I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Last Week
Yesterday we had a relatively quiet morning. Well, except for the hawk. It twice tried to catch its breakfast at our bird feeder. The birds all were in a panic to get away and some of them sort of hit the window. The second time I saw the hawk sitting on the branch of a nearby camera. I grabbed my camera and was able to take one picture before it flew away. We googled the hawk to learn what kind it is, and our best guess is that it is a female Cooper’s hawk. I don’t like the hawk eating our song birds, but the hawk has to eat too and it sure is beautiful.
Sunday afternoon EJ and I went on a sort of date. We went to the store that is sort of like a farmer’s market and bought a few items. Mostly we went not because we really needed anything but because we wanted to get out and spend time together. EJ suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which is a sort of “winter blues” that happens during this time of year because of lack of sunshine. EJ used to have a full-spectrum light that mimics the light of sunshine but he gave it away to a friend who needed it more. So instead we just got out of the house for a while. We love driving around, and browsing through interesting stores, and just hanging out. While we were gone, JJ enjoyed his online friends and gaming.
We enjoy going to the market. There are a lot of interesting fruits and veggies, food and flowers there that we enjoy. Sometimes there is live music (but not yesterday) and we always get a cup of free coffee from the large selection of gourmet coffees they offer. I get overwhelmed by too many choices of coffee so EJ always has fun choosing my coffee for me. Yesterday he selected red velvet coffee, which was really yummy. Later we went to a sporting good store to browse and then to a grocery store to pick up a few items. It was fun.
When we got home, we put away the groceries, did our chores, and then watched Foley’s War, a series we have just discovered on Netflix. It is set during World War 2 and is very interesting.
Today JJ began his final week of Chemo. We had to be at the Cancer Center at 8:30 a.m. so we left home at 7:30 a.m. Because his third cycle was so rough, JJ was really dreading this week. He was sort of hoping that his white blood cell count would be too low for him to have Chemo this week, but they were high. That’s good because this is really his final week of Chemo. We are in the homestretch.
We were put in Infusion Room 3 today, which is a nice room with windows. It was a private room. The couple who I attended church with all through my childhood was also at the Cancer Center today. Their kids are about the same age as I am. I haven’t seen this couple for probably about 25 years or more. They were in the room next to ours, so I stopped in to talk to them for a while. The wife has Stage 4 breast cancer. She is halfway through her treatment, but she only has to have Chemo one day a month, which is why we haven’t encountered them before.
We are used to the beeping of IV machines and the beeping of the call buttons, but today at noon there was a different sort of beeping and lights started flashing from the ceilings. A nurse told us that it was a fire drill as she shut our door, but we heard a fire engine siren a few minutes later. Later a nurse said that the fire alarm had gone off and they were waiting for the fire department to give them the “all clear.” Meanwhile, they shut all the Infusion Room doors. So we had a bit of excitement today.
Just before we left the Cancer Center, it started to snow. The weather forecasts seem to vary a bit, but it looks as if we could get 3-5 inches of snow. Hopefully that won’t might our drive to the Cancer Center too difficult.
In previous cycles JJ has pretty felt well until midweek, but tonight he complained of nausea and he lay down and fell asleep, so I think this is going to be a long week for him. However, this is HIS VERY LAST WEEK of Chemo. He has only four more days to go.
The Survivor
This week has been a relatively quiet week. I did my daily chores. EJ went to work. I cuddled the cats and fed the birds. I also walked Danny twice. I haven’t been able to walk Danny very much since JJ was diagnosed cancer because either we were running here and there, or JJ wasn’t feeling well, or the temperature was below zero with frigid wind chills. But this week life was relatively quiet and temps weren’t that bad so I walked my dog. Danny was filled with joy because he loves walking, and I was filled with joy too because I also love to walk.
Today was the day for JJ’s weekly trip to the lab. We again drove to the lab near the bakery so we could stop in afterwards and buy Challah Bread for Shabbat. We were also going to get a pumpkin roll, but they didn’t have any today. Apparently they don’t have a set time to make pumpkin rolls so we have to just happen to be at the bakery when they just happen to have some available. They offer to make some for us, but we declined because we live too far away.
We had an awesome encounter at the lab. EJ was behind JJ and me as we walked through the parking lot to the lab. He caught up with us said with awe, “Did you see that car back there? The license plate and magnetic ribbons on the car says it belongs to a survivor of the U.S.S. Indianapolis.” I didn’t realize the significance at first because although I, like EJ and JJ, enjoy history, the names and types of ships and planes don’t stick in my mind. But stories do, and as soon as EJ reminded me, I remembered the story.
On July 26, 1945, the world’s first operational atomic bomb was delivered by the Indianapolis to the island of Tinian. The Indianapolis then reported to CINCPAC (Commander-In-Chief, Pacific) Headquarters at Guam for further orders. She was directed to join the battleship USS Idaho (BB-42) at Leyte Gulf in the Philippines to prepare for the invasion of Japan. The Indianapolis departed Guam without escort.
Shortly after midnight on July 30,1945, midway between Guam and Leyte Gulf, the Indianapolis was hit by two torpedoes from a Japanese submarine. The first torpedo blew away the bow, the second struck near midship on the starboard side adjacent to a fuel tank and a powder magazine. The explosion split the ship to the keel, knocking out all electric power. Of the 1,196 aboard, about 900 made it into the water in the twelve minutes before she sank. Few life rafts were released. Most survivors wore the standard kapok life jacket. After almost five days of constant shark attacks, starvation, terrible thirst, suffering from exposure and their wounds, the men of the Indianapolis were at last rescued from the sea. Only 317 were rescued.
As we entered the lab we saw an old man and his wife were sitting in the waiting room. They looked like all the other people we’ve seen in waiting rooms. But the man had on a hat that said, “U.S.S. Indianapolis Survivor” on it. When the wife’s name was called to go back to the Blood Draw room, EJ helped her up, and he quietly thanked the Survivor for his service to our country.
After we got home, I read that as of August 2013, 38 of the Indianapolis’ 317 survivors are still alive. Now in their 80s and 90s, many are in poor health. We had just met one of these men. It’s incredible what he endured and survived.
Wow.
This encounter reminded me again that everyone has a story. And you never know what story you might be sitting next to.
If you’d like to read more, here are some links to the story of the U.S.S. Indianapolis, including eyewitness stories of survivors:
http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/indianapolis.htm
http://www.ussindianapolis.org/story.htm
There is also a movie about the incident called “Mission of the Shark” It can be found at both Netflix and Amazon.
Pampered Fun
My friend told me that she had given me a Fairy Godmother gift because I had laughingly told her that I sometimes feel like Cinderella. When JJ isn’t feel well, he is fretful and can’t settle down and needs attention–like meds, or something to drink, or a vomit bucket. That is understanding, and I don’t mind caring for him.
The problem is the pets. Our pets have always been given lots of love and attention, so they love it. They are sort of like toddlers. They follow us around and want loving attention. Luke grabs my arm when I walk past a chair. He runs in front of me and into the bathroom to let me know he wants food. He does this several times. I sit down and Danny says he wants out so I go to the back door and he stands there wagging his tale like, “What? I didn’t want nuthin!” He repeats this two more times until I say, “You WILL go out. NOW!” I sit on the couch with a bowl of cereal or popcorn and Little Bear decides to jump up on my lap and he doesn’t settle down but tries to grab my bowl. Kee-Kee pats my arm to show he wants lovings. Timmy pokes me because he wants to be picked up and held. I finally beg, “Please! I am tired. Just let me BE for a bit.”
All these demands from the pets make me feel like Cinderella. So my Fairy Godmother gave me thoughtful gifts so that I could shut the bathroom door and soak into a relaxing bath and pamper myself.
I am having fun with the gifts.
