I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Disappearing Duck
As soon as EJ leaves for work every morning, I go open the coop doors to let the ducks and chickens out. The ducks are at the front of the coop so they get let out first, and then I go open the little door for the chickens. Afterwards, I refill their water buckets and make sure they have enough food. Then I take a scoop of cracked corn to the chicken’s outdoor pen and scatter it for them to enjoy.
Yesterday when I opened the coop doors, the ducks all came eagerly waddling out, as they always do. I did my chores and when I came out of the coop, I could only see five ducks. One of the rouens (the brown ducks) was not with the others. Usually the three stay very close together. I looked around and couldn’t find the third rouen anywhere, I checked inside the coop, in all the dog houses, in between the raised garden beds. I checked the chicken side of the coop and pen. No rouen. I feared that she had gotten out of the pen completely, but I couldn’t see where she could have escaped, and I didn’t see her anywhere in the yard. She had completely vanished.
I finally gave up because JJ had an appointment to get a physical for his new job and I had promised that I would go with him. I went into our house to get ready. I was concerned about the missing duck so I went into our bedroom and looked out the window–and there were six ducks in the pen. I have no idea where the missing duck had been but the only place I can think that she could have been was under the coop. Silly duck. My poultry sure make life interesting.
Yesterday evening it began to rain, and it rained all night. When I woke up this morning, the power was out. EJ told me that when he got up at 5 a.m., it was really stormy with lots of thunder and lightning. I hadn’t heard any of it. Fortunately, he turned on the coffee pot as soon as he woke up, so we had hot coffee to drink. I called our electric company first thing to notify them of our power outage, and the power came back on just before EJ left for work.
It rained most of the day. When it wasn’t raining, it was damp and soggy. The temperature didn’t rise much above 40 degrees and the cold dampness chilled me to the bone, making me feel tired and unmotivated. I just wanted to curl up in a blanket and sleep. I did get a few things done.
The ducks have no problem with rainy days, of course. They were out enjoying the day.
Cuddles’ Favorite Game
Because my jury duty was canceled (happy dance!) I spent the afternoon digging up more tiger lilies from around the big rocks. They really have spread in that area so although I have dug up about four wheelbarrows full of lilies, there are still many, many growing by the rocks. I keep planting them along the driveway. Most of the transplanted lilies are thriving. They are going to be very beautiful when they all bloom. Plus, they will help with erosion.
Cuddles, my male duck, is such an odd duck. He has come up with a game that he loves to play: He, uhm, loves to goose the chickens.
Cuddles is actually quite clever. He knows that when I come outside, the chickens all run up near the fence to see me so as soon as he sees me, Cuddles waddles as fast as he can to the fence. Then he waits and when a hen comes close to the fence he reaches in and plucks her feathers. Sassy, our alpha rooster, tries to protect his flock by keeping in between Cuddles and the hens–Cuddles doesn’t mess with Sassy because Sassy will peck him. Sassy is an awesome rooster and takes good care of his flock. However, despite Sassy’s protective efforts, every now and then a hen gets too close to the fence and Cuddles strikes. He is incorrigible. Here is a video of Cuddles in action:
Cuddles loves his game so much that even though he loves treats, he will ignore them if he has a chance to goose the hens. He is a very bad duck!
Whoo Hoo!
We had a really nice weekend. It rained all day Saturday through Sunday morning. I’m not sure exactly how much rain we got, but nearby areas ranged from 1.43 to 2.23 inches. The temperatures were very warm–up in the high 70s!!
Sunday morning EJ glanced out the window and then called to me asking, “What kind of bird is that?” I took several photos of it so that we could have a reference to identify it if it flew away. I guessed that it could be a Northern Flicker even though I couldn’t really remember what a Northern Flicker looked like. I went to our library for our Michigan Birds book, leafed through the pages, and was surprised that I had guessed correctly. We learned that Northern Flickers are woodpeckers, but they are usually on the ground rather than trees. They mainly ants and beetles, digging for them with their unusual, slightly curved bill.
While it was raining during the morning, I did laundry. However, in the early afternoon the rain moved off so I went outside to work. I dug up another wheelbarrow full of lilies. It was harder to dig them up because they have grown a little bigger. Once I had a wheelbarrow full, I planted them with the others along the driveway. The lilies I have planted seem to be doing quite well. It should be pretty when they bloom. Most importantly, I’m hoping they will hold the soil and stop erosion.
After a short break, I went out to the back yard and moved our burning barrel. I usually rake out the used straw from the coop into the pens and I felt that the barrel was too close. I didn’t want to risk a spark setting the straw on fire. EJ agreed. I emptied the barrel of ashes and moved it to the place where our campfires had been. It is far enough from the house, the forest, and the coop to be safe, I think.
While I was outside working at moving the burning barrel, I heard a woodpecker drilling in the forest. I wasn’t able to find the woodpecker, but the sound of his rat-tat-tatting echoed loudly. It was pretty cool.
Meanwhile, EJ examined the HHR. It gets good gas mileage, but we don’t drive it in the winter because we need four-wheel drive vehicles to handle the snow. However, EJ had discovered that it had a leak in the fuel line. He googled it and discovered that it’s a common problem with HHRs.
This presented a problem because I was summoned for Jury Duty on the 18th and 19th (Tues and Wednesday) and I needed to have transportation. EJ drives the Suburban to work and JJ usually drives the Xterra to school. JJ has classes all day on Tuesdays but he has nowhere to go on Wednesday so only Tuesday would present a problem. Well, until JJ forgot that I had Jury Duty when he called this morning to schedule a physical for his new park ranger job at 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday. Bummer. We have been discussing various options, including EJ taking the day off on Tuesday so I could get to the courthouse. I have been summoned for Jury Duty many times over the years and although I don’t theoretically have a problem with being a juror, I always get called at inconvenient times–such as during exam week at college, or just before my wedding, or when JJ was a toddler and I had no baby sitter, or when I was struggling with chronic health problems. This time it was a problem with transportation. And my mind was also busy with figuring out what time I had to get up to get the animals all cared for before I left, and what to do about meals, and all that sort of thing.
In the instructions I received in the mailed, I was told to call the courthouse after 5 p.m. today to see if and at what time I had to be at court. Sometimes, the instructions said, a trial is canceled–because of plea bargaining or whatever. I hoped, but didn’t expect, that the case would be cancelled. With a bit of trepidation, I dialed the number at 5:03 p.m. I was shocked to hear that the trials had been cancelled for BOTH Tuesday and Wednesday so I didn’t have to appear! After I hung up the phone, I went dancing through the house shouting loud WHOO HOOs. JJ poked his head out of his bedroom door and looked at me as if I was crazy. He totally understood, though, when I sang that my Jury Duty was cancelled. It solves so many problems! We don’t have to worry about schedules or transportation or anything! Whoo Hoo!
EJ arrived home a few minutes later. I made him and JJ listen to the Jury Duty recording to double-check that I didn’t have to serve. They verified it. Whoo Hoo!
EJ said he had had a really good day today. His boss had asked him how his weekend had gone, and EJ told him about the HHR. His boss sat down at the computer and googled HHR fuel line leak and it appears that it is a very common problem that is under a recall. If that is true then we can take it to the shop and get the problem fixed for free, which means we don’t have to scrape up the money for repairs. What a relief!
WHOO HOO!
Happy Chickens
Most of the time JJ has to be to work at 3 p.m., but today he was scheduled to begin work at noon. After JJ left, I considered working to enlarge the chickens’ outside pen. However, I knew that once I began working on it, I wouldn’t be able to stop until the pen was finished. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do so much work today, but the day was beautiful with blue skies and temps in the 60s–a wonderful day for working outside–and I decided to go for it.
The chicken pen was going to be extended by ten feet–the length of the dog cage panels. I moved the two center wooden posts to the corners. I temporarily put t-posts where the wooden posts had been to hold up the fence until I was ready to move it. I had to dig two trenches to bury the bottom of the panels so predators can’t easily dig under them. I also had to dig a 23 foot or so trench for the wire fencing I was moving. I didn’t have enough wooden posts, so I pounded in two T-posts spaced between the wooden posts. Then I was ready to move the wire fence to the new location.
Moving the fence was very tricky because the chickens were all outside and very curious about what I was doing. I had to move the whole 23-foot length of fence to the new location without letting the chickens escape. The fence was very flexible and kept wanting to curl up or fall down. The chickens kept poking their heads through the fence and they tried to push through the gap at the loose ends. At one point I was stretched out holding the fence up to keep it from falling on the chickens, while trying to block the chickens from getting around the loose ends. I couldn’t fasten the fence to the posts while holding up the fence and shooing the chickens, and I envisioned myself stuck holding the fence for several hours until EJ arrived home from work to help me. Finally, the fence did fall, scaring the chickens away–fortunately they weren’t hurt–so that I could quickly temporarily attached it by bending the wire ends so they caught the dog cage panel ends. Then I quickly wired the fence to one of the t-posts. With the fencing being held up, I was able to take my time permanently attaching the fence to the wooden posts with large staples and securely wiring the fence to the t-posts. I wasn’t able to get the fencing as straight as I wanted, but it is fastened to the posts so I’m happy.
Once I got the fence in place, I filled in the trenches. Then I was done. This is what the enlarged pen looks like:
The chickens happily clucked as they scratched in the dirt of their larger pen.
I showed EJ my project when he got home from work. He said that I did a good job and that the chickens have about 230 square feet of additional space.
Meanwhile, the ducks are really happy with their enlarged space. I have happy birds.
The Ducks’ New Pen
After a beautiful weekend, the weather turned rainy Sunday night and cooled throughout Monday. On Tuesday we even had periods of snow, but it only lasted a couple of minutes at a time and nothing stayed on the ground–unlike Michigan’s Upper Peninsula which just got about 10 inches of snow. I’m glad we didn’t have so much snow because I’m ready for Spring now–although I don’t get upset when it snows in April because that’s part of living in Michigan. Besides, I like different kinds of weather, and I’d rather have snow than sweltering tropical heat.
The temperatures were still quite warm on Monday morning, so despite the damp and occasional rumbles of thunder, I went outside and worked on the fencing for the enlarged duck enclosure. Since I decided to make the enclosure more permanent, I installed a gate. I used the fencing, two wooden posts, and the gate from the old dog pen that we had dismantled last year. I used short t-posts from our supply for the rest of the fence. The gate and wooden posts already had a latch on them, so I had to position them just right so the parts of the latch would fit. It took me several tries. I will need EJ’s help getting the screws holding the gate in. I got them most of the way in, but I need EJ’s greater strength and skill to get them all the way in.
The pen will contain EJ’s raised garden as well as the ducks so I tried to make the area as big as I could with the fencing I had so that EJ could add more containers if he wants to. My plan is that the ducks will eat the insects that would menace our garden–and they already seem to be doing their job. I watch them walking among the raised garden beds gobbling up whatever they find.
