I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Battles
We’ve had a rough couple of days.
I have struggled to write about it. I often need to pour out my strong thoughts or feelings into writing in order to process them. So I wrote about it, posted it, and then decided that it sounded too…raw or something. So I made it private. Sorry about that.
And then I wrote about it in this post, but in a different, less raw, way. Then EJ said it would probably be best not to include details because if some people found this blog, it might make things difficult. Ok. So I’ve deleted those paragraphs as well.
So all I can say is that sometimes I write that we have been through a lot as a family and that it has had an effect on us. When I try to describe it, everything gets reduced to brief sentences–such as “We suffered abuse from my family” or “EJ’s old job was difficult and was making him sick” or “JJ battled cancer,” and so on. None of these statements can convey all the hardship, and anguish, and struggles we experienced.
When I try to describe what we have gone through, I think it sounds like I’m whining. But without an explanation, I think it doesn’t really make sense for me to say that I truly believe that we absolutely had to move away because we were at the end of our endurance. Because of our experiences, we each suffer from PTSD, burnout, or whatever you want to call it. Abuse victims, cancer patients, and caregivers are among those who can suffer from PTSD. Our nephew described PTSD as “a normal response to an abnormal situation.”
Recovery is going to take a while. We are doing much, much better up here in our new home; we love its peaceful beauty so much and we can feel calmness seeping into us. We battle to focus on good things, to live in the moment, be thankful for our many blessings, not be anxious about tomorrows problems, and so on. Family (EJ’s not mine) and friends say we look much healthier and happier and less stressed. However, we still suffer from PTSD symptoms. Our symptoms affect us in slightly different ways. Problems make me feel completely overwhelmed, anxious, depressed. JJ gets upset. We both struggle with insomnia and panic attacks. EJ appears more calm, but he develops health problems. I’ve never felt so unable to handle the problems of life. I told EJ today that I just want us to get back to our normal selves again.
So all these PTSD feelings were triggered when EJ told us that he could get laid off again, or receive less income. Both JJ and I suffered severe panic attacks. I felt battered and depressed. My stomach felt as if an angry tiger was tearing me up from the inside with his claws.
Every morning and evening I care for the ducks and chickens, making sure their food and water is refilled. In the evenings, EJ and I go outside and visit with them for a while. I told EJ that I probably shouldn’t have gotten the ducks and chickens because even though we were as frugal as we could be, they cost more than I anticipated. However, we decided that they were worth getting–not only for their eggs (for ourselves and to sell the extras) but because they give us a lot of enjoyment. They are good for our mental health.
For example, this evening we watched Peeper struggle with temptation. Danny was lying right next to their outside pen. Peeper looked at him and we could actually see him struggle with the temptation to nibble on his fur. He looked at Danny’s fur with desire, resisted, stepped back, looked with desire at Danny’s fur, stepped forward…Finally he reached through the fence and nibbled Danny’s fur. And nibbled again. And again. Until Danny whined, turned his head, and moved a bit. I was so fascinated with watching the duck struggle with temptation that I forgot to video it, but when Peeper gave in, I remembered my camera and recorded it.
Enjoying Spring
Saturday EJ had to get a blood draw in preparation for his next medical checkup. He took a long-cut on the way there, which means he went down a less-traveled road. In the forests along the way, we saw hundreds of trillium flowers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many. I tried to take pictures as we drove along, but all I got was blurs.
Sunday EJ worked at making the chickens and ducks a large wooden feeder because they empty the small store-bought feeder too quickly. The feeder is a prototype, which he will tweak until it’s just right. Once he gets the design the way he wants it, he might try to sell them.
While EJ was out in the garage building the feeder, I was inside making bread. When the bread was ready to bake, I turned on the oven to preheat it. While I waited for it to preheat, I did the dishes and wiped off the counter and stove. I put the bread in the oven and a few minutes later, EJ came into the house and commented, “Something smells hot.” I knew it wasn’t time for the bread to be done–it had only been in the oven for 15 minutes–but I checked on the bread and it was black on top. When I had washed the stove, I had accidentally nudged the oven control and the temp was set at about 500 degrees. Oops. We laughed about it.
Apparently we now live in an area that is known for morel mushrooms, so yesterday EJ, Danny, and I went on a mushroom hunt through our forest. We didn’t find any mushrooms, but we did have a wonderful Spring walk through the forest.
Today was another beautiful Spring day. It gets down into the 30s at night but it warms up during the day. We’ve had temperatures in the 50s-60s but it’s supposed to get warmer by the end of the week.
I hung some clothes out on the clothesline and enjoyed the beauty and the bird song as I worked. After I walked down to the mailbox for our mail, I videoed the beauty of the day. The ducks and chickens heard me and came out to their outdoor pen to greet me. They are so adorably funny. I can’t wait until the younger chicks are older enough to leave their horse trough and join the older ones. Here is the video I took of the beautiful day:
Our older chickens are New Hampshire Reds and the younger chicks are Rhode Island Reds. I looked up what they will each look like when they are full grown. I think we will have very beautiful chickens:
JJ texted me from work that he had heard that he made the Dean’s List at college. Whoo hoo! Way to go, JJ!
Summoned
Our grass was getting long so yesterday I decided to mow it. However, I couldn’t get the lawn mower started. We actually have TWO lawn mowers, and I couldn’t get either of them started. I kind of enjoy mowing the lawn, but I have a hate/hate relationship with the mowers. Later, after EJ had gotten home and eaten supper, he got the mowers started and then he went ahead and mowed the lawn. We only mow up near the house to keep the ticks and other insects away. We keep the other parts of our property unmowed for the wildlife.
Usually I just buy plants at a nursery because I don’t have much success with seeds, but I thought I’d try starting cilantro and lavender seeds in the house. I put them in pots in the living room window. I started the cilantro first and it’s beginning to grow, sending out delicate shoots. Today I saw Kee-Kee munching on them. I moved the pot to the kitchen window, hoping that he won’t find them.
It’s been quite warm and I was tempted to move all my indoor plants outside for the summer…except we could get snow tonight. Brrr.
I did, however, find one plant growing in my planter the other day:
This morning Danny and I walked down to the mailbox for our mail. When I saw the mail, I thought, “Are you kidding me?” It was a summons for Jury Duty. EJ has only gotten a summons once–it was last year when he was beginning his new job, and since he had already moved away, he was excused. I, on the other hand, have been summoned for Jury Duty countless times over the years, usually at very inconvenient times, such as:
During final exams at college
Just before the day of my wedding
When JJ was a toddler and I had no babysitter
When I was sick with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
And a few other times that I can’t really remember
I’ve been excused from serving a time or two, and I had to attend the jury selection a few times, but I never actually got selected to serve as a juror. I’ve always felt a lot of anxiety about getting a Jury Summons–not only because of the inconvenient times, but mostly because I didn’t know how to get to the courthouse which was in the middle of a city that I was unfamiliar with. I get lost very, very easily so EJ would always make me drive the route several times before I had to appear at the courthouse so I could learn (and relearn) the way.
I don’t feel quite so nervous this time because there is nothing major happening in my life and the courthouse is located in a smallish town not far away and I know I can easily find my way.
The funniest thing is that not only did I receive a Jury Summons today, but JJ did also. This is his first time.