One of the gifts was a gel mask to soothe away tension. It is very pretty. I put it on this morning and JJ asked, “Why are you wearing a mask?” I said, “Because I’m a superhero. This hides my alter ego. When I wear the mask, you don’t know me.” My husband said, “Let me tell you, if you wear that thing in public, I DEFINITELY won’t know you.” See? Superhero masks really do work.
A few minutes later, I went into the bathroom, poured some lavender scented Dead Sea Bath Crystals into the bathtub and turned on the hot water. Then I rubbed some Dead Sea Face Mud on my face. It really did look like mud. I sunk into the hot water and just relaxed. Ahhhhh. I was going to read a book while I soaked, but I couldn’t see the words without my glasses and I couldn’t put my glasses on because of the Mud. Oh, well, I just relaxed. Luke had come into the bathroom with me to munch on his Very Special Cat Food. When he finished eating, he sat on the edge of the tub and tried to harass me, but it was still relaxing. I felt so pampered.
When I finished my bath and got dressed in my PJs, I came out into the living room still wearing the mud on my face because it wasn’t yet time to take it off. JJ saw me. “What do you have on your face?” He asked. “I am a weeping angel,” I announced. “DON’T BLINK! Blink and you’re dead. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. And don’t Blink.”
As Doctor Who fans understand, the Weeping Angels are an ancient race of aliens who feed on their victims by sending them back in time, which creates time energy to feed on. When they are not being observed by another being, they can move very quickly and silently, but when they are being observed, they become “quantum-locked,” occupying a single position in space and becoming stone statues. In this state, they are frozen and difficult to destroy. They cannot suppress this reaction. If two Weeping Angels were to look at each other at the same time, they would be trapped in stone form until an outside force moves them apart. To prevent this, they often cover their eyes while moving, which makes them look as though they are weeping. Doctor Who has made angel statues scary.
JJ told his on-line friends that I had “special op” makeup on my face. So I whispered to JJ in a menacing voice, “Fear me.” He laughed and said that I was acting weird and he was beginning to get worried.
LOL. I am having too much fun with my Fairy Godmother gifts.
Earth’s Crammed With Heaven
My alarm went off at 6 a.m. this morning. Ugh. Too early, especially when I didn’t sleep well last night. In fact, none of us slept well. We had to be at the Cancer Center at 8:30 a.m. It is difficult to get up so early, but it’s nice that we got home before noon.
The drive to the Cancer Center this morning was gorgeous. Before the sun peeked over the horizon, it shot up a beacon of light into the sky like a searchlight. When the sun finally showed itself, it was a very vivid flourescent orange. The trees and plants were all clothed in frost, and a heavy fog swirled over the fields. It was beautiful. I kicked myself for forgetting to take along my camera. I had taken it out of my purse the other day so it would be accessible if the hawk visited our bird feeder, and I thought I had forgotten to put it back in my purse. However, when we got home I found that it was in my purse after all. Bummer! The only thing worse than forgetting my camera is thinking I forgot it when I didn’t.
We were in Infusion Room 1 today. It was a small private room, but not as small as some of the rooms. JJ had a two-hour session of Chemo in which he was given Bleomycin. We are now beginning to count “last times.” This is the very last time he will get this particular Chemo drug. Yay!
Our primary nurse today was Janet. All of the nurses have their special strengths. Janet is always really good at explaining to us the results of JJ’s Friday blood draws. She said that JJ’s white blood cell count is quite low, so she went to check with the Oncologist’s nurse, Val, about whether JJ would be able to have Chemo this week. Val said to go ahead with the Chemo, but it’s possible JJ won’t be able to have Chemo next week. I asked why they couldn’t just give JJ an injection this week to raise his white blood cell count rather than wait until next week when his count might be so low that he can’t have Chemo. Janet explained that JJ had had this particular injection last week and it lasts 14 days. Giving him another injection this week would be a waste because his body would just flush it out. Oh, that makes sense. I’m glad I asked.
Janet also told us that JJ’s cancer marker numbers are higher than they were when we first met with the Oncologist. Low is good, high is worse. However, she said that sometimes the numbers fluctuate during Chemo so it’s not abnormal. I was actually hoping the numbers would be zero so JJ wouldn’t need surgery. The oncologist wants to send JJ to Indianapolis to remove the cancerous lymph node because it’s in a tricky place–between his spine and his lung–and he wants a very skilled surgeon who does this type of surgery several times a day to operate on him rather than one who maybe does it once or twice a year. If the surgeon isn’t skilled, he could nick a nerve and JJ could be paralyzed or have other problems. The hospital in Indianapolis is one of the best in the world for this type of Cancer. EJ talked to a co-worker who said the insurance company didn’t pay for his surgery at Indianapolis because it’s out of state and they considered it “out of network.” I pray that either JJ won’t need the surgery or the insurance company will pay for it. Regardless, we will not risk JJ being operated on by anyone except skilled surgeons.
On the way home from the Cancer Center, we stopped at our veterinarian’s because we are almost out of Luke’s Very Special Cat Food and I needed to get another bag. Luke has a urinary problem and will likely have to have this special food for the rest of his life, but he is such a genius cat that he’s worth it.
Since we were all tired, I called ahead and ordered takeout at Chubby’s Cafe. We picked it up on our way home. We also stopped at the post office, and I was surprised to find a package in the mail from my friend. She sent me a box filled with Dead Sea Treatment Exfoliating Mud Mask, Dead Sea Bath Crystals, a soothing beauty mask “for cooling tension relief,” beautiful soft therapeutic slippers that smell of soothing lavender, and a small box of very delicious Swiss chocolates. Accompanying these items was a picture of Cinderella and her Fairy Godmother with the words “Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo.” So I think my friend is my Fairy Godmother. Not everyone has such an awesome Fairy Godmother. I feel very blessed.
I sort of dozed off on the couch but woke in time to hug, kiss, and pray for EJ before he left for work. A few minutes later he called to tell me that the truck had broken down. So rather than go to work, EJ called a towing service and waited for it to arrive. It’s a good thing he had to work this last weekend because it will provide us with extra money. I am glad that the truck didn’t break down on a day when JJ was sick and tired after a long day of Chemo.
While EJ was waiting for the tow truck, I went out and shoveled out the car, which was buried under a ton of snow. We will have to drive the car now, so hopefully the weather won’t get bad for the rest of the winter.
At one time, I would have gotten frustrated at all these challenges and problems. However, EJ and I often discuss that it felt as if our dreams were blocked–because we longed to move to the beautiful North or even how to buy a nearby place in the country, but we just couldn’t figure out how to make it a reality. But we thankfully acknowledge that if we had moved up North, we wouldn’t have been so close to a good hospital for JJ, and if we had bought the house we had our eye on last summer, money would have been very tight and bills harder to pay. So we are glad our “dreams” didn’t happen. Now when things go wrong and dreams are “blocked,” we consider that a loving God is providing for us for needs that we aren’t even aware of yet.
EJ had the truck towed to his friend’s place since the local auto repair shop is too busy to work on it. EJ called me and said that as they rode together in the tow truck, the driver told EJ that he had been having a very tough year and he was discouraged. EJ was able to encourage him. So maybe the truck broke down so EJ could encourage the driver. Who knows?
Life is interesting and mysterious.
On the way to the Cancer Center today, EJ and I discussed how there have been “pivotal points” in our lives. Sometimes these pivotal points seemed quite minor at the time, and sometimes they were heartbreaking, but they completely changed our lives and moved us in a direction that we might not have traveled if it hadn’t been for that event. So who knows what will result because JJ has cancer or because the truck broke down and EJ had to call a tow truck and ended up encouraging him?
