I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Little Bear & Danny
Yesterday it snowed off and on through the day. The falling snow looked like a snow globe. The snow did not stick on the ground. Today I didn’t see any snow, but it’s been a bit cold. I wore my winter coat, hat, and gloves when I took Danny for his walk today.
I wanted to feel productive so yesterday afternoon I went to the store. I mostly wanted to buy a few more plastic totes to pack breakables in–although I do not plan to do much packing into it’s closer to our move date. I have most everything packed except “essentials”–and even then my guys are always asking where this item or that item is when they come home. I keep saying, “It’s packed….It’s packed…It’s packed…”
This morning I tackled one of our attics (we have two). It’s not crammed with junk–mostly old papers, a few pieces of furniture, and JJ’s old toys, stuff like that. I got about half of it emptied but then my sinuses swelled up and I had to stop. At least I made some progress.
Early this afternoon I had to print and sign a form the survey company emailed us, giving them permission to do a survey of the new property. Then I took it to our bank to fax it to them. Meanwhile, EJ arranged for an inspection of the new house.
I took Little Bear and Danny to the veterinary this afternoon. Let me tell you, it’s not easy taking a cat and a dog to the vet all by myself! Carrying the cat carrier and managing the dog was an ordeal! I had to fight to get Little Bear into the cat carrier and then he meowed all the way to the vet.
I took Little Bear to the vet because his face was a little swollen and JJ feared he had an infection. Except for the slight swollenness, he appeared fine. The vet said that it was either an infection or a minor abscess or something. She rattled off a long name of the condition, but I can’t remember it. It would no doubt win a triple word score in Scrabble. The vet gave Little Bear two injections–one for the infection and the other for the other thing. One or the other should take care of whichever problem he has, she said. I was glad she gave him the injections so I didn’t have to try to give him any pills at home. Little Bear hates pills and giving him any is a two person job–and I am alone with my guys up north.
Danny had a little thing by his eye–like a skin tag or something. The vet said that as long as it didn’t bother him or didn’t grow, we could probably leave it alone. Or he could have it removed with minor surgery. I texted EJ and we decided to remove it while it’s still small. It’s so close to his eye that if it grows the surgery will be more complicated and expensive. I made an appointment to take Danny in tomorrow. He should be able to come home later in the day. Since he will probably have to have a couple of stitches, he will have to wear a cone for a couple of weeks. Poor thing. I hate watching a dog stumbling around with the cone of shame. 😦
When we get up north, we will have to find a new veterinary. So many new things to do and arrange and experience.
The Herd
EJ is busy in the Emerald City this week running around doing house buying stuff after work. There’s a lot to arrange and do, ugh. I’m his “hero support,” texting him information that the realtor or mortgage person emails me and letting him know the information he needs to get to them or what task he needs to do.
I woke feeling drained and fuzzy-headed. I suspect the blustery, rainy, damp weather is not helping the infection I’ve struggled with for at least five weeks. Bleagh. I took cold medicine and cuddled with Luke on the couch for the morning.
Last week I found an interesting excerpt from a book called Narcissistic Predicaments – A Biblical Guide To Navigating The Schemes, Snares, And No-Win Situations Unique To Abusive Families. With Renee’s permission, I am sharing the excerpt because I think that it’s important to understand this Narcissistic abuse. Because the abuse is so subtle and there are no bruises or broken bones, very few understand this type of abuse.
As I shared in a post a while back, this abuse is very subtle and damaging. I think that one of the most difficult aspects of this type of abuse is that the Narcissist is such a skilled liar and manipulator that she (or he) is able to keep the abuse hidden. Because she can appear to be very warm and loving to everyone except the victim she is devaluing and smearing, she wins supporters who help to further isolate and abuse the victim.
The following excerpt describes the “herd mentality” in narcissistic families. It sounds unbelievable, but I experienced this in my family whenever I didn’t submit to their demands. It really is true that if you anger one, you anger them all. They all will close ranks against the one who “rocked the boat,” and will shun and/or smear her if she doesn’t submit and rejoin the herd.
Narcissists refuse to accept boundaries. They don’t choose to see where they end and other people begin. Rather, they see others as extensions of themselves, attached to them as if joined at the hip. You only exist for their use and benefit. Outside of their world, you cease to exist. In their delusional minds, everything you say or do affects them, whether or not it actually has anything to do with them. You will notice that any independent decision you make in your own life is regarded as something you are doing to the narcissist, to spite him or upset him. Anything you say, any opinion you voice, is viewed as a direct challenge to him. It’s like you’re a part of his body that refuses to do what he wants it to. The narcissist believes that the entire world revolves around him- and you are part of that world.
Just as a single narcissistic abuser refuses to allow others their autonomy apart from him, the abusive narcissistic family does not see and accept each member as a separate individual. The uniqueness of each person and the differences between them are not celebrated. Instead, individuality and free thinking are perceived as threatening, and not allowed. Everyone is just part of one larger sick organism–kind of like a big, ugly, smoldering, rotten lump. This thing moves as one, thinks as one, acts as one. One part cannot separate itself from the lump and speak out on its own. All the parts have to agree with what the other parts say. Because they are not emotionally separate individuals, but merely enmeshed parts of one big whole.
Nobody in such a family thinks for themselves. There is one way of thinking, one collective decision-making process, one opinion for all of them. Anyone who breaks from the group mentality will become an outsider, quick to be shut up or shunned. If you want to be an insider and remain in the good graces of the big ugly lump of enmeshed parts, then you can have no mind of your own. You have no choice but to go along with the group and be of one mind with them. Being right or wrong doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is being the same.
The abusive family’s idea of togetherness is a totalitarian vision carried to the extreme. It’s one for all and all for one–a kind of weird Cold War regime where a select few people dictate what everyone else has to think, say, and do. And the secret family police keep an eye on everybody and keep them all in line, reporting any signs of independent thinking and carrying out the necessary “dissuasion.” In their warped pathological perception, if you offend one of them, you offend them all. If you set a boundary or stand up and say something to one, it’s as if you said it to the whole tribe. If one is mad at you, they’re all mad at you. If one isn’t speaking to you, they’re all not speaking to you. And if one suddenly ups and decides that they are speaking to you again, then everybody is speaking to you again. The only wild card they never consider is whether you will want to speak to them again. They simply assume that you will passively go along with whatever the group decides. Just like all of them do.
Think of a herd of buffalo on the prairie. When they run, it’s as one. If they turn left or right, they all turn together. When they stop and graze, they all stop and graze at the same time. And it only takes one to start a stampede. As soon as one gets spooked and starts running, they will all run, blindly following the first one’s example, even though they have no idea why they’re running or what they’re running from. Think of lemmings, all following each other to their deaths off the cliff, never stopping for a second and saying, “Hey, wait a minute. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all! Maybe there’s a better way.”
The same herd mentality auto-pilots our abusive families. No one ever says “Hmmm…now, let’s see. How will my taking sides and shunning so-and-so help resolve this situation?” No one has the brains or the foresight to think, “Hey, wait a minute! If I go along with betraying someone who never did anything bad to me, then what? How might this come back and bite me in the future? If I change my mind later on and want to make up, how will I undo what I did? If, somewhere down the road, both of my feuding relatives mend fences, where will that leave me?”