Neighbors
This morning I was very startled to see an unfamiliar car coming up the driveway. Just about the only people who drive up to the house is the UPS, FedEx, or USPS people with the occasional package for us–and this wasn’t them. Instead, it was a woman and her little boy. I could tell right away that they were Jehovah Witnesses. EJ always nicely chats with JWs when they come to the door and he shares with them what we believe–which is only fair because we didn’t ask them to come to our house. However, I just politely say, “No thanks, I’m not interested.” They feel to me like telemarketers and I don’t want them to take up my time, which is probably not very “Christian” of me, but I’ve never found religious knocking on doors of strangers very appealing. I’d rather “give an answer to everyone who asks” because if they ask about what I believe then they have invited me to share and are more willing to listen. I think that when strangers are approached by religious people they tend to get more defensive and hostile. That’s just my opinion.
Because we live in our Enchanted Forest, I’ve often been tempted to put up signs along the driveway like this:
After the JWs’ visit, JJ said he wanted to put up a sign that said,
When EJ got home from work, I asked him if he could make me a sign like this to put at the bottom of our driveway:
I would add: “Unless you are handing out money or selling cookies or delivering packages…” because I certainly wouldn’t want to scare away the UPS or FedEx guys.
This makes me sound extremely anti-social, which I’m not really. Well, I’m very introverted but I’m only temporarily (I think) anti-social. We have had so many difficulties in our lives–especially in the last few years with JJ’s cancer and all–that we got over-stressed and over-whelmed and over-exhausted and burned out and PTSDed. The slightest things still trigger anxiety attacks–although we are gradually getting stronger. And we’ve had so many toxic people in our lives that we are really peopled out. Someday I will probably pursue local friendships, but right now we need–more than anything–quiet and rest.
Of course, we have talked several times with our neighbor across the road, and EJ has met one or two other neighbors, but our property doesn’t make it easy to meet neighbors. It’s not like we can see them across the yard and stroll over to chat with them. We live on a hill, surrounded by gullies and hills, in a forest. In the winter we can see a couple of our neighbors’ houses, but in the warmer months, the leaves on the trees block our view so it’s as if we are the only ones in the world. The house closest to us is the owners’ vacation retreat and they come up only a few times during the summer. EJ said it feels as if we are living in a “delicious secret” hidden from the world.
I have lived in a town all my life, and I think it’s interesting to see how my focus changes when I live in the country. In the town, the focus is on people–neighbors coming and going, and working in their yards or on their houses, and riding their bikes along the street or walking their dogs. In the country, I’m much more aware of the wildlife that share my property–the resident crows soaring and cawing overhead, the pileated and other woodpeckers drilling into the trees, the hermit thrushes magically fluting, and the other birds that live in our forest. I’m aware of the deer that graze on our grasses and the wild turkeys. During most of the year, depending on the season, the turkeys appear in a flock to eat our birdseed or the grasshoppers. Right now, we keep seeing a solitary female on our property, and I suspect she is–or soon will be–nesting. We also have at least two rabbits living among the trees at the bottom of the driveway.
I’m really enjoying these quiet, undemanding neighbors.
Although it might not sound like it, I’m actually very fulfilled in my life. I am doing activities that I really enjoy: I write this blog, I co-host a regular program on the largest INFJ group on Facebook, I am raising chickens and ducks, and I am starting my on-line business. I also have friends from all over the world who I communicate with at Facebook, so I am not lonely in the least. I love my life.
Cats and Birds
Most of our cats sleep with us every night. Two are especially funny when they observe that we are getting ready for bed. Little Bear often follows us around squeaking that we need to go to bed and then gives us lovings for a few minutes before he settles down. Kee-Kee usually waits until I climb into bed and then cuddles next to me. He seems to prefer being near my face so that if I turn from one side to another, he moves around until he is again near my face. He also likes sleeping on my pillow above my head. He sleeps next to me all night, making only brief disappearances before returning. When he returns, he walks straight across the bed from the foot to the head–and walks right across my head–to settle on the pillow. Or he paws at the blankets until I hold them up to let him settle next to me under them. At 3-something this morning Kee-Kee lay down right on my face. It’s not comfortable having weight on my face and inhaling fur every time I breathe so I tried to shift him slightly to move him next to my head instead of on my face. He resisted, so I had to gently but firmly move him. By the time I got him off my face, I was completely awake. EJ was awake too so we decided we might as well get up. This was at around 4 a.m.
We turned on the coffee machine and enjoyed the morning. When the sky began to lighten, I went outside and listened to the chorus of birds. I videoed it. I photograph or video just about everything.
I thought I’d go back to bed after EJ left for work, but I didn’t. Instead I did laundry and hung the clothes on the clothesline to dry. It’s not particularly fun lugging the baskets of wet clothes out to the clothesline, but I really enjoy soaking in the beautiful sights and sounds of morning as I hang them up and I enjoy the fragrance of clothes that have dried outside.
After it had warmed up a little bit, I went outside to care for the ducks and chickens, which includes cleaning their pen and refilling their food and water containers. I opened the garage door so they could go outside, but they were a little nervous so they didn’t go very far and didn’t stay very long. After a few minutes, I shut the door. The pen isn’t finished–the fence is fastened to most of the posts with just one staple until EJ can get out to permanently fasten it to the posts, and we still need to make a roof for the pen–so I don’t let the birds out unless I am out there with them.
In the late afternoon, I opened the garage door again to let the ducks and chickens have the opportunity to go outside while I refilled their water and food containers. This time they were more brave and ventured further outside. When I finished my chores I sat in a chair outside the pen to watch over them while they explored. EJ joined me after a bit. Poor Danny whines because he wants to be in with the birds, but I want them to get used to their surroundings before I let him interact closely with them.
Of course, both morning and evening I also care for the little baby chickens who must remain in the horse trough. They are growing quickly and beginning to get their feathers. I think these chicks are very pretty. Of course, I think the older chickens are pretty too.
Inside and Outside
Friday was super busy. I took care of the ducks/chickens, made challah bread, and got a roast cooking in the crock pot. I also did laundry and hung the clothes out on the clothesline, which was very pleasant. I cleaned the house. And I think I did many other things because I was very busy all day, but I can’t remember what they were now.
Later, we went to the nearby lake so JJ could try out the kayak he had bought a few weeks ago. He wanted to make sure he could load and unload it onto the vehicle and he wanted to see how it handled. He looked very peaceful out on the lake and I thought that if I had extra money (which I don’t) I would love to get a kayak too. Oh, well. EJ and I sat on the steps leading to the water while we waited for JJ. EJ dangled his feet in the water, but although the day was very warm, I thought the water was much too cold.
Saturday we rested all day. I worked on a puzzle that my friend sent me. After she and her husband put it together, she thought we’d like to do it too because it’s of a bunch of cats–and she knows we like cats. I moved a small table into the living room so I could be with EJ while I worked on my puzzle and he colored a picture. The puzzle is especially challenging because the cats like to knock the pieces off the table. For this reason, I keep it covered when I’m not working on it.
It was good that we rested on Saturday because today was another very busy day.
After work on Thursday, EJ picked up a large dog cage that his co-worker sold him for a good price. We planned to use it as part of our chicken pen. When I saw it, I was a little concerned that it might not be safe enough from predators. My brain kept working on a solution, turning the problem this way and that. We have to have a pen that is safe from predators, and we have to provide a warm place for the chickens/ducks in the winter because it gets really cold–it can get as low as -40F cold at times. I was wondering if we’d have to build two pens–a summer one outside and a warm winter one in the garage. That would be a lot of work and maybe extra money.
