I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Chauffeuring
The suburban needed some work done on it so we dropped it off at the repair shop last night after EJ had eaten a quick supper. The repairs are going to cost a lot (ouch), but thankfully we have just enough money to pay for them.
With one less vehicle and two guys who had to get to work this morning, I had to do some chauffeuring. I went to work with EJ in the Buggy (Xterra) and then drove home, arriving about 20 minutes before JJ had to leave for work. At first I thought I’d have to drive JJ to work as well because EJ usually gets out of work at 4:30, and I wouldn’t have had time to take JJ home and pick EJ up. Then I realized that this is EJ’s busy time of month and he would be working late so JJ would be home well before I had to go get EJ.
JJ was a bit disappointed that I wouldn’t be dropping him off at work because he wanted to show me the osprey next. I really want to see the osprey and I also wanted him to show me the ant lions that he had spotted the other day. However, it absolutely didn’t make sense to drop him off at work when I didn’t have to. I told him we would go look at the ospreys and ant lions another day.
I wasn’t exactly looking forward to all this running around, but the scenery is so beautiful around here that it really is a delight to go anywhere. This morning started off foggy. Before we left, I took a photo of the foggy landscape of our Enchanted Forest, which is pictured above.
When I went to pick up EJ, the roads in the city were clogged with traffic–not only from people driving home after work, but also with all the tourists in the area. However, I find busy traffic easier to drive through up here in Northern Michigan than downstate, so it was no problem. Even when I’m stuck waiting through three green lights, it’s not a chore because there’s so much beautiful scenery to enjoy. I couldn’t take photos when I was driving, but I made EJ drive home so I could take photos of the Bay. The water changes with the weather; today it was green with whitecaps.
Before I went to pick up EJ, I went out to the coop to gather eggs. I found a tiny egg among the regular ones. Tiny eggs like these have several different names, but my favorite is “fairy eggs.” Usually they are yokeless.
The repairs on the suburban are not finished so tomorrow will be sort of a repeat of today. I will have to take EJ to work tomorrow morning, but instead of JJ going to work, I will be taking him to his oncology appointment in the afternoon. We never look forward to JJ’s oncology appointments, but we are especially dreading this one. I don’t know how we would endure–emotionally or financially–if his cancer returns. I’m praying so much that we will have good news, but I’m fearing that it won’t be. I’m bracing for possible bad news. It’s no use saying, “Don’t worry.” Of course we are going to worry about our son, our only child.
For most of my life I prayed that God would increase my faith, no matter where it took me or what it cost me. But after all the difficulties we’ve experienced, I’ve mostly just been praying that God would let us lie down in grassy pastures, that He would lead us by quiet waters, and that He would restore us. I’ve also prayed Ps. 90:15:
Let our joy last as long as the time you made us suffer,
for as many years as we experienced trouble.
The “Bird That Cries With Grief”
Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn, and you will.
~ Vernon Howard
The highlight of my day is walking down our long winding driveway to get the mail. I feel as if I am walking through an art gallery, and I walk slowly and pause often to admire the artistry of each flower, or bird, or insect. I now keep my camera ready because I don’t want to miss capturing something interesting. I regret that my camera was in my pocket when I saw the deer and her two fawns several weeks ago. But even with my camera clicking, sometimes it’s difficult to capture the beauty. As hard as I try, the camera cannot do justice to the meadows purple with thousands of bee balm flowers.
Nor can I capture the beauty of the many other wildflowers lining the driveway or the milkweed growing on the hill. I’m excited about the milkweed because they attract Monarch Butterflies, who lay their eggs on them.
Today at the bottom of the driveway, I heard a strange “mew, mew” sound on one side of the driveway and also on the other. I paused and looked into the tangle of branches of a dead pine tree. EJ wants to cut down the dead trees, but we don’t yet have a chain saw. It’s on our long “To Buy” list. After several moments of searching, I finally spotted a grayish bird. It was hard to see because it blended in with the dead branches. I took many photos: click, click, click, click, and got a few good ones. I also took a video in case the photos didn’t turn out and so I would have a recording of its call.
When I got back up to the house, I searched through my Birds of Michigan book and also went to The Cornell Lab of Ornithology All About Birds website. I identified the bird as a Gray Catbird. It’s the first I’ve ever seen. The All About Birds website said, “Once you’ve heard its catty mew you won’t forget it. Follow the sound into thickets and vine tangles and you’ll be rewarded by a somber gray bird with a black cap and bright rusty feathers under the tail. Gray Catbirds are relatives of mockingbirds and thrashers, and they share that group’s vocal abilities, copying the sounds of other species and stringing them together to make their own song.” The Birds of Michigan book added: “A secretive bird that the Chippewa Indians named Bird That Cries With Grief due to its raspy call. The call sounds like the mewing of a house cat, hence the common name. Nests in thick shrubs and quickly flies back into shrubs if approached. If a cowbird introduces an egg into a catbird nest, the catbird will quickly break it, then eject it.” Here is the video I took of the Catbird:
I also enjoy sitting in my chair by the window and looking out to see what I can see. I have a decent view of our flower garden as well as a beautiful view of our Enchanted Forest. I’ve always felt that windows are like living paintings hanging on our wall.
I often look out the window and see our little Ruby-Throated Hummingbird sitting on the top of the birdfeeder pole. It seems to be her favorite perch. I would like to photo her in flight, but she sits for long moments on the pole and then suddenly ZIP, she’s gone sipping from the flowers. Even when I try to take a video, she vanishes before I can start recording. Usually I’m inside when I photo her, but I saw her sitting on the pole as I was walking back up the driveway and I was able to also get a couple photos of her.
I looked up information about Ruby-Throated Hummingbirds. They are amazing birds. Wikipedia said:
The ruby-throated hummingbird is migratory, spending most of the winter in southern Mexico and Central America,[as far south as extreme western Panama,[the West Indies, and southern Florida. During migration, some birds embark on a nonstop 900-mile journey across the Gulf of Mexico and Caribbean from Panama to Gulf Coast…Ruby-throated hummingbirds are solitary. Adults of this species are not social, other than during courtship (which lasts a few minutes); the female also cares for her offspring. Both males and females of any age are aggressive toward other hummingbirds. They may defend territories, such as a feeding territory, attacking and chasing other hummingbirds that enter…Hummingbirds have one of the highest metabolic rates of any animal, with heart rates up to 1260 beats per minute, breathing rate of about 250 breaths per minute even at rest, and oxygen consumption of about 4 ml oxygen/g/hour at rest. During flight, hummingbird oxygen consumption per gram of muscle tissue is approximately 10 times higher than that seen for elite human athletes.
While I sat in my chair, I also saw a little reddish-brown bird pursuing a flying insect, which it caught and ate. The bird flew up into the flower garden and I tried to take a photo of him so I could identify him, but he flew away before I could. Photoing wildlife requires a measure of luck, I’ve found.