Before I got the area completely enclosed, I dragged in the old dog house and positioned it on the side furthest from the coop so the ducks would have some safe shelter to run to if they are threatened by predators. A few weeks ago EJ had dragged it from where the old dog pen had been to behind the house. I only had to drag it from there a short distance into the new pen. The roof comes off so I first moved the house and then the roof. The roof is shingled and very heavy so it took a lot of effort to pull it to the new location and then lift it onto the dog house. At one point the roof fell on my foot, which really hurt and now I have a nasty bruise. I think I’m fortunate that I didn’t break any bones in my foot. I put some straw in the dog house and some old straw at the entrance as a sort of ramp for the ducks.
While I worked, the ducks kept busy exploring the pen. Before I got the fencing completely installed, two of the rouens got out through a gap but they quickly ran back in when they saw me coming to shoo them. Finally I got the fencing all up. The ducks examined the new dog house and gave it their approval.
I’m satisfied with my work. I like that it is just outside our bedroom window so I can watch the ducks. They are so funny and interesting. They are better than television–like my own reality show.
Later on Monday, I went outside and had a big scare when I found an old deer skull just outside the fence. It wasn’t there earlier when I put up the fence. It felt like a scene from a scary movie–like a warning not to enter the forbidden forest. However, I’m quite sure Danny had dragged it there when I let him outside. Silly dog. He sure pranked me!
I’m thinking about using two 10 foot panels from the dog cage (which is different from the old dog pen we dismantled) to extend the chickens’ pen so they have more area. Their area isn’t as grassy as the ducks area, but they might be able to find more insects to eat. We had used the dog cage, which a co-worker had given EJ, to contain the chickens and ducks when they were located in the garage last year.
I spent Monday afternoon preparing our Passover seder. I wasn’t sure if Passover was on Monday or Tuesday, but I had it on Monday so JJ could participate. Mondays and Wednesdays are the only days he doesn’t have either school or work. It was nice.
I tried to grow herbs in pots during the winter but most of them are struggling…or mostly dead. My herbs do well when I grow them outside in pots over the summer but I haven’t had much luck with trying to keep them alive in the house in the winter, which means I had to buy a bunch of parsley for our Passover seder. We had plenty of parsley left over so I put them in our food dehydrator to dry.
Yesterday evening JJ came home after a day of school in great excitement. He said that he had seen a bald eagle eating a deer carcass alongside the road only a few miles from home. That is SO AWESOME! Maybe I will have to get out the binoculars so I can use them to see if the birds flying overhead are eagles.
This morning I’ve been watching the wild birds busy looking for nesting places. A chickadee flew into the new dog house to check it out. I’ve watched a couple of birds check out some of my birdhouses, which is exciting. I have five birdhouses that I had set up near the windows of our old house downstate. I loved watching the birds building their nests in the houses and raising their young. I brought the houses with us when we move and installed most of them at the edge of the forest. A couple of them I put on the post where I hang the feeders in the winter. However, none of the birds up here in the north have shown any interest in my birdhouses, which has been a bit disappointing, although I really can’t blame them for not using my houses when they have a whole forest to nest in. Still, it’s exciting that some birds at least appeared interested in them this year. And I saw a chickadee land on the suet feeder that I filled with Danny’s hair for the birds to use for their nests. That was satisfying.
I am considering setting up my own website to sell my crocheted projects. Both Etsy and Facebook charge an extra fee to “promote” a seller’s items. I don’t make enough to make the extra fee worthwhile, but I think that those who don’t promote their items sort of get overshadowed by those who do. Plus, there is a lot of competition at Esty. I’m thinking about it.
JJ has gotten a job as a sort of park ranger. The job pays a little more. He begins in mid-May. They told him that they want him full-time so he will be leaving his current job. We don’t know if “full-time” means he will be working year-around or just 40 hours each week during the tourist season. If the job is seasonal, he can find another job in the autumn.
Duck Delight
The weather was very nice this weekend. On Saturday it was sunny and the temperature was about 60. We put in the screens and opened up all the windows. We also got out our patio chairs (I had the table already set up) and sat out on our small deck with EJ’s friend who came to visit. He spent the night and drove downstate to visit his daughter after he left our house. We enjoyed his visit.
Today it was cloudy and windy, but the temps were in the mid 70s! I did laundry and dried the clothes out on the clothesline. They dried very quickly in the wind.
A starling was beginning to build a nest in a hole in the porch ceiling, so EJ fixed it today. Meanwhile, using leftover fencing, I set up some temporary fencing to enlarge the ducks’ area. It encloses EJ’s raised beds so the ducks can help keep the bug population down. I keep planning and re-planning how I want to do the fencing. I liked what I did today so I think I will make it more permanent. I had originally planned to buy more 8 foot fencing, which I would need if I wanted to let the chickens in the area. However, to save money I think I will just use our extra 4 foot fencing. The ducks don’t fly over the shorter fencing like the chickens do. I might be able to rework the chickens’ area to give them a little extra room.
With the enlarged area, I had enough space to set out the kiddie pool for the ducks. They loved it! I had filled the pool up to the top, but they splashed most of it out in their joy…so I filled it again. A month or so ago I filled an upsidedown saucer sled with water for a small pool. I will keep using that as a small pool because it’s easier for Esther, our lame duck, to get in and out of. Here are some of the ducks enjoying the larger pool:
After I hung the clothes on the line and set up the fence, I dug up another wheelbarrow load of lilies and planted them along the driveway. I fixed a quick lunch and then EJ and I went to the farm store for feed. Someone was at the front of the store selling cute rabbits. We petted then, but did not buy any. Neither did we buy any adorable ducklings or chicks that the farm store was selling further in the store, although we did stop to admire them. We were very strong to resist every temptation put in our path!
After the farm store, we went to the grocery store to buy Passover supplies. We had to go to a larger store because the nearby store where JJ works doesn’t have Kosher wine or matsah bread. When we got home, I did my other chores–cleaned out litter boxes, set up coffee pot for tomorrow, washed dishes, folded clothes.
I very exhausted…but it was a good day.
Spring Things
This last weekend the sun shone and the temperatures were very warm–up into the 60s. I almost put the screens back in and opened the windows, but I didn’t. I was busy with other projects, and I know that we can still get snow. In fact, I read that we could get snow at the end of this week.
But with the sunny and warm temps, I hung the laundry out on the clothesline to dry on Sunday. It felt good–like the first time going outside with a jacket and shoes instead of winter coat and boots.
I also raked out the dirty straw in the chicken coop and put in fresh. Of course, I do this in the winter time, but it’s more pleasant doing it when I’m not freezing cold. As I worked, I imagined how I’m going to fence in the yard to keep the deer out of the gardens and to let the ducks and chickens “free range” as much as possible while still keeping them protected from predators. If we fence in our back yard, they will pretty much–almost–have as much ground as if they were free-ranging, but they still will be fenced in. It makes me sad when one of the birds dies, although I read in duck and chicken FB pages and groups that sometimes predators do kill them…so I try to emotionally prepare myself to expect losses. I don’t think I’m really cut out to be a homesteader because I hate when my animals die, even though I really enjoy eating meat.
If we fence in our back yard then we can’t have our firepit there. So we moved the fire ring thing to the front yard. (It’s not exactly a fire ring, but I don’t know what else to call it.) Although I don’t yet know the exact spot that I want the fire ring, I plan to put it more or less in this location–in front of the huge rocks as far from the forest, long grass, and house as we can reasonably get it. This requires moving the lilies that are growing in front of the rocks. I wanted to move them anyway–they are spreading and I don’t want them to take over the hill. Their roots grip the soil so firmly that they are hard to dig up–but they are easier to dig up when they are just poking up from the ground in the Spring than later when they are full-grown. I know this because I tried to dig some of them up in the autumn and gave up in exhaustion. At EJ’s recommendation I used a potato fork, which is the size of a shovel but has tines like a pitch fork. I filled a wheelbarrow full and then planted them along the driveway in between my rock dams. I figure that with their roots gripping the soil so tightly, they will help stop erosion–and they will look pretty lining the driveway. Battling erosion is my ongoing project in warmer months.
Monday I spent the afternoon digging up another wheelbarrow load of lilies and planting them along the driveway. Our driveway is very long so it will take a lot of lilies. I still have another wheelbarrow load or two to dig up, but I can’t do it today because it will be raining all day.
The other day I saw a video of a rooster playing with a soccer ball. It was so cute that I put a small ball in the chicken pen. My chickens couldn’t have been less interested in it. In fact, the ball had been lying out in the yard because we had thrown it to Danny last summer– but Danny wasn’t very interested in it either. Sigh. My animals are apparently not ball players. Oh, well.
I have been using an upsidedown saucer sled for the ducks’ pool–because it is shallower and easier to fill and dump out. It’s also study so if the water freezes it won’t get damaged. I can’t wait until the danger of freezing temperatures is over so I can hook up the hose and get out the bigger and deeper kiddie pool for the ducks. But that time is not yet, not yet….
Now that Spring has arrived and the bears are waking up, I have put away the bird seed and suet. However, I have a new use for the suet feeder: Danny has weird hair and whenever I brush him, I always accumulate a huge pile of his hair. Usually in the Spring I throw his hair outside so the birds can use it for their nests, but this year I decided to put it in the suet feeders. I haven’t yet seen any birds take away any of his hair, but it’s there if they want it.
Yesterday the walkie-talkies that JJ ordered arrived via UPS. It is a sign of Spring that the UPS man was willing to drive all the way up to the house instead of putting JJ’s package in The Magic Box at the bottom of the driveway. JJ wanted water-safe walkie-talkies so he could communicate with us when he’s out kayaking without risking water damage to his smart phone. He set up the walkie-talkies and then tried to teach me how to use the handset that EJ and I will be using. He told me not to say anything dumb over the air, since it’s possible that others could hear us. I asked him why I should care if someone thought I said dumb things since they didn’t know who I am, but he gave me The Look, which apparently means he thought I had said something dumb. He told me that “my” handset was designated the base radio and that we had to use code to talk. I exclaimed, “Oh! Oh! Can I give our base handset the code name ‘The Coop’? Then I could use code words like ‘Return to The Coop’ or ‘The Rooster has crowed’ in spooky spy-like whispers.” JJ was not impressed. “There is a standardized list of code words to use with two-way radios like this,” he explained with exasperation, “and if you don’t use them, you could get me in trouble with the FCC.” Later, when his Dad got home from work, JJ showed him his radio and explained how to use it. EJ pushed the talk button and spoke like the adults do in the Peanuts comic strip, “Bwha bwha bwha bah bah,” he said and then we both laughed ourselves silly. JJ said, “You do realize that people probably heard you say that,” looking as if he wanted to start banging his head against the wall in frustration. I suspect JJ will regret letting us have a handset because I know that I will have trouble resisting using my own code words…and his Dad will have trouble resisting saying silly things. Oh, well.
As the sun sets each evening, it usually lights up a band of trees at the top of the next hill. Often the sun makes the trees golden, but the other day the sun colored the trees in red. It was very beautiful. The the weather changes our view each day.
The Hall of Justice
Today JJ and I went to The Hall of Justice. Although we did not see Superman, Wonder Woman, or Batman, we did see plenty of heroes and villains.