Finally, I came up with an idea. Our garage is very large and has three large doors, two facing the driveway and the third on the side. I suggested to EJ that we could set up the dog cage inside the garage near the third garage door, making the garage door the fourth side of the cage. Inside the dog cage in the garage we could put the coops. Outside we could build a pen with the fencing and posts we bought a few weeks ago During the day we could open the garage door so the chickens and ducks could go outside if they wanted. During the night, we could shut them in their coops in the garage and close the big door. They’d be safe inside and we could easily winterize it to keep them warm when it gets cold without having to built two completely separate pens.
EJ thought my idea was very good, so this morning we cleared that area of the garage and set up the cage. It has a door so we easily enter the cage. We carried the coop inside, as well as the horse trough with the baby chicks in it. We opened the door to the coop and let the ducks and the older chickens out to explore their new area. They seemed to really like the extra space. I put the shallow bowl of water in the caged area and the ducks had fun playing in the water. Soon we will get them a little swimming pool.
We spent the afternoon digging the post holes for the outside pen. (Actually, EJ dug them and I helped wherever I could–bringing him posts or whatever.) The outside pen is 8 feet wide and is almost the length of the garage. It will have a door at the end so we can access it–or let the chickens and ducks out to free-range if we choose. After the posts were in, we began putting up the fencing, but we had worked hard all day and were getting really tired so we decided to stop for the day.
In between helping EJ with the pen, I also made homemade bread today. I also did my normal chores and gave Danny a shower, which he didn’t like. We were really tired at the end of the day, but we were glad that we had made such progress. Plus, we were glad to work outside because the day was gorgeous. We kept hearing a ruffed grouse drumming, and hermit thrushes fluting, and turkeys gobbling. Later, after we had come inside for the day, I saw a female turkey wander past our house and down the driveway. I wonder if she has a nest nearby?
Early May
Warm days are alternating with cooler days. Today was a cool, damp day, but the temperatures are forecast to rise steadily to a high in the low 70s by the weekend. Yay! The cool days make me feel like curling up with a book and my crocheting. The warmer days pull me to work outside.
The scenery grows more green each day, reminding me of an artist applying thicker and thicker green to the trees and bushes in his landscape painting.
Last Sunday was a warm day and EJ set up cans on a box and we took turns shooting them with his .22. (I think it was a .22.) Or, rather, EJ shot the cans and I mostly just shot at them. I did finally hit two of them. I do not know how to shoot so EJ is teaching me. It was fun. He hopes to get a bb gun for me to practice with because the ammunition is much cheaper.
I have been so busy with the ducks that I haven’t done much crocheting, but this week I found some fun bookmark patterns to try. Here is one type, which I made in different colors. I think they are very pretty.
I don’t have them listed at Etsy yet because I don’t have good enough pictures of them. I think I have to photograph them on a sunny morning when the light is better. I’m thinking of also listing my crocheted items at Amazon soon. This would enable me to sell to other countries. I have never sold anything internationally at Etsy because I have to decide on what to charge for shipping–and the one charge applies to all international orders no matter what country it goes to. Since shipping costs can very widely from country to country, I have no idea what to charge. I don’t want to under charge for shipping to some countries (I can’t afford to pay expensive shipping out of my own pocket) or overcharge on others (because people shouldn’t have to pay unnecessary shipping costs). I’ve been told that Amazon automatically calculates shipping costs to various countries so that’s a huge plus.
I just have to make time to sit down and get my homemade items listed at Amazon. I already have a few books listed for sell. Once EJ gets the bookshelves in our library finished and I get it organized, I will start listing more books, but I don’t want to do it until then. I sold one book recently that I had listed several months ago, just for practice, but in the process of going through boxes of books and sorting them into “sell” and “keep,” I lost track of the book I had listed and had to frantically go through boxes and boxes to find it. So I want to be better organized before I list more books.
When JJ worked at his previous company, customers would sometimes come through his cashier line and encourage him to apply at their companies because they saw that he was responsible and hard working. One was an owner of a company. JJ later called the company–last autumn–but never heard back so he forgot about it. Apparently his call “fell through the cracks.” A couple of weeks ago, the owner happened to shop at the grocery store where JJ is now working, and he urged JJ to apply again. JJ had an interview with the guy, and in some ways the job sounded really good–more pay and more hours and more responsibility. However, JJ felt that something was “off” about the job and he had a lot of misgivings. JJ is really happy working at the grocery store so he decided to go with his gut and remain there. I think he made a wise choice.
Today JJ got his grades for his writing class. He had found out after his exam that gotten a 4.0 in his math class, but he didn’t find out about his grades for his writing class until today. A couple of years ago he was mentored by a journalist /author who said he was an awesome writer, but he was anxious that he wasn’t going to pass his writing class. He said that although he liked his college writing teacher as a person, he struggled with her method of teaching. Anyway, he got his grade for the class today and was amazed that he did far better than he thought he did. So that was a much-needed boost to his confidence.
Our ducks and chickens are growing up fast. The ducks are actually beginning to “quack” instead of “peep,” and I’ve heard a few “clucks” from the older chickens. I can’t wait until we get the fence up outside before the ducks and chickens get too crowded, although right now I think it’s still too cold for them to be outside. The younger chick are beginning to get feathers on their tiny little wings.
Tiny Little Buttons
I woke up super early this morning–about the same time as EJ got up for work. When Danny realized that I was awake, he told me that he wanted to go out. He often wants out as soon as I get up in the morning, which sometimes makes me sigh because I’d prefer to have a cup of coffee first. But I actually think that Danny is being very polite and considerate because he waits until I get out of bed instead of waking me up.
So…I took Danny outside. It was still dark and the stars were beautiful. I had forgotten my flashlight, but I wasn’t worried until I heard a very strange noise in the forest just over the hill. Strange noises make me nervous, especially in the dark and especially when I don’t have my flashlight. I nervously pulled Danny into the house and then noticed that I had stepped in dog poop. YUCK. I cleaned it off my shoe and off the floor. Then I saw that a cat had barfed on the floor. I cleaned that up. I described it all to EJ and he laughed. I suppose it was kind of funny.
I hadn’t planned to get up at 5 a.m., but I had planned to get up earlier than usual because I needed to pick up our new baby chickens as soon as the farm store opened. We originally had planned for EJ to pick up the chicks on his way home from work because he drives right past the feed store. However, the store had texted him that they would like him to pick up the chicks in the morning, which meant I had to go get them. JJ had an appointment scheduled for 10 a.m., so I had to get to the store as soon as it opened to make sure I’d be home in time for him to leave.
The farm storm I went to this morning is a different farm store than the one we went to yesterday. There are several farm stores in our area that we visit. Yesterday’s farm store was a TSC. Today’s farm store is local and family owned. They raise and sell their own crops/seeds/feed. We like to go to this store when we can to support them but they aren’t open as much as the other store so we can’t always get to it. I was their first customer this morning. Two little dogs ran up to me when I entered the store and, of course, I gave them lots of lovings.
I couldn’t wait to get the new chicks! They are even tinier than the previous chicks were when we bought them home. They are as tiny as little buttons. They are adorable! I loved hearing their little chirps all the way home. When I got home, JJ held one in his hand so I could take a photo to show how tiny they are. When he lowered it back into the box, it didn’t want to leave and then the other chicks cuddled up to his hand. Awwww!
The four older chicks are New Hampshire Reds. We chose them from the TSC store. TSC has chicks and ducklings in various horse troughs right in their store. We always go look at them whenever we are in the store and their cuteness always tempts us…but so far we have resisted. We bought straight-run chicks (and ducks) from TSC, which means they could be either male or female–we won’t know until they get older and the males begin to crow and the females begin to lay eggs. 🙂 The six new chicks are Rhode Island Reds. EJ ordered them from the family-owned store to make sure we actually had some females to lay eggs since that’s why we are raising poultry.
