, I set my cup next to the shifter while we loaded the groceries. When we got in the car, I fastened my seat belt and reached for my cup just as EJ reached to shift the gear. He knocked my coffee onto the floor, spilling all of it. “I am so BITTERLY DISAPPOINTED,” I said, with pretend drama. But, of course, it was an accident. No use crying over spilled coffee…Not even spilled coffee with a hint of caramel. But it was a little difficult to lose the coffee.
Then EJ asked, “Where is our next stop?” I replied, “Our next stop is to the Veterinarian to pick up our newest kitten.” EJ groaned “NOOOOOOOO!” Actually, we went to the vet to buy special food for Luke, who has a chronic urinary problem, which is the primary reason that we came to town. However, our vet has a “free to good homes” cage for abandoned kittens in the reception area and there are many times that we have taken one pet to the vet and come home with two so it is a dangerous place for us. Fortunately, the kitten cage was empty this trip (for the first time EVER) so we didn’t have to try to resist irresistible temptation.
An old steamer trunk
On the way to town we passed a large yard sale at the end of a long driveway. It looked promising so we stopped at it on the way home. It wasn’t as promising as it looked from the road, but we did buy a few books. A person can never have enough books; he or she can only have not enough books. We were glad we stopped at the yard sale, however, because we got to hear a new story. When EJ admired an old steamer trunk, the woman running the sale said that it had originally been made in Lansing, Michigan, which is not too far from us. She and her sister had done research to try to learn more about the company that made it, but they weren’t able to learn very much. Mostly the sources they found described the history of the family who had owned the company. Then the woman said that they were selling items from her deceased grandmother’s house at the sale. She said that when they cleaned out their grandmother’s house, they found an old sterling silver bank filled with old coins–over $200 worth–and also turquoise rings and other jewelry. They thought about selling it, but it was precious to their grandmother and is a reminder of her so they can’t bring themselves to sell it. Even though we didn’t buy much at the sale, we did collect a family’s interesting story and I thought it was well worth it. I love people’s stories.
Our last errand was to stop at the grain elevator at the end of our street to buy cat and dog food. While I was writing the check, the woman told me that the chance of rain for today was lowered from 80% to 30%. She said she had heard that Ohio (or was it Indiana?) had recently had 8-9 inches of rain. No crops can survive that much rain so their crops are most certainly ruined. My goodness! While the wife was telling me this story, her husband was telling EJ the same story as they loaded the pet food into the car. I felt like a story collector today.
At home, we unloaded the groceries, I put them away, put the bread in the oven to bake, and then I worked on getting our Shabbat meal together. When it was ready, the guys joined me. JJ protested that it was too hot in the kitchen, but I reassured everyone that I had a fan out there. We eat in the kitchen because we don’t have a dining room anymore. Our dining room and living room is one L-shaped room and a few years ago I turned the dining room into a study area with a desk and bookshelves. We need room for books more than we need a dining room. Duh. Anyway, I hadn’t thought that once I lit the Shabbat candles, I had to turn off the fan so it wouldn’t blow out the flames. With the heat built up from the dehydrator and the oven, and with the hot, humid weather outside, it was sweltering in the kitchen. JJ said that he wasn’t all that hungry so once the blessings were said, he escaped to the air-conditioned living room. He is exceptionally tired today because he didn’t sleep well last night. He had nightmares, including one about being in Indianapolis after his surgery. EJ and I bravely endured the hot kitchen and sat at the beautifully set Shabbat table.
Shabbat
Shabbat
Shabbat meal
After EJ left for work, I planned to do dishes, but Danny danced around to tell me that he wanted his walk NOW. Because this morning was busy, EJ and I didn’t take him for a walk. So I gave in to Danny’s pleas and we went for our walk right away. It is so very, very humid today that it feels like a tropical jungle. I melted so much on the walk that it’s amazing that any of me made it home. Danny, however, was content.
The coolness of the living room was awesome, but I had to work most of the afternoon in the sweltering kitchen. Every time I thought I was done, I remembered another thing I had to do. I decided not to dry any more herbs today because of the heat. Even so, by the time I could escape the kitchen at about 4 p.m., I was soaked with sweat. I would be unable to endure this humidity except that I know it won’t be long before the heat is gone and the chilly autumn days arrive. I feel compassion for EJ who works in a hot factory.