Seriously. This is completely 100% true.
The Hall of Justice is the name of the district courthouse. JJ had to sit in on four hours of court sessions for his law enforcement class and write a paper about his experience. He didn’t really want to go alone, so I offered to go with him. When I offered, I didn’t think we had to be there for so many hours and I thought he’d be going to our local county courthouse where I will be having Jury Duty in mid-April. I thought it would enable me to see exactly where I had to go so I wouldn’t get lost on the day I had to show up. But, alas, he said he had to go to the courthouse the next county over where his college is located.
Neither JJ nor I were looking forward to going. I remembered years ago when I had to sit in on 2 hours of a trial for a Business Law class at college. A classmate and I went together and watched the opening statements of a malpractice suit. When we stepped into the courtroom we paused for a couple of seconds to locate seats in the crowded room, and a very grumpy judge stopped everything and said, “Would you two young woman mind sitting down?” I felt like melting into a puddle of embarrassment and didn’t want another similar situation. But I had promised JJ, so I gathered up my dread and went.
Today’s experience was completely different from mine.
First of all, there is the name. How cool is it that the governmental building is called THE HALL OF JUSTICE? It brings up thoughts of superheroes and villains, which, of course, it had.
Next, was the look of the building. It wasn’t a boring square government building like most of them. When we pulled into the parking lot, I told JJ, “Oh, my goodness! This is not disappointing! This is EXACTLY what I think The Hall of Justice should look like!” It was a shining modern building sandwiched between two castle-like bookends. The castle parts even had turrets and great wooden doors with big black hinges. I was thrilled! JJ told me that I needed to be serious. I said, “Ok. I’m putting on my serious face…” but it was difficult.
I love living in Northern Michigan. Everything is magical: the towns are cute, the libraries are adorable, the theaters are full of character, and the courthouses are called The Hall of Justice and located in castle-y buildings.
JJ had told me that when we entered the courthouse, we would be physically searched like TSA agents do at airports. I wasn’t sure if I should believe him because we often joke, but I didn’t know that he wasn’t correct. However, I passed through the detectors with no problem and I wasn’t touched. JJ beeped and had to be searched with a wand. We told the guards why we were there and they nicely told us which courtrooms would be busy that day.
We had arrived just after 8 a.m.–just a few minutes before the sessions were to begin. We were the only spectators in the room. A court person asked why we were there and JJ explained it was for his class. Later when the judge arrived, the court person told him why we were there. He walked over to us, introduced himself, asked our names, and then spent time telling us what to expect. He said that after taking care of small hearings–like people breaking probation or having pretrial hearings–there would be an hour or so break so we might want to attend the other judge’s cases, which is what we did.
This second judge was also nice. Again we were the only spectators in the courtroom when we first entered. When the judge arrived he asked us why we were there and when we explained, he also described what he would be hearing that day and he said he’d answer any of JJ’s questions. He said his day was going to be quite busy.
He started out with a couple of video conferences with prisoners who were in the jail. On a big TV screen we could see the prisoners enter a small room one by one and talk to the judge. Apparently the courtroom did these video conferences as often as possible. It cut down on the number of prisoners who had to be transported to the courthouse. I think the jail was located near the courthouse. There were two prisoners who talked to the judge by video. There was supposed to be three, but the third was too drunk to appear so the judge told the police officer to schedule it for the next day.
There were 18 prisoners who had to physically appear before the judge. They would come over in groups of six. The first six arrived wearing orange jumpsuits with both their hands and feet cuffed together. They jingled as they shuffled in. It was just like in the movies. One had an arrogant swagger and it didn’t surprise me that he was often in trouble. In fact, after his problems here were resolved, he had to head over to Arizona. Other people in street clothes periodically arrived for scheduled court dates.
None of these were trials or sentencings, but just brief hearings for DUIs, broken probations, pre-trial hearings, and a couple domestic abuse hearings. Neither JJ nor I are hardened criminals–or any sort of criminal–and we had never seen court hearings except on TV or in the movies. (Well, except for the one two hour session I had to sit in on as a college student years ago.) It was very, very interesting and the hours went by quickly. We saw more than a dozen hearings, I think. We had planned to go over to hear a case the first judge had told us about, but it was a pretrial hearing for sexual misconduct. As we entered the waiting area, we saw a bunch of people who were obviously upset–not vocal, but holding in emotion and comforting each other–and JJ decided he couldn’t bear it. (Neither could I have.) So we left.
We are glad we went to The Hall of Justice today. It was a different exposure into an unfamiliar world. JJ kept saying that he was really glad he never got into trouble with the law. I told him that after our experiences today, I was no longer dreading Jury Duty. It could be very interesting. Although I think a trial would be more difficult–because a juror would have to hear details of a case.
After we left, we stopped in at Joann Fabrics so I could buy some yarn. Then we went over to Culvers for lunch. JJ wanted to order takeout and get home. As I was getting into the Buggy, I accidentally tipped my little cup of ketchup all over my coat sleeve. (I could have ask for packets of ketchup, but I like the cups.) I wiped up most of it and took my coat off. Then I dribbled mustard on my sweater when I bit into my burger. I told JJ: “Next time we are eating at the restaurant.”
Bat-roo
This afternoon JJ walked down to the mailbox with me, but before we walked down to the driveway, we took the chickens and ducks some carrots and cabbage. I videoed JJ giving the birds their treats. JJ noticed that Sassy, our alpha rooster, would leap up for a piece of cabbage and then drop it down to the ground for the others. Sassy takes good care of his flock.
Tonight I went out to shut the chickens and ducks into their shed/coop. When the poultry was in the garage, before the shed was built, there were a couple of times when I a chicken was left outside all night. Poor thing. So I make sure I always count the chickens to make sure they are all in. Tonight I found Bat-roo lying on top of the inside coop. He wasn’t moving. He was obviously dead. I went inside and got EJ to come out and take care of him for me. EJ said Bat-roo’s neck was broken. Since he had obviously died inside the shed, we believe he had flown up and hit his head on the ceiling. I think he was probably having a conflict with one of the other roosters. This is our first casualty. I’m a little sad because I care about my chickens, but not as sad as when one of the cats die, and not as sad as if my dog Danny had died. Now we have only two roosters.
Illogical Inconsistencies
This post is kind of for myself because writing helps me to think through and process stuff that happens to me. But it’s also for those who also struggle with the same sort of things. This post is quite long (sorry). It is about abuse, PTSD, depression, anxiety, faith, and God. If you don’t like this sort of discussion, you might want to wait until I go back to my more light-hearted stories about my life in Northern Michigan.
A FB friend who accused me of dishonoring myself, my family, and God because I had no contact with my abusive family triggered an anxiety attack a couple of weeks ago. I thought she was a bit contemptuous about anxiety attacks, as if she felt they were imaginary. Her words took me by surprise and made me feel battered; I struggled with it for several weeks. I think it’s easier to fall into an anxiety attack than to climb back out of it…although I always eventually do make my way out and many times I learn a few things in the process. I think many people do not understand abuse, PTSD, depression, or anxiety and they assume that a person who suffers from these things are weak or have little faith. I’d like to explore those topics.
We all know that soldiers can suffer from PTSD, but other people can also suffer from forms of PTSD. As I understand it, there are two different types of PTSD. One is caused by a short-term event such as a car accident. The other type is called Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) and is caused by long-term trauma, such as abuse, in which a victim feels trapped and unable to escape. Symptoms can include insomnia, nightmares, anxiety, depression, and health problems, among other things. EJ, JJ, and I all suffer from PTSD from abuse and other difficulties we have experienced.
People who have serious illnesses like cancer also can suffer from PTSD. For a while after JJ’s battle with cancer, anything that reminded him of chemo–such as bald heads or items that resembled IV bags or tubes–triggered an anxiety attack. Medical procedures or appointments also trigger his anxiety.
In addition, caregivers can suffer from PTSD. JJ’s treatment was very intense and we spent hours almost every day for several months at the Cancer Center. We never had a full night of sleep and many times we had almost no sleep. By the time his treatment was completed, we were physically and emotionally depleted. After all the previous abuse and difficulties we’ve experienced, JJ’s battle with cancer was like the final straw that broke us. I had never experienced anxiety attacks before cancer. We still haven’t fully regained our strength and problems that we once could easily handle now easily stress, overwhelm, and drain us and can trigger anxiety attacks. I often feel like a car with an empty gas tank. Problems hit me before I have a chance to get refilled and I’m drained empty again. It’s actually quite awful.
Before I go further, I’d like to state that I tend to use examples from my own life as an illustration of what I’m trying to explain. I view all my experiences as learning experiences–of things that I think I should continue to do or that I ought to change. Sometimes I see wonderful traits in a person and they become my model of what I want to become. Other times I see behaviors that I do not want so I try to avoid/eliminate the behaviors in my life.
I also want to list a few things that I either value or dislike because they might help you know where I’m coming from: I value integrity, authenticity, and freedom very highly. I enjoy and value being able to ask challenging questions and explore ideas. I dislike phoniness, deceit, manipulation, hypocrisy, arrogance, control, bullying or cruelty. I cannot comprehend why anyone would think it’s “fun” to abuse others. I care very deeply for those who are struggling and wounded and abused. I love people who are authentic, even if they are a bit “messy.” However, I think there is a HUGE difference between people who are messily authentic, who try to do right but sometimes fail, and people who are unrepentantly deceitful, hypocritical, arrogant, and/or cruel.
I believe that there are moral absolutes–things that are absolutely right or wrong. I think that there is a difference between right/wrong and preferences–and sometimes people confuse the two. For example, murder is absolutely morally wrong. However, choosing to drive a Ford or a Chevy is not right or wrong, but simply a matter of preference. We must not ever condone murder, but it would be foolish to get upset because I like Fords and you prefer Chevys. A silly illustration, I know, but one that I hope helps explain the difference.
I believe that only God is perfect in His knowledge and understanding, and I expect when I someday meet Him, I will discover that many things that I believed were inaccurate, incorrect, and probably downright wrong. However, the best I can do is seek and live truth as best that I can and be willing to acknowledge and change when I discover that something that I believed isn’t actually true. I also think that others don’t always get things right either and just as I want people to be patient with my growth, so I want to be patient with theirs.
I believe that life is a process, a journey of growth. None of us starts out knowing God or knowing what is right and wrong. We will (hopefully, if we are wise) grow in understanding and maturity over time. The important thing, to me, is that we honestly pursue truth, and are willing to change if we are wrong. If we honestly pursue truth, I think God will help us learn more truth. But I don’t think we will gain perfect understanding in our lifetimes. There will always be more to learn, overcome, and grow to understand. I’m ok with that.