Danny loves these new chicks as much as he loves the old ones. He keeps asking to go out into the garage so he can watch them all.
This afternoon I filled Peeper and Cuddle’s bowl of water and let them out of their coop to enjoy it. They had a lot of fun playing in it.
A little later I tried to video the baby chicks in their horse trough. Still videoing, I moved over to the coop to show how much bigger the older chicks are. However, Peeper and Cuddles kept photo-bombing my video. The ducks are such characters! They are a lot of fun to interact with.
This afternoon I went out to the dog pen and pulled up the metal posts. I took a shovel with me and dug down just a little and then wiggled the post until it was loose and then pulled it out. EJ was impressed that I got them all out of the ground.
Oh, I had a scare about mid-morning! I looked out of the living room window just in time to see a crow or raven pick up something gray near the big rocks and carry it off into the forest. I think it was a gray squirrel, but I was really worried that it was our gray cat, Annie. She’s rather fat so I didn’t think a crow/raven could carry her off, but I didn’t see her all day. I was getting a little traumatized at the thought of Annie being carried off. I was so relieved late this afternoon when I finally saw her sleeping in the garage. Whew!
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Jobs
We certainly had an interesting day yesterday.
I have not slept well–at least not consistently–since maybe when JJ was diagnosed with cancer and I only slept a few hours at a time. The last few weeks I’ve really struggled to sleep, but last night–maybe because I was so tired–I was sleeping well. Finally. Until the power went out. There’s a lot of little noises at night: the hum of the clock, the furnace, the refrigerator in the other room, the fan. When the power goes out, these noises stop and the quiet becomes so loud that it always wakes me up. And the power didn’t just go out last night. It went out, then it flickered on, then it went out, then flickered on, several times until it finally was off for good.
Actually, this occurred early this morning–maybe about 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. EJ was already up getting ready for work. The first thing that I thought was, “Well, so much for getting a good night’s sleep.” JJ and I both got up for a moment and then we headed back to bed. Suddenly, we heard a very strange beeping noise. It almost sounded like the fire alarm, but it wasn’t. It was very loud and annoying and even a pillow over my head didn’t drown out the sound. I got out of bed and went into the living room with EJ and JJ, who also had gotten back out of bed. EJ realized that the noise was coming from outside. He looked out of the window and gave a shout so we looked too. We saw a strange pulsating glow through the trees out near the road, just beyond the corner of our property. It reminded me of those old horror movies in which an alien ship crashes in the woods and the people see it glowing through the trees. I half expected War of the Worlds aliens to emerge from the forest. EJ said that it was probably a relay or transformer exploding. Sadly he meant just an electrical problem and not the type of Transformer which immediately came to my mind–and which would have been more interesting:
EJ called 911 to report it because the last thing we need is a forest fire. We have to worry about forest fires up here in the north where we are surrounded by forests. The dispatcher told EJ that someone else had just called it in so they were aware of it and would send the appropriate people out. JJ went back to bed. I stayed up a few more minutes with EJ. Just before he left for work, Luke leaped onto my back, his claws digging deeply into my back as he held on. I swear his claws went bone deep. I howled with pain. EJ pulled the cat out of my back. Then he went to work and I went back to bed. The power came on an hour or two later. I woke long enough to hear all the various hums resuming, and then I fell back to sleep. I woke up tired. Oh, well.
JJ had a final exam for his college math class yesterday. He did well on the exam and the teacher told him that he 4-pointed his class–which means he got pretty close to a perfect grade in the class. He was very happy.
Meanwhile…[I deleted this part because JJ didn’t want news to get out prematurely. Oops. I will add it back in a future post when he makes a decision.] But yesterday was an exciting day for JJ.
Meanwhile, my mornings–after I drink enough coffee to wake up–are filled with caring for animals. Making sure the dog’s, cats’, ducks’, and chickens’ food and water dishes are filled, the coop is clean, and the waste is scooped out of the kitty litter. The I do my other chores: laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes, and whatever else need to be done.
Yesterday I read at a Facebook page called Duck Eggs Daily that ducklings hatched under a mother duck are waterproof and can swim without drowning or becoming chilled right from hatch. Ducklings hatched in an incubator need about a month to build up the oils that waterproof their feathers. Until then, swims should be short and supervised because the ducklings can easily drown. I thought that was amazing. I also read that ducklings need to get their heads wet every day. I’ve only given Peeper and Cuddles a bath once since moving them into the coop because Peeper is hard to catch–he moves out of reach–and he yells loudly whenever he is separated from Cuddles. However, today I found a large shallow bowl (actually the pan that catches the water under one of my plant pots), put it near the coop, filled it with water, and let Peeper and Cuddles come out to enjoy it. As soon as we can, we will find them a little kiddie pool to play in.
Today I heard a few real quacks from one of the ducklings–probably Peeper. I told him, “Wow! You are getting your big duck voice!” 🙂
Yesterday afternoon I unfastened the dog pen fencing from the metal posts so EJ doesn’t have to do it. The fencing was attached to the posts with wire. This afternoon I was going to try to pull out the metal posts, but they were snuggly in the ground and I would have had to dig them out with a shovel or something. I wasn’t sure if EJ wanted to put in the new posts as soon as the old ones are taken out, so I decided not to proceed. Besides, it was rather dampish and cold outside today–in the low 40s. Brrr.
This afternoon I found a 10% off coupon from the farm store in my email inbox. I think it’s been there for a while because it expired today. After EJ got home from work, he quickly ate a bowl of the chili and cornbread I had made and then we drove to the farm store to take advantage of the coupon. We needed another heat lamp for the new chicks we are getting tomorrow, and we can always use more bedding and poultry food. We always go look at the baby ducklings and chicks in the farm store. They had adorable brown ducks there today. I was very tempted…but we left the store without them. Whew.
When we got home, I set everything up for the arrival of the babies. I put bedding in the horse trough and clipped the heat light to it to keep them warm. Since the weather is warmer, we have the horse trough set up in the garage near the chicken coop.
Weekend Projects
This weekend EJ and I discussed projects that we need to accomplish and when they need to get done.
We have three vehicles but to save money we have insurance on only two of them. EJ and JJ both need vehicles to get to work–and, in JJ’s case, to school–but I really don’t need a vehicle very often. Any driving I do can be done when there is a vehicle free. We keep the HHR in the garage during the winter months because the Suburban and Xterra are both four-wheel drive and can handle deep snow. Now that the weather is warming, EJ will soon start driving the HHR–since he has further to drive and the HHR gets the best mileage. We discussed which vehicle to put into the garage for the summer months, and finally chose the Suburban since it needs some maintenance.
However, before we stop driving the Suburban, we need it to transport supplies for projects. Yesterday we went to Lowes to get fence posts for the chicken coop enclosure. We are going to put the coops where the previous owner had his dog pen and turn the two sturdy dog houses he left behind into additional chicken coops. We are going to remove the old fencing and use it to make fruit tree cages to protect our fruit trees from deer. Once the older fencing is taken out, we will build a smaller enclosure to put the coops in. Before we left home, we measured out the enclosure and then checked the Lowes website to see what fence posts they had and how much they cost. We decided to get twelve 10 foot posts for about $15 each. When we got to Lowes, we saw 8 foot landscape posts for less than $5 each. We decided that 8 foot posts would work just fine so we bought those instead of the more expensive ones.