After a slow start to the morning and a late breakfast, I began to work on lunch. I decided to make Ground Beef Vegetable Soup. I cooked the ground beef, cut up the vegetables, got it all simmering together and then EJ, Danny, and I went for our morning walk. It was a beautiful morning, although rather hot, and EJ and I enjoyed the hundreds of butterflies flittering in the field. When we passed the west side of the field, we paused to watch thousands of ants swarming around a crack in the sidewalk. We speculated on reasons why ants swarm–EJ’s answers were less serious than mine. But I later googled it and discovered that when a colony gets too big or cannot be supported by the environment, it splits off with a new queen to form an entirely new colony elsewhere.
When we neared home, EJ and I separated–he going to the bank because today was payday, and me taking Danny home. Usually we go to the bank together but I wanted to check on the soup and wash the dishes. When EJ returned home, he went outside with me while I dumped the bucket of vegetable peels on the compost pile. He checked his garden and brought in a cabbage and some peas, bell peppers, and tomatoes. EJ had just enough time to eat a bowl of soup before he had to leave for work. The soup was delicious and we have enough for tomorrow.
After EJ left, I washed the lunch dishes, started a load of laundry, and then spent about one and a half hours studying Hebrew with my friend. Have I told you how much I love studying Hebrew?
Here is a random thought: Sometimes I like to watch people in places like grocery stores and wonder about their lives. I think that the life of everyone is a story. Strangers are like unread books. A person we see might be suffering terrible things–like abuse or a loved one with cancer. Another might have an exciting life–he (or she) might be a world traveler or go bungee jumping off bridges. That man or woman might have an incredible talent–like be a famous musician or dancer, painter, or writer. Or that average-looking woman might be studying Hebrew or writing a blog. Sometimes I think that that ancient little old man in a wheelchair that no one gives a second look at could have been a hero in a War–he could have been an airplane pilot, a member of the Resistance, a soldier with a purple heart. Who knows? Before I met EJ and before JJ existed, when I was working as a word processor at a consulting firm, an elderly man drop off some work for my boss. After he left she said “That man is a Holocaust survivor. He has a number tattooed on his arm.” I was awed. What terrible things that man has seen and suffered and survived. So…many times I do not look at people as if they are simply average uninteresting people. I wonder what their stories are.
Ok, now back to nonrandom thoughts. After I finished my Hebrew study, I put yesterday’s herbs –now dried–in jars, rinsed and sorted out the withered leaves of more herbs that I picked from my garden earlier today, and set them to drying. I am drying parsley, a little bit more sage, and some fennel. I’ve never dried fennel before so it will be interesting to see how it goes. I picked a little bit of thyme, but my thyme didn’t grow very well this year.
My sweet friend, Simone, who lives in another country, commented that she had never seen a food dehydrator. Her comment stirred my thoughts so I decided that I would write about drying foods.
I read that dehydration has been used widely to preserve food since ancient times; the earliest known practice is by inhabitants of the modern Middle East and Asia regions before Christ. For centuries people have hung herbs to dry them. I have no good place to hang herbs where they are out of the way and safe from cats so an electric food dehydrator works best for me. Electric dehydrators have stackable trays on which to put herbs, fruit, or veggies. I can stack as many or as few trays as I need, depending on how many items I want to dry. I put the food dehydrators on the table when I am using them and easily store them away when I am not. However, people also use racks to air dry them on, or use the sun to dry them, or they dry them in the oven. Here are some different methods of drying foods:
A round dehydrator. This is similar to what I use.
A square electric dehydrator
A rack to air dry herbs rather than hanging them
Hanging herbs to dry them.
Drying herbs in the oven
Using the sun as a dehydrator
Herbs, veggies, fruit, and even meat can be dried. I mostly dry herbs–mainly because I haven’t had much success in drying other things like bananas. I'[ve never tried to dry meat. I use fresh herbs from my garden in the summer and towards the end of summer I start drying them for winter use. Usually I dry oregano, basil, sage, thyme, rosemary, parsley, hot peppers, and sometimes spearmint or peppermint. I am still learning how to grow, use, and dry different herbs. Sometimes I plant herbs in my garden that I don’t know how to use, but then I learn about them.
