I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Too Many Bricks
When I was growing up, I remember that whenever anyone had a problem, people (particularly at church) questioned whether the cause was spiritual, emotional (mental health), or physical (biological). Each problem was seen as separate and distinct from the others–although usually it was assumed that struggles with problems such as depression was spiritual.
Over the years I realized that the origin of problems isn’t quite so easily classified and separated. Instead, I think our spiritual, emotional, and physical health are intertwined and one strand affects the others. Take depression, for example–although it could apply to any problem. It doesn’t matter what its origin is, it affects a person as a whole–emotionally, physically, and spiritually: It affects a person emotionally by causing him to feel sad, it affects him physically by making him feel tired and unmotivated, and it can affect him spiritually by making him feel hopeless and lose sight of joy.
Years later I realized that even though our emotional, physical, and spiritual health is intertwined, the origin really does matter. A spiritual problem can’t be primarily dealt with in a medical or emotional way. Nor can a medical problem be dealt with spiritually or emotionally or an emotional problem be dealt with medically or spiritually.
Look at it this way: I think our emotional, physical, and spiritual health can be compared to a high performance sports car. It doesn’t matter how strong the engine is or how full the fuel tank is, if the driver isn’t in the car, the car won’t move. If the engine isn’t working correctly, the driver won’t be able to make the car operate well no matter how powerful it is. Likewise, the driver can be extremely skilled, the engine can be the best ever made, but if the fuel tank is empty, the car isn’t going anywhere. In the same way, we can have incredibly strong faith, but struggle emotionally when our bodies break down; we can get physically and spiritually exhausted when hit with too much emotional trauma, and so forth.
The problem is that each person tends to deal with a problem according to his expertise. Many doctors seem to deal with depression as if it’s a physical problem–dispensing antidepressants–without considering that the problem might be due to emotional trauma such as abuse or to a spiritual problem. Mental health professionals seem to deal with problems as if they are emotional. And many Christians seem to believe that things like depression always have a spiritual cause without considering that there might be a physical or emotional cause. While prayer can miraculously change things, it’s not unspiritual to go to a doctor or counselor for help with physical or emotional problems.
In reality, I think the best way to help a person is to see him as a whole, but also consider the cause–without making quick assumptions. I think a combination of disciplines is beneficial. For example, a person might need medication to help him get to the place where he can emotionally deal with the trauma while believers pray for him and support him in his battle towards recovery. I think these day, there are more professionals who use this sort of treatment, seeing a person as a whole instead of as distinct parts that are treated separately.
And that brings me to the struggles my family is having.
The origin is not spiritual. We love our Enchanted Forest and are thankful we are here. We are not lacking hope or faith. Our problem is that we have become physically and emotionally exhausted by carrying heavy loads for too long of a time.
I think of it as being like carrying a backpack full of bricks. Each brick is a task or difficulty. A brick can be suffering abuse, or battling cancer, or working at a difficult factory, or having to fix an eroding driveway, or having problems with Internet connections–or even just going to work or doing laundry. The task or difficulty doesn’t have to be HUGE, the weight of a bunch of small stones can add up to the weight of heavy bricks. Bricks are added and then taken away as they are dealt with. Everyone has bricks in their backpack. Anyone can carry easily carry a few bricks for as long as necessary, but the heavier the load and the longer a person must carry them, the more weary he becomes. Keep adding too many bricks and eventually even the strongest person will collapse.
Photo: flickr.com
Usually, not everyone has a too-heavy load at the same time. This means that if one person’s load becomes too heavy, another person can take a few of his bricks to help him. So, for example, if I get overly tired, EJ takes a few of my bricks. When his back hurts too much, I take a few of his. When JJ had cancer, EJ and I both carried as many of his bricks as we could so that all he had to worry about was overcoming cancer–which was a big enough burden without piling on more.
The problem is that EJ and I and JJ have all three become physically and emotionally exhausted at the same time. EJ’s exhaustion is revealing itself through physical exhaustion and stress-related panic attacks. Mine is revealing itself through insomnia, emotional weariness, and occasional crying. JJ’s is coming out through becoming easily frustrated and upset. None of us can carry too many more bricks, although we try. We are pulling together and helping each other, but we are exhausted.
The ideal thing would be if others–family or friends–could help us carry our burden, such as help us finish moving the rest of our possessions. After all, a shared burden is a lighter burden. The problem, however, is that these days it seems that many, many people are exhausted from trying to carry too many bricks. I see the burdensome bricks others have to carry and I am not upset with them for not being able to help me carry mine. I think they have to take care of themselves and their families first, just as I can only really care for mine right now.
At the same time, I feel close to collapsing under the load of bricks my family has to try to carry and I desperately think, “We don’t lack faith, we need to get rid of bricks! We need practical help! We need rest!”
So then I ponder how we can get rid of bricks when we have too many bricks to carry and no one to help us carry them. A Christian might say, “Give the bricks to God,” but sometimes when people say “give it all to God,” I think what does it even mean? I can’t ignore the bricks or wish them away. I can ask God for help–which I am doing–but we still have to take steps to sell our old house and fix our driveway and all that. Trusting God doesn’t mean we don’t go to work, or don’t pay bills, or don’t fix the driveway.
So, anyway, I have been pondering what I can do to get rid of bricks before I, EJ, or JJ collapses into an exhausted heap. When EJ or JJ are struggling, I try to carry some of their load, but I’m becoming exhausted–just as they are–and we can’t take on too many more bricks, even from each other. We each have to carry as many of our own bricks as we can and help when we can. We especially can’t carry any bricks of those outside our family. Even small requests from others is overwhelming. We have to be able to say, “I can do this, but not that.”
For example, JJ has been struggling with our Internet connection. He has been insisting that I talk to our ISP when we have problems. I don’t mind dealing with them when I just need to tell them that we have no connection, but the problems JJ is having requires some technical understanding. JJ has said, “I will tell you exactly what to tell the ISP.” I can repeat what he tells me, but that doesn’t mean that I will understand their answer. Talking to the ISP makes me feel like this:
Me repeating JJ: My son is having a problem with: 1100101000110101
ISP: Is his computer doing 100101001101?
Me: Uhhhh
ISP: Let’s try this. Go to the computer and 1100101 and then 0010100.
Me: Say what?
It all sounds like a foreign language. It is stressful to feel like an idiot when I try to handle something I don’t understand. I can help JJ with many things, but not this, so I told him that if he has a problem with the Internet connection, he needs to deal with the ISP people himself. Take me out of the loop.
In the same way, I feel stressed trying to deal with the gravel man about fixing our driveway. I can repeat EJ’s instructions but if the gravel man asks me questions, which he did the other day, I have no clue how to answer. So I told EJ that I just cannot deal with the gravel man, although I could help him lay the drainage tile or shovel stones so that he doesn’t hurt his back even further.
It really helps EJ to make lists and cross completed tasks off–as some have practically suggested. It doesn’t help me. I tend to pour out my emotions in writing instead of making lists. It also helps me to know we are making progress on tasks so that I can take bricks off my back. I can keep us focused and moving forward on the tasks we need to accomplish–but there are some things EJ does better than me–like read forms, contracts, and tax return instructions. They just cause my eyes to blur and my mind to shut down. So yesterday EJ filled out the forms from the realtor while I found him the information he needed. We worked together and got it done. This morning I let EJ sleep while I drove to our bank to fax the completed forms to the realtor so we could get started with selling the house. I knew the way, I didn’t need him to go with me, so I let him sleep.
The eroding driveway is stressing me–it’s not something that can wait–and, like I said, I need to know we are making progress. So when I got back from the bank I suggested to EJ that he might want to talk to the Gravel Guy about how to fix our driveway. I would think that the Gravel Guy would be knowledgeable about gravel projects so maybe he’d have suggestions for the best (and least expensive) way to fix it. However, whatever we decided to do, we need to start on it since the driveway is only going to get worse if we delay.
Not long after we discussed this, the Gravel Man suddenly drove up, like an answer to prayer, which I believe he was. He and EJ discussed how to fix our driveway without having to sell our firstborn son (and only child) to pay for it. This week EJ is going to work on the driveway a bit (I’ll help him when I can) and on Saturday the Gravel Guy is going to bring the stones we need. It feels good to have a plan and a timeline.
Because we have to work on the driveway problem this weekend we won’t be able to go to the old house, but at least we are making progress with some tasks, which helps lighten our load. Handing off the problems we can’t fix and helping with the things that we can also helps. I kind of wonder if God is giving us further training in how to set boundaries. If we don’t set boundaries, we will collapse.
Hopefully we can start getting rid of more bricks than we add. We so desperately need time to rest and recover.
Mr. Incredible and Me
Sometimes I feel like Mr. Incredible.
Yes, I’m referring to the powerful superhero Mr. Incredible but, no, I’m not talking about the scene from the movie in which he was strong enough to fight multiple villains, deal with a pesky fan, rescue an old lady’s cat, and save a train full of people…all on the way to his wedding.
Of course, there are ways in which I think I have been very strong like Mr. Incredible, and very courageous, and have not been defeated by villains.
For example, although I have been confused, battered, and heartbroken by emotionally abusive family who accused, blamed, insulted, gaslighted, lied, and raged at me, they did not defeat me. Instead, I courageously fought to get free and to recover.
And although I’ve had several faithless friends whom I poured out my love to, sacrificed for, and listened to them cry about their misery for hours–only to have them disappear when I needed them most–and although I have borne friends who took advantage of our generosity, cheated us, borrowed things that they returned broken, used our truck for a chicken coop, and one even said the first thing he would do if society fell apart is steal from us–I have not given up my belief in real friendship. Although I have been learning to set stronger boundaries and to not allow toxic people in my life.
I have persevered bravely through bad health: my own, EJ’s and JJ’s. When JJ was young, I suffered from chronic sinus infections, two bouts of Mono, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome–all at the same time–and still managed to homeschool him. EJ has had his chronic back pain, breathing problems, and now panic attacks. And, of course, JJ battled cancer.
When EJ was in agonizing pain from his bad back, I cared for him, and didn’t complain when projects had to go unfinished, and tried to do tasks without his help–like sneaking out to unload a wagonload of firewood and stack it in the shed so he wouldn’t hurt his back by helping me.
And I was strong when EJ’s awful company gave him the choice of getting laid off or continuing to work with a huge pay cut. He chose to keep working so we could keep our health insurance. During that time, our furnace died and our vehicles both had serious problems. We made it through with faith and courage.