The landscape posts were in the outdoor gardening section of Lowes and while we were there, EJ saw fruit trees. We walked over to check them out, and we saw that they had really cool apple trees called Apple Twist Combos, in which two compatible apple varieties are planted and twisted together. The two varieties pollinate each other so only one Apple Twist is needed to produce fruit! Since we had saved a lot of money on the fence poles, we decided to get two Apple Twist trees. We got one that combined Honeycrisp and Honeygold varieties and the other that combined Gala and Braeburn varieties. We had intended to get a Gala/Cortland because EJ prefers tart apples–JJ and I like sweeter apples–but we got the Gala/Braeburn by mistake. We might go back and get a Cortland combo–or maybe a Granny Smith if they have any. In effect, we got four trees for the price of two, which is a really good deal.
So now we have cherry trees, hazelnut trees, and apple trees lining our driveway. As I wrote recently, besides allowing us to grow and enjoy our own fruit, we are using the trees as anti-erosion measures. Last year we spent several thousand dollars buying tons of gravel and topsoil and we spent hours and hours shoveling it into the deep gullies to stop the erosion. We can’t afford to pour money and effort into repeatedly fixing the driveway, so we are doing what we can to prevent the soil from washing away. Planting trees is one of the methods. I’m considering planting some lavender along the driveway as well because it does well in sandy soil, which we have, and I always wanted to have lavender. I tried to plant it at our old house, but we didn’t have enough sun.
After Lowes, we went to the farm store for fencing. We had also looked up their products and pricing before we left home. We talked with the farm store employees and they gave us a lot of helpful advice. One guy said he has used the heavy stiff fence panels and it kept out the predators–but they were more expensive and would be difficult for us to transport home with the Suburban. So we decided to get a roll of fencing, which was much cheaper and which the farm store guys said would work just as well. EJ said he wanted to get tall fencing because he plans to bury a foot or so of it into the ground to prevent predators–like coyotes, wolves, or cougars–from digging under the fence. One guy warned us that we also have to be careful because foxes can easily climb trees and fences and get into the enclosure. I had just recently read this about foxes at a website about raising chickens. I knew foxes were clever but never knew that they could climb! EJ was already planning to put fencing on top of the enclosure as a roof to prevent foxes, or owls, or other predators from getting our chickens and ducks from above. The guys said that nothing would keep out weasels so hopefully we won’t get weasels–or cougars or bears. They also said we could get little pinwheels from the Dollar store and put them at the top of the enclosure because that scares off the predators. It’s very helpful to talk to people who are knowledgeable.
The farm store guys helped us load the fencing into the Suburban, which was already loaded with fence posts and apple trees, and then we drove off for home and unloaded our supplies. EJ and I discussed the best place to plant the apple trees. The woman we had talked to at the nursery the other day had told us that it can get so cold in our area (as low as -40) that even fruit trees for our planting zone can get damaged. She said that cold sinks into the valley so fruit trees are actually safer on a hill. So we planted the apple trees along the driveway up toward the top of our hill.
I had noticed that our duck Peeper had dried poop on his bill, covering one of his nostrils. Cuddles is more gentle and lets us pick her (or him?) up, but Peeper is always very vocal, assertive, and avoids being picked up. I lured the ducks out of the coop in the garage with lettuce and easily captured Peeper…this time. EJ was sitting in a lawn chair in the garage and I gave him Peeper. He used the wet paper towel I gave him to clean off his bill. Then he held Peeper on his lap for a bit and Peeper seemed to be fine with it. We really enjoy all of our birds, but the chickens are more skittish. Peeper and Cuddles have such strong personalities that they are becoming pets.
Besides using the Suburban to get the coop supplies, we also need to haul some stuff to the township “clean up day” in a couple of weeks. During clean up day, township residents can haul junk to the designated spot to get rid of it at no cost. We don’t have a lot of things, but we have a few things to get rid of–like an old disintegrating buckboard wagon that was left here by the previous owners, and maybe the old yucky hot tub that was also here when we moved in, and a few things like that. We also need to drive down to the old house to get EJ’s left behind tools and toolboxes. I’m not looking forward to going to the old house.
This morning EJ helped me clean out the coop in the garage. It’s difficult to clean out the cage where there are so many birds in it, so we lured out Cuddles who came out eagerly. We couldn’t get Peepers to leave the coop–maybe he had enough cuddling yesterday. After EJ cuddled Cuddles a bit, he put her (or him) down and together we lifted the cage slightly and moved it over so the wet bedding was outside the coop. We were careful not to hurt the birds inside, of course. Then we put Cuddles back inside the coop and EJ shoveled the old bedding into the wheelbarrow while I put new bedding in the coop and refilled their water and food feeders. It went a lot faster with EJ’s help.
Later, Danny needed to go outside, so I went out with him. He first went to the garage door which was closed today because the weather is cooler. The ducks and chickens inside heard him and started chirping. After a moment he wandered off to “do his business” while I wait for him at the top of the hill. My attention was caught by a huge bird flying towards me. It landed on a tree not far from the garage with a flapping sound, sort of like the sound a sail makes in the wind. I couldn’t see its head very well, but I am assuming it was a turkey vulture because it was so big. It occurred to me that it had heard and/or smelled the little ducks and chickens in the garage and came to check them out. I told EJ about it when Danny and I went back into the house. EJ said he has seen it sitting there several times in the last couple of days. So turkey vultures are another of the many predators we need to keep our birdies safe from.
I learned that the movie, Batman v. Superman, was showing at a local movie theater this week, so we decided to go. Because the theater has only one screen, they don’t play movies the day they come out nationally. If they did, they’d have to keep it for two to six weeks depending on the company and the contract. To get the most variety of films, they wait about three to five weeks before playing new releases and they usually play them for one week only. The theater was built in 1940 and has a very quaint, old-fashioned feel to it. The tickets and the cost of snacks is very low, so it’s very affordable. They have two kinds of seats: in the outside sections, they are regular seats, but the middle section has rocking chairs. Of course we chose to sit in the rocking chairs. Because we went to the matinée, the theater was not full, which is nice. This is our favorite theater.
Spoiler: We loved Batman vs Superman. JJ knows a lot of superhero lore so he picked up on things EJ and I didn’t. Even so, I loved the movie. Of course, I like superhero movies anyway, but I thought that this movie was especially spiritual. Superman was in the role of God/Messiah, and the movie addressed the common question that if God is all-powerful and good then why is there evil? And if there is evil then perhaps God is either not all-powerful or not all good. People struggle with these questions so I think it’s ok to address them. In the movie, Lex Luther tried to manipulate man (Batman) into killing God (Superman). When Batman didn’t kill Superman (although he came close), Lex said that since man wouldn’t kill God, he’d let the demon do it. Superman did get killed and was buried, but the final scene hinted that he would rise from the grave. Very interesting and, as I said, very spiritual.
Passover
Tonight we celebrated Passover for the first time in our new home. Last year we weren’t able to celebrate it at all because we were living apart–EJ was living in in a motel while he started a new job and looked for a house for us. JJ was with him. I remained at our old house taking care of the pets and packing in preparation for our move. The year before that we had a very simple Passover at JJ’s bedside as he fought cancer. It was nice to finally have a real celebration again.