My old-fashioned coffee grinder and new-fangled “spice” grinder.
Another thing I like to do is buy cinnamon sticks, cloves, or ginger root from the farm market-type store and then grind them myself in a small electric coffee grinder that we bought for a couple of dollars at a yard sale. The electric coffee grinder does very well at grinding the spices into powder. Sometimes we buy coffee beans instead of ground coffee and, since I’m using the electric coffee grinder for spices, I use an old-fashioned coffee grinder for the coffee beans.
Ginger, cinnamon, and cloves
Cinnamon and cloves do not grow in our area. Last winter I put a ginger root that was sprouting in a pot to see if I could grow it myself. It actually began to grow, but it died from neglect in the busyness of caring for JJ as he fought cancer. Maybe I should try it again this winter? I can dry the cinnamon and cloves immediately, but I have to dry the ginger root in the dehydrator before I grind it. Grinding spices myself is cheaper than buying them in tiny amounts at the store and it’s no doubt healthier. I think it’s rather fun.
The rest of my day will be spent finishing the laundry and occasionally checking the herbs to see if they have dried sufficiently.
I have been quite busy this week. Today has been quite warm and humid (and stormy) but, even so, there is the feeling of autumn in the air so I felt more energized.
JJ has been trying very hard to adjust his sleep cycle so he isn’t staying awake most of the night and sleeping most of the day. He has forced himself to stay awake as long as he can. He’s been very tired, but he actually slept all last night and woke at 7 a.m. Yay for him!
JJ woke early but EJ woke late. Usually he doesn’t sleep so late (about 11:30 a.m.), but because of his chronic back pain he often doesn’t sleep very well or long, so the fact that he slept so long is a blessing to him.
Because EJ slept so late, I didn’t think he’d want to go for a walk today and I almost didn’t invite him to go with me. But I did ask him if he wanted to walk after I made him a breakfasty lunch (steak and eggs). He said “No” but when I started to get my shoes on to take Danny for his walk, EJ changed his mind. The day was very beautiful and I was glad EJ joined me.
I was busy all afternoon. Yesterday my friend and I began to renew our efforts to learn Hebrew. We have studied together for a couple of years, but had to put it aside for a bit while JJ battled cancer. Since we live in different states, we meet at Google Plus video chat. We both have a strong desire to learn Hebrew because it’s such a beautiful, profound language. Every letter in Hebrew means something, and the original pictograph behind the letters adds meaning, and every word means something, and every word that shares the same three-letter root word is connected to each other, and so a study of the language is actually a study of how to live.
Kneading Bread
For example, the Hebrew word for “bread” is “lechem.” The Hebrew word for “fight” is “lacham.” Hebrew originally had no vowels so in Hebrew lechem is spelled the same as the word “lacham.” If you take out the vowels in both words, the consonants that remain are L-CH-M or לחם. Because the words share the same three-letter root, there is a deep connection between the words. Bread and fight seem to be two totally unrelated words until you consider, as the Ancient Hebrew Research Center describes, that “when making bread, the dough is placed on the table and it is kneaded by hitting it with the fists, rolling it back and forth, picking it up and turning it over, and…kind of sounds like a fight, doesn’t it? Genesis 3:19 says ‘In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread.’ Could this be because we have to fight the ground to bring up the crop, fight the grain to remove the husk from the seeds, fight the seeds to turn them into flour and fight the dough to make the bread?” It’s very beautiful when you think about it. I rarely make bread now without thinking of bread and fighting and struggles and life.
So when my friend and I study Hebrew, we don’t just study vocabulary and grammar, we talk about the deep meanings of the letters and words, and how they relate to our lives and struggles and joys. Then, when our brains are exhausting and aching, we end up being silly and laughing. With all the deep heartache I feel over what is happening in the world, it is good to laugh. Learning Hebrew fills me with deep joy and I am so glad to be back to studying it, even if we have to go back and review because we have forgotten some of what we learned before.