Cynefin is a welsh word for a place where a being feels it ought to live. It is where nature around you feels right and welcoming. Our Enchanted Forest is, for me, such a place.
He Refreshes My Soul
Last Friday I went with JJ to the hospital for his blood draw, which he needed in preparation for his visit to the oncologist this Friday. The hospital always gets him in really quickly. He was called back to the lab within a couple of minutes after we arrived and I think he was back out and ready to go home within 10 minutes.
JJ’s last couple of visits to the oncologist have shown that the cancer markers in his blood have been increasing. If the numbers hit 6, he will have to have treatment. We have been dreading this appointment for months. We have prayed for JJ every day, but we have tried not to worry too much about it. A person can’t live in constant anxiety. But now that the appointment is just days away, the anxiety is rising. I have been praying constantly. “Please don’t let JJ have cancer again. Please don’t let JJ have cancer again…” I tell myself that at least JJ isn’t rapidly losing weight like he did before, and the doctors will catch the cancer sooner if it does return…But EJ worked with a young guy about JJ’s age who had the same type of cancer. The young man’s cancer returned and he died from it. And, yes, I know “Trust God, He can do miracles.” But sometimes bad things happen to even people with great faith (read Hebrews 11 about the people who were NOT delivered), and JJ is our only child, and we love him, and I don’t want to have to walk through the greatest sorrow a parent can experience.
Sunday we had a thunderstorm with heavy rain which watered the thirsty plants. After a bit the storm moved off to the east and the sun came out. EJ worked in the garage most of the afternoon. It is a big job, but he is making progress.
Sunday morning I looked out the window and saw the ducks had all gathered at the back of the pen as if they were having a secret meeting. I pointed it out to EJ and told him that I hope they weren’t trying to form a union or plotting some other mischief. You can’t always tell with ducks. They are so silly.
The ducks’ pen has two sections–one near the coop and the large portion enclosing the garden. This morning I shut the younger ducks in the garden section and kept Esther in the coop section. Esther is an older duck who is lame. Her previous owner (my sister-in-law) told me that she was crippled because the males liked her so very much. She is our Cuddles’ favorite and he is always on her. I often suspect Esther hides so Cuddles will leave her alone. This might be “too much information” but I’ve learned that when ducks have sex, the male gets on top of the female, grabs hold of her head, and does his business. Sometimes they do it in the water–but they will do it anywhere. It’s sort of rough, and Esther’s head is bloody from Cuddle’s grabbing her neck. I thought she needs to have a rest so I plan to keep her separated, at least until she recovers a bit. Poor thing. Cuddles has four other females to satisfy him so he can leave Esther alone for a while.
Today I mowed the lawn. I didn’t sleep well last night so I wasn’t sure I had the energy to tackle the lawn today and I probably could have waited a couple more days. However, the weather was just right today–nicely cool–and tomorrow is supposed to be warmer, and Wednesday it is supposed to rain, so today seemed like the best day to do it. While I was mowing the front yard, JJ stepped out onto the deck and pantomimed that he would take a turn. So I finished the front part and let him do the back.
Later I walked down our long winding driveway to the mailbox for the mail. I love the walk there and back again. Right now, in addition to all the other wildflowers lining the driveway, there are so many bee balm flowers in bloom that there is a purple haze over the meadow. I drink in the beauty of the flowers and keep my eyes open for unexpected sights. I never know what I will see. I often think that people who have nicely manicured lawns miss out on so much beauty! Not only do they miss out on the wildflowers, but the flowers and grasses provide habitat for the wildlife. (We only mow up near the house. Most of our property is delightfully wild.)
Today I saw a line of red and black ants crossing the driveway. They kept coming and coming. I stopped to watch them, wondering what kind of ant they were, and where they came from, and where they were going. I took a photo and video of them, and–as I so often do when I find unfamiliar plants, insects, or wildlife–I googled them when I got home. I think the ants I saw are field ants.
I also saw a beautiful blackish butterfly that had a bit of orange underneath its wings. It was difficult to take a photo of it because it wasn’t close to the driveway so I had to really zoom in–and more times than not, just as I found the butterfly in my lens and focused on it, it rose up and fluttered to another flower so I had to start over. I didn’t get a good photo of it. I looked it up later and the best I can tell is that it’s a female Eastern Tiger Swallowtail. I was surprised because I thought Eastern Tiger Swallowtails were yellow and black, but I read that “The males are a bright yellow, while the females can exhibit two different color forms; yellow and black and black and blue.”
Later, when I was in the house, I looked out the window and saw a Monarch Butterfly. They are so beautiful! I ran outside to take photos. Again, it was difficult to photo it because it kept flittering around or closing its wings just as I snapped the shutter. but I did end up with a couple good photos. Monarchs are incredible butterflies. They take several generations to migrate up to 3,000 miles. They are the only butterflies that make such a massive journey. When the Monarch larvae hatch, they eat their eggshells and then the milkweed plants on which they were placed. Monarchs are dependent on milkweed plants, which larvae eat nearly exclusively. We have quite a few milkweed plants growing on our property. I’m hoping the milkweed will spread.
I also looked out my window and saw a couple hummingbirds zipping around, drinking from the flowers. They are even more difficult to photo than butterflies. However, one little hummingbird enjoyed sitting on the top of the birdfeeder pole. At one point, the hummingbird sat there for maybe 10 minutes. I kept my camera ready and whenever it sat there on the pole, I “click, click, clicked” my camera. I took quite a few photos, and also a video:
While I was taking the video of the hummingbird, I suddenly jerked because a cat had come up behind me and scratched my legs. He just wanted to be picked up. I held in my yelp of pain because I didn’t want to lose sight of the hummingbird.
I love our enchanted forest. Sometimes when I look at the beauty around me, I think of Psalms 23:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
But I’m still praying, “Please don’t let JJ’s cancer return…Please don’t let JJ’s cancer return…”
Gang of Thieves
Early yesterday evening I looked out the window and saw two eggs lying on the grass. The ducks do have regular nest areas where they lay their eggs, but sometimes they just drop an egg wherever. I don’t want the eggs to attract predators so I usually go out to get them as soon as I notice them.
I walked through the garage on my way to the duck pen, opened the back garage door, and then noticed the flock of turkeys at the edge of the property so I quickly ducked back into garage and into the house. As soon as I got into the house, EJ drove up–just getting home from work. With all the interruptions, I thought for sure the turkeys would go back into the forest, but they came into the front yard, ate a few berries and grasshoppers, and then continued down the hill. They don’t stick around if they see us, but they also don’t panic. They just sort of meander on their way. I think the adult turkeys are beautiful with the various patterns on their feathers and different shades of brown, and the babies–as all babies are–are adorable.