The things that I value and dislike affects what I believe and how I live my life. Because I believe in honestly pursuing truth–as much as I can, no matter where it leads–I have often struggled with understanding truth. I have always, throughout my life, asked myself questions about what concepts and ideas actually mean because I feel that if I don’t understand what something means, how can I ever hope to live it? I think many people don’t understand what things mean either, but a lot of them seem to believe that they do and some can be contemptuous about others not knowing their “truth,” which might sometimes merely be their preferences. This results in–for me–observing inconsistencies that I find illogical and confusing so I wrestle with them, especially if I’m not sure if they are right or wrong. I don’t perceive people who struggle or wrestle with various things in a negative way because I think that a lot of growth occurs as we struggle to reach a goal or understand truth. However, people who choose to do wrong or who say they believe one thing but consistently live another is a different matter.
For example, I don’t really understand the Amish lifestyle. Although I do not believe as the Amish do, I could understand if they decided to live simply and avoid the trappings of modern life. That would be consistent with their beliefs (as I understand them). In some ways their lifestyle is even sort of appealing–you know, the simple life away from the rat race of modern life. However, I don’t understand why they think it’s wrong to participate in modern life to the extent that they don’t have electricity in their homes and they drive horses instead of cars, but they have no problem with asking a neighbor to drive them places in their vehicles. If modern things are so wrong, why ride in vehicles? And if it’s ok to ride in a vehicle, why not own them? I can understand why the Amish would go to stores like Wal-mart–because I think there are probably items that they need and can’t make themselves–but it makes no sense to me that they would eat at a fast food restaurant, which is an unessential part of modern life. I don’t really understand the way the Amish live, but it’s not something that I spend a lot of time wrestling with because it doesn’t affect me. The lifestyle of the Amish is more a curiosity and philosophical pondering to me than anything else.
But there are other beliefs that I wrestle more with because they affect my life more:
For example, I think that people who say they are tolerant are inconsistent and hypocritical if they bully those who disagree with them. I hate bullying.
Likewise, I think that if a person says he is against racism then he ought not to be mistreating those who are different from he is. Racism is racism whether it’s white people who dislike black people or black people who dislike white people–or any other race. If it’s wrong if someone mistreats me, it’s also wrong for me to mistreat him. Also, a mere difference in opinion or belief isn’t racist. Accusing people of racism whenever they disagree actually trivializes true racism and causes it to become unheard and ignored. You know, like the boy in the fable who cried wolf.
Furthermore, if a group says that they care about the environment then they ought not to leave their trash everywhere–such as the protesters of the Dakota pipeline did. I don’t know much about the Dakota pipeline and don’t really have an opinion about whether it is good or bad, but I do think that it makes no sense to protest the possible environmental impact of the pipeline and then leave behind so much trash (not to mention abandoning dogs) that it takes more than 2,000 dump trucks to haul it away. That amount of trash actually did affect the environment. If people are going to claim that they believe something, I think their lives ought to reflect their beliefs. I don’t see how leaving behind that much trash is an “accidental mistake.”
I think that Christian inconsistencies are the most difficult for me–because what a Christian believes, teaches, and lives reflects on God and can affect others’ relationship with Him. I love God deeply and I believe that the Bible is absolutely true. However, I think there are a lot of misunderstandings, misinterpretations, false teachings of the Bible and there are inconsistencies between what people say they believe and how they actually live. Of course, all of us are imperfect and fallible humans and we all have our weaknesses, failures, dysfunctions, areas of ignorance, and sins but, again, I see a big difference between a person who genuinely struggles to improve, overcome, and grow and one who deliberately, arrogantly and/or deceitfully chooses to do wrong.
Here are some of the illogical inconsistencies that I have struggled with. This is not a complete list and these are not intended to be mere nitpicky criticisms. I have always genuinely questioned and wrestled–even as a child–with these inconsistencies. Some of my questions have been resolved, some haven’t. I can accept (sometimes) that I might never find the answers to some of them, but I still search for the answers.
When I was a child, I struggled a lot with what to do with conflicting commands. My parents were not Christians. They told us kids to tell the truth and we were disciplined if we didn’t, but sometimes they told us to lie. For example, my parents told us to lie about our age so we would get in various places for free. This was conflicting. On the one hand, the Bible says that children need to obey their parents. On the other hand, the Bible says that we are not to lie. But what was I supposed to do when my parents told me to tell a lie? Which command is more important? Which overrides the other? I wrestled with this sort of question for years.
I also struggled as I was growing up with evangelists who came to preach at my church. They always ended up declaring, “If you are not knocking on doors to win the lost to Christ, you might not be saved.” Huh? Where in the Bible does it ever say that salvation rested on whether people were evangelizing door to door? Doesn’t Ephesians say “For by grace are we saved through faith and that not of works…” But I was a child–what did I know? They were adults–maybe they were right? I struggled with this for quite a while. I have found throughout life that people tend to think everyone should be the same and minister to others in the same way that they do. So an evangelist thinks everyone should be an evangelist, or a person who is a greeter at church thinks everyone should be a greeter, and so on. But I believe that God has given people different gifts to minister in different ways as is described in I Corinthians 12. We aren’t all called to the same sort of ministry. God created us to be uniquely different from each other.
I’ve heard Christians say that the Law (or Torah) is “done away with” and we are no longer obligated to obey them. They specifically have said that this includes the 10 Commandments. So I’ve asked, “So by saying that the 10 Commandments are done away do you mean that we are now free to worship other gods, or to engage in adultery, or to murder, or to lie…?” Aghast, they declare “NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!” This is illogical. If the 10 Commandments are done away with then we should be able disregard the commands. But if it’s not ok to live contrary to the 10 Commandments how can someone say that the 10 Commandments no longer apply? Furthermore, why did the Psalmist (in Ps 19) say that the Law restores the inner person, is sure and makes wise the thoughtless, is right and rejoices the heart, is pure and enlightens the eyes…if it is actually burdensome and legalistic? Why does the Psalmist say that the Law endures forever if it doesn’t endure forever? If the Law is so evil and burdensome, why would God ever give it to the people He says He loves? How does something that God says is so “good” become “not good”?
I had another friend who shared an article a few years ago about whether or not Christians should drink alcohol. The author of the article started out well enough, I thought, but he ended by declaring that nowhere in the Bible is it ever stated that it is spiritual to drink alcohol. That’s not true. The Bible does warn against a misuse of alcohol, it says don’t get drunk, but wine is used in many of the Biblical feasts and has a great deal of symbolism. In fact, Deut. 14 specifically tells the Israelites that if they lived too far from the Temple, they were to sell their sacrificial animals, travel to the Temple, and “Use the silver to buy whatever you like: cattle, sheep, wine or other fermented drink, or anything you wish. Then you and your household shall eat there in the presence of the Lord your God and rejoice.” Even Jesus drank wine. When I pointed this out to my friend, she said, “Even though the Bible says that, I still think that no Christian should ever drink.” I think it’s good to abstain from alcoholic beverages if a person/family has a history of alcoholism, but to say alcoholic beverages is unBiblical is not correct. In fact, it sets personal opinion above Biblical truth and it tries to force a personal choice on all believers. Declaring that the Bible says something that it doesn’t is a misuse of Scripture. It’s an attempt to make the Bible conform to a person’s personal beliefs rather than conform a person’s beliefs to the Bible.
I’ve also struggled with what the Bible means when it says “Don’t do as the pagans do” and “come out from among them and be separate.” Usually people who quote these verses use them in context to whether or not we should celebrate holidays such as Halloween or Christmas or Easter, all of which started out as pagan holidays. Sometimes it seems to me that a person’s position on the holidays–or on any controversial activity–depends on whether or not they want to do it or not. If they want to do it then they say that the day or activity has been redeemed and/or we are under grace. (I know God redeems people, but I’m not sure He redeems pagan holidays?) If people don’t want to celebrate a particular holiday or engage in a certain activity then they say that we “should not do as the pagans do.” Who is right? I am not quite sure. Actually, there are people I respect on both sides of this debate. However, whatever a person’s position is, I have never heard anyone adequately explain what the pagans do that we aren’t supposed to do and what exactly we are supposed to separate ourselves from. I try to live out my best understanding of what these verses mean in my own life, but I don’t try to tell others what they are supposed to do because I think it’s complicated and each person has to work it out with God.
I think that the greatest struggle I have is with beliefs about suffering. These beliefs are very important because through our beliefs/words, we can strengthen or weaken those who suffer, we can bring hope or despair, we can be used to heal or to further wound and crush people, we can be used by God to set prisoners free or we can clang prison doors in their face.
I will share a list of beliefs about suffering that I wrestle with, that I think are illogical or inconsistent or just plain don’t make sense to me. I realize that we tend to look at outward appearances while God truly knows a person’s heart and that outward appearances can be deceiving. I also am very aware that I might be wrong. In fact, often I wrestle with the thought that if I am correct then the belief of many others is wrong–which seems rather arrogant to me. It takes me back to my childhood where a teaching didn’t make sense to me, but I had trouble believing that I, a child, was right when the adults were wrong. Yet, many times the belief of the crowd really is wrong. A belief is truth because it is TRUE–the number of people who believe it is irrelevant. And if something is true, we ought to do our best to live it. I present these questions mostly as thoughts to ponder. I think I understand the answers to some of them, but many I am still searching for answers. I don’t know how to put these thoughts in any sort of order, so they are kind of listed randomly.
If I wanted to know about life in another country, I would ask friends who lived there. If I wanted to gain knowledge about a certain topic, I would ask an expert in that field. If I wanted to learn what challenges a person with a disability or serious illness faced, I would ask a person who lived with those conditions. In fact, I actually do ask people about the countries/areas in which they live, I do seek expert advice about various topics, and I have asked about or researched disabilities/diseases that my friends suffer in an attempt to understand the daily challenges they live with. The frustrating thing to me is that while in each of these cases it only makes sense that a person who has experience would be most able to knowledgeably understand and discuss the experience, frequently the stories of abuse victims is discounted–as if their testimony is corrupted because they are damaged, or wounded, or ….whatever. It doesn’t make sense. Who better to understand the challenges, the suffering, the heartache of abuse except someone who has experienced it?
The Bible is filled–from cover to cover, from the beginning of time to the end of time–with descriptions of wicked people. Genesis describes such events as the days of Noah when everyone did evil continuously while 2 Timothy 3 says that in the Last Days “evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.” In fact, the Biblical story seems to me to actually be a story about the epic struggle between those who love God and those who hate Him, between the righteous and the wicked. I would think that people who say they believe the Bible would actually believe that, duh, evil people actually exist, right? Yet, when an abuse victim speaks out about the oppression she is suffering at the hands of an abuser (who fits the Biblical descriptions of a wicked person), more often than not she is accused of being angry, bitter, rebellious, unforgiving, judgmental, unChristlike, and on and on. So I would like to ask: Is the Bible merely a fairy tale about imaginary enemies or is it speaking the truth when it says that there are evil people in the world who “can’t sleep or rest until they do wrong or harm some innocent victim”? (Prov. 4:16).
God says throughout the Bible that He came to set the captives free, to deliver the oppressed from the hand of the wicked, to cut us free from the yoke of the wicked. Was God speaking the truth or lying? If He is telling the truth (which I think He is) then who, exactly, are the wicked He is delivering us from? And exactly who are the people He is setting free? I ask because abuse victims are typically told that they are sinning, rebelling, unsubmissive, and disobedient to God if they seek to escape their abusers. Rather than help a victim escape from the yoke of the wicked, many Christians pressure victims to remain in the power of their abuser(s) particularly if her/his abuser is related to him–such as a spouse or parent. How can a person be set free from the wicked if wicked people don’t really exist? And is a person set free unless she/he is related to the wicked person? This doesn’t make sense.