I was also strong when JJ got cancer. I acted goofy so we could laughed even when my heart was breaking because my only child was suffering. I kept track of our schedules, and I rarely slept because I was up every few hours giving JJ his meds and caring for him when he felt sick or scared.
And in the last few months, I encouraged EJ to get his new job, and then urged JJ to stay with his Dad while I stayed at the old house caring for the pets, painting, packing, and finding important papers that the loan officer needed. I stayed even though my heart longed to be with my family.
And besides all that–and more–I have been hero support, comforting, encouraging, helping, teaching my family and finding their lost items, and making and reminding them of appointments and other tasks, and cooking and cleaning and doing laundry, and painting rooms and organizing. And sometimes I opposed them when I thought they were wrong.
Those things, I think, are more powerful, and stronger, and more superheroy than what Mr. Incredible does.
In listing my superhero traits, I do not mean to downplay EJ’s superheroness because he also has incredible strength and legendary endurance. He helps me not be lost, and he encourages me to pursue my interests, and he listens to me with superhuman patience when I’m wrestling with something or when I am hurt by abuse or betrayal. And he keeps going even when he’s sick or in agonizing pain. And he cared for me and JJ when I was sick. He also got us to the Cancer Center for JJ’s chemo even when the weather was awful, and he sat by JJ’s side, and he went and bought us lunch in the cafeteria, and then, after getting us safely home and settled in, he went to work at an awful company.
I think my husband is more powerful, and stronger, and more superheroy than Mr. Incredible.
And there are many other superheros out there–people who don’t give up even though they have MS and no income. Or people who have endured abuse all their lives but still persevere. Or people who are house-bound with chronic illnesses and still face life with graciousness and kindness. Or people who have lost their husband but still carry on–some even driving hundreds of miles to take their disabled child for treatment.
Those people, I think, are more powerful, and stronger, and more superheroy than Mr. Incredible.
However, in this email I am not comparing myself with Mr. Incredible when he was strong. I am comparing myself to him at the time when he knew he was not strong enough:
There are times when I persevere to do what needs to be done, even though I am exhausted. Then there are times when I am absolutely aware that no matter how much I try, I am not strong enough. My strength reaches an end.
At night, when I sit on our deck and look at the stars, I tell God that I am overwhelmed and tired, I feel pushed beyond endurance, and I can’t take much more. “You need to help us,” I plead. “We can’t take much more. We need a chance to rest.”
And then more problems hit.
Today I paid bills and worried about the drain on our finances. Besides the expense of moving, we have to get set up for winter, which has involved getting vehicles that can handle snow. We also have had to get good tires and fix a few other problems. And then there’s the generator we need to buy so we can have heat if our power goes out during winter storms. We’ve also had to pay taxes and insurance on the old house, as well as continue paying utilities so there are lights for prospective buyers and heat in the winter so the pipes don’t burst. And now there is the driveway.
I urged EJ to call the gravel place this week because each time it rains, our driveway erodes a bit more. As tired as he is, it has to be done and I am not knowledgeable enough about such things to do it. I thought that if we could get this done, it would be something off our To-Do list. I handled other things this morning while EJ called the gravel company. I expected delivery to take a few days, but EJ said they were going to bring up gravel this afternoon–which made me sigh inside because EJ would be at work and I know nothing about dealing with gravel companies. When the dump truck came, the guy got out and looked at our driveway and said that we don’t really need gravel as much as we need stones to fill the gullies along the sides of the driveway. “The gravel will just wash down the hill when it rains. But stones could cost real money.” I told him we just moved to the area and we didn’t have any idea of how to fix the driveway problems. He said, “And you just had to have a house on a hill….” No, I thought but didn’t say, we needed to have a one-story house so we don’t have to climb stairs as we age, and a house that was not a beater so EJ wouldn’t have to damage his back working on it, with a garage so he could have a place for his stuff and I could have a house without his stuff, in a beautiful, peaceful setting not too close to neighbors because we are exhausted and need to rest and recover. We didn’t care whether it was on a hill or not. Duh. He asked what we were going to use to spread out the stones. “Shovels and rakes,” I said. “And a guy with a bad back suffering from too much stress, a young man not fully recovered from cancer, and a woman who is totally exhausted and stressed,” I didn’t say. He gave a short mocking-sort of laugh. I thought, but didn’t say, that, duh, we don’t have a bulldozer or grader or all the expensive road-building equipment that construction companies have and we don’t have the money to rent them so we have to use what we have.
I had no idea what I should tell the guy to do: dump the gravel? bring us stones which I feared would be as expensive as diamonds? give up and buy burros to transport us up and down the hill? EJ doesn’t work at a job where he can talk on the phone so we always just text rather than call. However, I felt completely inadequate so I called EJ to ask him what to do. He said, “I don’t have time to talk on the phone. I have to get back to work. We will talk later” and he was gone. I felt so lost and overwhelmed and inadequate. I said aloud, “I have no idea what to do.” The guy said, “Look, you will need gravel to cover the bad place in the middle of your driveway and in the sandy place at the bottom. I will spread some gravel there and come back tomorrow to talk to your husband.” Fine.
Then I went into the house and cried. I sobbed aloud to God, “I have been strong all this time, and I have kept going even when I was exhausted, and I have not given up even when things were hard, and I have had faith in the most difficult situations, and I found reasons for my family to laugh when JJ had cancer. But now…I am not strong enough. You need to help us because I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!”
Then I checked my email and found a bunch of forms from the realtor that I needed to print out so we can sign and send back. Earlier today I had to send her last year’s utility bills. I cried, “After all the tons of papers I had to find and sign and send when we were buying our house, I am too tired to do it again now that we are selling a house!” But even though I am not strong enough, I did it anyway.
The move up here is very, very good. It is beyond good. But I’m not strong enough to endure more exhausting long trips down to the old house, or to watch EJ wearily and painfully groan as we try to load things that are too heavy. I’m not strong enough to take on more tasks so EJ can relax and not have stress-caused panic attacks. I’m not strong enough to endure anything comparable to an epically terrifying journey with a beater truck. I’m not strong enough to endure more sleepless nights filled with anxiety about EJ’s health, and worrying about JJ getting his life back after cancer, and stressed about whether or not our old house will sell (starting price is less than we paid for it), and trying to find us doctors, and keeping the schedule in my head of all the things that need to be done here before winter hits. And even though I totally understand that people are overwhelmed with their own lives and problems, and I don’t blame them for not being able to help, I am so not strong enough to have to keep do very difficult things without help.
But I have to be.
I just want to rest. But as they said, “There is no rest for the weary.”
Night Showers
When I was a child, my family built a fire pit surrounded by an octagon-shaped cement “patio” that had the names of each member of my family on it. It was cool. One night in mid-August some of the neighbors were invited over for a cookout and later we gathered around the fire. I finally went into the house about midnight, intending to go to bed but suddenly I heard shouts of “Oh, Wow!” “There’s a another one!” Curious, I ran outside to see what was going on. Everyone was pointing up at the meteorites raining from the night sky. It was a spectacular light show that sparked my interest in the stars. After that incident, I sent away for star charts and went outside whenever I learned that there would be eclipses, comets, or meteor showers.
EJ loves to watch the stars to, so through the years we have gone outside to watch stellar events. We have also always taken JJ out to enjoy them too. However, the light pollution in southern Michigan has grown and it’s been a long time since I have been able to see many stars.
But now we live in the north where the skies are dark and the stars are awesome. When EJ has days off, and when we aren’t busy, we sit on our patio, lean back in our chairs, and watch the stars as we talk together.
This week is the yearly Perseid meteor shower, the same meteor shower I saw years ago. EJ usually doesn’t get home from work until after I go to bed, but I have gone outside each evening to watch for meteorites. Last night I stayed up until after he got home. I’m determined to enjoy the show. One evening a bat flew low over my head so I went inside and got a hat. I do not dislike bats–I think they are interesting and beneficial–but I don’t want them flying low over my head and having a hat makes me feel less vulnerable. After seeing bats in our Enchanted Forest, I have googled the different types of bats we have in Michigan. I learned we have nine different types.
I can’t help but talk to God as I watch the beautiful night sky. In between thanking Him for moving us to a place where we can watch the stars, I have been telling Him how tired and stressed my family has been, and I have been asking Him to please bring people to help us finish moving, and to please sell our house quickly, and to please help us to be able to rest, recover, and renew our spirits.
And then EJ started having episodes of dizziness, numbness, and almost-fainting, which made me worried and increased my stress. I said to God this morning, “This isn’t want I had in mind. Maybe You misheard me. We need less stress, not more. We need rest, not more busyness added into our lives.” But then it occurred to me that because EJ is so stressed, we had to cancel our exhausting trip downstate this weekend, so that he (and we) could….rest. Oh.
Last weekend EJ and I laid tile in the chasms the rain had caused in our driveway. This morning EJ renewed his efforts to find someone to bring gravel for our driveway. He called a local company we found listed on the Internet, and then found out it was actually sort of an Angie’s List for construction-type companies. The woman on the phone recited a list of nearby gravel places and told EJ she could transfer his call to the one he chose. So he selected a gravel company, the woman transferred his call, and he talked to that person about delivering gravel. The person said he was in the area and could be at our place to look at the job in a few minutes. The man who showed up said he thought he was coming to get rid of a fallen tree (from last week’s storm), and he’s a tree company not a gravel company. Sometimes trying to find a business on the Internet feels like a comedy routine.
While EJ was trying to find gravel, I emailed the realtor. I explained that we couldn’t go downstate this weekend as planned because of EJ’s health and I didn’t know whether we should wait until we can finish moving the rest of the stuff or if we should just list the house. I asked her what she thought and she recommended we go ahead and list the house so we can (hopefully) sell it before summer is over. I replied that that sounded good. I’m praying, praying, praying that our house sells SOON! Having it gone will lift the physical, emotional, and financial drain on us.
After EJ went to work this afternoon, I mowed the lawn. This is only the second time this summer that I have mowed it. The weather has been dry–except for downpour or two–so the grass hasn’t grown fast. I really like the look of a freshly mowed lawn.