I used to have a friend who always questioned how to tell if something was a “God thing” or just a regular everyday event. I really think this friend saw life wrongly. I believe that it’s not that some things are “normal stuff” and other things are “God things.” I think everything, even the smallest, most “normal” seeming things or events are awesome works of God. I like what Albert Einstein said. He said that there are only two ways to live: We can live as if nothing is a miracle or as if everything is. We can live as if nothing is a gift from God or as if everything is.
I think we can lose our sense of wonder and awe if we overlook that God is in even the smallest normal things. I always think that it is sad when people are like a character in Zenna Henderson‘s book Pilgrimage, who said “There is for me no wonder more, except to wonder where my wonder went and why my wonder all is spent.”
I love that my family has never lost our wonder. We always stop and look up when we hear honking geese. We call each other to admire the beautiful weaving of a spiderweb, or the glitter in the snow, the birds at the feeder, or the colors in a rock. We gaze breathlessly at sunsets and stars, streams and fields. I loved that one time as I walked Danny a couple of years ago, I came across a HUGE praying mantis at the side of the road. I called up JJ to tell him about him and asked him if he wanted to see it. He said he did, so he drove the car to where I was and we stood and admired the insect. I love that he was 16-years-old at the time and hadn’t lost his wonder.
One of my favorite poems reflect that nothing is small but earth is crammed with Heaven. The poem is by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
And truly, I reiterate, . . nothing’s small!
No lily-muffled hum of a summer-bee,
But finds some coupling with the spinning stars;
No pebble at your foot, but proves a sphere;
No chaffinch, but implies the cherubim:
And, — glancing on my own thin, veined wrist, —
In such a little tremour of the blood
The whole strong clamour of a vehement soul
Doth utter itself distinct.
Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God:
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it, and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware
More and more, from the first similitude.
I love the song “Creation Calls” by Brian Doerksen which describes how EJ, JJ, and I see the world around us:
Although we have tons of snow, it is February and in another month there will be hints of Spring. Plants and animals will awaken from their sleep. So I have been looking at my garden and considering what I want to do with it when the weather gets warm. I am also thinking about birdhouses and baby birds.
The Hawk
EJ had to go to work this afternoon, but we had a quiet, restful morning together. I made french toast with Challah Bread and then we studied the Parashah, or Scripture portions, together. Afterwards we watched a Netflix movie called “Owd Bob. The story was quite predictable, although pleasant enough, but we mostly watched the movie because it was set in the beautiful Isle of Man. We loved the scenery. We stopped watching before the end of the movie, though, because I suspected that an innocent dog was going to be shot for killing sheep. I couldn’t take it.
Yesterday JJ and I were sitting in the living room when all of a suddenly…WHAM!…a bird slammed into our window where the bird feeders are located. I leaped up and rushed to the window expecting to see an injured bird or two lying on the ground. I was not expecting to see a hawk lifting a mourning dove into the air. Wow! I tried to see where it took the dove, but it quickly flew outside my field of vision.
I imagined what would have happened if the hawk had hit the window that hard in the summer when the screens were in. Would he have knocked the screen out and fallen into the house? What chaos and danger it would be to have a hawk in the house, and a dog, and four cats, and us!!! Yikes!
This morning EJ looked up and saw the hawk sitting on the top of the bird feeder hook just before Timmy rushed the window and scared him away. He said it was a Cooper’s Hawk. I was able to see the hawk fly off into a neighbor’s pine tree across the street, but didn’t see him sitting on the bird feeder. It would have been awesome to see him sitting there, just a couple of feet from our window.
Now I am sitting in EJ’s chair where I can clearly see the bird feeder. I have my camera next to me so I can take pictures of the hawk if he returns. It sort of makes me sad to have a hawk killing the birds, but I think it’s all part of the life and death drama of life. Hawks have to eat too. I never knew that feeding birds could be so dramatic. I think the bird feeder has more suspense and drama than anything on TV.
So that’s pretty much how I am spending my day: Watching the drama at the bird feeder.
Spaced Out
Every day this week, I told myself that I needed to write a post, but that’s as far as it got. I’d sit down with my computer to write and my mind was a blank. It didn’t help that my space bar was/is being resistant. I have to tap my space bar very hard or several times in order to get a space between words. Which means if I try to type as fast as I usually do, mysentencesbecome allruntogether,which isveryannoying. I (tap tap tap) just (tap tap TAP) haven’t (tap tap) been (TAP) motivated (tap tap tap) to (tap tap) make (TAP tap tap) the (TAP) effort (tap tap) to (TAP TAP) put (tap tap tap) spaces (tap TAP) in.
JJ’s third cycle of cancer was very tough. He struggled with a lot of nausea and vomited several times. But Wednesday he finally began to feel better. He is now pretty much back to normal, although he is struggling with mouth sores. He has only one more cycle of chemo left. Yay!!
Tuesday night we got 4-5 inches of new snow. The next morning there were lots of accidents and sections of highways were closed off so we were glad we didn’t have to go anywhere. We have lots of snow on the ground now. I love it when it snows and we can stay home.
Every once in a while my dog Danny begins to shed. His hair is very strange–very thick and sort of like the texture of wool or felt. When he sheds, it comes out in clumps and is all over the house. Each time I brush his hair, I get lots and lots of hair out. Yesterday I brushed his hair two or three times and each time I got out enough to fill a grocery bag. EJ went to throw something away and there was so much hair in the wastebasket that at first he thought it was a cat. The amount of hair Danny sheds is incredible and always amazes me. I don’t know why Danny starts to shed when it’s still cold out, but he does.
This morning we had to go to the city for JJ’s weekly blood draw. The hospital has a dozen labs located around the city. JJ likes going to the same one every time because he knows the staff is skilled and won’t hurt him when they draw his blood. However, we went to a different one today–one located near the bakery. After JJ got his blood drawn, we stopped in at the bakery to buy Challah Bread for Shabbat. JJ always tells me that my Challah bread is much better, but the bakery’s bread is good and it’s nice when I don’t have time to make my own. In addition to the challah bread, we each chose a loaf of bread: I chosen pumpkin bread swirled with cream cheese, EJ chose honey wheat bread, and JJ chose garlic cheese bread. And EJ bought a package of Monster Cookies. Yum.
JJ said, “This garlic cheese bread would taste really good with bologna….” so we went to the meat market for our favorite Old Fashioned All Beef Bologna. I let JJ buy some garlic jack cheese too.
Then we drove back home. We celebrated Shabbat together and our meal was bologna and cheese sandwich on our choice of bread. Not fancy, but good.
After EJ left for work, I walked to the post office. It was COLD. I didn’t realize how cold it would be until I started walking. Brrrrrr. We didn’t have any mail that was good enough to make it worth walking in the cold, but I also stopped at the bank and then to the little store for milk, which did make the walk worthwhile.
Today at the Cancer Center
This morning we had to be at the Cancer Center at 11 a.m. The sky was very blue. The trees and bushes had heavy frost on them and they sparkled in the sunshine. The ground also glittered and sparkled. I commented later that I am always astounded at the detail God put into His creation. He didn’t have to make snow glitter, or many different shades of colors, or mirages that reflect the sky even though there aren’t actually puddles of water. I find these little touches of beauty awesome.
We sat in the waiting room long enough for JJ to fill out his daily blue form indicating how he’s feeling and then Chris, the awesome Patient Care Technician, was at the door exclaiming enthusiastically, “Double J, COME ON DOWN!”
We were in a new room today: Infusion Room 5. It was a private room with a window across from the kitchenette. It was small, but very pleasant. I enjoyed watching people pass our door and stop at the kitchenette. The major topic of conversation today was the Super Bowl and how awful the Broncos were.