This afternoon, after about two hours of studying wonderful Hebrew, I washed my dishes, put clean sheets on JJ’s bed, swept the floor, fixed supper, and then went out and weeded the herb garden for a little bit. When I finished, I picked a bowl of oregano and a bowl of sage. I brought them in and rinsed them to remove bugs and such. Then I put them in my food dehydrators so I can have dried herbs over the winter. When they were set to drying, I went out and picked the handful of hot peppers. EJ always chooses the varieties of veggies we grow and I can’t remember the names of these peppers. I only know that they are tiny and hot. After the oregano and sage are done drying, I will dry these peppers. When the peppers are dried, I crush them. I like to put dried hot peppers on pizza, spaghetti, and chili. I use them sparingly in the pot, but add extra in my portions because I like extra hot. When I am finished with these, I will pick more herbs to dry.
Bowls of oregano and sage
Oregano and sage drying in the dehydrators and tiny hot peppers in the bowl.
A bowl of tiny hot peppers.
My house gets filled with the powerful aroma of whatever herb or spice I am drying. Tonight the house smells very strongly of oregano and sage.
We have had some warm days, but the weather has a hint of autumn in it now. Some of the leaves on the trees are getting edged with color. I love every season of the year, but I think autumn is my favorite. I like the vivid color of autumn and the crisp cool air. I love the dark dramatic clouds as well as sunshine that sets the trees ablaze. Winter is a close favorite. I enjoy wrapping myself in a warm quilt on cold winter days, enjoying a blazing fire in the wood stove while the snow swirls outside, sipping cups of hot coffee, cuddling with cats. This afternoon it rained quite hard for a while. I enjoy rainy days for many of the same reasons that I enjoy wintry days: They make me feel cozy and cuddly.
Ever since EJ’s doctor appointment last week, we have been walking Danny together each morning. EJ has only missed two days of walking–the first was on a day he had to leave for work at 10:30 a.m. for a 12 hour shift, and the second was the day after his 12 hour shift when he was exhausted.
Sometimes it’s difficult for EJ to get started because he is stiff with pain, but once he gets started he enjoys the walks. I think the hardest part of a walk is the beginning. One reason I love to walk a dog is that my dog gets me past the initial “I don’t really feel like going today.” Without a dog, it would be easy to not walk because it’s too hot, too cold, too rainy, too snowy, or I just don’t feel like walking. However, it’s difficult to ignore my dog’s hopeful anticipation so I always go….and then I love the walk. Both EJ and I have always been interested in small curiosities and wonders, so we enjoy flowers, interesting insects, and people watching.
Beautiful wispy clouds in a blue sky.
I thought I’d share a few pictures I took on a walk a few days ago–on one of the days EJ didn’t go with me. When he is with me, we usually talk instead of take pictures. We usually take the same route. I used to walk a mile into the country and a mile back, but one hot summer day several years ago, Danny got hot and lay down and I couldn’t get him to move on. So for the rest of the summer I took him on shorter walks which got set in routine. Danny loves his route and he gets upset if I deviate from it too much.
Our Village is very small–only a few blocks long and wide. Two blocks away from home we walk past a lovely little field. The owners let the grass and wildflowers grow long and then they cut it for hay….or straw. I can never tell the difference between hay and straw except that one is used for eating and the other for the stall floor–or hay rides. It’s interesting seeing huge round hay (or straw) bales dotting the field within the Village limits. In the picture above, the field is on the left. We pass the field twice–once on the east side of the field and then on the west side. Here are pictures of the field. You can click on them to enlarge them.
The field full of wildflowers
The field
A butterfly sipping from a flower.
The local park
At the end of the street in the first picture is a park that the Village has been developing. The village has been working on it for a couple of years now. There are nature trails along the perimeter of the park. Several Boy Scouts have done their Eagle Scout projects at this park–including JJ. An Eagle Scout project involves planning the community service, arranging funding, getting together supplies and tools, finding volunteers, scheduling work days, and documenting all the work in a notebook, which has to be approved by an Eagle Scout counselor. In front of the trees in the middle of the picture of the park is a small pond that JJ beautified for his Eagle Scout project. He had to clean out the pond, move all the rocks and boulders surrounding the pond, take out the old liner, put in a new liner, and then put all the rocks back and fill the pond with water. Here are a few pictures of his project:
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After JJ finished his project, the Village put a pretty fence around the pond to keep little children from falling in.