I felt kind of scatterbrained this year because, as I said, it’s been awhile since we’ve been able to celebrate Passover. I kept forgetting items I needed. For example, on Wednesday I realized that I had no horseradish, so EJ and I went to the store to buy some. Thursday I realized, “Oh, no! I need walnuts for the charoset,” so I went back to the store again. Today I discovered, “Yikes! I have no parsley!” so when JJ got home from college, I drove to the store and bought some. I also bought a colorful bouquet of flowers to beautify our table. I really don’t ever buy flowers, but they were so beautiful and I decided that I really wanted our table to be beautiful. With all my running to the store, it’s a good thing the store is very close.
And then as I was setting the table tonight, I couldn’t find our shank bone, which is used to symbolize the sacrificial lamb. I thought creatively, “Well, I can just get a bone from the chicken, which was cooking in the roasting oven. However, just before I called the guys to the table, I saw that the chicken wasn’t done enough to pull out a bone. By the time we got to the actual dinner, the chicken was roasted perfectly but we had to pretend we had a bone for the seder. EJ ad-libbed, “And our imaginary bone symbolizes….” and we laughed. Earlier in the day Danny had found a deer bone in the forest, and we joked that he had been trying to provide us with the bone for our seder.
Probably none of this makes sense if you’ve never celebrated Passover. Passover is the retelling of the Exodus story, but in a way that involves your senses. Every item on the special seder plate has a deep meaning that is enhanced by seeing, telling/hearing, and tasting that helps participants experience the truths of the Exodus. (There is an interactive site where you can learn about the items on the seder plate and their symbolism here.) For example, parsley dipped into a bowl of salt water is a reminder of the tears caused by slavery and the green of the parsley represents freedom and new life. Horseradish brings tears to the eyes and recalls the bitterness of slavery. Our horseradish this year was so potent that it really did bring tears to our eyes when we ate it–as well as caused us to gasp and choke.
I’m not Jewish, but as a follower of the Jewish Messiah, Passover has deep meaning for me. In fact, I confess that I find it much more meaningful than the traditions of Easter.
JJ wasn’t feeling well–he has come down with some sort of respiratory infection. He said, “I’m feeling sick. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t dress up…” but we were just glad that he was able to join us.
We had a lot of fun and laughter celebrating tonight. Our “screwups” just made it more memorable.
A New Home
Saturday EJ and JJ put together the chicken coop in the garage. We will eventually move it outside after we get the enclosure built to make the chickens and ducks safe from predators. On Sunday we decided to move the birds into the coop in the garage. The ducks, especially, were getting too big for the horse trough and the chickens were tapping morse code on the sides hoping that someone would set them free from their boring prison. Plus, I read that chickens kick up a fine dust, and I think that’s what was making EJ sneeze a lot and me cough. It was nice to get the entrance hallway back to normal.
The nights are still cool but the days are warming up. I turn the heat light on in the coop when it’s cool, and I also put the large cardboard box that the coop came in next to the coop to help hold in the heat. On warm days I turn off the heat light, remove the cardboard, and open the garage door so the birds can enjoy the sunshine. They seem to be happy enough in their new home, although we really need to get a small swimming pool for the ducks. The coop has a second story that is currently unoccupied. I don’t think the ducks can get up there with their webbed feet and the chickens haven’t found it yet.
Although Danny doesn’t get to visit them as often, he can sit next to the coop and visit with them face-to-face. The birds aren’t scared of him at all, and even come right up to “talk” to him. Danny is so in love with the ducks and chickens. I had to laugh because usually he goes down the hill with me when I get the mail. Yesterday, however, he was torn between coming with me or staying with the birds. I saw him watching me from the top of the hill and then he turned and went back to the coop. I also always let him outside when EJ arrives home from work. Usually Danny runs straight to EJ, but yesterday he ran to the chicken coop. EJ thought I had forgotten to let him out to greet him. We can see where Danny’s loyalties lie.
We gave the ducks some lettuce the other day as a treat. They loved it and now they complain if we don’t bring them any. This evening we went to the store and I bought some lettuce. I offered them each a piece and they got really excited and gobbled it down. Apparently, I didn’t bring enough because they then tried to eat my camera.
Sunday was JJ’s first anniversary of moving up north. EJ had come north in early March last year to begin his new job. JJ joined him a month and a half later. They stayed at a motel while EJ looked for a house for us. I stayed at the old house to take care of things there. I moved north when we closed on our house.
JJ is still enjoying his new job. It’s nice working at a grocery store because he can buy good food to eat on his breaks. The store is very close to us so we shop there often. Cashiers cannot ring up their own family’s purchases, so whenever we buy anything, he has to call someone to take over. JJ said that his co-workers refer to his Dad and me as “the happy people.” EJ said, “Yeah, duh. Of course we are happy. We live here.”
Peeper & Cuddles
Since EJ didn’t have to work today–it being the weekend and all–he was able to enjoy the ducks’ swim time. I actually asked him to carry the ducks, one by one, so I could video them. The ducks are forming their own personalities. One is very vocal, yelling “PEEP, PEEP, PEEP!” very loudly like an alarm. We call him “Peeper.” The other is quieter and more cuddly and we have named her “Cuddles.” Of course, we don’t really know their gender, but we think of Peeper as a male and Cuddles as a female. We could be totally wrong.
The little chicks are growing. They now have most of their feathers. They do not yet have as much personality as the ducklings and they are more skittish and harder to photograph, but I was able to take a video today while the ducks were swimming in the bathtub:
JJ got his first paycheck from his new job yesterday. This first time was an actual printed check instead of direct deposited so he had to drive to our bank this morning to deposit it in his account. The bank is located clear on the other side of the Emerald City. Since JJ had offered to pay for half of the chicken coop EJ went with him so JJ could pay him–plus, JJ wanted the company.
I stayed home and made homemade pizza for lunch.
After lunch, EJ and I drove to the farm store to get food for the ducks and chicks and cats and dogs. Also, EJ wanted to get a few cherry trees. EJ bought a few hazelnut trees at the farm store, but he decided to go to a nursery for the cherry trees. We drive past the nursery every time we go to the Emerald City but had never stopped. They are just getting the plants in this year. I had thought the nursery was just a little farm stand alongside the road, but it stretches for several acres behind the buildings that we see along the road. It is actually one of the biggest nurseries I had ever been to. Eric bought two large-ish cherry trees and another hazelnut tree.
We had a nice conversation with the woman at the nursery. We told her that we had just moved to the area last year. She asked what made us decide to move up here and we explained about JJ’s cancer, EJ’s job–and that we had just always loved this area and wanted to live here. We continued to chitchat while we found the trees we wanted, and mixed in with our conversation she explained that even though the trees are rated for our zone, it sometimes gets so cold in the winter that the trees get frost-bitten or frozen. They will probably do better at our place because we live on a hill. The cold tends to sink into the low valleys. How cold is cold? Two years ago, she said, it was about -30 to -40 F. She sounded as if that is quite normal. Brrr. This last winter was quite mild because of El Nino.
But today was a beautiful Spring day with temperatures in the 70s. We opened all the windows in the house and wore T-shirts.
When we got home, JJ helped EJ plant the trees. They planted the cherry trees along one side of the driveway and the hazel nut trees on the other side of the driveway. Besides being pretty and providing us with good things to eat, it is our plan that the trees’ roots will be another measure to hold the soil and prevent erosion. Our other measures included–last summer–filling in the deep gullies that had nibbled away at our driveway with gravel and topsoil, putting potato rocks along the driveway to slow the rush of rain water, and planting grasses to hold the soil.
I asked EJ, “Do bears like cherries?” He said yes. Yikes!