Today was JJ’s short session of Chemo. We were at the Cancer Center for only a couple of hours. JJ only had to receive a bag of saline solution and Bleomycin, along with Benadryl and Tylenol. JJ always gets his primary anti-nausea medication injected into his IV during each day of Chemo to prevent nausea, but usually not on days when he only gets Bleomycin. However, because JJ had struggled with nausea all weekend, the nurse injected it into his IV today. Kim was JJ’s primary nurse. She is one of our favorites.
JJ always has his blood pressure and temperature taken at the beginning and ending of each Chemo session. Today his blood pressure was very low, which the nurse said could indicate that he was dehydrated, so she gave him extra fluids. We mentioned that JJ had complained about being a little short of breath yesterday. Bleomycin can affect the lungs, so at the end of his Chemo session the nurse listened to his lungs. She said they sounded good. Because the Chemo tends to lower JJ’s white blood cell count, JJ was given an injection of a med that will boost his production of blood cells. This particular medication makes JJ’s bones ache for several days afterwards so that he’s miserable. So far JJ isn’t aching too badly.
When we got home, we had leftovers for lunch. I was very tired because I hadn’t sleep very well last night. I just couldn’t get comfortable, and then Danny wanted out during the wee hours of the night, and then towards morning I felt cold. I felt very sleepy so I ended up taking a nap for a bit. While I was asleep, JJ had bad diarrhea. Then later, EJ had diarrhea so he took the night off from work. I’ve also been struggling with it a bit. So it looks like we might be getting sick or something. Hopefully JJ won’t have too bad a problem with this. Getting dehydrated could cause him to end up in the hospital–something none of us want.
Mostly we are doing well. This is merely another difficulty with have to deal with and get through.
The Gopher and the Flower
Yesterday was a very bad day for JJ. He was restless and fretful and fought nausea all day. He finally ended up vomiting. A lot of times a person feels better afterwards, but JJ continued to feel nauseous. At bedtime I gave him his third anti-nausea medication. It causes drowsiness so he finally fell asleep and slept all night. Today he felt better, he said, although not GOOD. He was still restless and fretful and somewhat nauseous, just not quite as severe. And some of his eyelashes fell out. We’ve heard from others that the third Cycle of Chemo tends to be rough, and now we have experienced that it is true.
Both EJ and I felt fatigued today and very unmotivated, but there were things we had to do. I fed our “wee beasties”–our dog, cats, and wild birds. I brought in firewood. I cleaned the ashes out of the woodstove. I took out the trash. I folded three baskets of laundered clothes. I did dishes. I swept and mopped the floors. And I cared for JJ. When JJ isn’t feeling well, he doesn’t really know what he wants so he asks for food and then pushes it away, wants ginger ale but then wants water, thinks maybe he should have an anti-nausea pill and “will you cut it in half so I can swallow it?” and “Will you give me a hug?” I have a lot of getting up before I really have time to sit down. But that’s all part of being a caregiver.
We needed a few things from the store–like coffee and disposable coffee cups, eggs, and so on–so EJ left this afternoon to do the shopping for us. He’s very good at grocery shopping, and I was glad that he is so willing to do it. Because he was willing to do the shopping, I refused to let him help me with the other chores. Besides, his back hurts.
Tomorrow we have to be at the Cancer Center at 11 a.m. for a 90 minute session of Chemo. On Friday the nurse informed us that because JJ’s white blood cell count drops during his intense weeks of Chemo, he will also be given an injection to make his bone marrow produce blood cells. The nurse explained to us that there are two different types of injections for this: One makes the bone marrow produce blood cells immediately but it’s not long-lasting. The other takes longer to start producing blood cells, but it is long-lasting. I know that one type makes JJ’s bones ache intensely so that he moans and groans for several days, while the other causes just a slight ache. We think the injection JJ will receive tomorrow is the moan and groan one.
When JJ was small, EJ used to play a drawing game with him. It was a problem-solving, critical-thinking type of game. In the game, EJ drew a picture of a flower and a gopher. One person took the role of the gopher who tried to destroy the flower while the other defended the flower. The “gopher,” for example, might draw rockets falling on the flower, but the “defender” changed the rockets into rain that watered the flower. The “gopher” might draw poison to kill the flower while the defender changed the poison into fertilizer. No matter how the gopher tried to attack the flower, the defender would think of a way to change the attack into something that was harmless or beneficial for the flower.
The Defender is sort of how I see God. I do not believe that God causes things like cancer, and I don’t think He brings difficult things into our lives because He “knows we are strong enough to handle it.” If God gave us difficult things because we are strong, I would be tempted to stay weak so that I wouldn’t have problems. 🙂 The truth is that I know that I am not strong and I cannot handle much of anything. But God is good, and He is loving, and no matter what disease or heartbreak comes into our lives, He is the Defender who weeps with us, helps us, strengthens us, and changes everything into good if we let Him.
Cancer is a destructive, terrible disease, but I believe God loves us and He will change it’s destructiveness in some way so that we become “more than conquerors.”
Why Be Happy?
Yesterday evening JJ felt pretty miserable. Several times he fell asleep on the couch, but then woke a short time later. A few times he had dry heaves. “How long will I feel so bad?” he asked. “How do I get through this?” I told him that we’d manage the best we could, and he WOULD get through this, and he’d probably start feeling better in a day or two.
On the way home from the Cancer Center yesterday, we dropped off JJ’s newest prescription at the Pharmacy. Because JJ was feeling so sick, we didn’t stay to get it filled. Instead, EJ picked it up on his way to work. The nurse had told us that we could give this third anti-nausea medication to JJ at bedtime and it would probably make him sleep all night. She said that I wouldn’t need to wake up in the middle of the night to give JJ his primary med–I could just give it to him went he woke in the morning. So when EJ came home from work, I gave JJ his new med and he did sleep through the night.
Today JJ is still feeling very unwell. 😦
I have been thinking a lot about our roommates yesterday. They made me ponder a lot of interconnected thoughts.
I thought of a portion of Pirkei Avot. Pirkei Avot, which means “Ethics of the Fathers” in Hebrew, is a collection of ancient Jewish ethics and advice. I have studied this book with a group of Messianic Jews and Gentiles like me who love Hebraic teaching. I love Hebraic teaching because it is so practical and there are so many “on the one hand” and “but on the other hand” thoughts. Two opposite things can both be true at the same time, and we have to stay centered between two extremes. There really is a lot of thoughts to think and extremes to live balanced between. I love it. So this post is about different perspectives that were stirred up by our roommates.
One of the bits of wisdom from Pirkei Avot is “judge everyone favorably.” In other words, we don’t always know the whole story so we ought to give others the benefit of the doubt and see them in the best possible light. It could be that our unfriendly roommates had had an awful week, or were in terrible pain, or felt overwhelmed by additional bad news of the woman’s cancer. Who knows?
But Pirkei Avot also teaches “Don’t associate with a bad neighbor.” We are to choose to view people through the best possible perspective. If someone is usually sweet or truthful but appears one day to be nasty or untruthful, we are to give them the benefit of the doubt and consider that maybe they are having a bad day or that the situation is not as it appears. However, if someone consistently lies, is rude, is abusive, etc., we are not to associate with him because that is who he is, a part of his character, and not merely a result of a bad day.
I also pondered that while we all have bad days, or grumpiness, or misery, and we just can’t take any more….our actions do profoundly affect others. On the one hand, I think we must give our roommates the benefit of the doubt and consider that there might be an underlying reason for their unfriendliness that we know nothing about. On the other hand, their unfriendliness caused our own suffering to deepen and made our very difficult week even more difficult. In their desire for privacy, they could have still acknowledged us with a nod or smile that would have conveyed friendliness rather than hostility. We have encountered people who have suffered deeply but still have a kind word for others.