This afternoon when I went out to refill water buckets with fresh water and gather eggs, I spied a gang of thieves stealing from the garden. They had even posted a lookout, but he wasn’t much good. The thieves were at the back of the garden, hidden behind raised garden beds, and I don’t think they were aware that I had spotted them. I quickly took a video of them for evidence:
They were such adorable thieves that I let them think they had gotten away with their naughty deed. But later I tried to push the plants up out of their reach.
Go To Bed!
The turkey flock returned last night at around 7:30 p.m. I was really excited because they were coming right up to the deck. I was eager to see how close they would come and I had my camera out, videoing their approach, as they came closer and closer. But I suddenly remembered that Danny was out sleeping on the porch. I didn’t want him to chase after the turkeys and either hurt one of the little ones or be hurt by avenging adult turkeys. Not that he has a lot of “chase” left in him. Old age has really slowed him down in the last year and he often lies on the front porch and sleeps. But I went to call him inside the house because I wanted to avoid any possible kerfuffle.
The door to the porch is in an entrance hallway just off the kitchen. In the corner next to the kitchen table are two windows–one looks out into our front yard while the other looks onto the front porch. As I walked through the kitchen to the hallway, I could see through the window that Danny was getting stiffly to his feet. He had noticed the turkeys. I hurried through the entrance hall, opened the front door, and urgently whispered to Danny to “Come!” Danny ignored me. He is stubborn–not in an aggressive way. He has a very quiet sweetness, but if he doesn’t want to do something, he will grin at me and stand his ground. He grinned at me last night, ignored me, and started to walk toward the turkeys. So I reached out and grabbed his collar and pulled him into the house. The two adult turkeys with their flock of little ones just quietly meandered into the forest with no urgency whatsoever.
I made sure Danny was inside this evening as I watched for the flock, but they didn’t come up to the house. Bummer.
I always get up at 6 a.m., which is when EJ gets up to prepare for work. The first thing I do is sleepily feed the cats, who are all impatiently waiting. Then I stumble outside to let the ducks and chickens out of their coop. I noticed this morning that it is a little bit darker. The National Weather Service for our area posted at Facebook a few days ago that we have lost 24 minutes of light since the summer solstice on June 21. The days are getting shorter.
Ugh. Years ago, I used to have a co-worker who would always say at the winter solstice, “The days will be getting longer now” and on the summer solstice she would say, “Now the days are going to be getting shorter.” I never minded being reminded in December that the dark days would start getting longer, but I never liked hearing on June 21, when I felt that summer had barely gotten started, that the days would be getting shorter. I haven’t worked outside the home since I was pregnant with JJ, but I still hear my co-worker’s voice in my head every December announcing that “The days are going to be getting longer,” and every June that “The days are now going to be getting shorter. The more I try to not remember this, the more I do.
The chickens always go into the coop themselves when it starts to get dark so all I do is count to make sure they are all in and then close their little door. If I’m really late–which I almost never am–the ducks go into the coop themselves as well, but usually I herd them. When they see my cane and hear me say, “Go to bed! Go to bed!” they start filing into the coop. It’s kind of fun. I videoed it tonight.
We are expecting storms tonight. I’m watching the rain get closer and closer on Accuweather radar. I love watching radar and storms. In another life, I might have been a meteorologist. The radar looks nasty, but the National Weather Service says that they aren’t expecting the storms to be severe. That’s good. I like watching storms, but I don’t like it when they get dangerously severe.
The Flock, the Toad, and 3 Pairs of Jeans
This past weekend was not highly productive, but it was enjoyable.
I really needed to get some new jeans so Sunday EJ and I went to Meijer’s. For those who have never heard of Meijer’s, here are some fun facts: Meijer was founded in 1934 as a supermarket chain. It is credited with pioneering the modern supercenter concept in 1962. About half of the company’s 200 stores are located in Michigan’s Lower Peninsula, with additional locations in Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, and Wisconsin. Another fun fact: Michiganders tend to put “s” at the end of business names. So technically the store chain is called “Meijer” but people from Michigan call it Meijer’s. This article explains it and a few other things about Michigan:
9 Strange Habits Every Michigander Will Defend To The Death
So, EJ and I went to Meijer’s and I found jeans on sale for only $12 each. I bought three pair. I would have bought more because that’s an awesome price, but there were only three left in my size. Bummer.
After Meijer’s, we went to Goodwill. Actually we went to TWO Goodwills. We love shopping at Goodwill because the prices are cheap and it’s almost like treasure hunting. We never know what we will find. I bought a couple t-shirts. I also bought a stack of books by one of my favorite authors. AND I found a large container of cookie cutters. When I got them home, I started redefining them: The candy cane is actually an upside-down “J” for “JJ.” The candle is for Hanukkah, the deer is for watching the wild deer in our yard, the turkey is for the turkeys that wander through our yard…
Two adult turkeys brought their flock of young’uns up to the house late yesterday afternoon. We have seen the flock in the weeds near the bottom of our driveway in recent weeks, but this is the first time we got a really clear view of them. EJ and I watched them as they walked through our front yard eating grasshoppers. We have billions of grasshoppers on our property so I’m glad to see the turkeys gobble them up. The turkeys wandered into the back yard and back into the front yard. We love watching them. The babies are so cute. Here is a video of the flock in our front yard.
I also took a video of them in the back yard. You can watch it here, if you like. I totally love living on our five acres in Northern Michigan.
There were reports of a solar flare that would cause awesome Northern Lights this weekend. EJ got up at about 4 a.m. on Saturday morning but he didn’t see any–it was cloudy–so he didn’t wake me up. I went out last night, but I got too tired and finally went to bed before I saw any. I can’t handle super late nights anymore. Besides, we live on a hill and are surrounded by forest so we don’t really get a good look at the horizon. I think this often prevents us from getting a good view of the Northern Lights. We would have to drive somewhere with a clearer view and wait until the wee hours of the morning…but we get too tired. The only thing we saw in the night was a toad hopping across the driveway. Rather, the toad was the only thing we saw except for the breathtaking view of billions of stars sprinkled across the night sky.
Today I mowed the lawn. I hadn’t mowed it in more than a week so it was past time to mow it. The weather has been cool so it is relatively pleasant mowing. I always enjoy the look of a newly mowed lawn–although I also love the wild places where the wildflowers grow.
Earlier this summer we went to our favorite plant nursery and bought several veggie and herb plants. When we got home and unloaded everything, we found a couple Morning Glory plants had somehow came home with us. Both EJ and I deny putting them in our cart. I planted the Morning Glories near the bird feeder poles, one on each side of the deck, so they would have something to climb. They are looking very picturesque. No matter how they did it, I’m glad the plants followed us home.
The Alien Among Us
It’s a rainy day. The National Weather Service warned that we could have scattered thunderstorms and 1-3 inches of rain–or even more in some areas. For several hours this morning we just had a steady light rain and then the rain stopped. I think the heavier rain/storms might come later in the afternoon.