What are the traits of a wicked person? Are we being wrongfully judgmental if we state that a person is evil? The Bible is filled with descriptions of wicked people. Matthew 7:15-20 warns us to beware of false prophets who come wearing sheep’s clothing, but underneath are hungry wolves. Twice in these five verses it says that we will recognize them by their fruit. In other words, by their actions. Why did the Bible talk so much about how to recognize the wicked? What value is it to be given instruction on how to recognize the wicked if we aren’t supposed to acknowledge that they are wicked? What are we supposed to do with this knowledge? Are we supposed to “not judge” them? Actually, the Bible says that we are not to judge by mere appearances but to judge righteously (John 7:24). In other words, we aren’t to be hasty in our judgment, assume, or jump to conclusions–but neither are we to check our brains at the door. Proverbs 22:3 in the Expanded Bible says: The ·wise [prudent] see ·danger [evil; trouble] ahead and avoid it, but fools ·keep going [go straight to it] and ·get into trouble [or are punished]. Hebrew 5:14 says that “solid food is for the mature, for those whose faculties have been trained by continuous exercise to distinguish good from evil.” In other words, the mature believer is able to distinguish (or judge) between good and evil. In my opinion, abuse victims get a lot of practice learning to distinguish good from evil.
The above paragraph is important because I was told that I can’t really know what is in another person’s heart so I can’t really judge if my abusers are evil or if they hate me. I think that while people tend to judge more on appearances than reality, and while we need to be careful to not judge hastily, we are given the ability to discern if a person is evil or righteous. Proverbs 20:11 says that “The character of even a child is known by how he acts, by whether his deeds are pure and right.” Luke 6:45 says “The good person produces good things from the store of good in his heart, while the evil person produces evil things from the store of evil in his heart.” We might not be able to see into people’s hearts, but we can see their actions, which reveal what is in their hearts. So I’m pretty sure that we can discern by a person’s actions whether or not he is evil. I mean, is there any doubt that Hitler hated the Jews?
Assuming the Bible is correct about the existence of evil people, how are we supposed to respond when we encounter evil people? Christians always quote the verses about forgiveness, love, and grace. This is a HUGELY complicated topic that I have spent years wrestling with so I can’t fully expand on it here. But, briefly, I believe there is a misunderstanding of what forgiveness, love, repentance, reconciliation really is and involves. I don’t believe we are to be filled with revenge, but I do believe that we are to forgive only IF a person repents (Luke 17:3-5). God, Himself, doesn’t forgive the unrepentant (Ps 7:11-12) and I don’t think He would expect us to do more than He does. There are actually quite a few verses throughout Scripture that tells us to not walk, stand, or sit with the wicked, to not associate with them, to avoid and stay away from them. Here are a few:
“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” (Luke 17:3-5) FYI: Repentance in the Bible is not a mere “I’m sorry.” It is evidenced by a changed life.
“No, what I wrote you was not to associate with anyone who is supposedly a brother but who also engages in sexual immorality, is greedy, worships idols, is abusive, gets drunk or steals. With such a person you shouldn’t even eat!” (1 Cor. 5:11)
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. (2 Tim. 3:1-5)
Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned. (Titus 3:10-11). FYI: A divisive person is not one who speaks the truth. A divisive person is one who deliberately stirs up division. And we don’t have to spend all our lives trying to reconcile with such a person–we give one or two warnings and that’s it.
I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked. (Ps 26:4-5)
We can’t obey those verses and stay away from wicked people if wicked people don’t exist. Neither can we avoid them if we are unable to judge between the righteous and the wicked. Furthermore, we should be careful that we are telling people what God actually said. It’s pretty serious to tell people to stay with a wicked person when God has said not to associate with them.
The Bible does say that we are to love our enemies, but what exactly is love? Many times people act as if love means that we are never to say or do anything that offends/displeases another person, and we are to never “judge” him or confront him about anything. Is this really love? If so then Jesus wasn’t loving because He confronted people–and sometimes quite unnicely, such as when He told them they were whitewashed sepulchres, children of the devil, and hypocrites, and physically drove them out of the Temple. Paul actually reprimanded the Corinthian church who unconditionally accepted a man who had sex with his father’s wife. The Corinthians appeared quite proud of the unconditional grace they were giving the man. In 1 Cor. 5:1-2 Paul said, “It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this?” Luke 17:3-5 says that we are to rebuke others. Unconditional love/grace and forgiveness without requiring repentance, and a refusal to confront evil actually often results in Christians defending and protecting an abuser and condemning a victim. Prov. 25:26 says: “Like a muddied spring or a polluted well is a righteous person who gives way before the wicked.”
Of course, we have to be careful. Many people declare they are “lovingly rebuking” when they actually are just meddling in the lives of others (at best) or oppressing them. When Peter asked Jesus (in John 21:22) what would happen to another disciple, Jesus said, “What is that to you? YOU follow me.” In other words, stop worrying about him and concern yourself with you. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 instructs us “to mind your own affairs…” 1 Peter 4:15 says that “If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler.” And there are many other such verses. The point I am trying to make is that we have to be careful that we learn discernment and judge righteously. We have to make sure we aren’t merely meddling in others’ lives. There is a difference between obeying what God actually says and forcing your own preferences, expectations, and demands on others.
In regards to this, there are things that other people do that don’t make sense to me, that I don’t agree with, that I wouldn’t do, but I try not to meddle in their lives. I don’t pressure others to live according to my conscience, beliefs, understanding, or preferences. I don’t involve myself in their disagreements. I will give my opinion if asked. Mostly, I just try to set a boundary when others try to meddle in my life or to pressure us to live contrary to our beliefs. As adults, I believe we have the freedom/right to make our own choices and decisions even if others don’t approve. However, I will speak up if innocent people could be harmed by my silence and I will support a victim and stand with him or her against an abuser.
Of course, it can be very difficult to discern between the wicked and the righteous. Often the wicked can seem more calm, spiritual, and charming than their victims. Psalms 55:21 says of the wicked: “The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.” 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 says “For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness…” Matthew 23:27: In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. In other words, the wicked can appear to be so very good, very charming, very spiritual while their victims appear messed up, anxious, angry, and unwilling to forgive. The abuse website, A Cry for Justice, points out that many times an abuser appears more willing to reconcile because he wants to deceive others and he doesn’t want to lose his victim–an escaped victim is no longer in his power. Meanwhile a victim might appear unforgiving because she knows very well that her abuser isn’t sincere (she has practice distinguishing between good and evil) and she wants to escape the abuse.
This is why I think it’s so important to educate ourselves about abuse tactics and to read the stories of the victims…so we can accurately judge between the righteous and the wicked. This is very important because, as Proverbs 17:15 says, “Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—the Lord detests them both.” (A Cry for Justice often offers to help church leaders identify abuse and deal with it appropriately, but sadly very few churches accept their help.)
The most common experience of a victim is that when, after trying for years to love, forgive, please her (or his) abuser, she can bear no more and she seeks to free herself from her abuser, her abuser works to smear her reputation and turn people against her. Often it works. Many times the victim suffers increasing condemnation and isolation from her relatives, friends, and church. She experiences tremendous pressure to unconditionally love, forgive, and reconcile with her abuser, which usually means she is expected to be less “rebellious” and submit to his/her demands. There are some churches who even tell a victim that if her abuser kills her, she can be comforted that she will be with Christ in heaven. If a victim refuses to submit to her abuser she is accused of being unloving, unforgiving, rebellious, unsubmissive, judgmental, dishonorable, unChristlike…and so on. Often she comes under “church discipline” and some have been ex-communicated and shunned by their churches. Having suffered intolerable torment from her abuser, she must now endure immense pressure and betrayal from those she trusted. The fact that a victim has experienced much rejection from many people can cause others to believe that she was rejected because she is an angry, bitter, and unforgiving person.
Is this true?
Of course, it can be true that a person is rejected because of his own actions. However, typically victims are actually very loving, compassionate, and forgiving people–which is why they stayed in the damaging abuse so long. They kept loving and forgiving over and over again.
A victim who is battered by her abuser and abandoned by her friends and church often suffers from PTSD, becoming depressed, anxious, and “messy.” Some victims consider suicide. Many Christians will condemn victims for her lack of Christlikeness. Meanwhile, the abuser is often embraced, supported, defended, protected with “unconditional grace.” This is wrong.
I think the most terrible aspect of this is that these Christians claim they are representatives of Christ, which carries a lot of power/authority. If they are correct in their accusations, then the victim has no hope. If she stays with her abuser, she suffers worsening abuse that destroys her little by little. But if she leaves her abuser, she is told that she is being rebelliously disobedient to the God she loves and that she has stepped outside His protection. She may wonder if God really loves her, if He has also rejected her, or if He is some abusive bully who enjoys her misery. Is He lying when He says that He cares about the needy and the oppressed? Or that He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit? Or that He will accept those who are rejected and outcast? Or that He came to set the captives free to and free and to cut them free from the yoke of the wicked? Who are the wicked? Who are the ones God says He will set free?
This leads me to another topic:
I think the reason God warns us that we must not judge on appearances is because we humans tend to so quickly judge on appearances–but not the way many people think. Too often people wrongfully judge the victim of being unloving and unforgiving when they need to pause, look beyond the charm of the abuser, and see his oppression. People make quick assumptions rather than really listen to the victim. Too many people judge those who suffer from abuse, rejection, illness, anxiety, depression as being cursed by God and those who are successful and popular as being blessed. This isn’t always true and we need to judge righteously.
I like what Larry Crabb wrote in his book, The Safest Place on Earth, “We often hear that brokenness is the pathway to a deeper relationship with God, but we rarely see it modeled. I sometimes think we want others to believe we know God by demonstrating how unbroken we are….Worse, in many eyes, to admit brokenness means to admit a poor relationship with God.”
Although I have heard for many, many years that broken people are closest to God and that wounded healers are best able to heal other wounded people, it seems to me that few actually believe this. Instead, those who are praised for being most godly are those with successful, popular ministries, who enjoy material comforts and good health, and who always have a smile on their face and a song on their lips. Those who are crushed by severe trials, those who are chronically sick, those who cry and groan, those who struggle with depression or anxiety….well, obviously they lack faith, they aren’t trusting God, they are sinning, they must have done something wrong and are being judged by God.
Is this true? Is this what the Bible says?
Jesus suffered rejection. Isaiah 53 says: “He was despised and rejected–a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.” John 1:10-11 says: “He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.” Even most of Jesus’ family rejected him (John 7:5) and thought he was crazy (Mark 3:21).
Jesus said that those who followed Him would be hated:
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. (John 15:18-19)
In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted… (2 Tim 3:12).
Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets. (Luke 7) FYI: This doesn’t mean that a victim must stay with her abuser in order to have a great reward in heaven. To put it simply: It is alerting us that people will hate us, they will exclude, insult, and reject us, but God is a righteous judge who sees and there will be justice and reward for the victim.
How were the prophets treated? They were ridiculed, beaten, spit upon, imprisoned, and suffered tremendous rejection:
Job was a very righteous man who suffered deeply. He wrote in chapter 19:
“[God] has alienated my family from me;
my acquaintances are completely estranged from me.
My relatives have gone away;
my closest friends have forgotten me.
My guests and my female servants count me a foreigner;
they look on me as on a stranger.
I summon my servant, but he does not answer,
though I beg him with my own mouth.
My breath is offensive to my wife;
I am loathsome to my own family.
Even the little boys scorn me;
when I appear, they ridicule me.
All my intimate friends detest me;
those I love have turned against me.
I am nothing but skin and bones;
I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth.
“Have pity on me, my friends, have pity,
for the hand of God has struck me.
Why do you pursue me as God does?
Will you never get enough of my flesh?
No one listened to the preaching of Noah or Isaiah or Jeremiah. Jeremiah said in chapter 20:
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.…
I hear many whispering,
“Terror on every side!
Denounce him! Let’s denounce him!”
All my friends
are waiting for me to slip, saying,
“Perhaps he will be deceived;
then we will prevail over him
and take our revenge on him.”
Paul said in 2 Timothy 4 that “At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me.”
Many of the wonderful heroes in the Bible that we now revere were not revered during their lifetimes. In the OT, the NT, and throughout history, there were periods when people truly followed God. However, there were also periods when the religious people and organizations became corrupt. The Biblical prophets and the Christian heroes–such as Tyndale, Luther, Wycliffe, and others–spoke against their apostasy and suffered for it. Most of the time they were considered heretics and were rejected and persecuted. Some lost their lives. Even though the Bible warns us about false teachers/prophets, about evil men becoming worse and worse, about wolves in sheep’s clothing that ravage the sheep, even today if a person speaks out against false teachings/teachings within the “church” he/she is typically considered a backslider or troublemaker by the majority.
When I was a child in Sunday School, we often sang a song with the following words: “Though no one join me, still I will follow…no turning back, no turning back.” When I sang those words, I really meant them. To the best of my ability, I will honestly seek truth and attempt to live it even if no one join me. I won’t follow the crowd to do something that I believe is evil. I won’t be pressured to do something that I think is wrong.
Do not follow the crowd when it does what is wrong; and don’t allow the popular view to sway you into offering testimony for any cause if the effect will be to pervert justice. (Ex. 23:2)
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? (2 Cor. 6:14-16) (Remember that not everyone who attends a church is a real Christian. Some are wolves in sheep’s clothing.)
They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. (1 Peter 4:4)
Besides being rejected, many abuse victims, cancer patients, and caregivers suffer from PTSD (as I already stated) which can include symptoms of anxiety and depression. Many Christians believe that those who struggle with these things are sinning and/or lack faith. Many Christians believe that those with strong faith will always be filled with peace and joy in their suffering. Is this true?
John 9:1-3 says “As [Jesus] went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. (John 9:1-3). Like many people, the disciples assumed that the man’s disability was caused by sin. Jesus stated otherwise. Even today many people who are suffering with disabilities or serious illness are told that they are sick because they committed some sin and they would be healed if they had enough faith. I think this can’t be true. If it is true then EVERY human lacks faith because everyone eventually dies of something. I mean, duh, I have never heard of anyone alive today who is hundreds or thousands of years old. The Bible does state that some people are sick because of their life choices, but it isn’t true in every case. It certainly wasn’t true in the blind man’s case and it wasn’t true in Job’s case. Both of these men suffered disability/disease so the works of God might be displayed in them. I don’t know why some people get sick and others don’t, why God heals some people and not others but I know that physically suffering is not always due to sin. Some of the most courageous, godly, and faith-full people I know are those who suffer from chronic ailments. We have to be careful not to assume we know why people suffer.
But what about anxiety and depression?
I think that just as a day has periods of light and dark, and a year has periods of winter and summer, so we go through periods of joy and sorrow, strength and weakness, abundance and scarcity (Ecc. 3:1-8). Although God sometimes give people the ability to have peace and joy in the midst of suffering, I don’t think He always does. I think it’s unreasonable to tell someone who is experiencing heartache, sorrow, and pain to SMILE! I believe that sometimes faith can be quite raw and ugly and messy.
Look at Elijah, for example. After his epic contest with the prophets of baal, he went “a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life.” (1 Kings 19) Did he lack faith? If he did, God didn’t condemn him for it. Instead, he fed Elijah and showed him that He was with him. I think Elijah was depressed because he was so utterly depleted.
There’s Job, who after losing his wealth, his children, and his health, groaned in chapter 3:
Why wasn’t I stillborn and buried
with all the babies who never saw light,
Where the wicked no longer trouble anyone
and bone-weary people get a long-deserved rest?
“…Why does God bother giving light to the miserable,
why bother keeping bitter people alive,
Those who want in the worst way to die, and can’t,
who can’t imagine anything better than death,
Who count the day of their death and burial
the happiest day of their life?
What’s the point of life when it doesn’t make sense,
when God blocks all the roads to meaning?
“Instead of bread I get groans for my supper,
then leave the table and vomit my anguish.
The worst of my fears has come true,
what I’ve dreaded most has happened.
My repose is shattered, my peace destroyed.
No rest for me, ever—death has invaded life.”
At times Job was angry with God, declared that he looked for God but couldn’t find Him, he had no peace and certainly no joy, and demanded that God answer him…yet God considered him very righteous and even today we talk about the great faith of Job.
Jonah was another person who was angry with God and depressed. He said, “Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.” God took the time to teach him, which I think Rabbi Fohrman explains beautifully in this video. When Jeremiah prophesied judgment on Judah, he was rejected, cursed, beaten, and thrown into prison. He lamented his ministry and even accused God of deceiving him. His cries in Jer 20 sound very much like Job’s in Job 3:
You deceived me, Lord, and I was deceived;
you overpowered me and prevailed…
Cursed be the day I was born!
May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!
Cursed be the man who brought my father the news,
who made him very glad, saying,
“A child is born to you—a son!”
May that man be like the towns
the Lord overthrew without pity.
May he hear wailing in the morning,
a battle cry at noon.”
For he did not kill me in the womb,
with my mother as my grave,
her womb enlarged forever.
Why did I ever come out of the womb
to see trouble and sorrow
and to end my days in shame?
In 2 Corinthians 1:18 Paul said, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.”
Jesus was described in Isaiah 53 as a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. Luke describe Jesus before his crucifixion this way: And being in agony [deeply distressed and anguished; almost to the point of death], He prayed more intently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down on the ground. (Luke 22:44)
The people in the Bible often suffered deeply and did not always have beautiful faith. They didn’t always joyfully sing during their suffering; sometimes they felt depression, agony, anger, grief, and even longed for death. I think that if our friends said the things these people said, we would likely accuse them of lacking faith, of being judged by God. Many, in fact, do–both today and thousands of years ago. In fact, Job’s very pious friends said those very things to him, accusing him of being arrogant and wicked and under the judgment of God. But listen to what God said to Job’s friends who thought they were wise and had all the answers:
“I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has.”
Psalms 107 describes sailors going out to sea where they encountered a dangerous storm. The storm was so terrible that
They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
they were at their wits’ end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
These sailors were terrified, but the psalmist said that they are the ones who “saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep.”
The point of this post is that I think people need to be careful about condemning those who suffer. They need to learn to distinguish between good and evil and to “judge righteously,” not siding with the abuser as he oppresses the innocent. They need to stop pressuring victims to remain with abusers. They need to make sure that they aren’t going with crowd to do evil and calling the people who God has chosen “despised and rejected.” Because God just might say, as he said to Job’s friends, “You have not spoken the truth about me.”
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. (1 Cor. 1:27-29)
He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous — both alike are an abomination to Adonai. (Prov. 17:15 CJB)
The Lord hates these two things: punishing the innocent and letting the guilty go free. (Prov. 17:15 ERV)
Spring…Sort Of
We are still getting warm and cold and warm and cold temperatures. The temps will rise up into the 50s and then plunge overnight down into the single digits. Most of our snow is gone, but I’ve heard that we could get snow/sleet and freezing rain. I think it would be easier if we would just have wintry weather up until Spring arrived, but that’s not the way it usually goes and we could have a return to wintry weather even into April. I even remember a few times in my life when we had snow in May. So I don’t expect warm weather to stay this early in the year and I am not disappointed when Spring-like weather goes back to Winter. I used to tell JJ when he was a child that Spring and Autumn was when Winter and Summer fought for control. Winter eventually wins out in the Autumn but Summer wins in the Spring.
Still…warmer weather causes stirrings of wanting to get started on outside projects. Last Sunday we had a warmer day. EJ worked outside doing this and that, and together we also brainstormed about what to do with the back yard. The soil in our area is mostly sand so we pretty much have to have raised beds if we want to grow anything. The previous owner of our property had built a few raised beds which he left behind. I think EJ is planning on building more. The previous owner also left behind an old broken hot tub, which we have discussed how to get rid of. We have considered various options such as breaking it up and discarding it in the trash, but EJ has decided to turn it into another raised bed.
We also would like to let our poultry free-range because we have millions of tasty grasshoppers and spiders (I hope they eat spiders) and other insects. However, we also have a lot of predators in the area and we don’t want them to kill our beloved birds. We have discussed fencing in our back yard. A fence would give our poultry a large protected area to enjoy, would benefit our garden because the birds would (I hope) eat garden pests, and would protect our garden from deer. We don’t have the money yet to buy fencing for the whole yard, so we plan to fence in as much of the back yard as we can with the fencing we already have and then enlarge the fenced area little by little each year.
Ideally, I’d like to let the poultry all enjoy the back yard together. However, Cuddles the duck is such a rascal and whenever the chickens are close to the dividing fence, he likes to reach through and pluck their feathers. And once when I let the chickens in the duck pen to see how they treated each other, I saw Sassy our alpha rooster bully Esther our lame duck so I had to separate them again. I do not like bullies. So I don’t trust the chickens and ducks to co-exist peacefully together, which means that even if we fence in the back yard, we will have to keep them separated. I’m considering putting a fence around the garden area and let the chickens in there, and let the ducks take their chances and free-range outside the fence. The ducks don’t seem to wander very far so I think they will stay pretty much in the back yard and will be relatively safe until we can fence in the whole back hard.
The weather was so warm on Sunday that I really wanted to get started right away reconfiguring the fencing, but last year we had inserted the fence a foot into the ground so that predators couldn’t easily dig under it. I would have had to undig the current fence, and dig post holes for posts. I thought the ground might still be too frozen and I knew that we were expecting more very cold weather, so I resisted the temptation, which was wise because the next day the temps plunged and the ground was frozen hard again. It really is too early to start on major outdoor projects.