There were a few clouds today, but this evening the sky cleared so I went outside, sat in my chair, and watched for meteorites. I saw a few, including a very bright one that streaked across the sky. Then, suddenly, even though the sky was clear and filled with stars and meteorites, I began to see brilliant flashes lighting up the sky and hearing rumbles, as if a storm was moving in. But I was confused because I didn’t see any clouds and radar showed nothing. What could it be? Finally, I checked radar again that a rather intense storm had very suddenly popped up. Eventually I saw the clouds moving in above the trees and I watched as they ate up the stars. The meteor shower was finished for the night. We are now getting a spectacular house-shaking thunderstorm. I’m hoping it’s not as damaging as last week’s storm or that it causes our driveway to become impassable.
Just Breathe
Today we had a busy day scheduled. And then the day got busier.
Before I talk about our day, I’d like to describe something else. Be patient. It relates.
I have found that when a person describes difficulties or abuse, people often seem to not accept the reality of it. They often act as if the situation is “not that bad” as described or that the person is just seeing the situation negatively. The abusive person is “just wounded,” or “no one is perfect,” or “she probably really loves you,” or the victim just “needs to forgive and love more,” or “people are like that everywhere,” or “you should stop being so judgmental.” People don’t really listen with understanding to what is really being said. They just assume things are not that bad–and they try to cheer up the “complainer,” encourage him (or her), and advise him that he just needs to have more faith, love, contentment, or positive thinking.
I think it is probably a human tendency to want to believe the best instead of the worst of a situation or person. We all know there are evil people and situations in the world–we hear terrible things in the news–but we can’t believe we, or someone we know, are actually encountering it personally so we try to explain it away. EJ believes people are this way because of “normalcy bias,” which is defined on Definitions.net this way:
The normalcy bias, or normality bias, refers to a mental state people enter when facing a disaster. It causes people to underestimate both the possibility of a disaster occurring and its possible effects. This often results in situations where people fail to adequately prepare for a disaster, and on a larger scale, the failure of governments to include the populace in its disaster preparations. The assumption that is made in the case of the normalcy bias is that since a disaster never has occurred then it never will occur. It also results in the inability of people to cope with a disaster once it occurs. People with a normalcy bias have difficulties reacting to something they have not experienced before. People also tend to interpret warnings in the most optimistic way possible, seizing on any ambiguities to infer a less serious situation.
The problem with having a normalcy bias is that it can prevent a person from recognizing or escaping from bad situations because he–or someone he knows–believe it’s “not that bad.” I’ve read that one of the “gifts” of narcissistic abuse is that a victim stops seeing everyone through “rose-colored glasses” and begins to see things more realistically–understanding that there are both good and bad people in the world.
Anyway, the major reasons my family has moved north was because of abuse and stress. We encountered various forms of abuse and very difficult situations that left us emotionally and physically exhausted. I believe that we encountered each difficulty with faith and courage, but JJ’s cancer pushed us over the edge of endurance. We all began to exhibit signs of PTSD, which not just soldiers experience. Those with serious illness, their caregivers, and victims of abuse can suffer from it. We were not being negative; it was “that bad.” We asked God to move us to a good area, a beautiful area, where we could rest and recover. And He did. This move has been very good for us in many, many ways, getting us away from abusive people, enabling EJ to work at a good company, helping JJ begin to get his life back after cancer, and allowing us to live among beauty that refreshes our spirits. We are doing our best to get things set up here and to cut ties downstate, but it will take time to get to a place where we can rest and just enjoy our surroundings. Mostly, right now, we are tired and stressed from trying to get stuff done here and there.
And that gets me back to talking about our day.
I found a counselor who works with young people to help JJ to deal with the emotional effects of cancer and, we hope, to help him find young people with his interests whom he can socialize with. I tried to help him find a support group downstate last year, but was unsuccessful. The Cancer Support people who I have found here in the north have been awesome. JJ met with the counselor for the first time today and really liked her. He felt encouraged after he talked with her.
At his request, I was planning to go with JJ to his first meeting with the counselor, but instead I took EJ to our new doctor. Ever since our last drive to our old house, EJ has struggled with episodes of dizziness, numbness, and almost passing out that are increasing in frequency and severity. We were afraid he was at risk of a heart attack or stroke or something equally serious, which made me feel very anxious. Even though his initial New Patient appointment isn’t scheduled until early September, the doctor agreed to see him today. She has a sense of humor, seems very caring, and we quickly established a rapport with her. She actually went to college in a town near where we used to live so she knows the area where we are from, and she also knows our previous doctor. Small world. Anyway, after listening to EJ describe what has been going on in our lives and asking questions about his symptoms, the doctor strongly suspects that EJ is suffering panic attacks caused by high stress. The years he spent working at a terrible job, JJ’s cancer, getting a new job, buying a new house, repeated trips trying to get stuff moved from our old house so we can sell it, the battles with the insurance agent….all this is exhausting and stressful and it is beginning to affect his health. The doctor said that she will have EJ undergo other tests to make sure that something else isn’t going on but she really believes prolonged high stress is the culprit.
We had planned to drive down to the house this weekend to try to finish moving and also to list our house with the realtor. The house is a financial, emotional, and physical drain on us and we’d like to list it ASAP, but we think we are going to have to postpone our trip so EJ can rest. We desperately need people to help us get our remaining possessions north, but we don’t really have many people in that area to call on for help. I’m praying for more miracles. Like, “G-d, please bring us people to help us finish moving. And please sell our house SOON so we can be done with down there and start restfully enjoying life here.”
Since we didn’t think EJ would have time to drop me off at home before heading to work, JJ met us at the doctor’s office after his appointment with the counselor so he could take me home. He was concerned about his Dad and got all stressed out, which was….stressful. We are all tired and stressed and wound up. We are easily overwhelmed, don’t sleep well, and get discouraged.
We got stuck in heavy traffic so JJ didn’t have time to drop me off at home so we went together to his next appointment. Although he enjoys the people he works with at his current job, he is hoping to find a job that is full-time and closer to home before winter. He applied for a job on-line and had an interview today, but he thinks it didn’t go well. He was stressed going into it and also wonders if he will be seen as too young for the position. He said he feels stupid, but I tried to remind him that I’m proud of him for trying and at least he got an interview, which is not nothing. Also, he won’t get every job he applies for because he’s competing with others–some of whom might have more experience or be a better fit. However, this doesn’t mean that he is “not good enough.” I reminded him that his counselor told him that he is actually progressing very well after his battle with cancer.
The Manitou
Tonight we went sailing on a Tall Ship called the Manitou.
I love the beauty and romance of the old sailing ships and I have always wanted to sail on one. I also have always wanted to see a sunset from a boat. Tonight I fulfilled both dreams.
We were afraid of being late and missing the cruise, so we left home super early. We never know what the traffic conditions are going to be and we didn’t want to be left standing at the dock. However, it took less time to get to the site than we anticipated, so once we knew where it was, we drove a short distance to a park on the coast. A duck meandered near us. I said “Hello!” and she ran right up to me. We walked a little ways and sat on large rocks to enjoy the scenery and the duck walked with us and then settled down next to us. She sat there for quite some time and even fell asleep.
We headed back to the Manitou office where we got checked in and were given boarding paces. Then we were bused across the busy street to the dock. The small bus made several trips and when all the tourists were brought to the dock, we went aboard the vessel.
Once we got away from the dock, the friendly crew asked for many volunteers to help raise the sails. I volunteered and pulled JJ along with me. When we were told to, we all heaved on the rope and pulled the hoisted the heavy sails. EJ was roped into helping unfurl the top of the sail. I didn’t get pictures because we were too busy heaving on the rope. However, I took a video of group of others raising a different sail.
The Manitou crew was friendly, the Captain was colorful, the boxed lunch we were served was very delicious–one of the most delicious box lunches I’ve ever had on a tour–and the scenery was awesome.
I can’t even describe what a wonderful experience this was. Our week had been very stressful…with the trip downstate last weekend, the hellish journey back with ‘Ol Nellie, our beater truck, the terrible storm we had, the struggles with the insurance agent. I felt as if my muscles were knotted with stress. The trip on the Manitou was so beautiful, so peaceful, and so delightful that I felt the stress ebb away. The cruise was everything–and more–that I had dreamed of. I told EJ I would love to go again. And again. And again. Maybe someday we can go on the overnight trip. Or the 6 day tour.
Ahhhh. It was awesome.
A Dog, Two Cats, and A Flock of Turkeys
Today EJ called the new insurance agency to see if all our policies had been transferred, and to also find out how we were going to manage this first month of payment. I had talked to the agent at the downstate agency on Monday and after I emphatically told him that I wanted our policies transferred NOW, he had said, “I’m doing it as we speak.” Liar. The northern agency had told us several weeks ago that transferring an account can be done in a few minutes with a couple clicks of the mouse. They said today that they had only begun receiving our policies this morning and they are being sent slowly, one at a time. Grrrr.
I’m not sure what this difficult agent is hoping to accomplish with his nasty behavior. I mean, is he expecting us to say, “Well, gee, you are giving us so many problems that I guess we’ll just keep you as our agent.” NOT! He lost us when he called the northern agency to yell that they were “poaching us.” Actually, he was losing us long before that. We never liked him as much as his predecessors. Anyway, I am considering contacting the corporate office to complain about him. I’ve never had such a bad experience with a company.
But, on a more positive note, a couple weeks ago I emailed the hospital Cancer Services to see if I could find JJ a support group. I tried to find JJ one downstate, but although the oncology staff was awesome, we weren’t given help finding support after his treatment ended. Up here in the north I have talked to several people and each of them have been incredibly supportive, always telling me that they are here to help and they will do all they can. I feel really encouraged by them.
I was busy all this afternoon cleaning and finding places for the items I unpacked from a few more boxes. I was finally sitting down to rest when I happened to notice Little Bear and Timmy sitting on the window sill, very focused on something. They were looking down so I thought they had found a bug or something. Then Danny went over to the window and I could tell he was also interested in the “Something.” I decided to see what was so interesting and was surprised to see turkeys right outside the window!
I went from window to window following the flock of turkeys as they wandered to the back of the house. When I had a clear view, I videoed them. Little Bear watched out the window and about halfway through the video, Danny came into the room. He whined a bit because a table in front of the window prevented him from getting close for a good view. Timmy also wandered in to watch the turkeys. The turkeys came right up to the window. I never get tired of watching them. I love how the adult turkeys stand guard over the babies, which are growing up fast.
I love life in the Enchanted Forest!
Storm Stories
After the day EJ and I had Saturday trying to get our beater truck up north, we were exhausted and planned on having a quiet, restful day on Sunday. It didn’t exactly go that way. In fact, in a different way Sunday was just as wild as Saturday.