This made me think of a video from Prager University called “Why Be Happy.” It discusses the idea that our negative moods can profoundly affect the people around us and bring them down. While I believe that we can be honest about our lives, and that we all occasionally have bad days, I also believe that we are interconnected and a negative attitude can bring down those around us. We all have a responsibility to do our best not to spread our negative attitudes and increase the suffering of those around us. I like a Jewish saying that says “All Israel is responsible for each other.” This is about Israel, of course, but I do think there is a sense in which people ought not to just live for themselves, they also must live for each other.
These are the thoughts I am thinking today.
All morning the snow has been softly falling. It is very peaceful and beautiful. We are so glad we don’t have to go anywhere. We are enjoying the day of rest.
A Tale of Two Roommates
This has been an exceptionally long week for us. EJ and I have been exhausted. I’m not sure why because it’s not unpleasant sitting with JJ at the Cancer Center. It could be that the constant drives to the Cancer Center, the bad weather, the vehicle problems, and JJ feeling so bad this week is all taking its toll on us.
We got home early enough on Wednesday that EJ was able to rest a bit before he had to leave for work. I got my evening chores done, and then JJ was hungry for Chubby’s food so I called in his order. Usually I go pick up the food, but last night I asked them to deliver because it was dark and cold and we were tired.
JJ fell asleep about 8 p.m. Since he was feeling worse as the week went on and I didn’t know if he’d need me during the night, I threw another log on the fire and lay down to sleep too. I woke when EJ got home from work at 11 p.m. and we talked for a couple of minutes, but then he went upstairs to bed and I fell back to sleep. I woke again when my phone alarm went off at 3:30 a.m.to remind me to give JJ his anti-nausea medicine. I threw more wood on the fire and went back to sleep. I woke Thursday morning at almost 8 a.m. I had had almost 12 hours of sleep! But despite the hours of sleep, I spent Thursday in a fog of fatigue.
When we arrived home, our neighbor called out to EJ as we got out of the truck. They had a pot of very delicious homemade chicken soup for us. Other friends left a bag with a blanket, books, and a Chubby’s Cafe gift certificate. These loving gifts were very appreciated gifts at the end of a long, tiring day.
I was too tired to write last night after we got home. I couldn’t put two thoughts together.
This morning JJ felt very nauseous. He had his primary anti-nausea medication at 3:30 a.m., and his second one about 8:30 a.m., but he still fought nausea all the way to the Cancer Center. As soon as he got settled in his Infusion Chair, JJ told the nurse he was nauseous…and then that he felt he was going to be sick. She got him a dish and he heaved a few times. Then she quickly injected his anti-nausea into his IV. After a bit, it helped enough that he could put aside the dish and fall asleep. However, he continued to struggle with nausea throughout the day. His oncology nurse talked to the doctor’s nurse, who gave him a prescription for a third anti-nausea med. He will take the third one if the first two aren’t sufficient. Poor guy. This is his most difficult week so far.
Most of the time we do not have roommates at the Cancer Center, but when we get a roommate, they are usually there for only a few minutes or a couple of hours. We are always the first in the room and when a roommate is about to come in, the medical staff always closes the curtain dividing the room to give privacy to each family. When the roommates arrive, we try to assess whether they are less talkative or more talkative so we know whether to chat or give them space. Even the least talkative have always acknowledged us with a friendly nod, a smile, and a “hello,” so there is a certain friendliness even if they don’t talk much. We can always tell when the roommates want to chat because there is a warmth and curiosity in their eyes. They tend to ask how old JJ is–and the conversations go from there. Once we begin to converse, we always shove the dividing curtain back and share life stories and encouragement. Friendly people make the day go faster. They become friends and we always greet each other warmly whenever we meet.
Yesterday we had roommates for the last couple hours of our day. The husband had a form of cancer that over the last 18 years has popped up in various lymph nodes in his body. I think it’s called lymphoma. His wife was with him, and she immediately began chatting so we pushed the curtain back to fully interact with them. As we chatted back and forth, we found out that they live in the same area where EJ grew up. The man remembers EJ’s father at work and EJ knew their close friend. We heard about their awesome vacation to Alaska a few years ago. We learned that their son was 39 years old when he died of cancer in 2001, and they raised that son’s child as their own. When the wife teared up at the mention of her son, she and I hugged. As we were all preparing to leave for the day, the woman said to JJ, “I am a hugger. Do you mind if I give you a hug?” and she gave JJ and big, warm grandmothery hug. They were awesome. When people are friendly like this, it feels as if we are all together in this battle, a family of support and encouragement.
Today we had roommates for the whole day who felt unfriendly rather than simply quiet and reserved. They did not acknowledge EJ’s friendly greeting (I was hidden behind the curtain so they couldn’t see me). The only words they spoke to us all day was to insist we hit the call button to summon the nurse as soon as JJ’s machine started beeping as they were settling into the room. The nurses are very quick to respond to beepings, so we always simply wait for them to come rather than “summon” them. Even though the dividing curtain between our areas of the room was closed, the man accompanying his wife tugged the curtain to make sure it was completely closed and he turned his chair away from us. We tried to “judge them favorably” and on the way home speculated, “Maybe they are EXTREMELY private people. Maybe they had an awful week. Maybe they are very tired. Maybe….?” Everyone has a story and it’s difficult to know what theirs was. But it didn’t feel comfortable in the room today, every glance or interaction or word felt like a disruptive intrusion on their privacy, and their unfriendliness felt like a tangible presence that sucked the joy out of the friendly, supportive atmosphere of the Cancer Center and made the day an ordeal. Today’s chemo felt more silent and lonely and the day longer and more stressful than we’ve ever experienced. It was a difficult ending to a difficult week. I really hope we have friendlier roommates in the future.
However, there are bright spots in the day. When the doctor’s nurse stopped by to give JJ his prescription, she pretended to pocket the cookies EJ had bought for us at the cafeteria. I told her that she could have them if she let us leave earlier. She laughed, “That’s not how it works.” Rats. My bribe didn’t work. 🙂
The brightest spot in the day was my conversation with Chris, the awesome Patient Care Tech. His joy counteracted the joylessness of our roommates. At the end of the day, EJ always leaves with our luggage and gets the truck started and warmed while I help JJ get ready to leave. JJ always goes to the restroom before he gets his coat on. While he was in the restroom today, Chris paused in the doorway, “Is JJ ok?” he asked with concern. I explained that this has been a tough week for JJ and he hasn’t felt very well. Chris said that the third cycle of Chemo always seems really hard for people. He said that it’s really hard for him to see JJ feeling poorly because he is so young–he is one of the youngest patients they’ve ever had in the Cancer Center. I said that we are glad that JJ wasn’t in the pediatric ward because it would have been heartbreaking to be among suffering little children. Chris said that’s why he works with adults instead of children. He couldn’t have endured seeing the children suffer. Chris said he really loves his job and he really hates it. He hates that people are ill and that the chemo makes them so sick. However, his own parents died of cancer so he loves to treat patients and their families with as much love and care as if they were his own family. I told him he was awesome at his job. “You are a bright spot in this whole cancer experience. You make it easier to get through this,” I told him. He thanked me, and said that “Nice people like you make my work a joy.” He added honestly, “I do get some cranky patients sometimes.” I am glad we are “nice people” and not cranky or joy-sucking people.
Chris has given JJ the nickname of “Double J.” When he comes into the waiting room to take us back to the Infusion Rooms in the mornings he always says, “Come on back, Double J. How are you doing today, Double J?”
“Double J” felt nauseous and sat with a vomit bag on his lap all the way home. He’s been waiting all week to have Chinese food, and he was determined to get it, so I ordered ahead and we stopped and picked it up on our way home. At home he nibbled it a bit and then shoved it away to save for later. He curled up on the couch and fell asleep.
This weekend we are expecting another snowstorm to hit. I’ve heard we could get more than six inches of additional snow. But my family plans to stay home, with no place to go, and rest.