Now that I have put away the bird feeders, I do not get to observe closeup views of the birds or deer. However, as I walk around our property, I can see many trees that have holes made by our Pileated Woodpeckers. It’s amazing to see the effects of their “drilling.” They really do cause a lot of damage and it’s no wonder that the trees fall. Although one of the benefits is that their holes provide homes for other wildlife.
The igniter on our oven died so I was without an oven for about two weeks while we searched for a new igniter. EJ was going to put it in last weekend, but Saturday morning I couldn’t get the stove burners to light. EJ went out to check our propane tank and it was completely empty. Last autumn he had switched to a new propane company that had cheaper rates. They insisted that we needed only a 300-something gallon tank instead of a 500 gallon tank, which means we run out of propane sooner. The company wants us to call them to get on a refueling list when the tank reaches 5% of fuel. EJ had been checking the fuel levels and knew it was getting lower, but when the temps reached into the single digits, it quickly emptied the tank. We actually don’t have a regular type furnace. Instead, we have a heating system that draws up heat (and coolness for A/C) from the ground. When the temperature is below a certain point, a secondary heating system that uses propane kicks in.
So rather than get my oven back last weekend, I lost my capability of using both the oven and stove. However, EJ got out his camp stove so we were able to have hot meals. The only real inconvenience is that we didn’t have hot water for dishes or showers or laundry. And that inconvenience only lasted until Monday, when the propane truck came and re-filled our tank. We could have gotten an emergency re-fill but that would have meant an extra fee, which we didn’t want to pay. We had our little propane heater for warmth–and one of JJ’s co-workers was worried about us and lent us her electric space heater. We used the propane during the day and the electric heater at night and we kept toasty warm.
With a full tank of propane, we have regained our stove-top capability but EJ has not yet had time to put in the new igniter. He is usually quite tired when he comes home from work, so most of our projects are done during the weekend. Not having a working oven is more of an inconvenience than a hardship and I’m willing to wait. However, I wasn’t able to bake a cake for JJ’s 22nd birthday, which was Tuesday. I was planning to make him a carrot cake, which he really enjoys, but instead I bought him a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup/Chocolate cake at the local grocery store where he works. He enjoyed it. Usually I also let my guys choose what they want to eat on their birthday, but I couldn’t really do that this year. EJ’s birthday is next week and I hope to take him and JJ to Culvers for a combined birthday meal.
JJ is currently taking a law enforcement class at college and his teacher requires that his students attend court. JJ thought he would attend court next week when he has spring break. I offered to go with him because it would give me a good opportunity to learn where I’m supposed to go for Jury Duty next month.
The Mystery of the Magic Box
The other day I cleaned the blood off the container holding the chicken feed. I couldn’t get the blood off the other parts of the coop. Our brother-in-law (EJ’s sister’s husband) has chickens and he said that the blood was probably from a mouse. He said that he has seen chickens peck a mouse and shake it to death before they swallow it. Surprisingly, chickens are good mousers. JJ said chickens are a bit scary–they are like small vicious raptors.
The Michigan Department of Natural Resources said that it’s time now to bring in the bird feeders because the bears are waking up now that temperatures are warming up. (Although this week has been cold, with overnight temperatures dropping into the teens or single digits.) After a winter of hibernation, the bears wake up very hungry and bird feeders are a wonderful food source for them. I don’t want bears so as the birds and squirrels and deer emptied the feeders, I took them down and put them away until next winter.
Well….except for the tray feeder, which both EJ and I have refilled. I also must confess that I sprinkled a little seed on the large rocks for the wildlife. It’s kind of hard to ignore them when they come expecting to enjoy a treat and they find nothing there. I swear that they look at me with sad, disappointed eyes. I really do enjoy them and am reluctant for their visits to end. We don’t see much of the wildlife in warmer months beyond a rare glimpse now and then. They have no reason to risk coming near the house when they can find plenty of food in the forest.
Mostly in the summer we just see the crows and ravens. Not that I’m complaining. I really like crows and ravens. I am awed by how very intelligent they are. An article titled 6 Terrifying Ways Crows Are Way Smarter Than You Think said that they can remember people, have long memories, and can share info with other crows. It said that
In Chatham, Ontario, crows began using the town as a sort of rest stop along their migration route. The end result was hundreds of thousands of birds taking refuge in the city, and because Chatham is a farming community, and crows tend to ruin crops, you can imagine that there were problems. It got so bad that the mayor declared war on them, hopefully by screaming those exact words into the air before hefting an axe and charging at their nests. The townspeople set out, hoping to bag at least 300,000 of the 600k birds currently ruining their livelihood. Unfortunately for Chatham, word spreads fast in crow communities. The first day after the announcement was made, hunters went out and shot a crow.
One.
The rest flew off and, presumably in a dark room lit by a single ceiling lamp, began to spread word about the incident. After that, the Chatham crows always made sure to fly high enough above settled areas to avoid getting hit with bird shot. No more were killed that year. At all.
One crow dead out of more than half a million.
…Crows have been known to change their entire migration pattern to avoid farms where even a single crow has been killed in the past. Generations upon generations later, they still remember specific houses where one measly bird has died. Sure, they’re only avoiding those houses for now — those houses that they remember, those houses that they know have taken one of their own — but there’s just something deeply unsettling about the possibility that there are millions of crows out there right now that know your address.
I read that incident to JJ this morning and I told him to make sure he always treats crows with the greatest respect…because we really don’t want to get on their Enemies List.
Crows are quite awesome. I enjoy seeing them fly overhead and hearing their almost understandable speech. And, by the way, crows tend to scare away hawks and other flying predators that would attack our poultry. So they are part of our coop defense.
I would also like to get a couple of geese because they are also good guardians. However, I think it would be wiser to wait until next year. I’m trying to be strong and not give in to temptation.
A couple of weeks ago my oven quit working. The stove is still working so EJ believes that we need a new igniter. We stopped at a couple hardware stores last weekend, but neither had the correct igniter so he finally ordered one from Amazon. It was cheaper on Amazon anyway. It was being delivered by UPS and was supposed to arrive yesterday.
The UPS man refuses to drive up our driveway in the winter so he puts packages in a wooden box located at the bottom of the driveway. We were told by neighbors that the previous owner of our house used to put his trash in the box to keep it safe from critters until the day the garbage trucks came to collect the trash. The box hasn’t been used for several years; it’s not messy or smelly but is sturdy and well-built so it’s perfect to use for packages. I call it the “Magic Box” because sometimes we open it and “magically” find packages in it. When I walked down to the mailbox for our mail yesterday afternoon, there were no tracks in the snow so I knew that the UPS man hadn’t been there. (I took the photo today; yesterday we had more snow.) I texted EJ to tell him that if he saw footprints in the snow leading to the Magic Box when he arrived home from work to please stop and get our package–because any footprints would belong to the UPS man since I had not walked up to the Magic Box so I had left no footprints.
Later EJ called me to tell me he was at the bottom of the driveway, and he saw the tracks of the UPS truck as he had turned around in our neighbor’s driveway, and he saw footprints leading up to the Magic Box, but he had found no package in the Magic Box. He looked at the tracks further and noticed two different vehicle tracks and two different footprints, so obviously our package had been stolen. The Magic Box can be seen from the road so someone driving by must have seen the UPS man put the package in it. We have heard that people sometimes steal delivered packages from porches, etc., but we have never, ever had that happen to us. Bummer. I am appalled that people steal from others and a bit disappointed that we would have to wait to use our oven.
After supper, EJ called Amazon to report that the package had been stolen. Usually I handle delivery problems, but after my experience trying to get Sears to deliver our mattress a month or two ago, I figured it was EJ’s turn to deal with delivery problems, especially since he had ordered the part. Amazon said that they would send a replacement part on Friday morning. Yay! We almost called the police to inform them that we had had a theft–not because it was a huge amount, but so they could be alerted and track any patterns of packages being stolen in the area. But we were both a bit tired and didn’t want to deal with it last night.
Since JJ didn’t have school or work yesterday, he left in the afternoon to take a girl on a date. Later that night, he came home and told us what a great time he had. Then he said, “Oops! I almost forgot!” and he handed us the package from Amazon. It seems that as he drove down the driveway yesterday afternoon, he just happened to encounter the UPS man delivering our package and rather than put the package in the Magic Box, the UPS man handed it to JJ. Which is fine except that JJ didn’t let us know that he had the package. JJ never, ever stops to pick up the mail unless I am with him in the car and ask him to stop so I can get it. I think it doesn’t occur to him to pick up the mail–and if it does, he doesn’t want to bother with it. So it never occurred to either of us that JJ might have the package. I did briefly consider texting him to see if he saw any strangers on our property, but I thought the chances of him seeing anything were slim and I didn’t want to interrupt his date.
EJ called Amazon back but he got a pre-recorded message that they were having a large number of calls so it would be better if he communicated through live chat. So he initiated a chat session to inform Amazon to notify them that–oops–the part wasn’t stolen after all and that he wanted them to cancel sending the replacement part. The support person he chatted with was obviously from another country (probably India?) and kept saying that he would cancel the order and send us a refund. EJ kept typing “No! The package we thought was stolen was NOT stolen so we don’t need a replacement and we don’t need/want a refund.” Round and round they went with the support person insisting on sending us a refund. We think it is unethical to accept a refund for a replacement item that we didn’t need, but finally EJ gave up in defeat and texted that he wanted to go on record that we don’t need a replacement or want a refund but Amazon could do what they wanted. The support person then verified that a refund was on its way. It is very frustrating deal with support people from other countries.
We told JJ that we really appreciate him taking the package from the UPS man, but next time please, please send us a text letting us know that he had it. LOL.
Even though our package wasn’t actually stolen, we do hear that people sometimes steal them so EJ and I are considering moving the Magic Box a short distance further up the driveway where trees will make it less visible from the road. (We can’t do it yet because it’s frozen to the ground.) We also thought it might be a good idea to put a padlock on the box that we can leave unlocked when we expect a delivery. The delivery man can lock it when he puts a package in the box.
Mystery in the Enchanted Forest
Friday afternoon I went out to our coop to give the ducks and chickens fresh water. I noticed Butterfly, our very talkative hen, kind of doing a weird step. I had noticed it that morning as well, but I thought that I had almost stepped on her and she was hopping out of the way. The chickens all crowd around me when I enter their coop so it’s sometimes difficult to take a step. Yet, her hopping step acted more as if something was causing her to stumble so I took a closer look and saw that a string from a feed bag had wrapped around her foot. I believe it happened the afternoon before when I put an empty feed bag on the floor of the coop so I could get on my knees and reach for an egg at the furthest corner of the bottom level of the coop without getting poop on my jeans. The hopping step Butterfly was taking was caused by me stepping on the string that was trailing behind her.
I picked up Butterfly and she lay calmly in my arms while I tried to untangle the string from her foot. It was too tightly fastened for me to get it off, so I put her down and went into the house to retrieve a pair of scissors, nail clippers, and a box cutter. I figured once of those items would enable me to cut the string. I went back into the coop, picked up Butterfly again, and used the box cutter to cut the string and then pull it off her foot. She lay calmly in my arms, and didn’t pull her foot away while I cut the string. I was amazed at how much she trusted me.