Thinking, speaking and acting as one big dysfunctional lump of lemmings, and blindly following whoever puts on the most theatrical performance, our narcissistic relatives manage to make sure that a disagreement between just two people, which might eventually have been resolved had it stayed limited, turns into a huge feud involving the whole family and causing hard feelings for years to come. The chances of the original problem ever being resolved amicably drops exponentially with each additional person added to the mix. This results in rifts that can never be healed, and a family that will never be the same (which is probably a good thing!). In an act of collective suicide, the selfish troublemaker will influence the foolish herd to follow her right off the cliff, effectively killing the whole family structure. And they will ignorantly gloat in their smug self-righteousness all the way down, right up until the moment they hit the bottom.
Busy Plans
EJ is going to be very busy this week. He has to get the earnest money to the realtor, arrange with the mortgage person about our loan, and schedule the property inspection and survey. All this at the end of his busy work days. He says he doesn’t know how people on first shift get things done before everything closes for the day. He much prefers working second shift because he has all morning to get tasks done.
Meanwhile, JJ is trying to find a job. He wants to start getting back into life and earning money. This transition time is difficult because he has to work around his Dad’s hours and weekends home.
While my guys are busy up north, I feel at a standstill in the south. The weather is rainy and very blustery so I can’t work outside. Until the drywall is completed, I can’t paint rooms inside. I have most of the nonessential things in the house packed. I want to wait until closer to our move date to pack any more items. As it is, EJ and JJ often ask me “Do you know where [item] is?” and I keep saying, “It’s packed.” The basement and garage still need to be packed, but I’m not sure what EJ wants done with his stuff, and I’m reluctant to go into the musty basement when I’m still struggling with an infection. I did go do the banking and paid bills…
Although physically I am not busy, mentally I am. I woke in the night excited about moving. I was wondering how to get up north for the closing at the beginning of June. I can take Danny with me, but I can be away for only a couple of days because of the cats. I’m rather nervous about driving to the Emerald City alone because I’ve never driven so many hours at one time and I am severely directionally challenged, which means I can get lost anywhere. It is my super weakness. It will take much courage for me to make the trip. Hopefully VIKI will be helpful. Otherwise I am doomed.
My mind is also filled with how and when to get all the pets up north, the logistics of moving, including change of address, utilities, and so on and so forth.
My faithful reader Lucindalines commented that she’d like to see the inside of the house. The pictures at the real estate site weren’t all that good and didn’t show as much of the interior as I would like to have seen. Here are a few of the better pictures:
I don’t like the kitchen’s red walls. EJ says that the living room walls are a dark blue, which I don’t like either, so we will paint them. I’ve been on-line looking at paint colors. I love warm neutral colors. However, it’s difficult to know what colors to choose when I don’t really know what the rooms are like. So I guess I will have to wait until I get there to choose colors.
We will also need to replace the carpet. I’d prefer to get laminate flooring because it’s easier to clean up after pets. If possible, I’d like to choose the flooring and have it professionally installed so it’s done quickly and we don’t have to worry about it. I was looking at Lowes’ flooring on the Internet today.
Other than the floors and painting the walls the colors we like, everything is perfect. EJ says it’s a tremendous house.
Despite everything that has to be planned, scheduled, organized, and accomplished, I think it’s really fun to have a fresh start.
I try to image what life will be like in the North country, but it will be totally different from what I’ve ever experienced. I grew up about 30 miles from where we currently live. EJ grew up on a 40 acre farm where any strangers who drove passed their house were lost. I have always lived in a town. My only experience with “country” living was the time I was caring for the cats of some out-of-town friends who live about 15-20 minutes from us. JJ was about 8 or 9 or 10 at the time, and we went to their house (with their permission) intending to spend Halloween night snacking on snack food and watching movies. We got so spooked by the darkness and unfamiliar country sounds that we decided to abandon the idea and go home. EJ and JJ say that in the North, the night is much blacker and we will be much more remote than anything down here. I expect to be scared at first until I get used to it–but I think it’s sort of a excited, shivery fear like hearing scary stories around a campfire.
Mostly I think about all the things to do and see and experience up there.
I’m excited!
There’s No Place Like Home
Friday after work my guys drove home for the weekend. It was so good to see them! I love for the weekends!
Saturday we drove to the home improvement store to buy paint so that I could paint the garage, back porch (inside and out), and front porch. I was really looking forward to beginning these projects this week, but then I saw that it’s supposed to rain and get colder this week so I will have to delay my work.
JJ hates going to the home improvement store, but he set up our new GPS for us and wanted to test it so he went along with us. We had to give our GPS a name. My sister-in-law named her GPS “Gracie” after George Burns’ wife. I think that’s a cute name. We decided to name our GPS VIKI after the artificial intelligence in the movie I, Robot. She felt that humans were a danger to themselves so she sought to “protect” them by tightly controlling them so they could do no harm. If the GPS had had a male voice we would have named it “HAL” after the murderous computer in the movie 2001: A Space Odessy. No sweet little GPS personality for us. We like science fiction and have watched too many movies about computers taking over the world.
As we drove along, VIKI called out directions. EJ, who rarely gets lost and doesn’t need VIKI like I do, disregarded her directions and drove the route he wanted. JJ and I told him that he was making VIKI upset and if he wasn’t careful he’d turn her into a controlling psychopath who twisted Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics to “protect” us. I think we are going to have fun with VIKI.
During Saturday afternoon, EJ and his friend worked on his pick up truck, to get it running. Once we get it to our new home, we will use it to plow our driveway in the winter. While he was off doing that, I washed the guys’ dirty laundry.
Today EJ and I drove to the city to get the tires rotated on his “Buggy”–the Xterra. None of the tire places were opened today, however. It would have been a totally unsuccessful trip except that EJ and I had a pleasant drive together and I got to play around with VIKI so that I could get familiar with her before I have to depend on her for real.
Friday EJ asked the realtor to write up another offer on the house we are interested in. We waited all day Saturday to hear from the sellers and all this morning. Nothing. I told EJ this morning that since life has not changed for me–I’m still living down here, still in our old house, still walking Danny the same route, still shopping at the same stores–going to the Emerald City seems like a dream to me. It’s like when you say that someday you will travel the world, but you can’t imagine it ever becoming a reality. It’s just something you dream about.
At 2 p.m. EJ and JJ packed their stuff into the Buggy and prepared to leave. I said my goodbyes and then went into the house and checked our email. Then I rushed outside, just before my guys began to drive away.
“We got an email from our realtor!” I shouted. “We have a deal! They accepted our offer!”
If everything goes well–the inspections and financing–we will close on June first. WHOO HOO! Soon our dream will become a reality for us all.
Our house has everything we wanted. It is a one story house with three bedrooms that need little work. We will just need to replace the carpet and paint the rooms the colors we prefer. It has a huge pantry, and a huge garage for EJ. It is located on five beautiful acres. This is what our house and property looks like:
I can’t wait to get there and begin my new life.
NOT Counting Chickens…
Ugh. I couldn’t get comfortable on the couch last night so at about 2 a.m. I went upstairs and slept in my bed. I didn’t wake coughing–so either I’m finally beginning to make progress with this stupid sickness or the cough medicine worked.