Sisu
Yesterday, even though we had a flat tire when we left the Cancer Center, I didn’t feel utterly exhausted when we got home. I was extremely thankful that we were able to get the tire fixed so quickly and weren’t stuck at the side of the road in below freezing temps. Today, however, was a rather difficult day, probably the most tiring we’ve had so far. Besides the fact that JJ feels sicker during each cycle, we all also feel more tired as the arduous schedule continues. We have to dig deep inside to find the strength to continue.
Today I felt that this was a day in which we needed to have sisu, a Finish word EJ taught me years ago when we were going through some difficult times. Wikipedia says sisu is “loosely translated into English as strength of will, determination, perseverance, and acting rationally in the face of adversity. However, the word is widely considered to lack a proper translation into any other language. Sisu is about taking action against the odds and displaying courage and resoluteness in the face of adversity. Deciding on a course of action and then sticking to that decision against repeated failures is sisu…Sisu is described as a psychological key competence which enables extraordinary action to overcome a mentally or physically challenging situation. Sisu also contributes to what has been named the action mindset; a consistent, courageous approach toward challenges which at first seem to exceed our capacities…It is a powerful psychological potential which enables the individual to tap into mental strength beyond their pre-conceived resources. Wielding sisu in the face of adversity helps individuals push through what first seemed like the boundaries of their mental or physical capacities. Furthermore, sisu is an action mindset which equips the individual to choose to take on challenges beyond their observed capacities. It provides the final empowering push when we would otherwise hesitate to act.”
JJ has slept on the couch during his cancer experience because it is easier to care for him when he’s downstairs, and he is a night owl who is often up until the wee hours of the night, so it’s just easier if we don’t have to move pillows, blankets, computer, etc., up and down the stairs every evening and morning. During his intense weeks of cancer, I sleep on the loveseat so I can easily give him his meds during the night and care for him if he feels ill. In previous weeks I slept quite well on the loveseat, but this week I have been struggling to get comfortable. I move from the loveseat, to EJ’s lazyboy chair, back to the loveseat. I am not sleeping well. I wondered if I’ve been drinking coffee too late in the day so it’s keeping me awake? I decided that today I would not drink any in the afternoon. All day today I felt worn and my mind drowsy with sleepiness.
This morning I turned on the faucet in the kitchen, and the water was VERY hot so I turned on the cold also, but it didn’t seem to change the temperature of the water. I thought, “What is going on here?” I turned off the hot water and turned on the cold, and only a trickle of cold water came out. Then the trickle turn into a stream and the stream into the normal gush of water. The water turned very dark, and then it cleared up. I was afraid our pipes had frozen or burst. That would have been bad. But I think the pipes only almost froze. I don’t mind the snow so much this year, but the extreme cold is getting tiresome.
On Wednesday of each week of intense Chemo, the steroids begin to affect JJ and he tends to become irritable and negative. This irritable negativity continues through the rest of the week but dissipates once he’s off Chemo. It’s easier to keep spirits strong when we all can laugh, but negativity can deflate joy and strength. JJ’s irritable negativity seemed worse today than in previous Cycles. He was easily offended and didn’t want to back down from an argument. We can be quite patient when we understand that his irritability is caused by the steroids, but it still takes energy to stand against it and not get sucked into it. Today we were all so tired that it really drained EJ and me.
This morning I paused to get our cups of coffee and my keys to lock the door while EJ and JJ went out the front door to get into the truck. When I went outside, JJ told me that he had slipped and his lower back hit the front porch steps as he fell. He told the nurse about it when we got to the Cancer Center, and she checked his back. She said he will probably have a painful bruise in a day or two. Hopefully there will be no other damage.
We made it to the Cancer Center at 11 a.m. with no further mishaps. We were taken to Infusion Room 3, which we have never been in before. It is smaller than Room 8 but bigger than some rooms we have been in. It has a window, which is nice. We plugged JJ’s Tablet charger into an outlet near his chair, but we couldn’t find an outlet to plug EJ’s laptop power cord into. The laptop helps the long hours pass quicker and we were thinking that this was going to be a VERY long day without it. EJ didn’t give up and he found an outlet near the ceiling that the TV is plugged into. We couldn’t quite reach the outlet unless we stood on a chair. “No,” JJ said when his Dad looked like he was thinking about standing on a chair, “You are NOT going to stand on a chair.” Then EJ moved the movable four-foot cabinet forward a little and we found an outlet behind it. EJ was trying to plug in the laptop when the nurse came in. “You see nothing,” EJ said. She said, “Oh, no, I see nothing.” “We are using Jedi mind tricks on her,” I told EJ, and we all laughed. Except for JJ.
So we got the laptop plugged in, but this week the wireless connection at the hospital has been very, very slow. I used the computer for a little while, but I got a bit frustrated with it and I handed it over to EJ to use while I read the book I brought along.
We were able to leave the Cancer Center at about 4 p.m., which is the earliest we’ve left all week. At first the truck didn’t want to shift out of second gear and we thought we’d have a very loooong slow journey home, but it quickly righted itself and we made it home in good time and in one piece. I helped JJ into the house and he settled on the couch. While EJ changed for work, I took care of the animals, brought in firewood, and threw some wood in the woodstove.
We were all utterly exhausted by the time we got home. This might be a difficult night of up and down if JJ continues to feel ill. This is definitely a week in which sisu is needed. However, we are three-fifths the way through this week. Only two more days to go.
Tire(d)
I had trouble getting to sleep last night. I finally got to sleep, but then my alarm went off at 2:30 a.m. to remind me that it was time to give JJ his anti-nausea meds. After I gave JJ his pill, I added wood to the woodstove and let Danny out and back in. I went back to sleep but then JJ’s cat Luke sat near my head and “raked” my head. I didn’t get much sleep.
I woke at about 7:30 a.m. EJ had set up coffee machine last night so all I had to do was turn it on. I put more wood on in the woodstove. During the night the temps had fallen to -13 degrees. I fed and watered the pets, let Danny in and out, got dressed, made breakfast, made sure our bags were all packed, and so on. Mornings are busy for me. We left for the Cancer Center at 10 a.m. and arrived at the Cancer Center at 11 a.m.
Except for the fact that JJ is having toxic chemicals pumped into his body to kill a deadly disease, being at the Cancer Center is not unpleasant. EJ and I take turns using his laptop, I sometimes chat with my friend on Facebook and other times I sit in my chair with my feet on my bag/footstool and read a book. EJ gets up earlier than normal to take us to the Cancer Center and he still has to go to work after he brings us home, so he often naps while we are there. We have the TV turned to a channel that shows beautiful scenery with soothing classical music. We have all the coffee, tea, juices, water that we could wish for, and the hospital cafeteria is easily accessible. The medical staff is friendly. It’s not that bad.
By the end of the day, though, we are tired, especially if we didn’t sleep well the night before. We were very ready to leave for home tonight when JJ was finally unplugged at about 4:45 p.m. While I waited for JJ to use the bathroom and get his coat and shoes on, EJ took our luggage and went out to start the truck and get it warmed up for us.
When JJ and I finally arrived at the truck, EJ told us the bad news: One of the tires on the truck was low. Very low. He knew there was a gas station just down the street, so he took a chance and drove to it slowly and carefully. Best case scenario was that the tire would need only air. Worse case was that the tire would need to be changed.
When we got to the gas station, EJ saw that the tire was off the rim. It would definitely need more than air. He was going to change it there, but the gas station was extremely busy. I had never seen a busier gas station. EJ didn’t want to risk getting run over by cars zipping in and out of the gas station and it was VERY cold outside (-2 degrees), so he went into the gas station to ask if there was a tire place nearby that could change the tire for us. There was, a few blocks down the street. By this time, it was after 5 p.m. and we weren’t sure if it would be open, but at least it would provide a less busy place to change a tire than the gas station. It wasn’t in a very good part of the city, though.