I don’t mind the rain. Our soil is mostly sand, which is very good for drainage but which doesn’t hold in moisture. This means that the ground quickly dries out and the plants get thirsty. So rain is good.
EJ continues to work on organizing the garage. When we emptied the garage and basement of the old house, everything was shoved into the garage of the new house so there is a lot to sort through and organize. Mostly he works on it during the weekends because he’s been working late each night. Plus, he has to work around his back pain flare-ups, which has been particularly bad this year. It’s going to be a summer-long project to organize the garage, but we see improvement each time EJ works on it. I help him a little bit here and there, but it’s at a stage where there’s not really all that much that I can do. EJ has been loading up the Suburban with stuff to throw in the dumpster at work. His company maintains a dumpster for their employees, where they can dump personal garbage, trash, and junk at no cost.
I haven’t done much beyond my normal chores this week because I’ve been struggling with back pain. I don’t often have back aches, but when I do, I always think that EJ has to endure much worse than this every day, and I have great empathy for him. I think my back pain is caused by stress. We’ve had a few stressful situations lately, including JJ’s visit with his oncology at the end of this month when we will find out if his cancer has returned. Medical appointments always increases JJ’s stress/anxiety. JJ doesn’t really handle stress well, which affects all of us as well. I find that my body reacts more quickly and strongly to even low-level stress than it used to.
One of the ways that I deal with stress is to enjoy the beauty around me–much easier to do in Northern Michigan where we are surrounded by so much natural beauty. I have been on the lookout for birds, butterflies/moths, and wildflowers in our Enchanted Forest, taking photos of them, and then trying to identify and learn about them. It’s fun.
I also am on the lookout for creepy-crawlies and seeking to learn about them. It is probably no surprise, but I despise bugs, especially if they are scary-looking, or are on me, or are in my house. However, if they are not in (or near) my personal space, I think they are quite fascinating.
When JJ was a young child, I didn’t want him to develop a fear of insects so I took him and the visiting neighbor kids on “bug hunts” to find and marvel over interesting bugs we found. If any of the kids found an interesting bug, they’d let me know and we would go look at it. None of the kids knew that I hated bugs until one day one of the children pointed at me and told me that there was a bug on me. I went into a freaking out, “get it off, get it off” dance. When I stopped, I glanced up at the kids and they were all staring at me with their mouths gaping open in shock. The jig was up. I believe we still looked at interesting insects, but my deep secret was exposed.
A couple of days ago I was coming back into the house after hanging a load of laundry on the clothesline when I saw a huge bug on the porch under the front door. I thought it was a spider at first, and I gasped that they were getting bigger and uglier all the time. I went around to the other door, and then came out with my camera and the mega container of bug spray EJ had bought me. I had to first insert the sprayer through the lid first. I went around to the porch and took a photo of the bug–which I saw wasn’t a spider but was still ugly–and then I tried to kill it. Only I pulled the trigger repeatedly and couldn’t get anything to spray out. So I screw off the lid and tried to splash the bug, only I didn’t want to get too close so I kept missing. I didn’t want to try to kill it with a shoe or rock because it was HUGE and the thought of all its guts squishing out nauseated me. Besides, if I missed, it might come after me. I finally gave up, and later when I went outside to look, the bug was gone.
With the threat gone (or hidden), my curiosity was stirred and I began to try to identify the insect. I wanted to know what it was. It could be a very nice scary bug or it could be a brain-sucking alien. It’s good to know what is in the forest. I emailed a photo to the etymologist at the Michigan State University Extension Office. I also joined several insect identifying groups at Facebook. The bug guy at MSU replied that he didn’t know what species it was. (I knew it! It’s a strange brain-sucking alien!) However, someone at a FB group identified it as an American Shieldback (Atlanticus Americanus). So, apparently, it’s not evil at all.
I have made a new album for bugs that I find on our property. I will try not to be so trigger-happy–although I promise nothing regarding spiders.
Spider-Buster
Tuesday EJ and moved stuff away from one section of the wall in the garage and then EJ began building shelves to hold all his pieces of lumber. He is going to build several shelves so that he can sort the lumber according to size. He worked on the shelves again tonight after work.
As soon as EJ left for work this morning, I began mowing the lawn. It’s much more pleasant to mow before the day heats up.
I also washed the clothes and hung them out on the clothesline to dry. On one of my trips from the clothesline back into the house, I saw a HUGE UGLY WOLF SPIDER on the porch. I swear this is the biggest and ugliest spider I have seen! It was sitting next to EJ’s lawn chair as if it was waiting for him to sit down and chat. I repeatedly reminded myself, “Wolf spiders eat bad insects, wolf spiders eat bad insects,” and I left it alone and went into the house through the other door, feeling quite virtuous that I didn’t rush to kill it.
However, a while later I went outside with another basket of clothes and that spider was still there, sitting next to EJ’s lawn chair on the porch. I remembered that spiders have millions of babies, and their babies grow up to have millions more babies, so I went back into the house for my camera, took a photo of the spider, and then sprayed it with the last little bit of spider spray left in the can. I almost felt bad that I had killed the spider because it eats bad insects and was waiting to chat with EJ. But I didn’t feel bad enough to let it live. I would probably have heart failure if it got into the house and crawled up next to me. I can totally relate to Little Miss Muffet who freaked out when a spider came and sat beside her. Miss Muffet probably lived in Northern Michigan.
My can of spider killer spray was now empty, which meant that I had no defense against HUGE UGLY SCARY SPIDERS. I knew EJ was planning to stop at the store on his way home, so I texted him and asked if he would get some more spray. He came home with this:
As soon as I saw the humongous gallon jug of bug spray, I exclaimed, “I need a backpack!” My guys knew exactly what I was thinking–they groaned, “Who you gonna call? Ghost-busters!” I said, “No, no….Spider-busters!”
I’m ready now for the spiders that threaten me.
My Mouse-Pelt Purse
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!
The main project that I’ve hoped to accomplish this summer is getting the garage organized so that EJ has space to be creative. It’s been tough to find a weekend to work on it because we’ve had so much rain this summer. This weekend we spent one day going to the National Cherry Festival airshow. The next morning it was raining so EJ and I decided to drive off and have a bit of fun. We would have gone rockhounding along Lake Michigan or walking on some trails but….rain. After a bit of discussion, we decided to go to Goodwill and then on to Joann Fabrics. We encountered quite a bit of traffic from vacationing tourists that were in town for the National Cherry Festival and Independence Day, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been if we were closer to the festivities.
My biggest finds at Goodwill was a bowl-cup thing in my favorite color. This particular color of yellow always makes me feel a warm surge of happiness, so I can’t help but buy yellow items. I warned my guys that THIS is MY bowl so “no touchee.” We each lay claim to favorite cups and dishes, just “because.”