When I had dragged my sorry butt out of bed and had drunk at least one cup of coffee, I checked our email and found an email from the woman at the bank who is helping us with our mortgage. She told us how much we’d need at closing and it was less than we expected, and we think we can do it, so we are making another offer on the house. Although I’m trying hard to not count my chickens before they are hatched, I really expect the sellers to accept our offer. They had counter-offered with several options, such as if we paid the full price, they’d help pay for the closing, but the less we paid for the house the less closing costs they could help us with. Since it’s the closing costs we are most concerned with, we are offering full price with help with the closing.
JJ decided not to have the car today so he wouldn’t have to get up at 5:30 a.m. to take his Dad to work. He had told me that he was planning to spend the day writing. He also is trying to find a singles group or something in the area so that he can meet people his age. JJ said he’s really excited about life up there.
After reading what JJ wrote about his first week up north, I told him he should write a blog about his experiences. I wasn’t sure if he’d want to invest so much time to it, so I asked him if he wanted to become a contributor on this blog and occasionally write about his experiences up North. He agreed so as soon as I can set it up, expect to see some posts from him. If he doesn’t get too busy, that is.
I took Danny for his walk early this afternoon, and then went to the post office for the mail. Then I spent the several hours this afternoon working in the yard. The weather was really nice–in the mid-70s–but I was working so hard that it felt almost too warm. I thought, “It’s a good thing I’m moving up north where the temperatures are a little cooler.” I used to like warm temperatures, but I think I have some snowman DNA in me.
My guys are coming home–they are on their way right now as I write. They should be home in a few hours. I can’t wait to see my guys. After I finished working in the yard, I made homemade pizza for them.
Northern Experience
Tomorrow will complete my week without my family, another week at work for EJ, and JJ’s adventurous first week in the North. I think we are all having adventures of one sort or another and growing through them.
I have been alone for a few days before when EJ and JJ have gone on hunting trips in November. When they are away on hunting trips, I know that it’s only for a few days so it feels like a vacation to me–a few days to enjoy doing whatever I want and whenever I want. But this time, even though they are home on the weekends, I have no idea how long I will be without them so I miss them terribly.
I have trouble getting motivated in the mornings–I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not sleeping well or because I’m still struggling with this stupid illness that EJ gave me a month ago. I slept on the couch for the first couple of days this week because the cats settling around me made me feel not so alone. But they wake me with their comings and goings. Kee Kee paws me whenever he comes and then either nestles in my arms or settles on my neck. It’s sort of difficult to sleep when there’s a weight on my neck and I’m breathing in cat hair, so I shift him a bit. Luke sleeps on my stomach or legs, and Little Bear sleeps either on my body or on my head. Timmy doesn’t like to share, so he has been sleeping on the mountain of packed boxes. He sometimes joins me during the day when none of the other cats are near. All this activity wakes me through the night. Wednesday night I decided to go upstairs to sleep in my bed. The cats aren’t allowed upstairs so I would be undisturbed. A couple of hours later I woke coughing and vomiting the phlegm that closes off my throat at night so I went back downstairs to sleep propped up on the couch.
In the afternoons I have been mostly working in the yard, cleaning up not only the winter’s debris but also with the intention of making the yard appealing when we go to sell. When the weather gets warmer, if I’m still down here, I want to paint the garage and front porch. Inside the house there is a little bit of drywall to put up and quite a bit of mudding. I’m not able to put up the drywall, but I asked EJ to teach me to do the mudding so I can paint the already drywalled areas. I might as well be productive while I’m down here.
EJ spent the week learning a technique that I think he’s never done before. It’s called “bead blasting” or something like that. It’s been difficult and he leaves work exhausted. Because of that, we haven’t been able to move forward on the house we are interested in. The sellers owe almost as much on the house as they are selling it for so they can’t lower their price. We have to figure out if we can afford it. I think the monthly payment won’t be a problem as much as the money we will have to pay at closing. We have to be able to have money for inspections, surveys, and closing, as well as money for EJ and JJ’s hotel (until we move into a house), to move, to complete projects on our house down here, and stuff like that. I think EJ and the realtor are trying to work on figuring what we can do. I’ll let you know.
JJ has had an adventurous week. If he wants to have the car, he has to get up about 5:30 a.m. to take his Dad to work. Such an early morning is tough on him because he’s always been such a night owl.
There is a lot of construction going on in the Emerald City which is really making the roads congested with traffic. JJ is not used to driving in heavy traffic in unfamiliar places so it’s been stressful. Also, he hasn’t driven much since he had cancer, so he’s out of practice. He drove around on Monday and found the awesome library. Tuesday he decided to walk instead of drive. He had planned to walk to a local market to apply for a job–there are “help wanted” signs in the window, but I guess there was a lot of construction obstacles that made the walk difficult so he gave up after a bit and turned back. His route took him past a pretty park and he stopped there for a moment. I found the following picture of the park on Google maps. It’s really such a beautiful area.
Wednesday JJ also didn’t drive. He was tired so he pretty much stuck around his motel. However, today he was back on the road. He got turned around for a bit and ended up at another lakeside park, but he found his bearings again and made it to the market where he courageously asked for a job application. They told him to apply on-line. I guess most businesses do that nowadays.
Sometimes JJ gets anxious about all these new experiences in a totally unfamiliar area, but he’s overcoming it and doing great. When he got back to his hotel room after his morning of adventuring, he texted me:
I think I did alright. I took a road I was scared of taking, to a place I was scared of going, and then back to the hotel, while the fear was real.
JJ left early to pick up his Dad from work today. He had quite a wait in the car so he wrote about his first days in the North. JJ is a tremendous writer and I enjoyed what he wrote so asked if I could share it on my blog. He said that while he hadn’t intended for it to be public, I had his permission to share it. Here is what he wrote:
I’m sitting in “the buggy,” an older model Nissan xterra. The rain is starting and I’ve got another hour to kill before my dad gets out of the very square, very tan building where he’s been working for the past month. It’s the tail end of his first month here, the tail end of my first week. It’s a very different experience from what my life downstate was, startlingly so. As I sit here, casually reading my book and continuing a conversation via sms with my mom, I wonder if this life is really possible to maintain. Or if it will devolve into a cruel twin of the one we left behind. Oh, I very much hope not.
I’m looking out over the airport now. Lots of small planes brave the gloomy weather to ascend from the ground to allow their pilots the freedom of the skies. As someone who’s afraid of heights, I’m personally very much okay with enjoying the freedom of the ground.
I haven’t eaten anything today yet, as my stomach growls I search for anything edible within reach. I see what might be a banana, but as I pick up the bag it resides in, the contents shift and the peel reveals itself fully as a disappointment.
A flag of packaging catches my eye from the back seat, jackpot. I had forgotten that there might be something in the back from our drive up. I turn the bag around, and my luck fails. Buffalo wing kettle chips. While kettle chips are normally delicious, these are not. As evidenced by the mostly full bag that’s been sitting in the car for the entire week. Stale chips, still better than nothing. Chomp.
The first bite reveals that I was wrong, woefully wrong and that nothing is indeed, MUCH better than these disgusting potato oblongs that have been adulterated by buffalo powder. (Made from the tears of actual buffalo don’tcha know.)