My Sunday started very early (4 a.m.? 5 a.m.?) with Timmy rubbing against me, scratching, and poking me and sometimes EJ. I was so tired that I kept falling asleep, but Timmy didn’t stop until I was fully awake. Later, when I saw Timmy sleeping, I poked him. “Hey, Timmy! Wake up! Wake up, Timmy!” I figured he had interrupted my sleep, so paybacks were fair. Poke, poke, poke. “Wake up, Timmy!” EJ saw me and laughed. After that, whenever EJ saw Timmy sleeping, he’d poke him and say, “Wake up, Timmy!” Laugh.
I was so wore out from Saturday that my body felt sluggish and EJ felt much the same. Instead of working hard and taking brief breaks, I told EJ that I was going to rest and do brief amounts of work. I walked down to get the mail. Tesla ran after me while Danny waited at the top of the hill. Later, I started working on getting the laundry done. EJ began unloading the old truck, which I have named ‘Ol Nellie.
Then the day got exciting.
Storm clouds began moving in. I took pictures of the clouds, then checked the radar and saw that a very severe storm was heading right for us. I was about to go tell EJ when he suddenly yelled at me to come out “Quick!” I paused to grabbed my camera and ran out but missed the funnel cloud EJ said that he had seen forming right over our house. He had prayed, “Please, G-d, I can’t handle anymore” and the funnel dissipated.
The sky growled as lightning flashed and the rain poured from the skies. Our power went out so EJ and I sat on the porch and watched the storm. We love storms although we don’t like them when they cause damage.
The sky cleared briefly and we got our power back, but then another storm moved in. It wrapped our Enchanted Forest in a beautiful misty rain.
The second storm moved on, but on radar we could see that a more massive and severe storm was coming our way. It was a monster. We sat on our porch and watched it moved in with very black ominous clouds that swirled around and were lit with a strange green light. The wind picked up and it began to rain so hard that we could see only a little way down the driveway. We heard the cracking of trees breaking as hail bounced on the ground. Our power went out again. The rain got harder and leaves were swirled around in a mad dance. EJ said, “I think this might be a tornado!” and he yanked me back into the house.
We watched the rest of the storm from inside the house.
After the storm passed, we walked outside. The torrential rains had made deep gullies like miniature Grand Canyons along the sides of our driveway and also split the driveway in one place. EJ dragged the park benches across the driveway in front of the gully so JJ would not attempt to drive across it. Further down the driveway, the sand had washed across the road down where the deer usually cross. It looked like a sand mudslide.
When JJ got home, he had his own storm stories to tell. JJ knew that it had been raining but as he looked out his company’s windows, he saw the sky quickly changing from gloomy to pitch black to bright florescent lime green. The wind kicked up and blew shopping carts across the parking lot, occasionally crashing into cars. The rain came down so hard that he and his co-workers couldn’t see out of the window. The HR director returned from lunch and described watching tree tops flying by. They all heard a boom from thunder and another boom from a substation or transformer getting hit. Then the power went out and they set everyone home.
JJ said that on his way home, he saw many large trees down across the road, some of them had fallen on the power lines. At times JJ had to drive off the road a bit to get around fallen trees. He saw a lady in a pink polka-dot house dress raking away debris out of the road so cars wouldn’t hit it. He said our little town of Anatevka was chewed up, with trees and power lines down everywhere. He also saw smoke from fires, and many emergency vehicles out and about. He said it was like a disaster movie.
As the sun began to set, its rays made the light golden and our grass looked red. (I would have taken pictures, but my camera battery was low). JJ remarked, “It’s very beautiful here.” Later, without power, the darkness was very, very dark. I had called our power company and a recording said that our area was among those that were hardest hit and we probably wouldn’t get power until Wednesday. We thought, “Well, at least we are in a beautiful area” and we sat in the living room and talked and joked and laughed.
I looked out the front door at the darkness and saw large flames in the forest across the road. “Whoa! I hope that’s not a forest fire!” “It’s probably just the neighbors having a bonfire?” “But what if it’s a forest fire?” While EJ got dressed (we had thought we were staying in for the rest of the night) JJ and I took the flashlight and walked down the driveway to make sure it wasn’t a forest fire. It wasn’t. It was a huge bonfire. We walked back and met EJ halfway up. It was fun walking in the Enchanted Forest at night.
We are glad our power went out now, when it’s summer. It reminded us that it would be a very good idea to get a generator in case our power goes out during winter storms. It gets COLD up here in the north.
We decided to go for a drive Monday morning to survey the damage. Before we left, I let Danny out. We were planning to leave him home as soon as he had completed his “business” but he stood by the Buggy with such a hopeful look on his face that I got his leash and let him in the vehicle.
Our area was chewed up, just as JJ had described. There were large trees and lines down everywhere. Through the middle of one forest was a path of pine trees that had been snapped in two. People were lined up at a water pump in a park in Anatevka filling jugs with water. Most businesses had no power. A couple of gas stations were opened and people were getting their tanks filled and bags of ice. We bought gas and ice on the way home so the food in our fridge and chest freezer wouldn’t thaw. My camera battery needed recharging, but JJ let me take pictures with his smart phone. He isn’t finished uploading them, but maybe I can share some later.
JJ doesn’t have to work until Wednesday but in the excitement of the storm, he had forgotten to check the hours he has to work so we drove to his company and he went into the dark, powerless store to check his schedule while we waited outside. A couple of his co-workers were sitting at a table set up outside selling water and batteries. Danny whined for attention so one employee came over to give him lovings. I let Danny out of the car and the woman grabbed a water bottle and poured some water into her cupped hand so Danny could drink. I thought that was sweet.
As we entered the house after returning home from our journey, the power came on! Yay! However, we still didn’t have Internet. I called our Internet Service Provider today and was told that the power is still out in a lot of places and they had no idea when Internet service would get back to normal…although it was possible that we could have it tonight. Up here in the north, some people build their own wireless towers and allow the ISP to use it. Between us and the ISP’s tower, there are several (three? four?) such privately-owned towers. In fact, our neighbor across the street built one of the towers that connects us. If there is a problem with any one of those towers then we have no Internet. The ISP company said that one man was trying to hook up a generator to run his tower but they weren’t sure if he was going to run it constantly or for only a little while. So we have Internet for now, but we don’t know how long.
Just before EJ had to leave for work, the local insurance agency called to inform us that the agency downstate was blocking their attempts to transfer our account. EJ said to me, “I got nothing,” meaning he had no energy to deal with this. He had struggled with back pain all weekend and was exhausted, we had a depressing time at our old house, we had a grueling trip home, we had a monstrous storm…and I had had enough of this difficult insurance agent. I told EJ that I would handle it if he wanted me to. He said ok.
Ok, here’s the thing about INFJ personality types. We are extremely empathetic, compassionate, understanding, and patient people. We forgive far longer than most other personality types do. It takes a lot for us to get angry. In fact, we get angry so seldom that many people think we are mousey wimps. However, if a person is so repeatedly difficult/abusive that he finally gets to the end of our patience, we become very fierce fighters, especially where our loved ones are concerned. The downstate Agency had reached the end and crossed the line. He was causing my weary, stressed family even more stress.
When the agent answered the phone, I reminded him that we had moved out of the area, we have been trying to transfer our policies to a local agency, and they kept blocking the transfer. He told us that the new agency had acted in unethical ways, that’s not how it was done, etc. I could have argued that at the recommendation of our mortgage officer, we contacted a northern agency to handle the insurance for our new house because they understood the unique housing market up here, that they had politely tried to contact Steve, and that it was he who had started the unpleasantness when he had screamed at them, etc, etc, etc. Originally, we were only getting our new house insurance up here and would have kept our auto policies with him for a bit longer. But I didn’t want to get sidetracked from the main issue. 
When Steve said, “For your information, we have clients all over the state….” I interrupted and said emphatically, “I don’t CARE about your other clients. WE don’t want an insurance agency that’s hundreds of miles away. WE want a local agency to handle our insurance. WE want our policies transferred to this other agency, and WE want it done NOW.” A short time later, Steve said, “I’m transferring your policies as we speak.” FINALLY! I don’t know why he couldn’t have done what we asked the FIRST (and second and third) time that we (very nicely) asked.
My Second Worst Drive Ever
Today was My Second Worst Drive Ever.
Yesterday we had to get up early to pick up JJ’s car at the shop in Eureka. When we got back home, we had to drive downstate because we were meeting with a realtor at the old house. On the drive down, we stopped at a gas station for caffeinated drinks because neither EJ nor I had slept well the night before. I had awakened early and couldn’t get back to sleep and EJ had only time for a three-hour nap after work before we had to get up. Usually we drive downstate with not much sleep.
At the gas station, EJ bent down to pick something up and his back suddenly spasmed, went numb, and he almost passed out. After a moment or two, he was mostly ok although from then on his back hurt so much that he could barely function. He pressed on anyway.
We made it to the house ok….five minutes before we were scheduled to meet the realtor. She was already there. We took her through the house and it was a really depressing ordeal. The real estate market in our area is in the toilet with a lot of houses empty and for sale. Also, I think our house looked quite cute when all the furniture was in it, but we were always working on it, and we have a number of major projects unfinished, and we aren’t going to be able to get the projects finished, especially with EJ’s back the way it is, so we aren’t going to get much for the house even though we installed a new furnace, are leaving a nice new washer and dryer (we only got it when JJ went through chemo), and are also leaving the stove and refrigerator and wood stove. One realtor told EJ on the phone that we might want to put carpeting in the living/dining room but if all the nice appliances aren’t going to affect the price, I doubt carpeting will either. Besides, I’m done spending money on the place.
The house feels like a heavy burden and I really just want it gone. I think we will have to make a few more trips to finish a few small (or probably not so small) necessary projects, and we still have stuff in the garage and basement to move. I think we are going to have to beg for help–although I’m not sure who we can ask. Moving all that stuff is just too hard on EJ’s back.
We were dismayed when we took the realtor through our yard because it was all overgrown and junglely. We had hired one of EJ’s former co-workers who is starting a new lawn care business, but (I later found out from our neighbors) they had only been there once. There were weeds taller than my head.