After EJ and JJ planted the fruit trees, they put together my chicken coop. It went together amazingly quickly and looks really cute. We needed to get it together soon because on April 27 we are getting more baby chicks. Our current chicks were “straight run” chicks, which means they could be any gender. They could be all hens or all roosters or some of both. Since we want our chickens to lay eggs, we decided we ought to make sure we actually have some hens so EJ ordered some. Our current chicks are New Hampshire Reds. Our new chicks will be Rhode Island Reds. When the new babies come, we will need to move the ducks and older chicks into the coop so the younger ones can have the horse trough in the hallway.
We have thought and discussed and debated where to put our chicken coop. We finally decided to put it where the previous owner had his dog pen. Danny never uses the dog pen–he’s always with us. EJ is going to put the coops inside the pen, but he’s going to rebuild the pen with sturdier posts and fencing so it will be as predator-proof as we can make it. The previous owner left behind two very sturdy dog houses and we are going to convert them into additional coops. Our cute little coop only fits 4-6 chickens and we will have 10 chickens and two ducks. We plan to let our birds roam free during the day, but at night they need to have secure shelter.
While we were outside, JJ pointed out a large wolf spider in the driveway. I yelled, “Kill it! Kill it now!” but EJ and JJ refused. I grabbed a shovel to hit it with, but JJ blocked me. It has always been our family policy that we kill creepy crawlies in the house but let them live outside. I told JJ that the policy is totally voided when the spiders are really big, but he didn’t listen and the spider ran away. Ha! I told him that I will kill the spiders when he and his Dad are not around. Also, I have chickens and ducks that will eat bugs, including spiders.
See (No) Evil
Usually I write about the day-to-day happenings of my life, but occasionally something happens that vexes me. Usually it involves the topic of abuse. It feels like a sliver in my spirit and the best way I know to get it out is to write about it. However, it is always such a hugely immense topic with so many thoughts and sub-thoughts that I don’t know how to write about it. When I try, I feel inarticulate and inadequate. And even if I did write about it, I have found that the most common reaction is a total lack of understanding. It feels like an uphill battle that is impossible to fight and most of the time I just give up. But, still, sometimes I try because it’s very important.
Today I am trying.
Throughout this post I’ve often linked to articles that describe the concepts I’m trying to explain in more detail. Just click on the links to read more.
Recently someone on FB complained that some Christians were not forgiving him, wanted nothing to do with him, and were not giving him grace. Immediately, he was encouraged by some Christians who tut-tutted that they couldn’t understand how any Christian could be so unwilling to give grace. I wanted to ask (but didn’t), “Did it ever occur to you that those people you are condemning might have a very good reason for not wanting this guy in their lives? EJ and I know this person very well, and we know that he has taken advantage of the generosity of people who have tried to help him in the past (including us). He has lied, manipulated, used, defrauded, stolen from, and destroyed property. He talks about being a Christian but his life doesn’t reflect it. And even though he occasionally “apologizes” he hasn’t really changed.
Because of this incident, I want to talk about abusers and the church. Again. This is not Christian-bashing, by the way. I think that if any person, group, or organization is doing something wrong–including and especially the church–they need to honestly deal with it, not sweep it under the rug. It seems to me that people are reluctant to point out abusive behavior because 1. they are afraid of judging (I’ll address that in a bit) and 2. they are afraid it will reflect badly on Christ to bring things out into the open. However, covering up evil actually reflects more badly on Christ. Besides, I don’t think that everyone who calls himself a Christian, or every place that calls itself a church, actually is one. A true believer’s life will reflect Christ…but I don’t think it always looks like what many people think it does.
Even though Christians theologically and theoretically speak of evil people, few seem to actually believe that they exist in real life. I’ve found that if a victim speaks of an abuser, he is usually told by Christians that “no one is perfect,” “we all sin,” “don’t judge,” “he’s just wounded,” “we just need to give him grace,” and other such things. However, the Bible is filled with descriptions of both righteous and wicked people. That means that there are actually righteous and wicked people out there. Surprisingly, I’ve encountered more nonChristians who believe in the actual existence of evil people than Christians. Just talk to the average abuse survivor–they know.
It seems to me that we wouldn’t be given descriptions and warnings about wicked people if we couldn’t judge between the wicked and the righteous.The Bible warns against wicked people with such phrases as Be Alert! Be Aware! Watch out for! Avoid! Stay away from!
Which brings me to the topic of judging: I’m sure we have all suffered wrongly from people who were, in fact, self-righteous, arrogant, judgmental, condemning. That is a wrong type of judging which God says don’t do. However, people have become so afraid of judging wrongfully that they have, apparently, lost all discernment and common sense. The Bible never says that we can’t judge at all. (Again, if we can’t judge at all then why tell give us descriptions and warnings about the wicked?) Instead, the Bible tells us that we must be very careful to “judge righteously.” The “judge not” and “consider the log in your own eye” verses that so many fling around is actually addressed to the hypocrites who were ignoring their own evil to point out the small specks in the lives of the righteous. Evil people are now using these very verses that were directed at them as weapons to divert attention away from themselves and to accuse their victims.
Oh, and yes, hypocrites. Every so often memes like this one appear on my FB page:
This meme reveals an ignorance of what hypocrite actually means. A hypocrite is not a believer who honestly longs to follow God but who sometimes sins–and then genuinely repents. Those genuine but imperfect believers are, indeed, like the out-of-shape people who go to the gym in an effort to become healthier. Conversely, a hypocrite is someone who deliberately wears a mask, who intentionally pretends to be something he is not, who purposely seeks those whom he can devour. In other words, a hypocrite is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. If a church has hypocrites in its midst, it has a very serious problem and it needs to address it before the flock is ripped apart and destroyed. A person who doesn’t want to attend a church filled with hypocrites is wise. He is the sheep who smells a wolf and runs.
An ex-police detective once told EJ that one of the favorite hunting grounds of predators (abusers, sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, molestors, con men, etc.) are places like churches. Abuse experts say the same thing. The reason predators love churches is that they find people there who are willing to love unconditionally, to forgive without requiring repentance, and who are tolerant and reluctant to talk negatively about others or to judge. Love, forgiveness, and refraining from negative talk and wrongfully judging others are good things unless they are naively used to aid abusers. Christians can (and have) develop a gullible “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, judge no evil” mentality that makes them easy prey for the wolves and put the vulnerable at risk. There is no virtue in letting yourself become a predator’s victim or helping them oppress others.
Remember, we are warned in the Bible that evil people will disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 11: “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness.” Peter said in 2 Peter 2: “But among the people there were also false prophets, just as there will be false teachers among you. Under false pretenses they will introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, and thus bring on themselves swift destruction.” Let it sink in that these people appear to be very righteous people but they are false. Because of predators’ ability to appear righteous and their ability to remove opposition, they often rise to positions of leadership.
Abusers tend to “groom” their victims to accept abuse, which is a tactic of overcoming a person’s defenses by slowly desensitizing his or her natural reaction to abusive behaviors. A predator will identify and engage a victim and work to gain the target’s trust, break down defenses, and manipulate the victim until they get whatever it is they are after. I often wonder if the message of “cheap grace” has been taught by false teachers so that their flock will accept their abuse. If a Christian is taught not to judge, to never offend anyone, to forgive without requiring repentance, to accept all people without reservation no matter what they do, they lose the ability to see, recognize, or resist the wolves.