As I’m still making a face from the terrible taste of the chips, a coast guard seahawk (or something similar) makes an approach, its orange and white paint a startling contrast to the gray of rain bearing clouds. It lands about two hundred feet away, creating the illusion of weightlessness as its wheels touch down. The ground crew scramble as it’s rotors slowly spool down, each revolution taking slightly longer then the last until it finally grinds to a halt. Neat.
My stomach growling snaps me out of my rapt attention for the aircraft. I could really go for something other than these chips. Maybe we can stop somewhere for food once my dad is out of work. Somewhere with a milkshake my stomach insists. Dons, a diner/drive-in close by, comes quickly to mind with its cherry milkshakes. Those were wonderful.
I’ve made my decision, I feel freed, much more able to pursue what I want. I feel kind of like a freed prisoner though, not quite sure what to do with the freedom, not quite wanting to test the boundaries for fear of reprisals.
This land of black squirrels, rats with wings overhead, (normal people call them “gulls” which I find a boring descriptor.) And murderous traffic, (I’ve found myself wanting to attach spikes to my wheels or some other implement designed to defend myself from stupid) is, for some reason, both sides of two extremes for me.
On the one hand, it’s a source of freedom, a breath of fresh air, a land of opportunity. On the other hand, it’s a place of new, terrifying things. Of dense, rush hour traffic, uncertainties, and unfamiliarity. The first half of that outweighs it all though. I look forward to my time here, even if I am utterly terrified of it at times.
When EJ’s shift ended and he joined JJ in the Buggy, they went out to eat and then drove around together. JJ texted me that he saw buffalo.
The North is so good for EJ and JJ. I’m so glad we are doing this! Now I just need to get up there with Danny and the cats…
JJ’s Northern Adventure
There’s really not much to do in our area and JJ never found a close friend who shares his interests. Over the years we’ve looked for interest or hobby groups but none were available. Last February we finally found a writing class offered through the community program at a public school in a nearby town. JJ was disappointed that he was the only student since he was hoping to meet people his age with similar interests. However, it turned out to be a blessing. The teacher was a writer and journalist who helped him with the book he is writing. She actually made few suggestions or corrections but encouraged him greatly. In fact, she felt he was such a wonderful writer that after the four-week class ended, she continued working with him at no charge. He called her last week to tell her that he wouldn’t be able to continue the class–I’ll describe the reason in the next paragraph. At their last session she hugged him, offered to be a job reference for him, gave him a $25 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble and a card in which she wrote, “Never forget you’re a wonderful writer! It’s been a joy working with you.” JJ was incredibly touched and encouraged.
Anyway, JJ was feeling bored, discouraged, and restless so I suggested he go up north with his Dad. He couldn’t go last week because he had to have his port flushed at the Cancer Center. We told the nurse flushing his port that we were moving to the Emerald City. She told us that while she wouldn’t want to live up there where it’s so cold and snowy in the winter, it’s a beautiful and amazing place. She said one winter she went there and the large waves of the nearby Great Lake had frozen. Crowds of people were walking onto the frozen lake and climbing the waves. When we got home, I look found pictures of it on the Internet. It’s beautifully amazing and I can’t wait to climb frozen waves in the winter.
Last Friday EJ arranged for a two-bed hotel room so JJ could stay with him. The receptionist didn’t even charge him extra for JJ, which I thought was nice.
When I suggested JJ join his Dad, EJ was working from 7 p.m. until 3:30 am., which is in sync with JJ’s night owl schedule. JJ would be still awake when EJ got home from work, they’d sleep at the same time, and then they could spend the day together. However, last week EJ began working first shift, which means their schedule is incompatible and JJ would be alone most of the day and spend only a few hours with EJ before he has to go to bed. I didn’t know how that would work. I encouraged JJ to not stay in his hotel room, but to explore and interact with people.
When they reached TC yesterday, EJ showed JJ where some of the main roads are located. We ordered a GPS from Amazon last weekend to help him (and later me) find our way in the area, but JJ won’t be able to get it until next weekend, so he has to learn his way this week. In many ways I think it’s beneficial to JJ because he can learn to find his own way and have his own adventures.
This morning JJ dropped EJ off at work and then he went exploring. He stopped at a restaurant for breakfast. He is keeping me updated on his adventures through text and phone calls. He told me, “I am terrified, but I am making myself be bold.” At the restaurant he talked to some of the locals, including the owner. JJ found out that the owner is scoutmaster and he told him he is an Eagle Scout. The owner gave JJ some suggestions about where to look for a job.
I found the location of the library on Google maps and told JJ where it was. The library in the town we live is very small. JJ was amazed that the library up north is HUGE and two stories and filled with all sorts of wonders and amazements. He sent me several texts:
“It is HEEEEAAAVEN!”
“Am now lost inside library.”
“They have copies of fav comic…”
“I am having fun”
“Talked to library peeps about card. I do need an address but, aw well, am awesome at the moment.”
“I am in natural element. This is so cooool!”
I couldn’t resist warning him to be careful of the shadows in the library, which is a reference to a Doctor Who episode in which the Doctor and his companion landed in the 51st century to visit the greatest library in the universe, encompassing an entire planet, but are baffled when they find it deserted. They discover the Vashta Nerada, carnivorous creatures living in the shadows, are responsible. All they have is one warning—count the shadows. After my warning to JJ, I told him that I was glad he was enjoying the library and to have fun with his exploring. He later called me to describe all the wonders he was discovering at the library. “This is the best library EVER!” He said books and movies can be borrowed or they can be downloaded onto computers and tablets. He told me that he can look out the window and see the Lake. “I also saw a poster for a Film Festival in the Emerald City!” he exclaimed. I told him that the Emerald City has lots of festivals and activities going on all the time. I suggested he ask the librarians if they knew of any writing groups. He did and said they weren’t aware of any, but they did have several Book Clubs meet in the library. JJ might explore those.
JJ said, “I finally know why you and Dad love Michigan so much. This is an awesome area and very beautiful. There is so much to do here! I love it!”
I love hearing about his adventures, but I mostly love hearing the delight, joy, and wonder in his voice. This move has been so good for my guys. Now they just need to get me up there.
They are working on it. Last week the realtor showed EJ a really nice house–which I mentioned in my last post. EJ says it’s the best place he has seen so far. The house is in the Enchanted Forest. It sits on a hill, surrounded by trees, and can’t be seen from the road. It’s on five acres, although some of the land includes deep gullies to either side, making only about 3 acres usable. That doesn’t bother us because EJ says that no one will ever be able to build right next to us, which gives us space and privacy. I think of it as being a castle with a moat around it. There’s lots of storage, including a pantry that is bigger than our current kitchen. The carpet could use replacing, and we’d paint the walls to colors we prefer, but otherwise it’s move-in ready. The garage is as big as the house so EJ would have an awesome shop. It sounds perfect.
EJ wrote an offer after he saw the house. The house is about $5,000 more than we are qualified for so we offered less. The problem is that the sellers still owe about that much on the house, which means they cannot lower their price. We really wanted a less expensive house, but EJ says this house is more than worth the price. So he has to talk to our loan person at the bank and see what we can do, and then decide whether to get the house or look for another. The price makes me a bit nervous, but the house is a good one and I really want to join my family.
So we shall see what happens next.