After the realtor left, it was mid-afternoon and we could have worked at the house, but EJ’s back was in agony and he was tired and not feeling well so we went to a nearby town and got a hotel room. The woman who checked us in gave us a discount on the room because she thought EJ was hilariously funny and he “made her day.” While EJ lay down in the room, I used the public computer in the common area to message local friends who do lawn care in our town. They called shortly afterwards and we arranged to meet at the house so I could show them what needed done. I left EJ at the hotel room and drove back to the house and the friends and I walked through the yard. They promised that they will faithfully mow our lawn every two weeks, as I asked. After they left, I walked over to our neighbors across the street to leave our house keys with them and we had a nice visit.
We had planned to have a friend drive our old truck up here on our first moving day, but he couldn’t get it started. It’s a beater truck, but we plan to use it only to plow our driveway in the winters. We woke up early this morning, bought a car battery and some cleaning supplies, and drove to the old house. I cleaned, pulled some of the taller-than-my-head weeds in the yard, and loaded some stuff in the suburban while EJ put the battery in the old truck. Then he loaded a bunch of stuff in the truck. And this is when we began my second worst drive EVER.
Ok, I don’t understand the technical stuff, but the truck is stick-shift and hadn’t been driven for a while, so EJ attached a chain to the truck and Sub, and I had to get in the Sub and pull the truck backwards (to give us room to maneuver). Then I had to drive the Sub in front of the truck. EJ attached the chain from the back of the Sub to the front of the truck, and he got in the truck and I had to gently drive the Sub forward until there was no slack and then drive 25-30 mph and pull the truck until it started. I had never done this before so it was stressful because I was afraid I would do it wrong and totally destroy two vehicles.
The truck had a low tire so we had to go to the local gas station so EJ could get air in it. As he was pulling out of the gas station, the truck died, so EJ had to put the chain back on so I could pull him until the truck started. Yikes! The Village policeman pulled up while EJ was getting ready to attach the chain, and he parked behind us with his lights on to protect us until we got the truck going again.
EJ said that once he got the truck running, everything would be fine as long as we didn’t turn it off. I’m not sure why. I think it’s an old beater stick-shift truck kind of thing.
So EJ drove off with me following him. We went the slower back way, which led us through towns. After awhile EJ stopped at a gas station and bought two different kinds of stuff (cleaners, I found out later) to put in the gas tanks. He said the truck was fine as long as he drove along at a constant speed, but there was a problem with the fuel delivery (or something) and it was struggling to accelerate whenever we had to stop.
We reached a larger town with hills, and we had to wait for several stop lights. One of them was on a steep hill, and EJ suddenly started to back up a bit and I had to back up a bit too or he’d have hit me. He backed up more and I had to back up more. I said to myself in panic “Eeeek! Stop! You are going to hit me, you are going to hit me!” It was a busy intersection and there were cars behind me and I was getting close to them as I tried to back away from EJ. I turned on my hazard lights and finally the person behind me realized something was happening because she pulled out around us and that gave us a little space. EJ called me and he said he couldn’t get the truck started, and I needed to let him hit me. So I did. It was a just a little bump but the pallet hanging off the back of the truck a little went “SCCRRREECH” on the hood of the Sub, scratching it a bit. Then EJ said I needed to push him forward so he could get the truck started. So I went forward (a little too hard, but not bad) and we went around the curve, but I backed off too soon and EJ said, “You need to do it again.” I was rattled and said, “I CAN’T!” and he replied, “YOU MUST!” So I did and the truck got started and we drove off. But a little ways down the road I heard a bendy sound, so I called EJ and we pulled off the road and he removed some sort of part from the Sub. I didn’t know what it was, but the Sub was fine after that. EJ said later that it was the foglight.
So we drove for a bit and then EJ made it through a light but I didn’t. Usually when that happens EJ pulls off the road and waits for me because I get lost so easily, but this time I didn’t want EJ to wait and have more truck problems, so I called him and said, “Just keep going. I’ll catch up!” I figured he was going slow enough that I could easily find him. However, the light was VERY long, and when it finally turned green I didn’t see him ahead of me. Not long afterwards, a highway sign indicated that I had to turn right. EJ had told me the route he was going to take before we left, so I followed the sign, but although I could see down the road a long distance, I couldn’t see EJ, so I began to wonder if I was not supposed to have turned. My sense of direction is so bad that usually whichever road I choose is the wrong one. So I pulled into a parking lot and called EJ to ask if I was going the right way, but he didn’t answer (because he was busy trying to keep the truck going). I turned back to take a look at the sign, and I figured I WAS going the right way, so I continued on the way I thought I should take.
But now EJ was far, far ahead and I was alone in my lostness with no GPS to help me. (Viki was in JJ’s car.) Furthermore, the speedometer in the Sub didn’t work. I didn’t worry about it as long as I was following EJ because I knew he knew his speed, but without him I had no idea how fast–or slow–I was going. I felt like panicking. I felt sure I must smell of stress and fear.
Then I came up behind a truck with a trailer. It felt like he was going a bit slow, which meant EJ was getting further and further ahead of me, but I wasn’t ever able to pass him–either there was a no passing zone or traffic was coming in the opposite direction. So I stayed behind him, and when he put his turn signal on to turn, I was sort of glad to be rid of him. Then I noticed that I also was supposed to turn. I think that if I hadn’t been behind the guy in the truck and trailer, I would have missed the sign and my turn, which would have been disastrous. So I was glad that I was behind him, and I decided to keep following him–as long as he stayed on my road. He went a little faster and it felt like he was going the right speed. I followed him for about an hour, and he always made turns that I was supposed to make. Finally I thought I could see EJ far, far, far ahead–even so far away it was difficult to miss the loaded up truck. Slowly, slowly, we got a bit closer to EJ. When we had caught up to EJ–and only then–the stranger I was following turned into a gas station, almost as if he had purposely led me to EJ and then handed me over to him. I thought, “That guy will never know what a big help he was to me.” And then I thanked G-d for the gift of the stranger and asked Him to tremendously bless him in some way.
We didn’t have much trouble after that, although every time we had to stop I prayed that the truck would start again, and every time we started up a hill, I prayed that the truck would make it up. The farther north we got the bigger the hills were and it scared me. We finally made it home, but while EJ was trying to back the truck into a place next to the garage, it conked out and started going down the steep drive and he discovered then that when his friend had worked on the brakes, he had removed the back brakes without telling him. When EJ later told me that, I felt faint with fear because if the breaks had given out on the huge mountainous hills, EJ could have been killed. When I saw EJ sliding down the driveway, I began praying, “Please don’t hit a tree. Please don’t go in a ditch! Please be ok!” EJ had to race down the drive to get the truck started and then labor back up the driveway. He was halfway up the driveway when the truck quit again and he slid back down, but the second time he made it up. When he finally had it safely parked and stopped, the muffler fell off.
With the truck up here, EJ can work on it. It will stay on our property and only be used as a plow truck.
When we were both parked safely in the driveway, EJ got out, opened the door of the Sub, and asked, “So, how are you doing?” I said, “Well, I sort of feel like I need to go cry, but I’m mostly ok.” EJ said I was a trooper–and I didn’t cry after all. Instead, even though we were really tired, we unloaded some of the essential stuff from the vehicles and then left the rest for tomorrow if EJ can move. His back is killing him. Good thing he doesn’t have to go to work tomorrow.
I’m so glad we are home. I’m praying that the old house will sell SOON and we can stay up here forever.
So if that was my SECOND worst drive ever, I bet you are wondering about my very worst drive? One winter when JJ was a baby, EJ called me after 11 pm. to tell me that he had run out of gas and I needed to come pick him up. The car was also just about out of gas and the local gas station was closed for the night. EJ had told me that there was a gas station in the next town about 10 miles away. So I drove toward it with JJ in his car seat, watching the fuel gauge dip lower and lower and below E, praying all the way that we’d make it to the gas station. As we neared the gas station, I saw that it was closed. Yikes! So I drove on to the next city, desperately praying that we wouldn’t run out of gas because I didn’t know what I’d do with a baby in the middle of the night in the winter if the car ran out of gas. On the way to the city, we encountered a “Road Closed” sign and had to detour miles before we got back to our route. We finally found EJ and we didn’t run out of gas, and we were able to get both vehicles filled with fuel, and we got home again. A good ending, but it was the most hellish trip ever.
Taking Care of Business
This has been a week of taking care of business. It has given me a headache.
Tuesday morning EJ contacted realtors downstate to sell our house. His sister , who was once a realtor, advised us to call three realtors and to reject the one who wants to list the house for the highest price because he (or she) probably isn’t concerned whether it will sell or not, and she said to also reject the one who wants to list it for the lowest price because he probably just wants it gone, and to choose the one who wants to list it for the middle price because he (or she) is probably the most realistic and will work hard for us. So we contacted three realtors and only one bothered to call us back. We plan to meet with her tomorrow. I’m really praying our house sells FAST. I’m tired of having to make the long journey south. I want to enjoy life up here.
JJ got his new computer put together in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. He was briefly discouraged that the mega-special graphics card didn’t work, but he contacted the company and they told him how to package it and return it to them. It had to be packaged just right or the company said it wouldn’t replace it, so Wednesday morning we drove to a UPS store in the Emerald City and paid UPS to both package it and ship it. Other than that, JJ’s computer works well and is super powerful and fast. It amazes me that he was able to build a computer that actually works. I mean, I’m not amazed that HE could do it, but I’m amazed that anyone could, and that JJ had so few problems getting it to work when he’s never built a computer before. I told JJ he ought to be proud of himself because it’s quite an accomplishment.
Before we stopped at UPS on Wednesday morning, we first stopped at a PNC bank to close our account. When EJ was hired at his company in the Emerald City, we thought it was a good idea to open an account at a bank that had branches in both areas, north and south, so we could both access our funds. It was a great idea in theory but not in reality. I had a bad feeling about the bank when we walked in, but we were super busy and pressed for time so we opened the accounts anyway. The friendliness of the employees felt gushy and fake, and they put a lot of pressure on us to sign up for various services. (These, by the way, are INFJ characteristics: We have deep intuition but don’t always listen to it and we know when people are being fake.) As soon as we bought our new house, we opened an account at a nearby friendly small-town bank, which reminds us of the friendly small-town bank we had in our village downstate before we switched to PNC. Anyway, PNC charged us several fees without notifying us, which took our balance below zero. They also charged us $25 for closing our account. I read reviews of PNC after we opened our account and I saw very few reviews above one star (out of five). I very, very, extremely rarely (like maybe one or twice in my life) write negative reviews about companies, but when we got home, I wrote a negative one-star review of our experiences with PNC because it left such a bad taste.