Pretending to be righteous is one tactic of a wicked abuser. Another tactic is to pretend to be the innocent victim to gain pity. An abuser will accuse the victim of judging him and of not showing him love, grace, forgiveness, reconciliation, submission, etc. He will insist that none of us are sinless and that God uses less than perfect people in His Kingdom. What is not acknowledged is that God used each of these people when they humbled themselves and REPENTED. God says He is opposed to the proud and arrogant and unrepentant. Pitying an evil person and giving him grace is just what he wants.
Even if pity [some Bible versions say “grace”] is shown to the wicked, he still doesn’t learn what righteousness is. In a land of uprightness he will still act wrongly and fail to see the majesty of Adonai.(Isa. 26:10)
Because of the abuser’s ability to appear righteous and/or the innocent victim, he can skillfully and deliberately manipulate people into supporting him against the victim. The niceness of the “nice people” actually becomes a tool that the abuser uses to oppress and enslave his victim. As Narcissists Suck has written, “It can be nearly impossible for a victim of a narcissist to press their claims when so-called good people form a protective ring around the evil-doer and divert the slings and arrows back to the victim. This behavior of the ‘good’ people actually guarantees the narcissist will continue to have access to his or her victim as well as access to new victims in the future. If that isn’t evil in itself, I do not know what is. If we do not exercise our frontal lobes, that is, our ability to judge between things, then we guarantee that evil will prosper in our presence.”
Many churches do not understand abuse. Many times their teachings actually supports and empowers the abuser and causes his violence against his victim(s) to increase, and even become life-threatening. (Click here to learn what a victim can expect in a typical church.) At the Cry for Justice website, one woman shared her experience about what happened when she tried to get help with her abusive husband. Her story is told here and is just one of many. Abuse victims often share their stories in the comments under the posts at this site.
It is appalling and very serious when a person or church sides with the abusers against victims. Psalms 82 says “How long will you go on judging unfairly, favoring the wicked? Give justice to the weak and fatherless! Uphold the rights of the wretched and poor! Rescue the destitute and needy; deliver them from the power of the wicked!” Psalms 97:10 says “Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.” Ps. 11:5 says that “The one who loves violence His soul hates.”And Ps 12:6 says “Because the poor are oppressed, because the needy are groaning, I will now rise up,” says Adonai, “and grant security to those whom they scorn.” Ally yourself with an evil person and you put yourself in direct opposition to God.
Many times I see memes at Facebook that make the assumption that people who stop attending a church are leaving merely because of hurt feelings, or because their eyes are on men rather than God, or because they do not want to hear “The Truth.” I’m sure that is sometimes the case. However, I think it is arrogant and simplistic to assume that it is always the case. The Bible warns “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” (Matt. 7:15). The Bible also says “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” (2 Tim 4:3). Finally, it says that the true sheep hear and follow the voice of the true Shepherd. (John 10:27) Did it occur to anyone that maybe the reason many people leave a church is not because they have hurt little feelings or are rejecting God or His truth, but because they do not hear the voice of the Shepherd in that place and they are fleeing the wolf-led flock? Maybe God is rescuing the sheep from the wolves by leading them away. Ezekiel 34 has this to say:
Thus says the Lord God: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat ones, but you do not feed the sheep. The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered; they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them. “Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: As I live, declares the Lord God, surely because my sheep have become a prey, and my sheep have become food for all the wild beasts, since there was no shepherd, and because my shepherds have not searched for my sheep, but the shepherds have fed themselves, and have not fed my sheep, therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: Thus says the Lord God, Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.
We once attended a very small church. As time went on, alarm bells went off inside of me. The pastor was extremely controlling, uncaring of the needs of the congregation, and unethical. At first I ignored the niggly doubts about him, but they grew in number and intensity. When I told close friends about my concerns, they said things such as: “No pastor or church is perfect. We need to submit to and support church leaders. How do you know YOU aren’t the one with the problem…?” I struggled with this, but we ended up leaving. The advice from my friends made me question how a person could ever stand against false teachers if they were supposed to see not, hear not, speak not, judge not, and submit? People sometimes wonder why a victim remains in abuse, but is it so surprising when they receive advice like this? I remember when the cult leader Jim Jones led more than 900 of his followers into committing suicide by drinking poisoned Kool-aide. Jim Jones started out as a methodist minister. I have sometimes wondered how many of his followers had had doubts about him when his teaching first seemed “off,” and might have escaped, but were urged that no one is perfect and they needed to submit to their leader?
As for those who think that Christian grace and love means never offending and always keeping people in our lives no matter what they do. It is true that God has made us accepted, has drawn us near to Him, and made us part of His family and kingdom. However, these are promises given to those who become His children. These promises are not for the unrepentant. As Luke 17:5 Ministries says, “There is NOT ONE INSTANCE in Scripture of the Lord forgiving anyone who remains ‘stiff-necked’ (stubborn) and unrepentant.” In addition, when God became “the Word made Flesh” and walked among us, He actually offended more people than He attracted (John 6:66, etc).
Furthermore, the God who includes is also the God who separates. From the very beginning, He has separated light from dark, the water from the land, Israel from the nations, the righteous from the wicked, the sheep from the goats, etc. We are not unloving or unChristlike when we choose to separate from those who are wicked. To pressure victims to remain with the abusers who enslave and mistreat them is not following the God who declared that He loves the downtrodden and brokenhearted and that He came to set the prisoners free. In fact, we are told to rebuke and separate from evil people. Here are just a few of many verses:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you…2 Cor. 6:14-17
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers… (Ps 1:1)
And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “Say to the congregation, Get away from the dwelling of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram.” Then Moses rose and went to Dathan and Abiram, and the elders of Israel followed him. And he spoke to the congregation, saying,“Depart, please, from the tents of these wicked men, and touch nothing of theirs, lest you be swept away with all their sins.” So they got away from the dwelling of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram. (read the whole story in Numbers 16)
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud,arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. (2 Tim 3:1-5)
Don’t make friends with an angry man, and don’t be a companion of a hot-tempered man. (Prov. 22:24)
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Cor. 15:33)
“Moreover, if your brother commits a sin against you, go and show him his fault — but privately, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. If he doesn’t listen, take one or two others with you so that every accusation can be supported by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to hear them, tell the congregation; and if he refuses to listen even to the congregation, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax-collector. (Matt 18:15-17) How were pagans and tax-collectors treated in Bible times? Click here: Ancient Tax Collectors.
If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4) [Repentance, by the way, doesn’t mean just saying, “I’m sorry.” repentance is turning away from the wrong behavior. It means genuine change.]
There are many, many verses about separating from the wicked. I could go on but you get the picture, I hope. We need to stop being naively deceived by appearances, we need to stop unquestioningly pitying the abusers, we need to stop allowing ourselves to be their tool.
This might seem to some as if I’m describing a God who is mean, and unforgiving, and merciless. I’m doing just the opposite. He is a God who cares deeply for the oppressed and He will defend them against the wicked.
I wish Christians would educate themselves on the topics of abuse, of good and evil, and the other things I’ve mentioned in this post. Two good places to start are the websites, A Cry for Justice and Narcissists Suck. Both address these subjects Biblically. As A Cry for Justice warns in its post She’s Marrying a Sociopath and There’s Nothing We Can Do to Stop it: “Churches, Christians, pastors, elders!! We must STOP closing our eyes to evil among us in our churches! We must be done with this foolish naiveté about wickedness. We must learn about sociopaths and psychopaths and narcissists and abusers and we must become expert — wise as serpents the Bible calls it — in discerning the tactics of these vermin. They are oppressing the sheep that the Lord has charged us with protecting.
I Love To Go A Gardening 