After more than 5 hours of Chemo, JJ wasn’t feeling well. He also had had steroids today, which made him easily irritated. He was less than cheerful about not being able to go directly home. Later he apologized for his bad attitude.
Fortunately, the tire place was still open and they were willing to get us right in. They invited us to wait in their customer area with couches and chairs. While we waited, EJ called his company and arranged to take the rest of the day off, since he wouldn’t be able to get to work on time. Also, he wasn’t feeling very well. The tire guys were able to put the spare tire on the truck for us in about 15 minutes. They only charged us $10. What a blessing.
We continued on our way home. By this time we were driving home in rush our traffic. Lots of cars were whizzing by. The roads were very slippery and we fish-tailed a couple of times. We saw two accidents along the way. There have been a lot of accidents lately. One of EJ’s co-workers was badly injured in an accident yesterday.
We arrived home a little before 7 p.m. I was so glad to get home in one piece. JJ settled himself on the couch. After dealing with all the problems and slick driving on the way home, after struggling with not feeling well and a sore back, EJ also settled himself in his chair for a well-deserved rest. I took care of the pets, got the fire going again in the woodstove, fed and water the pets, let Danny out and in again, and got JJ something to eat and drink. I started a load of JJ’s clothes so he has jeans to wear tomorrow. I can now relax a bit, although I am on call through the night to give JJ his meds and help him if he feels sick.
It was a long day with an adventure at the end. We are tired, but we survived it, and we are doing well.
Tomorrow morning we leave at 10 a.m. for another day at the Cancer Center.
Day 1 of Cycle 3
Yesterday we spent much of the day cleaning the house and doing chores. After we were finished getting everything done, we sat down and watched a favorite Netflix series with delightfully quirky characters.
This morning we woke up to another six or so inches of snow. I fed the pets, filled the bird feeders with seed, cooked breakfast, etc., while EJ shoveled out the truck and went to the bank. At 8:30 a.m. we left for the Cancer Center. The local news was filled with reports of slippery conditions and accidents. It took us slightly longer than usual to get to the Cancer Center, but EJ got us there safely.
We settled in Room 8, our favorite room because it is the biggest and has the window. Today was JJ’s longest day of Chemo. We were there about 7 hours, from 9:30 to 4:30. We had a roommate (a woman and her father?) for a few hours, but they were reserved so we didn’t chat with them. We did chat with a previous roommate who was in a room down the hall. We always bring EJ’s laptop with us, so I also “chatted” with my friend via Facebook chat. My friend makes me laugh and helps the hours pass.
JJ always gets Bleomycin on Mondays, and whenever he gets Bleomycin he is also given Benadryl and Tylenol. The Benadryl puts him to sleep so he slept through most of his Chemo today.
As soon as EJ got us safely home, he had to get dressed and leave for work. I fed the pets and let Danny out. I glanced outside and saw with amazement that the bird feeders that I had filled this morning were in various stages of emptiness. We are getting more and more visitors at our feeders and they are quickly gobbling up the seed. I don’t mind, though, because I enjoy them so much. Over the weekend I looked for bird identification sites so I could learn the names of some of the bird coming to our feeders. To start with, I wanted to learn the name of a particular type of little brown bird, many of whom our visiting our feeders. They are a little smaller than sparrows. I was amazed to learn that it is a goldfinch. In winter it looks like this:
While in the summer it looks like this:
They look so different that I can hardly believe they are the same bird. I learn something new every day.
After I refilled the bird feeders, I rushed to bring in firewood. There wasn’t much time to get the firewood in before it got dark. I built a fire in the woodstove, but had a lot of trouble getting it going tonight and had to make several attempts. I finally got it roaring and the chill left the house.
While I went around doing my various chores, Luke kept dashing in front of me and leaping on chairs and grabbing my arm whenever I walked close enough. I thought he wanted his Very Special Food so I put a little handful in his bowl in the bathroom. He’d eat a little bit and then open the door and let the other cats eat his special food. Then he’d run in front of me, leap on chairs, and grab me…so I shut him in the bathroom with a small amount of his Very Special Food. After a short time, he opened the door and let the other cats come eat and eat his food. We did this three or four times and then I told him with exasperation, “I am NOT feeding you again!” At last, I finally found out that Luke didn’t want his food, he wanted to be cuddled. Well, duh.
Now that Luke has finally been able to communicate with me, I am sitting with him on the couch and giving him lovings.
Tomorrow–and all this week–we have to be at the Cancer Center at 11 a.m. for five hours of Chemo.
Surviving Chemo Tips
Yesterday I fed the birds TWICE and then I looked out the window and saw that the feeder tray was again empty. So I filled my small repurposed coffee container with seed from the larger repurposed kitty litter buckets in which I keep the bird seed, and I went out to refill the tray for the third time. Once I stepped off the front porch, I was hit by a very strong wind and I realized that the wind was blowing away all the seed. It was no use trying to refill the tray if the wind was going to immediately sweep it all away so I turned around and went back into the house. This morning the wind had died down a little (although it’s still a bit windy) so I went out and refilled the tray…and later I refilled some of the feeders again. We are getting more bird visitors and they are feasting from our feeders.
I keep a bird book nearby so that I can learn to identify the birds coming to our feeders, but I think it’s almost hopeless. I see a bird that I want to identify so I open the bird book and I find many birds that look very much like the bird at my feeder. The differences are so subtle that I find it difficult to figure out which bird is “mine.” I finally find the one that looks most like “my” bird, only to discover that it’s only found in New Mexico. I think I might, maybe, have more success if I find a book that is specific to my state. Even though I fail at bird identification, I enjoy watching the birds visiting the feeder, and I enjoy watching my cats watching the birds.
Yesterday the wind blew and blew. This morning local FB friends reported large snow drifts preventing them from leaving their homes. Local news also reported drifts making roads impassable and several accidents shutting down roads. I am glad that EJ doesn’t have to work this weekend and that we have no place to go today. We are enjoying a quiet morning at home, warmed by our cozy wood stove and cats.
We plan to do nothing today except rest and enjoy. Well, I did make awesome scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning. I fried a few tater tots and added diced bell peppers, onions, and all-beef bologna. We no longer eat pork so the bologna is a good substitute. I also made toast from the Dakota bread we bought at the bakery yesterday. JJ is a night owl and was sleeping during this tasty breakfast so at his request after he woke I made him a bologna and cheese sandwich on Challah Bread. EJ is currently making a yummy chili. Other than that, we are totally not doing anything today. We need this day of complete rest after busy days running to the Cancer Center, or lab, or stores.
As we engage in this battle with cancer, I find there are things that have been very helpful to me. Some things I learned by trial and error and others were ideas that I just thought up. I thought I’d share some of these “surviving Chemo” tips for others who might find them useful:
After discovering that I was too low on anti-nausea pills to make it through the weekend, making frantic calls to find an open pharmacy, and sending hubby out into a snowstorm to pick up the medicine, I learned to get ahead on prescription refills.
We learned this last week that nausea can hit unexpectedly and violently and it’s very unpleasant to arrive at the Cancer Center splattered and smelling of vomit. So we now have an emergency vomit kit in the car. It is filled with a “barf bag,” a change of clothing, paper towels to clean up the mess, and so on.
JJ was given two different anti-nausea pills–a primary med he had to take every eight hours during Chemo without fail and a secondary med for “breakthrough” nausea, meaning he takes it if he still feels nauseous after taking the first pill. I do not have a mind that remembers names of medicines, and I was concerned that I would get the meds mixed up, especially when I had to give JJ his meds in the middle of the night when I was tired and blurry eyed. So I marked the bottle of the primary med with a marker so I could easily identify it at a glance. It’s been very helpful.