When JJ got a job in the Emerald City, he also opened an account at PNC for the same reasons as us. However, he was told he could only have a Virtual Wallet account, which means he could only use the ATMs. If he went to a teller at the counter, he was charged a fee. I think its ridiculous that a customer can’t do transactions with tellers inside the bank–especially since the bank was pretty much empty every time I went there.
And then there is the continuing saga of the insurance company. An agent at the new insurance company called this morning to ask if we had called the old agency because none of our insurance had been transferred to them yet. Since we are remaining with the same company but just switching agencies, we were told that it’s usually a simple matter that’s completed minutes after a client requests a transfer. So EJ called the old agency AGAIN to tell them we wanted our insurance policies transferred to the northern agency. The agent he talked to told us again that SB, the senior agent/owner, was not in the office but he wanted to talk to us first. This is the THIRD time this week EJ has told the southern agency to transfer our policies, and SB is never in the office–we were told he would be gone all day Wednesday and now he’s not going to be in the office all day tomorrow. The only time SB has tried to contact us was at a time when EJ specifically told the agency he could NOT take calls. EJ called the new agency back to update them on the situation and they said that they can initiate the transfer themselves. Usually they don’t like to do it this way because it’s sort of like forcibly yanking a client away. However, SB is not listening to us or complying with our wishes so we are doing it the hard way. Grrrrr.
Although I very, very, extremely rarely write negative reviews about companies, when we got home, I found myself writing another negative one-star review–my second in two days.
JJ’s car has been shifting hard so EJ and I left the house early this morning to take it to the shop in the larger town that we have nicknamed Eureka. It’s not as quirky as the town in the science fiction series, but the name fits for other reasons. Anyway, I think the problem with JJ’s car is not real major–but they did some preventative maintenance stuff–and they have offered to do the recall work on it as soon as the parts they will order come in. We will have to pick up the car early tomorrow morning before heading south.
I’m also busy contacting Cancer Services at the Emerald City hospital to find JJ a support group. He wants to find a group with younger people in it, but it’s difficult to find such a group. Most groups are for women with breast cancer or has parents or grandparents in it.
Yesterday afternoon JJ and I drove to a library we have just discovered in a picturesque little town not far away on the coast. We have nicknamed the town “Haven” after a coastal town in a science fiction TV series. Our town doesn’t have the strange Troubles (that we know of) that the town in the series has, but it’s just as pretty. We seem to be collecting library cards: We have a card for the library in the Emerald City. That library is huge and very beautiful, but it’s quite far away, and we have only limited services because we aren’t in their county. We have a card for the library in Eureka, which is a medium-sized library that is closer and in our county so we have full use of all their services. And we are trying to get a card for the library in Haven, which has a nice little library which is even closer–just around the corner and down the road a bit. It’s actually in a different county, but we can still use all it’s services without cost. JJ and I were not able to get the library card yesterday because their computers were down but we talked to the friendly librarian and explored the library a bit. I drove to the library this morning but there was a sign on the door that said the computers were still down. I will not give up!
Enchanting Forest Flutist
This morning EJ and I went to the Secretary of State–in other states called the Department of Motor Vehicles–to get a license plate for the “new” Suburban and get the title in our name and all that sort of thing. EJ also called the insurance agency in the Emerald City to get the Sub insurance, and transferred all our vehicles to their agency. They remembered that when we asked them to insure our new house, the agent down south had a horrible unprofessional fit, even calling the corporate office to complain that the northern agency was “poaching” his clients, which was not the case at all. EJ called the old agency today to tell them we were transferring our vehicles to the northern agency. Our agent wasn’t available so he talked to an assistant who said he understood that we were moving everything up here because our life is moving up here. However, the owner of the agency wants to talk to EJ and I’m sort of expecting–and preparing for–unpleasantness.
I was almost out of cat food so while EJ put the new license plate on the Suburban, I went to the nearby grocery store that was located in the same plaza as the Secretary of State office. I had never been to this particular grocery store before. There is a nice little grocery store closer to us that I often go to, but this other store was a bit bigger and had more items and more variety so I will probably do some of my shopping here–at least until the much bigger grocery store that is being built is completed. It’s nice to have a selection of grocery stores not too far away.
After we had bought pet food and a few other things, we drove to Anatevka, which is “our” town, and stopped at the post office to mail the old license plate back to EJ’s nephew. He nicely let us borrow it until we could get our own license plate. We then went to the hardware store a few miles away to get a large garbage can with a lid so we could securely store Danny’s food in it. We are trying to get a surplus of necessities. I don’t want to run out of pet food or other essentials when we get snowed in this winter.
Today was really hot–the hottest day we have experienced so far in the Enchanted Forest. We opened the windows and turned on all the fans. Still…it doesn’t feel as hot as it did in the south. The lakes keep things cooler and less humid here in the north, and we have a nice breeze.
JJ used his earnings to order computer components so he could build a really nice gaming computer, which he has always wanted. The last of the items arrived early this afternoon so he set up a spot in the garage to build his first computer. Since JJ had never done this before, a friend talked him through it, step by step, over the phone. JJ has been working with determination in the hot, stuffy garage for hours and hours. Sometimes he’s gotten a bit discouraged, sometimes he’s been exultant, he’s tired, but he’s still at it. I’m proud of him and glad he is working at something he is interested in.
For the last few weeks, EJ and I have been hearing a mysterious flute-like song echoing in our Enchanted Forest. We have wondered what bird was making such a hauntingly beautiful sound–the most beautiful bird song we have ever heard. However, since we never saw it, we didn’t know how to identify the singer. I was beginning to imagine it wasn’t a bird at all, but maybe some beautiful mythical creature wandering through our forest playing her magic flute as animals scampered around her.
I videoed the beautiful song yesterday evening. You can hear the flute in the background of the video:
EJ and I looked through our Michigan Birds book to try to pinpoint birds that might sing like flutes, and then we went to the Cornell Lab of Ornithology – All About Birds website to listen to bird songs. Cornell has a wonderful site filled with pictures, information, and audio of various bird songs. Still, it’s difficult to identify a mysterious bird that we’ve never seen. Then I came across a page on their site called How to Listen to a Song, which advised beginners to listen to the rhythm, pitch, repetition, and tone of a bird song. They gave audio examples of each. Under “tone” there were examples of whistles, harsh sounds, trills, mnemonics, and liquid or flute-like. Flute-like! I listened to the examples and found the song of our mysterious forest flutist!
It is a Hermit Thrush. The website says that it is “An unassuming bird with a lovely, melancholy song, the Hermit Thrush lurks in the understories of far northern forests in summer and is a frequent winter companion across much of the country. It forages on the forest floor by rummaging through leaf litter or seizing insects with its bill.” How cool to be able to identify the birds who sing so beautifully! I’m so glad we can enjoy the fluting melody in our Enchanted Forest. Now we just have to identify the other songs we hear….
Oh, when we crossed the Mackinac Bridge, we saw Cormorants for the first time.
Mackinac Adventure
We didn’t go south this weekend. We had an adventure instead.
It’s really hard to leave our northern home, especially when we hear stories of storms, high temperatures and humidity, and a Biblical plague of mosquitoes in the area where we used to live. That’s not exactly motivation for going south.
Still….we would have gone, except Friday we had to go to EJ’s nephew’s house to pick up the suburban he was selling us. With all the snow our area will get in the winter, having 4-wheel drive SUVs is a necessity. The drive to our nephew’s house was a lot longer than we anticipated so it was almost dark when we got back home and we were stiff and tired. However, the scenery we drove through was gorgeous and the fragrance of the pine trees was so heavenly that both EJ and I agreed that we both drove home (me in the Buggy and he in the Sub) like dogs sticking their noses out the car windows.
Usually EJ and JJ don’t have the same days off work so it’s been hard to explore our area together. I had declared that when EJ and JJ both had a day off together, we’d go have fun. Today they both had the day off, so we had to go adventuring. I’m sort of the Planner of Fun Activities, so I decided that we would go to the Mackinac Bridge. FYI: The French pronounced Mackinac as “aw” but spelled it “ac.” The British heard it pronounced “aw” so they spelled it that way. Whichever way it is spelled, it is always pronounced “aw.” So Mackinac Bridge and Mackinaw City are both pronounced the same.
Just in case you don’t know, Michigan is actually two peninsulas: The Lower Peninsula and the Upper Peninsula–or the UP, pronounced yoo-pee. The Mackinac Bridge spans the Straits of Mackinac and connects the two peninsulas. When it was first opened in 1957, the 26,372-foot bridge was the longest suspension bridge in the world. The Mackinac Bridge website says it is currently the fifth longest suspension bridge in the world and the longest suspension bridge between anchorages in the Western hemisphere.
We took the scenic route along the coast to the bridge, and we exclaimed with excitement whenever we caught a glimpse of Lake Michigan, one of the five Great Lakes. I took pictures as we drove along, of course. When we saw a breathtaking view of sailboats, EJ pulled into a parking lot so I wouldn’t miss the shot. The boats were all grouped together so we kind of wondered if they were getting ready to race or something.
We loved crossing the Mackinac Bridge! Please overlook the shakiness of the video. It was hard to hold the camera steady.
After we crossed the bridge into the UP, we stopped at a pasty shop for an authentic Michigan pasty (pass-tee), which is a meat pie that was introduced in the United States by Cornish miners who immigrated in the 1800’s hoping to earn a good living in newly developing mines. We took our pasties to a scenic park to eat.
After we ate, we drove to Castle Rock, which is a geological limestone stack and tourist attraction located 3 miles north of St. Ignace. According to its website, it is considered to be one of the oldest lookout points near the city of St. Ignace, and was known as “Pontiac’s Lookout” by the Ojibwa Tribe. Clarence Eby opened Castle Rock for tourists in 1929, and it has remained a popular tourist destination ever since. Castle Rock rises an astonishing 195 feet above water level and about 183 feet above I-75. The summit of Castle Rock offers a scenic and inspiring view for up to 20 miles, featuring Mackinac Island, Lake Huron, downtown St. Ignace, and wildlife habitat. The lookout point is equipped with viewing binoculars for a truly spectacular view of the area.
It cost only $1 to climb Castle Rock. Once we had paid the fee, we were told to follow the giant footprints through the gift shop, through the door, and to the stairs leading up to the lookout. I had been so focused on my anticipation of the view at the top, that I never really considered how many very steep steps we had to climb to reach it. It was TIRING, and we huffed and puffed up the steps. We sat down at the bench located halfway up the steps in order to gain strength for the rest of the climb. But, oh, my goodness! The view at the top was breathtaking! After the climb, we bought hats–we felt we deserved them after successfully reaching the top of Castle Rock–and the store staff gave us stickers celebrating our accomplishment.