Much and Nothing
I haven’t written for almost two weeks! In that time, it feels as if life has been filled with busyness and with many ups and downs–and yet not a lot has changed. Yet.
JJ was sick last week. He felt miserable for a few days but he’s already pretty much over it. I, on the other hand, am still coughing, gagging on phlegm, and struggling to feel motivated after more than three weeks. This sickness has been awful.
Spring is slowly arriving. The temperatures are gradually creeping in, I see tiny buds on the lilac bush, the Robins are back (which is one of the signs of Spring in our area) and we are getting rain instead of snow. The weather was warm and nice on Monday so I made myself go out and do yard work. I made a lot of progress, but it’s rained every day since so I haven’t gotten back outside. Today I can hear the wind howling outside. We have high wind advisories.
It’s been over 20 years since EJ and I moved into our current house, and I had forgotten what an ordeal finding and buying a house is. We looked for a house for 18 months before we found our house. We don’t have that sort of time to find a house this time. We miss each other too much and living in a motel is too expensive.
Our search for a house near the Emerald City has been filled with ups and downs and hopes and disappointments. First, we made an offer on the house in the Enchanted Forest. The sellers verbally accepted it and then changed their minds before they signed anything. EJ was actually relieved because he thought the house was too old. A week later, we found a quirky house on 10 acres in a beautiful area on the other side of the Emerald City. EJ loved it. He arranged to look at it with the realtor, declaring that if it didn’t have major problems he was going to make an offer. The pictures on the real estate site must have been taken several years ago, however, because they looked a lot better than the house did. EJ said the house was a money pit. Next, we found a house that was perfect: in good condition, on 5 acres, with a wonderful garage, in a beautiful setting, at just the right distance from work. Although EJ quickly arranged to see it with the realtor, it was sold before he got out of work. It had been on the market for less than a day. Bummer.
Yesterday EJ looked at another house with the realtor not too far from the first house. EJ said it looked really good and he’s going to make an offer on it. It’s actually too expensive, but it’s been on the market for 80 days and the listing says that the seller is “very motivated” so and EJ is going to offer less and see if we can get it. We shall see how that goes. I’m trying not to get too attached to it, but whenever we find a house that we consider buying, I begin to imagine moving and living there which makes it a disappointment when we don’t get the house.
Last week EJ’s sister and her husband visited him in the Emerald City. They live only a couple of hours away. She called me later and said that EJ was really looking good–much less gray and sick. I have also noticed that he is healthier and happier. That makes the move worth the difficulties and risks we are taking.
Now we are working at getting JJ up there so he can also thrive. JJ has been feeling restless, feeling that he ought to be getting on with his life. Having a major disease like cancer really takes a toll on a person both physically and emotionally–as well as on his family. I actually think that the last year has been emotionally more difficult for us than going through the actual cancer treatment. During the treatments, we lived in the moment and did what we had to do when we had to do it. We pushed weariness aside. After the treatments were finished, we physically and emotionally crashed. I see it as a good sign that JJ is now getting restless to get back into life. We decided that he could join his Dad and start looking for a job. Transportation might be tricky because they will have only one vehicle between them, but they can work it out somehow. Once JJ saves a little money, he can buy his own vehicle. He needs to get a four-wheel drive vehicle to handle the winter weather up there. It will be more expensive with JJ living up there, but if they have to, he and his Dad will find a monthly apartment/cabin to rent, which will be cheaper than motels.
I long to join them, but I need to stay down here and take care of the pets and bills and stuff. I will also have to find a new oncologist for JJ up there. I’m hoping and praying we find our house SOON so we can all be together.
The Journey to the Enchanted Forest
We are all in various stages of this respiratory infection. It’s been a terrible sickness in which we’ve had nightmares, periods of chills and sweats, terrible deep coughs, loss of voice, lethargy, and other symptoms. After a month, EJ is mostly healthy, although he still has a bit of a cough. After almost two weeks, I am finally beginning to feel better, although my cough is still terrible and wakes me in the night. JJ is currently at the lowest point, feeling absolutely miserable, cough, and vomiting mucous. This sickness has been awful.
EJ comes home from the Emerald City every Saturday morning and leaves on Sunday afternoon. We are always excited to see him. EJ said that when he came through the door this last Saturday, Kee Kee loudly scolded him for being away.
Last Wednesday we wrote an offer on the house in the Enchanted Forest. We didn’t hear anything until Saturday morning, when the sellers wrote a counter-offer and we wrote a counter-offer to their counter-offer. We waited and waited and didn’t hear anything. EJ began to wonder if we should have accepted the counter offer and then he began to wonder if we actually wanted the house at all. It has almost everything we are looking for except that it is an older manufactured house.
The Emerald City/Enchanted Forest area is a highly desired area. It’s hard to find a house that suits us. We wanted a one story house on a few acres that didn’t need much work, wasn’t too expensive, and was not too close to the city where prices and taxes are high–but not too far either because the area gets tons of snow and winter driving can be a challenge. We thought we might need to compromise some of our desires, but the thought of living close to neighbors made me (us) felt claustrophobic, and our current house is a fixer upper and it feels as if we are always pouring money and effort into it and still can’t keep up. We don’t want a too expensive house because we’d like someday to get debt-free. I looked at houses that were $50,000 more than we really felt comfortable buying and still didn’t find houses that we liked. When we crossed off all the houses on the real estate sites, we were always, always left with the house in the Enchanted Forest.
It turns out that the sellers are older and don’t have computers or email–and maybe not cell phones?–so they were hard to reach. They accepted our counter offer which means the house is OURS. Well, IF it passes inspections, and the financing goes through ok, and all that. I don’t like to count my chickens before they are hatched. As the old adage says, “it ain’t over till the fat lady sings–and all the other appropriate metaphors to express that I won’t really consider the house ours until all the obstacles are overcome and we have the keys in our hands.
Now I fluctuate between anxiety (“Oh, my goodness, what have we done???”) to joy and excitement–mostly joy and excitement.
The anxiety comes because it’s such a huge scary risk for us, and we can see all the ways it can end in complete disaster. I find that circumstances often bring a person–or at least me–to confront insecurities, anxieties, and fears. In addition, people who have suffered from abuse often struggle with fear of risk and failure, second-guessing, and need for security. Taking such a huge financial risk has made me confront these types of fears. I don’t think that is a bad thing–because often strength grows when fears are confronted and overcome. It’s only bad if the fear wins. Our journey to the Emerald City and the Enchanted Forest is in many ways an emotional and spiritual journey. It involves facing anxiety, letting go of security and taking risk in order to grow.
Still, it’s not easy. I don’t know if we would have taken such risks if life wasn’t becoming intolerable. EJ’s old job was abusively stressful. The company fired people often so everyone lived under the threat of losing their jobs. EJ had to lift heavy parts and crawl into machines, which was very bad for his back. The smoky factory was affecting his lungs and the coolant was eating his skin. EJ was often exhausted and in great pain when he was home. Also, EJ grew up on a farm so he found living in town difficult.