After we pass the field for the second time on our daily walk, we are back in among houses. Sometimes we say hi to neighbors we meet along the way. Then we are home!
Kee-Kee pretending he is on a Roomba
I don’t know if you have ever seen videos of cats riding on Roombas? If you haven’t seen any, click here to watch one of many that are available on Youtube: Cat on Roomba. For some odd reason, cats seem to love to ride on Roombas. I mention this because after EJ, Danny, and I returned home from our walk this morning, I went out in the kitchen and found Kee-Kee sitting on my food dehydrator, which I had recently used to dry hot peppers from our garden. He looked very much like a cat sitting on a Roomba. I wondered if he was trying to hint to me that he wanted a Roomba? Silly cat.
When I came downstairs this morning, JJ was up. In the last few months I have exclaimed, “Wow! You are up early!” but I stopped saying that because he always responded “No, I am not up early. I am up still. I haven’t been to bed.” Since his cancer treatments, his sleep patterns have been all messed up. This morning he told me that he was going to try to stay up as late as he could. Each day he hopes to stay up a little later until he is actually sleeping at night and awake during the day. Today he made it to 11 a.m.
This morning one of our elderly neighbors stopped in for a visit. He used to work with EJ until he got sick several years ago, and now he enjoys visiting neighbors and bringing them veggies from his garden. We have a garden but our retired neighbors’ gardens always produce more than ours. Maybe because they have more sunshine, or they plant different things than we do, or they have larger gardens, or they just have more time to devote to their gardens. This particular neighbor greeted JJ warmly and then told him many stories about people he knows who have cancer. Several have died from it. I was afraid this would really disturb JJ, and he did bring it up later, but he understands that this neighbor is very old and frail and he said, “As far as I am concerned, [our neighbor] can say anything he likes to me and it’s ok.” I thought, “Wow! I have a really tremendous son! He shows such love and respect to the elderly.”
After our neighbor left and JJ went to bed, EJ and I took Danny for his walk. Danny pulled us to the nature trails at the park that the Village has been developing over the last couple of years. We let Danny choose which trails to go on–although Danny didn’t really ask us which way to go, he just chose this path or that path and we followed him. When the trails lead back out to the playground/picnic area, we continued on our regular route home.
Just before EJ left for work, we drove to the little gas station. EJ needed to get gas in the car and I needed to get gas for the lawn mower. Yesterday I ran out of gas in the lawn mower just before I finished. I just had a small patch left to mow. I didn’t want to walk to the gas station by myself to get more gas because I didn’t want to leave the container of gas outside while I went inside to pay for it and I didn’t want to bring the gas container into the store with me. It’s easier to either have JJ go with me to guard the gas container while I pay for the gas or to drive the car so I don’t have this dilemma. After EJ left for work, I filled the mower and finished the lawn.
Me in my old hat.
The weather is really oh, so cool today. I think the temperature got down to 48 last night and it reached only the high 60s (or low 70s, depending on which website I looked at). Tonight the temps are supposed to drop to the low 40s. The cooler weather has made me perk up…like Frosty the Snowman when the cold air revived him after he melted in the greenhouse in the old children’s cartoon. Then my mind went off on a rabbit trail–it always amazes me how a thought can lead a person down surprising paths. Thinking of Frosty made me think of the magic hat that gave him life, which sparked a memory of when I was very young. I was out walking (with my Mom, I think) when I found an old hat full of rocks on a neighbor’s fence post. I don’t know why the hat was on the fence post or why it was full of rocks, but I dumped out the rocks and took the old hat home. I loved it and wore it all everywhere and all the time. I have just this one picture of me wearing my old hat. I have no idea what eventually happened to it. It was old when I found it so maybe it simply fell apart.