This is the view when we finally reached the top!
Although there are many, many things we’d like to see in Michigan’s UP, we couldn’t see them all today. So we drove back across the Mackinac Bridge. We decided to visit Fort Michilimackinac, which was an 18th-century French, and later British, fort and trading post at the Straits of Mackinac, which connected Lake Huron and Lake Michigan. However, when we had parked and stepped out of the car, our legs felt weak and shaky after the Castle Rock climb, so we decided to go instead to a nearby fudge shop called Fort Fudge. We were really glad we did. The fudge was made behind the counter so customers could watch. The owner was very friendly and told us stories about the area. When I told him I was videotaping him making the fudge, he invited me to come behind the counter to get a better view. EJ let us each choose a fudge (he chose chocolate cherry fudge, I chose peanut butter vanilla, and JJ chose mint chocolate). Because we bought three, we got a fourth box of fudge free. We told JJ that we are now officially “Fudgies,” which is what people are called who come to Northern Michigan to buy fudge.
After we left the shop, we happily drove home. We had a great day. I have always thought Michigan was the most incredibly beautiful state, especially in the North. Sometimes we can’t believe we are living here and not merely vacationing. We can’t wait for our next adventure.
Maybe next weekend we will head south.
Turkeys, Deer, and Boats
Monday night JJ and I had a bit of a scare. JJ went looking for his beloved cat, Luke, and couldn’t find him so he asked me to help search. I reminded JJ that many times cats find odd little places to sleep and we search and search for them without success–and then suddenly they appear. But I knew JJ was worried so I called “Here, Kitty, Kitty” and all the cats appeared except Luke. We double-checked that all the doors and windows were secure which means he couldn’t have gotten out. No Luke. Then I remembered that a few hours earlier I had held the front door open briefly…so I told JJ to make sure Luke hadn’t somehow gotten trapped between the screen door and the storm door. He opened the door and there was Luke…OUTSIDE the house looking in. He must have snuck (or teleported) through the door when I had it open. Luke had always been an inside cat from the time he was a tiny kitten. We shuddered to think of everything that could have happened to him: lost in the forest, eaten by coyotes. Yikes! We were weak with relief that he was ok.
Yesterday morning I glanced out of the window and saw a turkey family walk across the yard with their little ones. These babies were younger than the ones I saw the other day. I got out my camera and took pictures and videos of them traveling across the grass. Near the edge of the forest, they merged with the family with older babies. They came very close to the house and then went back across the yard and out of sight around the cars.
Later in the afternoon, about the time for JJ to arrive home from work, I got a call from him. He whispered that he had stopped the car at the bottom of the driveway when he saw a large flock of turkeys. He excitedly told me that they had surrounded him. He took a video of the turkeys with his smart phone, but I don’t think he’s uploaded it yet.
This morning I got out of bed and opened the curtain a little bit, hoping to see deer in the back yard. I was thrilled when I spotted a doe and her fawn grazing. I watched them until they went out of sight around the house, and then I grabbed my camera and went into our library to video them.
We never get tired of watching the wildlife in our yard. I would love to set up a trail cam (which films only when there is movement) so I can see what other wildlife might be making an appearance on our property. Foxes? Coyotes? Wolves?
Yesterday the inflatable boat arrived from Amazon. We opened the box this morning. I immediately made doors and holes in the large box so the cats could play in it. Then I said, “Oops! I probably shouldn’t have done that in case there’s a problem with the boat and we have to return it.” Oh, well.
JJ wanted to take the boat out on a lake today since he didn’t have to work. I was a bit concerned about taking it out on a big lake because the three life jackets I had ordered aren’t scheduled to arrive until next week. However, we decided that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get two extra life jackets–since, after all, the boat seats five and someday we might have guests. JJ said that the store he works at sold life jackets, so we said goodbye to EJ (who had to work) and went off on an adventure.
At the store, JJ introduced me to his manager by telling him “This is my Mom. She speaks Klingon.” I don’t really know Klingon. I only know one word, which most of the time I forget: NugneH. It is a Klingon greeting which means “What do you want?” Klingons don’t say “Hello.” They are not polite. I also know one Klingon insult: “Your Mother has a smooth forehead.” Sometimes when JJ and I have argued, I have shouted, “Oh yeah? Well your Mother has a smooth forehead!” JJ always replies, “You are my Mother and you DO have a smooth forehead.” I say, “I know. So it’s not much of an insult, is it?” and we both laugh.
Anyway, we had fun shopping at JJ’s store. We bought two life jackets, sunblock, a jug of water, and a battery operated air pump thingy to inflate the boat quickly. The boat had come with a bicycle pump type of thing and we weren’t sure that would inflate the boat quickly enough. We were able to use JJ’s employee discount for the purchases, which was nice. We looked for a water-proof case for my cellphone because JJ insisted I needed to bring my cellphone on the boat with us in case we got into trouble and needed rescuing. I didn’t want my phone to get wet and ruined. We couldn’t find any waterproof cases at his store, so we stopped at a Dollar General store later and I got a plastic sports water bottle. I screwed off the lid and put my cellphone inside as a cheap and “better than nothing” waterproof case.
We knew of only one place where we could launch our boat. On the way, we saw a sign pointing toward a boat launch so we turned and followed it, to the dismay of Viki, our GPS. It led to a boat launch at a river and there were a lot of power boats there, so we decided to go on to our original destination. That place had an even busier boat launch. I wasn’t sure about the etiquette of launching an inflatable boat at a boat launch, and I wasn’t crazy about trying to paddle our boat among power boats. I was also a bit concerned that our boat would be too much for us to handle. I suggested to JJ that maybe it would be better to do this another day when his Dad was with us, but JJ declared, “No! I want to do this today!” and I wanted to give him good experiences and an outlet for his emotions, which are affected by cancer. I remembered the quiet beach in Storybrooke where we had taken Danny and suggested we go there, even though it kind of scared me to be on such a large lake. But, then, the smallest lakes around here are many times bigger than the biggest lakes back where we used to live.
At the beach at Storybrooke, we carried the heavy bag containing the boat down the path to the sandy beach. We also carried the paddles, air pumps, sunblock, and jug of water with us. We got out the new air pump and quickly discovered that it needed to be charged before we used it so I took it to the car to begin charging while JJ used the bicycle pump that came with the boat. It filled the boat quite quickly, but then JJ pumped it too vigorously and it came apart. Oops. So we carried the partially inflated boat back to the car where JJ thought we could use the battery operated pump while it was charging. We found out that it can’t be used while it’s charging. I suggested maybe we give up, but JJ asked that I give him time to problem solve. Ok. I was able to get the manual pump working so we (mostly JJ) inflated the boat and then we carried everything back to the beach.
Both of us were wearing jeans–JJ because he couldn’t find any shorts or swimming trunks that fit him and me because I hate wearing shorts. I had brought shorts with me hoping to change into them, but there was no place to change. So while everyone else at the beach was wearing swimming suits and shorts, we went boating in jeans. We took off our shoes, rolled up our jeans, and got into the boat.
Whoa!
The lake was very large, and there were lots of waves, and I felt small in the boat. Fortunately the wind and waves were pushing us towards the shore instead of out into the lake. Before we could get settled, the boat almost bumped into a man floating in an inflatable chair. We shouted, “Sorry!” and he gently pushed us off, and then we got into the groove of rowing, more or less. I unscrewed the sports water bottle to get my phone to take a picture of JJ, but he yelled, “Row! Row!” so I put it away and began to row. We had to row hard to even stay where we were. If we stopped, we drifted toward a small group of swimmers. I had planned to put on sunblock once we were on the boat but there was no time. We rowed and rowed and laughed and had a lot of fun. But we have not had such exercise in a long time and I tired quickly so we stayed out only a short time before row, row, rowing to shore. We dragged the boat out of the water, carried it up the path to the car, and deflated it.
I took the following video while JJ was deflating the boat. He wanted me to sit on the boat to speed its deflating, but I first took the video before going back to help him.
I thought that if anyone was watching us, we would have appeared very comedic, but this was our first time with the boat and I think that with practice we will get better at inflating it. JJ has more experience with rowing because of his scout troop and he was not impressed with my rowing skills. “I will have to teach you,” he said. Then he said he thought it would be better to have at least three people in the boat. “We also need to get another set of oars,” he said. “Then I can row, and Dad can row, and you can just sit there.” I exclaimed happily, “Oh! I can beat the slave drum to set the tempo while you guys row!” Hey, you know, you just have to make the best of things!
We were really tired by the time we we got the boat packed away, but we had had a lot of fun. We stopped at a pizzeria place on the way out of town and ate frozen yogart cones while we wanted for the pizza to get done. Then we drove home, spread the deflated boat out in the sun to dry, and went inside to eat the pizza. It was totally delicious! I think we will go back to that pizzeria.
Some Enchanted Evening
We were going to travel to our old house this weekend to continue readying it to sell and maybe meet with realtors, but we didn’t. We had reasons. Like EJ originally thought he’d have to work this Friday. By the time I understood that he had it off, it was mid-day on Friday and I was no longer mentally prepared for a long trip south. Also, EJ had told me he was really exhausted. Our weariness has been long in the making and goes deep. So I had thought, “Hey, we don’t really have to go down this weekend.” It’s just as well that we didn’t because southern Michigan had terrible storms and severe heat. It would have been miserable trying to work under such conditions. Mostly, though, we are having trouble leaving our new house. We really love it up here.
But, we tell ourselves, next weekend we have to go to the old house.
Saturday we rested. We even took naps.
Later I started to go outside and saw a black cat in the yard. We haven’t seen any other pets in our yard except our own since we moved here so I was sure it was Little Bear. I yelled frantically, “EJ! Little Bear escaped!” and walked toward the cat, but it ran off into the forest. I looked at the doors and windows to make sure they were all shut, and they were, so EJ and I did a head count. We found all the cats except Little Bear–but then I saw him on the window ledge in the entrance hallway. Whew!
In the wee hours the night before, Timmy jumped off the headboard of our bed and jumped on my stomach. Ooomphf! The cats are silly.
Saturday evening, not long before JJ returned home from work, I walked outside and stood on our small deck. It was so beautiful and quiet outside that I called EJ to join me. We sat outside as the sky got darker and dark and darker. The Forest is a bit spooky at night because it’s so very, very black.