We currently life close to my abusive family. I’ve become weary of the turmoil they have caused. I no longer seek contact with them, but occasionally they contact me and it’s always negative. I don’t fear them, but their closeness and the possibility of unexpected encounters feels psychologically burdening. I long to get out of reach of contact. Also, I want to live in a beautiful area where I can enjoy nature and where the sky is not blocked by houses and the stars are not drowned by light pollution. We always go outside to look at meteorite showers, but it’s been years since I’ve seen any meteorites streaking across the night sky.
And JJ, also, is wearied and wants a new beginning. We have all felt as if our spirits couldn’t breathe and if we didn’t make changes NOW, we’d merely “live lives of quiet desperation” until we died. Sounds melodramatic, I know, but that’s how it felt.
So far the changes are good and it feels as if we are coming back to life and that is so exciting.
EJ says his new job is probably the most challenging job he’s ever had. However, it’s also the best job he’s ever had. The factory is not smoky, not noisy, and EJ never has to lift heavy parts. He has taken only one pain pill since he’s been at the new job. The coolant doesn’t eat his skin. Although the sickness he had was terrible, it caused him to cough up the magnesium dust he had breathed in the old factory for 17 years, ridding his lungs of it.
Saturday evening EJ and I heard there was a possibility to see the Northern Lights, so we went outside. We could hardly see any stars in the light-washed sky. EJ said that in the new area, the towns are like outposts of civilization surrounded by wilderness. Because of the vast forests and huge lakes, there aren’t many lights so the sky is the blackest black imaginable and the stars are so many and bright and close that it seems like he can reach up and touch them.
He said our new house is located “in a little valley, like a delicious sublime secret.” There are many state forests in the area and several nature/wildlife sanctuaries located nearby. There are deer, foxes, wolves, bald eagles, martens, fishers, weasels, a possibility of bears, and all sorts of other wildlife in the area.
It sounds enchanting, and well worth the risks, obstacles, and dangers we must encounter to reach it. Sometimes it’s worth throwing caution to the wind and reaching for the dream. I really can’t wait to get there. I’m so excited!
Offer
I am beginning my second week of being sick with the nasty respiratory infection that EJ gave me. He was sick with it for at least two weeks, so I kind of expect the same. I am very congested, swimmy-headed, and tired, and I have a nasty cough which wakes me every few hours throughout the night. Usually I start out sleeping in my bed but then move downstairs to sleep propped up in EJ’s lazy-boy chair. During the day I get the tasks done that I absolutely need to get done and then I doze in the lazy-boy. It’s awful.
A couple of days ago JJ started coming down with the sickness too. He doesn’t seem to have it so bad (yet) and is complaining mostly of a headache and an earache.
After searching and discussing and searching and discussing, EJ and I finally decided that the house in the Enchanted Forest is the one that best met our needs so we are putting an offer on the house. I don’t know how it’s done in other countries, but in the USA it means that we present to the seller the price, terms we are willing to offer for the house and then they can either present a counter-offer, reject it, or accept it. The terms/conditions are usually that we will buy the house if the surveys and inspections are favorable and we can get financing. Buyers can also ask that problems are fixed or that the seller pay for some of the closing costs or inspections–anything. If the sellers accept the offer, then the inspections and surveys will be done and all that.
EJ says that it’s really quiet and peaceful in the Enchanted Forest. I am really excited about moving there. I can’t wait to see darker skies and more stars and northern lights. I can’t wait to settle into a new area with wonderful natural beauty.
But it’s also scary too. We are taking a huge risk in making these changes. I’m a Hobbit and adventurous change is scary.
But then I think of EJ telling me that he is really enjoying his new job and doing well at it. And he says that he has only had to take his pain killers once since he’s been working in the Emerald City–instead of every day. He is so much more happier than he has been in the soul-crushing struggle down here.
And that makes it all worth the risk.
There’s No Place Like Home
JJ and my packing came to an abrupt stop until the middle of last week when I got sick. I think I probably caught EJ’s respiratory infection when he came home the weekend before. I think catching his infection was a small price to pay for having him home for the weekend. Still, I have felt quite miserable with terrible congestion and cough. And during last night, I lost my voice which makes it hard to communicate.
EJ came home again this weekend. He gets out of work at 3 a.m. and he left immediately for home, getting here about 8:30 a.m. It is always wonderful to have him home but we miss each other so much that it’s getting more difficult to let him leave. JJ’s birthday was Saturday. We let him choose a gift from Amazon and got take out pizza from Little Caesars. None of us were feeling well, but we didn’t want to skip JJ’s birthday. It all seemed kind of pathetic though. But we told JJ that when we get to the Emerald City, we will buy celebrate more thoroughly.
We are anxious to find a house so that we can join EJ. Besides missing each other terribly, living apart is expensive and we don’t want to fritter away our savings. It doesn’t help that EJ’s old company canceled our insurance the day he left, instead of paying the insurance to the end of the month in which he quit, which they have always done before. EJ has work hard and faithfully at the company for 17 years and it just seems especially nasty that they did this to him. It will cost us more than $1,000 extra to pay for COBRA for the extra month because they did this. EJ is actually considering looking into whether it’s legal for them to do this. If it’s not, he might file a complaint. Doing such things is not our usually style (as in, we never make a fuss) but the company is so terrible to its employees that it might be worth pursuing. I tried to look at whether it’s legal on-line but I get different answers. We do know that if the employee handbook states that they pay for insurance coverage until the end of the month, we do have basis for a complaint. We are rather disgusted with the company.
By the way, he is really enjoying the new company. EJ says this appears to be the best company he has ever worked for.
Anyway, EJ, JJ and I are anxious to be together in the Emerald City and he is anxious for us to join him too. We keep looking and looking for houses but none is exactly right. We keep wondering which of our “requirements” we can compromise on, but we really can’t bear to have neighbors who are too close, or to have too little land, or to have a house that is too far away, or that requires too much work, or is too expensive, or some other thing that makes it unacceptable. It’s not all just “want.” A house that is too far away will take longer to drive, put more wear and tear on the vehicles, be expensive if gas goes up, and will take JJ away from the college activities and friendships. Living in a town or on too little land means EJ and I sacrifice our dream of having space. After living in town for so many years, the thought of having neighbors too close makes me feel claustrophobic. And EJ hasn’t been happy living in town. And so on.
The house that seems to best suits are needs is the one in the Enchanted Forest. It has five acres near beautiful nature areas. It’s not terribly far from the Emerald City and is quite near a town that is large enough so JJ could easily get a job and we could get groceries. It’s practically perfect. EJ said he saw nothing about the house that caused him concern except that it’s a manufactured house that was built in the 80’s. He thinks that it’s a bit too old. In 20 years, it will be a 50-year-old manufactured house and it’s value will probably have decreased. He says that a good quality manufactured house might not be as good quality as a house manufactured later. I, also, would prefer a regular site-built house, but I think most of them are out of reach financially–or have too little land, etc. EJ’s co-workers tell him that there are a lot of manufactured houses near the Emerald City. So do we risk this one or risk being apart longer and maybe frittering away our money on motel rooms, which will get more expensive when tourist season hits?
Sigh.
EJ and I have to decide what to do soon, but it’s really difficult to know what to do.
Maybe I should click my heels together three times and repeat, “There’s no place like home…” It worked for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.