Anyway, today was so awesomely cool that after I mowed the patch of lawn, I ended up weeding for a while. I picked a few ripe hot peppers and got them to drying in the dehydrator. I washed the dishes, cleaned out the fridge, dumping too-old food, washed more dishes, made potato salad, and washed more dishes.
Sunday afternoon EJ and I went grocery shopping. We have always gone shopping together. Going together makes grocery shopping more fun and less of a chore. We enjoy being together and with both of us adding to the cart, it takes less time. EJ is not the type of husband who comes home with snacks and no food.
Sundays are the best time for us to shop, especially if EJ doesn’t have to go to work later. However, we have to be careful not to go right after church is over because then the store is full of women wearing perfume and EJ is allergic to it. Unless a person is allergic to perfume–or is close to someone who is–I don’t think they consider how much of a problem perfume can be. I often think how good it is that EJ married me because I never got in the habit of wearing perfume. I had perfume when I was a child–usually it was given to me as gifts–but I kept forgetting to put it on. Our house was old and there were heat registers in only three of the seven rooms upstairs. My bedroom was the furthest from the heat so on winter mornings I’d grab my clothes and get dressed downstairs where it was warmer. More times than not I’d remember later, “Oh, I forgot to put on perfume!” but I never wanted to go back upstairs to put it on. Hence, no perfume habit to break.
Anyway, we went shopping later in the afternoon on Sunday so we were able to avoid most of the perfumed church ladies.
Monday is sort of a fog. I think it rained most of the day. JJ told me he had a growth under his arm that he was worried about. It had grown and was becoming irritating. I told him I thought it was a skin tag, which is not dangerous or anything, but he was worried it might be a cancerous growth and asked me to call the doctor for an appointment. He reminded me of it the next morning so after he went to bed (he was up all night and went to bed about 8 a.m.), I called our family doctor. The receptionist told me there was an opening that morning. I woke JJ and told him he had 20 minutes to get ready. He exclaimed, “ACK! When I asked you to make a doctor’s appointment, I didn’t mean TODAY!” but I told him that I work FAST and we might as well get him in so he can be reassured. I drove him to the doctor’s office (an hour trip), and she confirmed that it was just a skin tag and not dangerous. She compassionately snipped it off so it would stop irritating him. When we got home, JJ was exhausted from no sleep so he went to bed and slept most of the day. And then was awake all night. And went to bed this morning at about 8:30 a.m. His days and nights are all messed up.
This morning EJ had an appointment with the same doctor. It was just a followup to see how he is reacting to his new medication and all. I went with him to help him remember what the doctor said and also to tattle on him when necessary. He always downplays his problems. I told the doctor that EJ has suffered a lot of back pain this summer. The doctor said that there is no magic cure for back pain, but it would be helpful for EJ to exercise every day. I said, a bit self-righteously, that I walk my dog EVERY day. The doctor said EJ needed to go with me. Even though he is tired and in pain, she urged him to walk with me for a month before he gave up because after a bit he’d notice that it would help him and he’d feel better.
Both the nurse and doctor laughed to see me back the second time in two days. I announced that I would NOT be back tomorrow.
After we got home and ate lunch, EJ went on a walk with Danny and me.
From left to right, Luke, Timmy, and Little Bear in the window.
We have one of those expandable screens in our living room window. After we got back, we were sitting in the living room and EJ suddenly saw that the screen had been slid open and our cat Timmy was standing in the opening getting ready to jump out. EJ rescued him and we reclosed the screen, relieved that we had prevented the indoor cat from getting outside. Later, we were in the kitchen and heard meowing outside. EJ looked out and saw Little Bear outside! Apparently, he had escaped before we spotted Timmy. I enticed Little Bear to me and brought him inside. He promptly went back to the living room window and examined it to see if he could jump out again so I closed the window. Later he escaped through a door that wasn’t tightly latched, and I had to catch him again. He’s had a taste of the wild outdoors so he’s going to have to be watched now.
After EJ left for work, I spent some time debating whether to mow the lawn today or tomorrow. I decided that I might as well get it done, so I went out and mowed it. The day is cool-ish so it was pleasant mowing the lawn–and now it looks very nice.