Photo from Pinterest.
As the night darkened, the stars began appearing. First a few, and then more, and then the sky was filled with stars. We turned off all the lights inside and outside the house and gazed upward in awe. With us being on a hill, it feels as if we are tilted and that if the earth shrugged even a bit, we’d fall into the sea of stars.
We got out our binoculars to look at the stars, and then EJ brought out the telescope, but he couldn’t find all the pieces, which apparently were separated in the move to the new house. I’m sure they are around here somewhere. Since we aren’t expert astronomers or anything, JJ let me borrow his Tablet, which has a really cool astronomy app on it. When I pointed the Tablet in any direction, it showed me the names of the planets, stars, and constellations that I was aiming at.
I was totally excited when I saw a meteorite streak across the sky. It was so big and bright that it had a tail. We saw several meteorites after that as well as many satellites. It was awesome.
EJ and I were reluctant to end our Enchanted evening and didn’t come inside until 2 a.m. Morning came very early, beginning with JJ complaining of no hot water to shower in. It was simple for EJ to relight the pilot light on the water heater, which had gone out, but JJ had only a lukewarm shower before work. EJ and I were both really tired today, but our evening was worth it.
Despite my exhaustion, I was quite productive today. I washed all the dirty clothes, hung them on the clothesline, took them down, folded them, and put them away. I made a yummy meal of chicken breasts and potato salad, and EJ helped me pull our bed away from the wall so I could paint behind it. Now, finally, the master bedroom is completely painted. I just have to paint the master bathroom and the kitchen and then the painting will be all done.
Shanghaied
Excuse my language….but cancer really sucks.
I almost, ALMOST, think that recovering from cancer is more difficult than the treatment. Almost. Watching a hairless child half dozing in the chemo chair as toxic chemicals are pumped into his body is the stuff of nightmares. However, child and parent get through it moment by moment, and friends are there to support the battle. Afterwards, however, there is a different sort of battle–a slow rebuilding of life–and it’s not easy.
Yesterday an article from a cancer page appeared on my Facebook Newsfeed with the title “Survivors of Teenage Cancer Struggle with Jobs, Emotions Later in Life.“ The article said that
Survivors of teenage cancer also faced higher rates of depression and anxiety, as well as issues with memory and task efficiency, compared to their siblings who did not have cancer…Teen cancer survivors may also struggle later in life because their treatment came at a time of such rapid social and emotional development, Prasad added. “Cancer treatment at this time interferes with development of relationships, academic achievement, participation in social activities and the development of autonomy from parents,” she said. Conklin said teenagers’ increased expectations for independence and autonomy from parents can make the already challenging process of treatment even more difficult.
JJ does struggle at times with some of these things. We give him the best support and advice we can, but there’s only so much we can do and most of the time I feel pretty helpless when he struggles. Yesterday was one of JJ’s down days, and he poured out his frustration and discouragement to me, and my heart broke, and I ended up crying for him, and I prayed for him almost all night because I couldn’t sleep with an aching heart. I pleaded, “God, he’s been through so much. You’ve really got to help him!”
JJ had to work today; EJ didn’t. As EJ and I went about our day–including a trip to the library–I prayed and deeply thought, and decided that although I can’t make friends for JJ, and I can’t decide for him what he ought to do in his life, I can shanghai him, dragging him out to have some fun. After the years of struggles that we’ve had, we all really need to have some fun. Fun is not always frivolous. Sometimes it’s an absolute necessity for mental health. As they say, “Laughter is the best medicine.”
Besides the fact that we’ve been busy settling into our new house, EJ and JJ don’t often have the same days off so it’s not easy to find a time when we can do fun stuff. But I thought that if we don’t start fitting in fun activities, we will never get around to doing them. For goodness’ sake, we live in an area where people from all over the country and world come for vacations. There are TONS of things to do. So I got on the Internet and searched for “Things To Do.” We have tons of lakes surrounding us so with EJ’s encouragement I ordered an inflatable boat from Amazon. It’s Coast Guard approved but not much money. It’s big enough that we can all enjoy it together, but it’s something JJ and I can fit in his car and handle even if EJ can’t join us. JJ was shocked when I told him that I had bought a boat from Amazon. “You bought a BOAT? Are you CRAZY???” he exclaimed. I laughed.
I also decided that soon we are going to schedule an evening cruise on a tall ship. I love tall ships, which are old sailing-type ships like pirates used to sail, and I have always wanted to go on one. The price is reasonable. I read that the crew lets passengers help put up the sails and, if possible, to take turns steering the ship. How cool is that? When I told JJ about our sailing plans, he said, “If we go on a tall ship, you better not start talking ‘Pirate’ or I’m going to jump overboard and swim to shore.” “Aye, matey!” I replied. He groaned. Then I said that I really need to find a pirate hat. “What era pirate hat are you going to get?” JJ asked. I said, “Uhm. I’m going to look like Jack Sparrow. I’m going to wear beads in my hair and put black make-up around my eyes.” “Jack Sparrow isn’t exactly a good role model,” JJ protested.
Argh.
EJ and I discussed what we could do–today–when JJ got out of work. Some places we’d love to take him to were too far for an evening drive. We considered taking him to a cute theater, but we didn’t like the movie showing on its one screen. So we decided to shanghai JJ and take him out to eat in Storybrooke. I googled a restaurant with good reviews, and as soon as JJ was ready, we took off on the drive through the beautiful countryside to Storybrooke. We parked the car and walked to the restaurant…only to find that it had closed at 2 p.m. Who closes a restaurant at 2 p.m.??? We walked down the very cute street and considered various restaurants. A few other restaurants were also closed, one restaurant was very small and warm, a few hadn’t had great reviews, and another one was appealing but the meals were expensive–like $40 each. No can do.
So we got in the car and continued driving…and driving…and driving. We drove through miles and miles of orchards with trees drooping with red cherries. One cherry orchard was filled with trees so red with cherries that it looked like a forest of maple trees blazing with autumn color. EJ happened to lift his arm just as I snapped a picture of the orchard. Rats!
Neither JJ nor I had eaten much since breakfast so we stopped at a sort of tourist place that sold jellies and jams and petoskey stones, and other Michigan treats. It had a small cafe inside the store. The menu was posted on big boards hung on the wall. The prices were a bit expensive but not terribly so…and we were very hungry. We decided on what to eat and then learned that the store stops serving food at 3 p.m. Bummer. So we drove and drove some more, and finally came to a very cute city nestled on the coast. We tried to find a unique but not fancy restaurant, but there was a festival in the town and it was extremely crowded. We ended up going to the Pizza Hut at the edge of town.
On the drive home, we talked about cancer struggles–among other things. JJ said that he had fun tonight and even if he protested at first, he wanted me to keep shanghaing him and dragging him off on adventures. Yup. I can do that.
Storybrooke
Shortly after I finished writing my previous post, EJ and I decided that the day was so lovely that we would go for a drive. JJ was working, but we took Danny with us.
We went for a long drive, enjoying winding our way along beautiful shoreline, forests, valleys, and acres of cherry orchards. At one point we passed a property surrounded by very tall fencing. EJ said, “I wonder what’s in there?” I exclaimed, “Oh! oh! I know! There’s dinosaurs in there…like in Jurassic Park!” We eyed the fence with apprehensive eyes after that. Oh, so we can’t help it. We are a family of storytellers.
We ended up driving through a town so magically cute that I exclaimed, “This town looks like it belongs in a fairytale!” So I decided to nickname it “Storybrooke” after the name of the town in the ABC series “Once Upon a Time.” (We prefer not to give our actual location on the Internet so we give places descriptive names). I videoed the town as we drove through it, but it was impossible to digitally capture it’s cuteness. I guess you have to be there to experience it.
Storybrooke is located on the coast of a large lake. We parked the Buggy and walked to the beach where Danny had a wonderful time in the water. He made me laugh because he was so very determined to go where he wanted that it was difficult to persuade him to go a different way. Fortunately, we usually wanted to go the same way.
Yesterday afternoon EJ and I went for another drive, but this drive was more purposeful than wandering. We first stopped at the library to return my book. We figured the library would be closed–which it was–but we thought that I could put the book in the bookdrop. I couldn’t because the bookdrop container was apparently locked. Oh, well. The we drove to a few car dealerships because EJ is still looking for an inexpensive four-wheel drive vehicle that will handle winter driving up here in the North.
In the last few days we have had the hottest weather that we’ve experienced since we’ve moved up here, and the car lots were so hot that I could feel the energy leak out of me as I stood there. I only revived later when cooler breezes caressed me as we sat on our deck in the Enchanted Forest. When we told our friends that we were moving, some of them were surprised that we were moving north instead of south. Little do they realize that I am part snowman and melt in hot weather. The good thing about the North is that event the hottest days have an underlying coolness to them–much like a hot day in the autumn. It’s just that car lots radiate heat.
When we returned home from our trip to Storybrooke on Saturday, we were horrified to find that our Internet was out. Our new Internet Service Provider might have 24/7 support, but I don’t know their number if they do, so I had to wait until this morning to call for help. Our ISP said everything looked fine on their end, and they had me change a few settings on our wireless modem. When that didn’t work, they sent a computer wizard to the house to do something mysteriously magical that fixed the problem. Yay! Being without Internet connection is not fun.
Actually, the whole morning was sort of haywire with a lot of small problems. Like…JJ was in a bit of a bad mood. EJ had to return a call to the insurance company downstate, who said that our house insurance (for the old house) hadn’t been paid, but we hadn’t had a bill for it or anything. EJ called the bank who said they don’t pay house insurance or taxes (for our home equity loan) so we were responsible for paying it, which, Sheesh, why didn’t they inform us or the insurance company when they–not us–got the bill? EJ got that all cleared up. Meanwhile, I was making EJ some PB&J sandwiches to take to work and the bread fell so that the peanut-buttered bread stuck to my jeans and I had to peel it off. Yuck. And I drove to the post office to get stamps but it was closed for lunch so I had to drive home and then return an hour later. And EJ tried to call the company that picks up our trash at the old house to cancel it, but was placed on hold so long that he gave up. It was a day like that. Not major problems, just a lot of irritating little ones.
But JJ got to work ok, and EJ got to work ok, and the day quieted down. We had rain this morning which watered the thirsty ground and cooled the hot air a bit. Everything was so peaceful, I washed dishes and then took a nap.