The Enchanted Forest
EJ came home for the weekend. He got home from on Saturday afternoon and left on Sunday afternoon. It was so wonderful to see him! We went to the store together and EJ encountered a couple of his former co-workers. The joy on his face as he talked about his new job was a delight to me. He exclaimed that there is no smoke at his new company, no heavy parts to lift, and it’s not terribly noisy. Plus, he works with some nice people. I haven’t heard such joy for quite some time.
We stopped at the pharmacy so EJ could pick up a prescription. We found out when we tried to pay for the medication that EJ’s former company had canceled our insurance on the day he left the company. Usually they provide insurance until the end of the month, but when EJ called them this morning, he was told they don’t do that anymore. So now we have to buy COBRA until EJ gets regular insurance after he has worked at the new company for 90 days. I’m so glad he is out of the old company.
This morning I drove JJ to visit his oncologist for his three-month checkup. Everything is clear. The oncologist said that he thinks the shadow on the CT scan was scar tissue–and they will keep an eye on that. We told him that we were in the process of moving to the Emerald City. He said that we could have the CT scans and lab work done up there and just come down for the follow-up visits. Or, if we preferred, he would recommend a good oncologist up near the Emerald City. We told him we’d let him know.
While EJ was home, we looked at and discussed the houses on real estate websites together. We decided against the one he was planning to look at because EJ’s new co-workers had advised him against the area. Also, the realtor had said that since the house was a foreclosure, banks might be reluctant to finance it. We finally decided on a house that has been on our “possibilities list” for a few weeks. EJ was tempted to cross it off when he heard that there was going to be road construction on the route he’d take to work each day and also that it would get clogged with tourists during the summer. However, I reminded him that the construction would be temporary and there would be lots of tourists no matter where we lived up there. This house was absolutely the best house I had seen for the price. I liked the place and it wasn’t a foreclosure.
EJ met a realtor this morning at the house. He said it looks really nice. It’s on five acres surrounded by trees. He said the setting is so beautiful that he didn’t want to leave it. He took a wrong turn driving there (or maybe driving away from it) and ended up having to almost four-wheel on the road so he said getting four-wheeled vehicles would be a must. We already have the Xterra, but we’d need to replace the HHR with a four-wheel vehicle. The roads get plowed in the winter, which is a necessity since there’s lots of snow there. The realtor would actually be a neighbor. Here are pictures of the house:
EJ talked to a mortgage person on the phone when he got back to the hotel. He asked me to fax some documents to her and he will meet with her tomorrow morning. If we get a pre-approval, EJ will write an offer for the house. I really pray we get this house. The area is beautiful! We could watch stars, and meteorite showers, and the northern lights. We could enjoy storms rolling in. We could see wonderful birds and other wildlife. We would be not far from lakes.
EJ said that it’s amazing to him that the towns are like little outposts surrounded by wilderness. He said he’d make sure we all had smartphones so that we had GPS.
I told EJ that he might work in the Emerald City, but if we get this house, we’d live at the edge of the Enchanted Forest.
I’m so excited.
Possibilities
We are making good progress packing up the house. All the rooms, closets, and drawers are nearly empty except for the kitchen and bathroom. I am leaving those for last. After that I will have to work on the back porch and basement. I’m not sure how much progress I can make on the basement, but I want to at least get started. I also want to do a little yard work. I have so much to do.
The only room in the house that is getting more full instead of more empty is the living room. I have pushed all the living room furniture to one end of the room. At the other end, boxes are creeping away from the wall and consuming floor space like a monster. Poor Danny has less and less room to navigate. However, Kee Kee loves to sleep in empty boxes and Timmy and Little Bear are enjoying climbing the mountains of boxes and hiding in nooks and crannies. Luke just enjoys cuddling with JJ.
It’s rather interesting watching our lives get reduced to boxes in the living room.
As rooms empty and boxes accumulate, JJ says he is getting really excited. He sort of fluctuates between excitement and nervousness. I mean, what if it’s not a change for the better? What if he doesn’t find friends? I told him that we know what to expect where we now live, but the really wonderful thing about the move is the possibilities it opens up for us. We have a chance at a new beginning–we will have no personal history up there and the future is filled with mysterious possibilities to explore. It’s like the poem Bilbo Baggins recited in The Lord of the Rings:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
And there’s also a different version of the poem that Bilbo first recited in The Hobbit. This version reminds me of the many places of natural beauty we can explore in the new location.
Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.
Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.
Last week when EJ and I opened new accounts at the bank with branches both here and there, Anne, the Branch Financial Sales Consultant, told me that she would help me set up on-line banking once the accounts were all set up and we had received our ATM cards. I finally had time yesterday so I drove into the bank. (Ok, I didn’t really drive “into” the bank, but into the town to where the bank is.) Anne was busy but the branch manager sat down with me and helped me set up the on-line banking and learn to use their ATM. I felt a bit like an old lady who needs her grandchildren to teach her how to turn on the DVD player, but I have never done on-line banking before and we almost never use an ATM. These newfangled technologies change all time so it was good to get updated. I think it will be handy to do on-line banking with EJ living in one place and we in another.
When I look at real estate sites, especially those with maps, I think “Somewhere in this area is our new home.” That is exciting. I don’t particularly enjoy packing up a lifetime of possessions in our old house, but I get excited at the thought of unpacking and settling in a new home. Building the new is more enjoyable than deconstructing the old, I think.
Yesterday afternoon EJ drove to a couple of possible houses that we had found on real estate sites.
The first house was a foreclosure on 8 acres selling for $54,000. In 2011 it had sold for $176,000. The realtor had told EJ that it was a tremendous bargain. EJ couldn’t find the house so he called me. I’m EJ’s “hero support”–when he needs info or directions, he calls me and I looked it up on the Internet. I saw that the house–as well as a few others–was actually on a drive off the main road. EJ said the actual road was a private road and very rough–a person almost needed four-wheel drive to travel on it. He decided not to try to go on the smaller drive. He said it was too wild of an area and the road too rough and “adventurous” so we crossed the house off our list.
The next house he drove to is actually his favorite of the houses available on the real estate sites. It is a house on 3.7 acres for $65,000. It has a basement, garage, and two pole barns. I think the kitchen is cheerful. EJ said the place and the neighborhood looks nice. He called the realtor and made an appointment to look at it on Monday. The problem is that the house is a foreclosed manufactured house so it might be difficult to get financing. Also, it is sold “as is” which is sort of scary.
We are hoping to find a three bedroom house that isn’t too close to the Emerald City (where the taxes are higher). However, because the area gets tons of snow, we don’t want to live too far away either. In the summer, there also will be lots of tourists which will increase traffic and could make getting to work time-consuming. I told EJ to remember that summer is “tourist season” and he doesn’t even need a license. JJ laughed and said that I was very terrible.
EJ grew up on a farm so living in a town has felt too restrictive to him. I also want to have more space. Therefore, we want to have at least a couple of acres–more would be better. We’d like a finished basement or a garage–or both–so EJ has room for his “guy stuff.” We don’t have that in our current house and it’s been a frustration because EJ has no area to putter. We also don’t want a house that will need a ton of work. We are moving to “vacation” area so when EJ is not working, we’d like to be able to enjoy our surroundings rather than have to always work on a house. However, we would like to have a chance at being debt-free so we don’t want a really expensive house. It’s difficult to find a house that fits all these parameters. I know, I know, we could loosen our restrictions, and we have looked at houses with less land or for more money. But having a small lot feels intolerable and slightly more expensive houses (up to $110,000) don’t look much better than the less expensive houses. We do find houses, but they are usually either manufactured houses or foreclosures. We don’t mind either, but we are unsure how to get financing because sometimes banks are reluctant to loan money for them. That’s one thing EJ will need to discuss with the loan person up in the Emerald City. We probably could find a good house if we had time, but it’s expensive for EJ to live in motels and we all want to be together again ASAP. We are praying that God helps us to quickly find the house that is “just right.”