The antibiotic my son has to take for infected mouth sores is very big so we learned to cut them into small pieces that are easily swallowed. I put the pieces in a small medicine cup that comes with over-the-counter medicines like NyQuil to keep them together.
Because we have so much to remember and do, it’s easy to lose track of time. So I set my cell phone alarms to remind me of when JJ needs to take his medicines. I can set several different alarms times so it’s very handy. Also, I always keep my phone nearby, so I’m never without my medication alarms.
We found styrofoam cups with lids and straws to be very convenient. Not only did we not have to worry about running out of clean glasses, but there was no danger of the cats drinking from JJ’s cups and getting sick from the Chemo. We bought them from a GFS Marketplace store.
We bought medical gloves suitable for use in handling Chemo from Amazon. I wear them while doing JJ’s laundry or cleaning up vomit. We also bought medical masks in case EJ or I get sick. So far we haven’t had to use the masks so I’m not sure if they are a necessity or not, but I suppose we have them if we need them.
We learned that when a cancer patient loses his hair, his head is very sensitive to pain and cold. A very soft, light hat is comforting. And if the hat is funky, it provides an opportunity to laugh.
I put restaurant menus in my purse so if we are extremely tired after a long day at the Cancer Center, or just want a treat, we can call ahead for takeout at our favorite restaurants and pick up the food on our way home.
I believe that mental health is an essential part of caregiving, so we try to include things in our lives that we enjoy. Obviously, our lives our restricted somewhat by the disease, but we enjoy birds so I bought a bird feeding station and installed it outside our living room window. I also subscribed to Netflix and Amazon Prime because we love watching movies. Our individual laptops have also been a source of connection with friends, and learning, and entertainment during this time. Furthermore, even though cancer is a serious illness, we try to look at our situation with humor because laughter is a powerful medicine.
I have shared our journey with others because I have found that people are a valuable part of this battle. They can be so totally awesome if you let them share your journey. I have found both friend and stranger to be an immense support. We wouldn’t be so strong without them….without you.
Finally, and most importantly, we could not have made it without God. He is the One filling us with hope and strength for each day.
Yesterday I wrote about my friend Cris in my post Bread, Soap, and a Mouse. She makes and sells beautiful handcrafted soaps through her website, A Touch of Eden. This morning in her own blog, she wrote a post titled Battlegrounds of Life. Mentioning JJ (and others with cancer), Cris wrote:
I wanted to do something that would show I care about people in my life. I know that many chemo patients struggle with skin sensitivities. I sent a bar of castile soap to the young man, a gentle soap for someone dealing with sensitivities. What else could I do? I created two bars of soap, pink of course as is the color of the breast cancer ribbons, and named them after my two friends dealing with this type of cancer. I have more plans to continue this trend. They will be limited editions, with the person I am honoring receiving the first bar as a personal gift. Once they have received their gift I will photograph the remaining soaps and put them up on the webpage and Facebook. I will be taking a portion of the sales and setting it aside to be used to help someone who is struggling. Not necessarily via a cancer research project but more on a personal level and most likely sent privately and anonymously.
I think that is an awesome and caring thing to do. I know we deeply appreciate her loving gift of beautiful soap. If you’d like to support her, please make sure to visit her site.
And now, it’s time to go eat EJ’s wonderful chili…
Bread, Soap, and a Mouse
Once again, like we’ve done every day this week, I woke my guys up at 8 a.m. They were a bit resistant to getting out of bed this morning…but resistance was futile. Despite my thankless job, I was able to get them out the door at 9 a.m. and, thanks to EJ’s driving, we actually made it to the Cancer Center about 20 minutes earlier than usual. We weren’t in the waiting room long before the nurse took JJ (with us) to get the injection that will cause his bone marrow to produce more blood cells.
Since this is Friday, JJ had to get his blood drawn. There are about a dozen labs around the city that we can go to. We usually go to one that is a bit closer to us than the hospital. However, we chose today to go to the lab located within the hospital since we were already there. As soon as we walked through the doors of the lab, a technician asked us if JJ was there to get a blood test and when we said he was, she took him back to the blood draw room immediately. She poked him, filled a couple of vials, and we were out the door. We were back at our car by 10 a.m., which is when we had originally planned to arrive at the Cancer Center.
Because every Friday is busy with either trips to the Cancer Center or to the lab, I haven’t had time to make delicious challah bread. My friend told me that when she is too busy to make challah, she stops in at a bakery and buys it. I thought that was a tremendous idea, so last week I searched on-line to see if there was a bakery that made challah bread in the city where the Cancer Center is located. I found one! The Great Harvest Bread Company. I printed off their menu and stuck it in my purse, and we drove to it today since we had so much extra time.
JJ stayed in the car because he is trying to be very careful to avoid public places so he won’t pick up any germs. EJ and I went into the bakery. It was delightful to experience all the bakery smells and colors and tastes. We were offered a generous sample of some of the items. Eric chose to sample a Monster Cookie and I chose a delicious pumpkin roll. Yum, yum, yum. We bought two loaves of challah bread, a loaf of Dakota bread, and two energy bars. Since JJ missed out on the delicious sampling, we bought him a Monster Cookie. We had so much fun that we hope to go back again soon.
At my request, EJ stopped at the post office on the way home so I wouldn’t have to make a separate trip later. I was hoping my new wireless mouse had arrived because my other mouse isn’t working well. My mouse wasn’t at the post office, but JJ got an unexpected package from a very dear friend, whom we have known since JJ was a baby. Cris makes and sells beautiful soaps, and she had sent one of her soaps to JJ along with a note:
This is a very mild Castile soap, made with 100% olive oil and no fragrances. It has been curing for 8 months. I thought it might be helpful for your skin due to Chemo, etc. It will not suds up like most soaps but will clean very nicely.
JJ–and EJ and I–was very touched by this awesome gift. Cris is an awesome person. Not only does she make beautiful soaps, but she and her beautiful dog, Joe Pete, are members of Michigan Search and Rescue. They are the people and dogs who track missing persons, or people buried in rubble, or dead bodies. I love hearing about Cris and her adventures. Anyway, if you’d like to enjoy Cris’s beautiful soaps, visit her website at A Touch of Eden. She also writes a wonderful blog about her soap making that is interesting and informative.
I love the ability to track packages on-line. After we ate lunch, I checked Amazon and saw that my wireless mouse had arrived at the post office so EJ drove me back again. But, bummer, the post office was closed for lunch. We went home again. I really didn’t want to have to struggle with a defective mouse all weekend, and with Chemo starting up again next week, I wasn’t sure when I’d get to the post office again. EJ decided to drive the truck to work because the weather is worsening, so after he left I decided to drive the car to the post office to try to retrieve my package one more time.
Before I left for the post office, I noticed that some of the bird feeders were almost empty. They were all almost full this morning. The birds are really gobbling down all the food today. EJ says birds will often eat a lot just before a storm. I went out and refilled the feeders. Then I drove to the little gas station store for milk, stopped in at the bank, and drove to the post office where–Yay!–I was able to finally pick up my package.
When I got home, I put my package next to my computer and then went to bring in firewood. I wanted to get my outside chores done before the weather got worse. Other than being VERY cold this morning (-4 degrees with a wind chill of -16), the weather was not bad. However, at noon the wind began to pick up and it has worsened through the afternoon. Even in our little village, the wind is whirling the snow around in “snow-nados” and the snow is beginning to drift across the streets. I’m sure it’s much worse in the country. EJ took a heavy sleeping bag with him in case he gets stuck on the way home.
Brrrrrr.
Finally, I got all my chores done, threw another log on the fire, and opened my mouse, which works wonderfully.
I Love To Go A Gardening 