I also found a new purse. I really like my current purse but it is wearing out and it’s strap is about to break in two so I really needed to find a new purse before that happened. JJ called my new purse “Frankenpurse.” He said it looks as if it was made with many little mouse pelts sewed together. I think my new purse is pretty, but I still laughed at JJ’s statement. Now I think of it as “my mouse-pelt purse.”
I found EJ a bag of golf balls. He enjoys “golfing” on our property. He hits the balls and then later, if he finds them, he hits them back up the driveway again. He insists on hitting them wherever they land. EJ found another golf club at Goodwill to add to his collection, some books (duh), a wool blanket, and a few other items.
Then we drove through the traffic to Joann Fabrics. We love meandering through Joann Fabrics because we find inspiration for things we could make. I bought a few items for crochet projects–beads, purse clasps, and cute little chicken buttons. I also bought a very large, multi-holed cupcake pan. I don’t know if you call the indentations “holes” but I don’t know what else to call them. I’ve been wanting one for a while because I like to make “Beefy Biscuit Cups” and would prefer to be able to make more than six at a time. I also bought four very nice yellow spatulas. EJ bought some exacto knives and a few other things.
Monday the weather was finally sunny and nice so it was a work day. EJ mostly worked at organizing the garage, although he did finish building the swing for the chickens. When he moved the swing into their pen, the chickens became very upset. They get alarmed by unfamiliar things. They all squawked and crowded away from the swing, and got too close to the dividing gate so Cuddles was able to grab a hen. He is so bad.
I did a variety of tasks throughout the day. After I got a load of laundry in the washer, I went out and fastened chicken wire to the bottoms of the fences dividing both the outside pens and inside the coop. We laughed with wicked glee when Cuddles couldn’t get his head through the fence.
Several weeks ago when we first put up the chicken wire fencing around the raised garden beds, we used up the first roll of fencing before we had enclosed all the beds. It was getting late so rather than get out the second roll of fencing, we stopped for the day. I kept forgetting that that small section was not finished–plus we had many rainy days. But yesterday morning we noticed that the ducks were nibbling some of the garden plants that they could reach through the unprotected section. After I Cuddles-proofed the dividing fences, I put up the rest of the fencing around the bed.
I washed all the clothes and hung them outside and later folded them and put them away. I made potato salad. Then I prepared strawberries and made biscuits for Strawberry Biscuit Dessert. I cleaned the house, and did a variety of other tasks.
FedEx brought my Wildflowers of Michigan book in the morning. It is an awesome book and I enjoyed looking through it. On my short breaks throughout the day I searched for some of our wildflowers and was able to learn the identity of a few. I learned that one is called a “Goat’s Beard.” It turns to face the sun, opens only on sunny mornings and closes at noon. That is why it’s also called, “Johnny-go-to-bed-at-noon,” which I think is an awesome name.
When JJ came home from work at about 4 p.m., he got the grill going and cooked hotdogs and hamburgers. We had some of the potato salad I had made and chips JJ had bought. We are going to have another cookout today, and add corn-on-the-cob and Strawberry & Biscuits to the menu.
We ended the day with a campfire and watched while JJ set off his fireworks. It was only July 3rd, but oh, well. Neither EJ nor JJ have to work today so they could stay up later last night.
Today is another beautifully sunny day, so we will get more tasks done again today.
The National Cherry Festival Airshow
Last winter I read an article that suggested putting dog hair–accumulated from grooming–in a suet feeder to make it available for the birds to use in their nests. I thought that was a very good idea, especially since we have to put bird feeders away in the Spring because bears are very hungry when they wake up from hibernation and they consider bird seeds to be a good source of food. I’ve heard that bears remember where they find food and will return to the source so I don’t want to attract a bear. Whenever I brush Danny, I always accumulate a huge pile of his hair. I usually just threw it out in the yard, but it seemed much better to put it in the suet feeder. I stuffed a bunch of Danny’s hair in the suet feeder in May. I didn’t see any birds take any of it, but just because I didn’t see it didn’t mean it wasn’t happening. JJ kept saying it was gross, but I kept it out there because it wasn’t really hurting anything. This morning while I was drinking a cup of coffee, I noticed two tufted titmouses (titmices?) fluttering around the post that the suet feeder is hanging on. I grabbed my camera, zoomed in, and photographed them pulling Danny’s hair from the feeder. I pulled JJ over to the window, “See? See! I am VINDICATED! Ha! The birds are taking Danny’s hair!”
After breakfast EJ and I drove to our local grocery store to buy picnic supplies. The store was the busiest that I’ve ever seen. Not only is Northern Michigan filled with vacationing tourist, but this is a big holiday weekend, with both Independence Day and Traverse City’s annual National Cherry Festival.
As we were driving back up our driveway, we saw a wild turkey with a group of babies move off into the grass. I took a video:
Thousands and thousands of people usually attend the National Cherry Festival. We usually just attend the airshow that is always part of the festival. The main feature is the Blue Angels and the Thunderbirds which alternate years performing at the airshow. Last year we watched the Blue Angels and this year it was the Thunderbirds’ turn to perform. EJ works next to the airport so we go to his company to watch the airshow rather than fight the crowds at “center stage.” There’s only maybe a couple dozen other people who go to the same place to watch so it’s not crowded at all. We don’t get a “front seat” view, but do get to see the behind the scenes activity as the planes are prepared for flight. We have a wonderful view of the Blue Angels/Thunderbirds as they fly overhead.
And we get to see Piper, the cool airport dog. Piper works at the airport, chasing away the birds and other animals that could cause a hazard to airplanes. He has become an internet sensation. I’m always watch for him and I’m thrilled when I see him. I was hoping he would come closer to the fence so I could pet him, but he didn’t. He was too busy working. EJ began talking with another spectator who said he used to work at the airport but is now retired. The guy said that Piper knows the airfield so well that if a person threw a banana peel over the fence, he would notice and alert his handler. You can click on a link at the right under Northern Michigan Features to see an awesome news report about him.
Wildflowers, Bears, and Thunderbirds
We woke up to another soggy morning. It had rained all night. The rain soon ended, but the sky was filled with dark gray clouds all day and the air felt heavy with moisture. The National Weather Service says that much of Northern Michigan has already received its average monthly rainfall in just the past 7 days alone and that most locations across northern Michigan are currently running 1 to 4 inches above normal June precipitation. I don’t mind the rain because it keeps the plants from withering. However, I sort of dislike the soggy squishy straw I have to walk through on my way to the coop.
When I walked down to the mailbox today, I kept my camera ready in case I saw the Mama deer and her two fawns. I wasn’t surprised when I saw only their hoof prints–although I was hopeful. Instead I took photos of the wildflowers along our driveway and then I made an album of them at this blog. I also ordered the book, “Wildflowers of Michigan,” from Amazon today. It’s supposed to be here on Monday. I can’t wait to get it and start identifying the flowers.