EJ is driving down today to spend time with us. He should arrive at mid-afternoon. He will return to the Emerald City on Sunday. I can’t wait to see him.
The Saga Continues
The saga of our move continues…
I’ve been spending my days packing. I’m trying to get everything packed as soon as possible so we will be ready to move as soon as EJ finds us a house. Upstairs we have the library all packed, most of JJ’s room packed, and a good start on our master bedroom. Downstairs the media closet under the stairs is emptied, as well as the china cabinet, desks, and end table drawers. I will pack the kitchen and bathroom last–and only the nonessential things. Then we can start on the back porch and basement. Ugh. Not looking forward to those.
JJ has been very helpful to me as we pack. He carries items for me to pack and then carries then moves the filled boxes where I direct. Three times this week we have gone to Meijers, a store somewhat like Wal-mart, for more boxes. We have developed a system: We first shop for items we need, such as plastic totes. We are putting our more precious items like picture albums, extra-special books, and breakable keepsakes in the totes where they will be more protected. After we buy the items, we take them out to the car, and then return to the store. We go to the produce section, find a produce employee, and beg for empty boxes. They are always really friendly and they cheerfully go in the back rooms and return with a large double-decker cart full of empty apple and banana boxes. While JJ pulls the cart through the store, I hurry to the car and drive it up to the door. Then we stuff the car full of as many boxes as it can hold. Then JJ returns the cart and off we go home to back.
EJ has had a tough first week at his new job. Besides starting a new job, which I think is always overwhelming, he has been very sick. He said this is his in his top 5 list of “The Sickest I’ve Ever Been.”
And then last night EJ texted me that he had to have some documents and if he didn’t have them, he “couldn’t be here.” Seriously? You have got to be kidding! I didn’t know if that meant he couldn’t return to work until he had them or that he’d be fired. I had packed all the desks and drawers and important papers just the day before, so I wasn’t sure where to find the documents. So I unpacked boxes and went through all the paperwork, and found one but not the other. I continued my search this morning but couldn’t find the second document. Yikes! I saw our dreams disappearing!
As soon as EJ got out of work at 3 a.m., he started driving for home to retrieve the one document I found. He got home at about 8:30 a.m. It was really good to see him!!!!! He slept for a few hours. He had hardly slept all week because he was so sick. When he woke, I made him steak and eggs. He told me then that he only needed one or the other document, not both. Whew! He turned in the paperwork to the HR department and, since he hadn’t slept for about 25 hours, they said he didn’t have to come in to work tonight.
I’m so totally ready for less drama in our lives. There has been so many I almost crises in our lives that JJ and I keep quoting from a scene from The Emperor’s New Groove:
Uh-oh.
Don’t tell me. We’re about to go over a huge waterfall.
Yep.
Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Most likely.
Bring it on.
After EJ left, I drove JJ to the city to get his blood drawn in preparation for his appointment with his oncologist on Monday. JJ told me as we drove along that his Scoutmaster had said that the troop would help us load the vehicles when we were ready to move. I thought that was really nice.
We are totally excited about moving, but I recognize that there are also people in this area that we will miss.
JJ and I were really tired when we got home today so after we ate, we decided to take naps. JJ fell asleep right away, but I couldn’t sleep so I decided to take Danny for a walk. My poor dog hasn’t had a walk in a long time. February was filled with sub-zero temperatures and even lower windchills so I didn’t want to take him out. Also, there was a lot of ice making sidewalks and roads very slippery and both Danny and I often slipped. This last week the temperatures have skyrocketed and a lot of the snow has melted. There are huge patches of green. However, I have been so busy packing that I didn’t have time or energy to walk Danny. Today was so nice, though, and I feel sorry for Danny because as we pack more and more of the house, the boxes are taking up more floor space, so now JJ, Danny, the cats, and I have to navigate through a maze. Ok, not quite that bad, but it’s getting pretty crowded. I felt sorry for Danny so I took him for a walk. It was really nice to get outside. Danny was excited about his walk. Even though it’s only in the 40s, it felt very Springlike and kids were out in short sleeves playing basketball.
The sparrows are beginning to build their nests in the birdhouses. I really want to take the birdhouses with us, but I do not want to be responsible for the deaths of baby birds. I might have to leave them unless I can take them down after one group of babies have left the nest and the parents lay more eggs.
Separation
This morning my dear hubby drove off to the Emerald City. I missed him before he even left and I teared up as he drove away. Except for a few days when he was off hunting, we have never been apart. I really miss him.
I’m very concerned for EJ because he is feeling quite sick, but he can’t be sick because he starts his new job tomorrow. Please pray that he will feel better by tomorrow so he can start his new job with a strong body and a clear mind. I know that it’s difficult to be the “new guy” and that first weeks can be difficult. I am praying this week will go well and that this company will be wonderful to work for. I am also praying EJ can find us a house quickly so we can join him soon.
To help me not miss EJ so much, I am keeping busy. I have tons to do.
After EJ drove away, JJ and I drove to a large grocery store. At EJ’s suggestion, we bought some plastic totes to protect our more precious books and picture albums. I also bought a couple banker boxes for the important papers in our file cabinet. Well, sort of. I couldn’t find any banker’s boxes, so I asked a store employee and she didn’t know what they were. She led me to some little safes. She finally found me an older store employee were knew what they were. After searching and checking with another employee, he told me that they used to have banker’s boxes but they didn’t have them anymore. So I went back to the aisle where I got the totes and we found some plastic boxes made especially for files. That worked.
After we purchased our totes and carried them out to the car, we returned to find some free empty boxes. We started out at the Customer service desk and the woman there directed us to the deli, and the woman there told us that the produce department and really good, strong boxes. When we asked the employee in the produce department, he went back into the stores innards, and pulled out a huge cart filled with many boxes. He said we could take the cart to our car and take the boxes we wanted. So we pulled the cart through the store and JJ waited just inside the store with the cart while I pulled the car up. Then we loaded the boxes into the car. Thanks to JJ’s efforts, we were able to get ten boxes into the car in addition to the plastic totes. JJ pulled cart with the remaining boxes back into the store intended to take them back to the produce man, but the greeter said she’d take care of it.
Once we reached home, we ate lunch and then JJ emptied the books on the three bookcases in his room. He got tired of bringing them down by the armloads so I gave him a laundry basket to fill and bring down. I fit the books he brought down into the boxes, along with the books filling the china cabinet and the closet under the stairs. We have now finished packing all the books, except for the cookbooks in the kitchen. We didn’t count, but I think we have about 50 or 60 boxes of books.
Next we will begin packing other stuff. Packing up a house feels overwhelming. I’d much rather unpack it all.
I really miss EJ.