I played around with using an audio player to play my favorite Michigan songs at this blog, but I could find most of the songs only at Youtube so I gave up on the audio player and just listed links to the songs at Youtube. I love listening to songs about Michigan; I totally love my state. I can’t imagine living anywhere else. When I was younger, my friends used to tell me that I should work for the tourist department for the state.
JJ texted me from work today and said that someone had reported seeing a bear in the park he works at. I excitedly urged him to take photos if he saw it, but he seemed to think he would be too busy trying to avoid being attacked and eaten. I texted that he could always throw the bear a picnic basket, and I sent him an image of Yogi Bear running with a picnic basket and being chased by a park ranger. He laughed. He rode around on his golf cart looking for the bear, and officers from the Michigan Department of Natural Resources were called in to search as well, but they couldn’t find any signs of a bear. So either there wasn’t really a bear, or the bear was clever and didn’t leave any traces behind, or maybe the MDNR just couldn’t find it. For years Michiganders tried to tell the MDNR that there were cougars in our state, but they denied it until finally people showed them proof–like photos, videos, and clawed dead horses. When we lived downstate, EJ, JJ, and several of our friends say they saw cougars. Sadly, I never did.
I found a bunch of flies in our house today. I don’t know where they are getting in at, but I had fun zapping them with JJ’s zap racket. JJ calls it a “death racket.” I took a video of my efforts. The video didn’t really capture the spark and zap when I swatted a fly.
Something bit me on the back of the neck today and left a big itchy boil. This is why I kill insects with the JJ’s death racket. Nasty bugs. EJ put Benadryl cream on it for me and says we will keep an eye on it.
This weekend is Traverse City’s National Cherry Festival. The area has many, many cherry orchards–and also apple orchards and vineyards. There’s always an airshow during the festival. We are hoping to watch from outside EJ’s company so we can avoid the thousands and thousands of people who attend the festival. It worked very well last year when we went to see the Blue Angels. JJ had to work last year so he missed it, but he will be able to go with us this year.
Showdown in Rabbit Meadow
The morning dawned cloudless and beautiful, but clouds gradually moved in throughout the morning. As predicted, rain moved in during midafternoon, beginning with sprinkles and gradually getting harder. However, the heavy rain that meteorologists said we could get–up to 2 inches–shifted south of us. at 2 p.m., to be exact. That’s really bad news for mid-Michigan, which has already had flooding from storms. In fact, there was so much flooding in Bay City, Michigan, on June 23 that fish were swimming along the sidewalks.
I wanted to get the mail before the rain hit, so at about noon I headed down the driveway. I was within sight of the small meadow near the bottom of the driveway that we named “Rabbit Meadow”–because we’ve seen rabbits playing there–when I looked up and saw a Mama Deer with two little fawns standing at the edge of the meadow, just coming out of the trees. She had already noticed me and was on alert. I immediately froze. She took a stomping step to warn me off, and then took another stomping step, watching after each step to see what I would do. She had taken maybe a half-dozen of these stomping steps when I slowly began backing away from them up the driveway toward the house. I had my camera in my pocket and wanted so much to video this encounter, but I was trying to limit my movements, hoping that I could back away without spooking them. Finally, Mama exploded into movement and bolted across the driveway while the fawns ran back into the woods. I gave up my plans of getting the mail and went back up the driveway into the house so they could reconnect.
Experiences like this is why I call our place our Enchanted Forest, and why I absolutely love living in the country.
A couple of months ago JJ bought two bug zappers that look like tennis rackets. They are easier to use than fly swatters–and much more fun. All we have to do is wave the racket at the insects and when they come in contact with it….ZAP! JJ calls me a sadistic killer–mostly because I was thinking of using it on the billions and billions and billions of grasshoppers in our yard–but he enjoys zapping bugs too. EJ and I agreed that if we see the zapper rackets at the store, we are going to buy some for ourselves so we don’t have to borrow JJ’s. He said they were only $5.
Rainbows and Lilies
Yesterday was rainy. During the afternoon, people throughout Michigan started to share their photos of the rainbows they were seeing at Facebook. I didn’t see any rainbows until later in the afternoon. I noticed the sun lighting up the trees and I exclaimed, “Maybe there is a rainbow!” as I hurried to look out the window. Sure enough, I saw one! The rainbow was extremely vibrant–the rainbows up here in Northern Michigan are the most vibrant I have ever seen. I have trouble capturing their true vibrant colors with my camera.
I felt unmotivated this morning and really had trouble getting myself going so I sat in my chair, drank coffee, and worked some more on re-designing my blog. I keep learning new things that I can do. I set up some photo albums with a few of my favorite photos. I say “a few” because I take pictures all the time and I have hundreds–and I can’t share them all. You can check out the photos by clicking the “album” tag. I have also been setting up Amazon and other advertisements. If you shop at Amazon by clicking on the Amazon links in my site or an advertisement, I can earn a little money. I’m trying to bring in a bit of money here and there to help us with our finances.
I finally walked down to the mailbox for our mail early this afternoon. We didn’t get anything today, but with the lilies and wildflowers blooming, the walk to the mailbox is an absolute delight. More lilies are blooming every day, although the deer eat some of them. Next Spring I hope to transplant more lilies to the driveway, and since lilies tend to spread, we are hoping that eventually so many lilies will grow that the deer can’t eat enough of them to diminish their beauty.
As I walked to the mailbox, I heard our neighbors mowing their lawn. I thought that I should probably mow our lawn today too because it was a beautiful day and tomorrow there is a strong possibility that we could about an inche of rain. I really didn’t feel up to mowing, but I did it anyway. While I was mowing at the front of the house, JJ came out on our deck and pantomimed that he would take over when I was ready for a break. I finished the front lawn and then let him do the side and back. When he was finished those areas, I mowed the strip of grass behind the poultry pens and around to the clothesline.
Mowing the lawn helped me regain some energy so I kept busy with my chores for the rest of the afternoon–cleaning the house, preparing supper, taking care of the pets and poultry, and all that. I made a marinade for our steak for supper with potatoes and a salad from our garden.
JJ tells me that Little Bear has a new ritual: After JJ takes a shower, Little Bear spends some time licking his head. Weird. Little Bear has a new routine with me too: For the last month or two he insists on sitting on my lap in the evenings. Not an unusual thing for a cat to do, but he always twists so he is cradled in my arms like a baby, and I can’t even describe his look of utter contentment as he closes his eyes when I stroke him. Often I crochet in the evening, but I have to put aside the crocheting to giving lovings to Little Bear. All the cats seem to have their quirky habits and routines.
I was thinking of what I had written yesterday about having to set a boundary with the FB friend. I think that it would sound silly to people who can set boundaries with ease, not giving it a second thought, but it’s extremely difficult for those of us who struggle with it–who were not allowed to develop boundaries or who had the boundaries broken down. To us, it feels mean, unloving, unforgiving to set boundaries.
A few memories surfaced. When I was a child, whenever I wanted to confront a sibling (i.e., set a boundary) about something hurtful she had done, my Mom would say “You are the strong Christian in our family. You are the Caring One. Don’t make things worse by speaking up. Don’t rock the boat. Just accept her for who she is.” This trained me to accept hurtful behavior without a word. I also remembered church leaders saying that if an opportunity for ministry presents itself and you refuse it, you are saying “No” to God. So anytime someone asked us to teach a Sunday School class or to minister in some other way, we better say “yes.” I also remember when I decided to work for my first year after high school to earn money so I could attend Bible College. When my pastor heard that I was not heading directly to Bible College, he told me a story about a young woman who was called to go to Bible College but she didn’t go so she missed out on God’s will, and the rest of her life was a total miserable mess. These messages and pressures make it very difficult to set boundaries. I consider it a tremendous victory when I see myself making progress in setting boundaries, speaking up, and not tolerating toxic behavior. I say, “Way to go, TJ!” Well, I say it as I struggle with guilt for being mean. But I’m struggling with guilt less.
By the way, I declined working with the abuse ministry who asked me to be on their team. I agonized over the decision for several weeks because I think well of the ministry and support their work, and I am passionate about helping abuse victims. However, I feel that it’s better that I continue sharing in the ways that I already do.
I’m getting there. Do you have trouble setting boundaries?
Morning Ruckus
Saturday was a very pleasant day. There were lots of puffy clouds, but the temperatures were pleasantly cool. EJ and I admired the beautiful wildflowers as we walked down the driveway to get the mail. Our neighbors all mow acres of their lawn but we keep most of our property wild. Of course, we couldn’t really mow in the forest even if we wanted to, but we don’t mow the open areas either except around the house.
EJ took photos of several of the wildflowers with his cell phone so he could identify them later. When we got back home EJ searched for the identification of the wildflowers in our book, North American Wildlife by Reader’s Digest while I searched through Wildflowers in Color by Arthur Stupka. We have owned these books for years and they have been very helpful and enjoyable. However, they cover all of North America and too often I have thought that I had identified a bird, animal, or plant only to find that it isn’t even found in our area. It’s much easier to search through books that are focused on our state. I searched on Amazon and found Wildflowers of Michigan Field Guide by Stan Tekiela. We already own a book written by the same author–Birds of Michigan. It’s a wonderful book which helps us quickly and easily identify birds…so I put Wildflowers of Michigan in my Amazon shopping cart to buy soon. I also saw Mammals of Michigan and Trees of Michigan and I put them on my very long wish list. I sometimes suspect that my Amazon wish list is longer than Santa’s gift list.
We took a stroll through our garden, which is growing very well. I have been using the fresh produce from our garden in my cooking. For example, for dinner I made Teriyaki Chicken, rice, and egg rolls. For the egg roll filling I used our garden fresh cabbage leaves and carrots (from the store–we didn’t plant carrots this year). I cut up some of our green onion, chives, garlic scapes, and lemon grass to season the egg rolls, and I used some ginger (not from our garden). It was very tasty.
While I was shopping in the garden for herbs, EJ thinned out the radishes and then he built another raised bed and replanted many of the young radish plants he had taken out. We were not sure they would grow, but they seem to be doing well.
EJ and I had planned to work on organizing the garage on Sunday. He was going to drag his lumber out (I think) and build a rack for it all, which would give us space to organize other stuff. But the day was very rainy, so we couldn’t do it. I think we might work on the garage during the days he gets off for Independence Day.
I kept coughing throughout last night so I finally grabbed my pillow and a blanket and slept on the couch so I wouldn’t wake EJ. I woke now and then just enough to be aware that it was raining, raining, raining. We’ve had scattered showers all day. I don’t mind the rain because then I don’t have to water the garden and the plants along the driveway don’t wilt. It’s been raining frequently enough that the used straw that I rake out of the coop is soggy and squishy when I walk on it.
This morning while I was filling the ducks’ pool, I heard a terrible ruckus on the chicken side of the pen. There’s often a bit of a commotion as one chicken defends its position in the pecking order or a rooster goes after a hen–but this sounded different. I listened and I could distinguish the sounds of an angry rooster and a distressed duck. I looked over the fence and saw that one of the rouen ducks had gotten into the chickens’ pen and Sassy was defending his territory. I rushed through the gate to rescue the duck but they had gone into the coop, so I ran around into the coop, but they had gone back outside. I ran back into the chicken pen and found Sassy on top of the duck in the narrow alley between the coop and garage. I shooed Sassy and picked up the duck. We didn’t raise the rouens from tiny chicks so they are usually more skittish than the pekins (white ducks). However, the duck must have realized that I was there to rescue her because she let me pick her up without fuss and she lay quietly in my arms as I carried her back into her pen. She is unharmed.
After I released the duck, I searched around the coop for the place where she had been able to get to the chicken pen. If the rouens find an opening, they like to get under the coop–I suspect to lay their eggs. I try to prevent it. I figured that the duck must have gotten under the coop near their ramp, so I inserted a small piece of fencing and some rocks to block the access point.
This weekend I had to set a boundary, which was difficult for me. Survivors of abuse often struggle to set boundaries–because either they were never allowed to develop boundaries or their boundaries were broken down by abusers. Wikipedia defines a boundary as “Guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.”
Several months ago, I accepted a friend request from a woman. Overall she seemed friendly and warm although a couple of things she said caused a tremor or two of apprehension–but there’s always a bit of uncertainty when getting to know new people so I merely noted it and continued on. However, in mid-May I joked to her about EJ going fishing with “his imaginary FB friend.” EJ, friends, and I often joke about having imaginary friends on FB because we’ve heard people say that FB friends aren’t “real.” The internet can be unsafe because people can easily deceive others–but they can do that in person too, and we’ve met some awesome people on FB who certainly are “real” to us.
My newest FB friend got offended by my humor. I realize that people enjoy different forms of humor, and not every form appeals to every person. I, myself, enjoy puns, word plays, and laughing at the absurdities of life. EJ and JJ have the same sort of humor, but they also enjoy Monty Python, The Three Stooges, and the Farside cartoons. I dislike the first two and don’t usually understand Farside, but, oh, well, it is ok to have different tastes.
I also am aware that abuse victims get “triggered” by different things, and it’s impossible to be aware of everything that can be a trigger–a song, a smell, a phrase that is harmless to one person can trigger another if it brings up memories of their abuse. All we can really do is be sensitive to that person’s trigger and apologize if we accidentally trip over it. I repeatedly tried to explain my humor to this friend; she still didn’t get it. I repeatedly apologized to her and told her that now that I know that this upset her, I will be careful in the future. The FB friend kept telling me that she wasn’t upset, wasn’t offended, and yet–after days of silence–she was still asking me why I said what I did more than a month later. I had done everything I could to resolve the matter, I could do nor more, and I finally insisted that I would discuss it no more because we needed to move past it. It’s one thing to address a problem but another to never let it go–and even yesterday morning she was analyzing the psychological reasons of why people joke on her FB page. I’m thinking, for goodness’ sakes, a humorless person becomes a joy sucker. A person who can never laugh won’t survive the difficulties of life. And if you don’t “get” another person’s humor, oh well, consider it “not your type” and let it go.
Many of this FB friend’s actions were very similar to the manipulative abuse tactics I’ve experienced. (I’m struggling to write about manipulative tactics which make victims struggle without giving a detailed account of the conflict with the FB friend.) I’ve observed/experienced that toxic people often accuse their victims of “not trusting” when the victims are cautious about trusting someone who they feel is unsafe. I’m not sure why people think it’s healthy to blindly trust everyone. I wouldn’t trust a random stranger with my life savings, and I particularly wouldn’t trust someone with my life savings who I had reason to believe was dishonest. So why would I not be careful who I trusted with my own self, or my family, who are more precious than money?
This FB friend described her actions as “caring” and “seeking to understand” but there is a difference between being treated as a beloved friend and being treated like a damaged project to be fixed. It’s sort of the difference between being there for a friend who is hurting and Job’s “miserable comforters” who had all sorts of theological theories about the causes of his suffering. Bene Brown describes the difference between sympathy and empathy in her short video called “Empathy.” The video is similar to what I am trying to describe, although I didn’t feel the FB friend was even offering just sympathy. I felt more as if she was a therapist making clinical observations about a patient–only I hadn’t given my permission for her to evaluate me. I felt analyzed, judged, labeled–caught in a sort of purgatory in which my joke was endlessly discussed, analyzed, and never resolved. There was no deeper meaning or attack hidden in my joke; it was just me laughing at life. I wondered: If I make a mistake in the future would I have to again endure this purgatory of endless analyzing and questioning? I felt I couldn’t be myself with this friend, but I had to be constantly vigilant to make sure I didn’t accidentally offend her.
All the abuse experts say set boundaries and “trust your gut.” If a relationship makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, afraid, depressed then it’s toxic and you need to end it. That’s a vital but difficult skill for victims to develop. I felt as alarmed as my little duck did when attacked by Sassy the rooster. The FB friend made me feel inadequate, uncertain, anxious, stressed, unsafe. I dreaded any interaction with her, and didn’t want to share any part of my life with her.
Yet, the old guilt surfaced–the guilt that I didn’t want to be unkind or hurt anyone, I wondered if I was over-reacting, I excused her because maybe she had not meant it, I agonized “What if she is really a nice person and I’m wrong?” But I have always regretted continuing in a relationship/friendship when my “gut” warned me against it. EJ and I joked about it being like in the movies in which people are stranded in a scary old house. One by one someone in their group disappears and is found cruelly murdered, yet the remaining people still go down the dark creepy hallway or rickety basement stairs to investigate the odd noise. We want to shout, “Don’t be stupid! Run!” but, of course, they never listen. How silly it would be if when we finally see the monster standing over the body with a bloody knife in his hand, we say, “Well, maybe he just found the knife. Maybe he didn’t really mean to kill her, maybe he’s just misunderstood…” The moral of the story is that if your gut says this is not a good situation, get out of there.
I described wanting to end this FB friendship but feeling guilty about it with EJ, who said, “You could always just not interact with this friend and let the relationship fade away.” But I felt unsafe with the person on my FB page, and it made me feel powerless and helpless to passively allow her to stay. So I took action.
I didn’t want to just disappear–if she is a decent person I felt she deserved more than that. So I wrote a short message to her to tell her that I was going to unfriend her–and why. I sent it, and then I unfriended and blocked her. Discussing it wouldn’t change my mind and I didn’t want to get entangled in more endless explanations and debate.
Setting this boundary is another huge step of recovery because rather than be helpless to escape, I am deliberately choosing to walk away. I feel that even if this person is actually very nice, caring, and understanding, she isn’t a person who makes me feel valued, accepted, or safe. She makes me feel less not more, analyzed not understood, damaged not precious. My family moved to Northern Michigan to fashion the life that we want, and part of that is deliberately choosing the people we want in our lives. I want people who are kind, empathetic, who know how to laugh, and who build me up rather than tear me down. I already have good, loving people like that in my life, and they are more precious to me than I can describe. They make me feel what I imagine my duck must have felt as she rested quietly and trustingly in my arms when I rescued her from Sassy.
Yellowed-Bellied Sapsucker
Our alarm goes off every morning at 6 a.m. First thing I do is pull on my old raggedy pair of jeans and an old shirt and then go let the ducks and chickens out of their coop and fill the ducks’ pools. As I headed back into the house, it was beginning to rain. It was a deluge. It rained for a couple of hours.
All day the clouds looked heavy with rain but we didn’t get any more rain except for a few sprinkles now and then throughout the day. Radar shows more rain moving in this evening and meteorologists say we could get a thunderstorm tonight.
Once the rain stopped, I went on my walk down and up the driveway. I don’t manage to walk the driveway every day, but I’m trying to as much as possible. I walked down and up the driveway five times, then later I walked three more times for a total of eight. I had planned to walk two more times this evening, but I don’t want to get caught in the rain.
I enjoy looking at the flowers as I walk down the driveway. Yesterday I saw that four of the lilies I had transplanted along the driveway had bloomed and many more would burst into flower soon. I envisioned the driveway lined with beautiful orange lilies. But today I noticed that some of them looked as if they had been cut off. I suspected they had been eaten, but I wasn’t sure what would eat lilies. So when I finished my first session of walking, I searched on-line and discovered that deer love lilies. One site said that lilies are like bon bons to deer. Bummer. I don’t mind if the deer eat the birdseed in the winter, but I do mind that they eat the lilies. Besides, we planted a lot of yummy grasses just for them to enjoy. They shouldn’t eat my lilies.
Here are just a few of the wildflowers I see as I walk down the driveway:
The last couple of days, I’ve seen a bird clinging to the side of a power line as I’ve walked along the driveway. It was too far for me to see it clearly and it flew away when I got closer. It was obviously a woodpecker, but it didn’t look quite like the ones I’m familiar with. Today I was able to take a photo of it and after I uploaded the photo to my computer, I opened our Birds of Michigan book and easily identified the woodpecker as a Yellow-bellied Sapsucker. You can see my photo at the top of this post. It’s always thrilling to spot a bird that I’ve never seen before. This is the second new bird this week!
I spent all afternoon working on this blog. With the help of WordPress support, I worked at putting together albums of photos. I also figured out how to put the list of posts at the bottom of the page, which I think looks much better. However, now I’m not quite sure what to place in the middle column where the posts used to be. I’ll have to think about it.
I Love To Go A Gardening 