Yesterday morning EJ and I went to have our taxes done. We had to pay a little, but not as much as EJ feared we would have to pay. Whew. We had Lake Effect snow all day yesterday and the wind often blew the snow so the journey into town was beautiful.
Yesterday the group of Common Starlings flocked to our bird feeders. This is only the second time that I’ve seen them on our property. I think they are considered “nuisance birds” but I think they are actually quite beautiful. They feathers have such beautiful colors and patterns and their beaks are amazing.
We were watching the birds when EJ suddenly remarked that there was blood on one of the Starling’s beak. Hmmm.
Later in the afternoon I went out to care for the chickens and ducks. This is what I saw on the chicken’s feed bucket when I walked into the coop:
Yes. That is blood. I looked around and saw more blood splatter all over the coop. I felt tempted to put out police tape marking off a crime scene:
I counted the chickens to make sure they were all there: 1, 2, 3…8, 9, 10. Yup. All there. None were limping, none were dragging a wounded wing, none were oozing blood that I could see.
I went inside and told EJ about the gruesome scene. We wondered if a predator had tried to get the chickens and if Sassy had defended his harem. We wondered about the Starling with blood on its beak. I went outside and checked the chickens’ outside pen. There was no blood on the snow, no pile of feathers…so whatever had happened had occurred inside the coop. EJ came out to the coop with me and he thinks he saw blood on the roosters’ combs. He believes that the roosters had an epic battle for supremacy. Yikes.
Who knew that a coop was such a place of intrigue and drama?
It’s still a mystery why a Common Starling had blood on its beak.
Sometimes an Enchanted Forest is a dark place.
Fairy Eggs
Our weather has been rather wacky lately. One day I’m wearing a hoodie and shoes, the next day I’m back to a coat, boots, hat, and mittens. One day we have temperatures up into the 50s and 60s and our snow melts, the next day it’s snowing and temperatures drop into the 20s or teens. I actually like every season and type of weather, although I respect the challenges and damage that storms can cause.
In addition to warmth and cold, sun and snow, we had severe thunderstorms in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. They woke EJ up and he unplugged our computers; JJ and I slept through the storms. We’ve had a couple of days of very strong wind. The wind caused the trees to sway wildly from side to side and the snow to swirl around with last year’s leaves. I love the wind, although living in the forest there is always concern that a tree will fall onto our house. Since we’ve lived here, we have heard the trees creaking and cracking and falling in the forest during wind and storms. In fact, this week’s storms “broke” a tree and other trees are holding their fallen comrade up. The wind knocked out power in several thousand homes in surrounding areas. We lost our internet for a bit but otherwise were unaffected.
This is what our weather looked like on Wednesday:
The deer are still visiting, but not quite as often now that they can find food elsewhere. They are mostly visiting when it’s snowy. When warm weather finally stays, I will have to put away the birdfeeders and then we won’t see the deer much until next winter. We have to put away the bird feeders in the Spring so the hungry bears waking from their winter sleep aren’t attracted to them. I have never seen a bear on our property, but I know there are bears in our area. Not long after we moved to Northern Michigan, someone posted a video of a bear seen just outside a town about 30 minutes from us. And last autumn I heard a customer at the farm store tell the cashier that a bear had destroyed their bird feeder. That customer lived outside a little town about five miles away. I’ve read that once a bear finds a food source, it will remember it and return. I can’t think of much that would scare me more than coming face-to-face with a bear.
With the (mostly) warmer temperatures, the ducks and chickens are spending more time outside. I can see them from our bedroom window. It’s fun watching them.
The ducks and chickens are also laying eggs again. All seven of our hens are laying eggs just about every day, and two or three of our five female ducks are laying–that’s ten eggs a day. I’m not exactly sure what to do with all these eggs.
Yesterday one of the ducks laid a “fairy egg.” They are also sometimes called witch eggs or wind eggs. Fairy eggs are tiny eggs that happen occasionally when something has disturbed the female duck or hen’s reproductive cycle Many times it doesn’t have a yoke. Our fairy egg had a very tiny yoke.
Last year both JJ and I received Jury Duty summons. We filled out the form and returned it, but hadn’t heard anything back all these months and months. Until now. I received notification in the mail of the dates when I have to show up at the courthouse: April 18-19. JJ has not yet received notification. Every county does things differently. In one county in which I lived, a person’s time of duty was a week. In another county it was a month. In our new county, it is apparently two days; of course, it could be longer if a case goes on for more than two days. I read that we will serve as a petite juror. I didn’t know what that was or how it differed from any other type of juror so I googled it. A petite juror is one who could serve on a civil or criminal case. I’m really, really hoping that I won’t be a juror in the trial of a couple that I read about in the news last month in which they tortured and murdered the woman’s father in his home with a knife, ax and crossbow, then left him to die. Just the details mentioned in the article was enough to turn my stomach. I don’t think I could handle hearing more gruesome details. Photos of the couplce and their victim accompanied the article. JJ said that he recognized them all: they had occasionally shopped at the grocery store he works at. Yuck.
Dishonorable Daughter
So, this has been a difficult week and I struggled with PTSD symptoms. Soldiers, abuse victims, cancer patients and their caretakers, and many other people can suffer from PTSD. Our nephew who was in Iraq and suffers from PTSD says that PTSD is merely “A normal response to an abnormal situation.” We struggle at times with depression, anxiety, fear, panic…which we battle with everything we have. We are recovering, but although most days are good, some days are bad–and this has been a tough week.
One of the things that sort of triggered anxiety was when a friend told me that I should seek reconciliation with my abusive family because having no contact with them dishonored me, my Mom, and my family. It’s very common for family, friends, and Christians to pressure victims into going back to their abusers. Some of their arguments are that we are to love our enemies, live at peace with all people if possible, honor our mother and father, give abusers the benefit of the doubt–and many others. To those who are tempted to pressure victims with these arguments, I would like to ask some questions. These are the sorts of questions I have spent years considering.
Do you think that it is wrong for a person to try to escape oppression?
If it’s wrong to escape oppression then shouldn’t the Israelites have stayed in Egypt (in OT days)? Should the Jews have never tried to escape Hitler? Should Christians in the Middle East not try to escape ISIS? Should Muslim women never try to escape the horrors they experience under Islam?
If it’s wrong to escape oppression then why did God deliver His people from Egypt? Shouldn’t He have left them there so they could “love their enemies,” reconcile with them, and live in peace with them? Why were they groaning about the Egyptians anyway? Shouldn’t they have given the Egyptians the benefit of the doubt and recognized that maybe they really loved the Israelites and actually wanted a relationship with them? Same with Hitler. The Jews couldn’t read Hitler’s or the Nazi’s minds. How did they know the Nazis hated them and wanted to destroy them? Ok, such thinking is totally ridiculous, I know–but I’m serious about why God delivers His people if it’s wrong to escape oppression.
If it’s wrong to escape oppression then why does God often say in the Bible that He cares about the oppressed and needy, that He hears their groans and cries, and He will deliver them? Why did He say He came to set the prisoners free? Or didn’t He really mean it? (I think He means it.)
If it’s RIGHT to escape oppression then at what point does it become NOT RIGHT?
Think of dictators, groups, and individuals who did evil acts: Like Hitler, Stalin, ISIS, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, the BTK Killer. While not all of them had children, they all had families of one sort or another, at one time or another, some more than others. What sort of relationship would be appropriate for a family member to have with them? Let’s take Jeffrey Dahmer, for an example. He was a serial killer and sex offender who committed the rape, murder, and dismemberment of seventeen men and boys between 1978 and 1991. What if he was your brother? Should you allow him full access to your own family? Should you give your brother the benefit of the doubt and let him spend time with your son? Is it more important to have contact with your brother or to protect your son?
What if you had a very abusive husband. Let’s consider The BTK Killer. “BTK” stands for “Bind, Torture, Kill.” This serial killer brutally murdered 10 people and terrorized a whole generation of Kansans. He harmed OTHER people, but not his own wife and children. However, many abusive people harm their own families. Is it ok to divorce someone who hurt his own family like the BTK Killer hurt others? Or can she only escape him if she’s not married to him? Many, many churches say that abuse is NEVER a justification for divorce–and some say not even if a wife is in danger of being killed by her husband. So why would it be wrong for the BTK Killer to hurt other people, but not wrong if he hurt his own family?
If it’s ok for a wife to flee an abusive marriage then what about the kids? There are a lot of news stories about parents abusing their kids in terrible, terrible ways. Some parents are addicted to drugs or alcohol, some beat their children, some terribly neglect them, some molest their children, some kill their children. Read the news: The stories that surface now and then are heartbreaking! Just a few days ago a news story came across my FB newsfeed about a mother who was pimping her daughter on Craigslist. I believe the daughter was young–like maybe 5 years old–but any age would have been unacceptable. We are horrified when children are abused, and many times they are taken from their homes to protect them from their parents.
But what if the son or daughter is an adult? Why would it be right to protect a child from an abusive parent, but dishonorable for an adult child to protection him- or herself? And what is the daughter’s responsibility to her own children? In keeping in contact with her parents, must she risk putting her own children in harm’s way? Why is an abusive mother’s children worth protecting, but not her grandchildren? Because often abusive parents will abuse their grandchildren as well as their children.
What about if the parent is not physically abusive, but is emotionally abusive? Is it ok for a daughter to protect herself from physical abuse but not emotional abuse? Why is one form of abuse wrong and not the other? It is said that emotional abuse is a form of psychological torture and is even more damaging than physical abuse. Emotional abusers use the same tactics as in brainwashing and by cult leaders. Is it ok to escape the psychological torture and brainwashing of a cult but not a parent? Why?
Ought a son or daughter “honor” such a parent as the BTK Killer or the mother pimping her daughter? The BTK Killer’s children haven’t talked to him since his arrest. Are they wrong? What does it really mean to honor a parent? Can a parent be honored AND the daughter protect herself and her children? Is it possible that “honoring” can involve remembering the good things (even if few) that the parent did, or going on to live an honorable life so that shame is not brought to the family name? Or….? This article discusses honoring an abusive parent: The Christian and the Fifth Commandment – Part 2
So, what I am asking is where do you draw the line? Is it ok for Israel to escape Egypt and the Jews to escape Hitler but not ok for a victim to escape a serial killer? Is it ok to escape a serial killer but not an abusive brother or husband? Is it ok to escape an abusive brother or husband, but not an abusive parent? And wherever you draw the line, why do you draw it where you did? What makes some people more deserving of freedom from oppression/abuse than others? Why is it dishonorable for a daughter to walk away from abusive parents, but not dishonorable for Israel to walk away from abusive Egypt or Hitler? Why can victims of dictators, killers, rapists, molesters, and abusive husbands find freedom, but a daughter cannot? And why do YOU get to determine who goes free and who doesn’t?
So the “bad luck” of the daughter is that she was abused by relatives instead of strangers–because she could escape strangers, but not family. Why, then, would God so hate her that He doomed her to be born into a abusive family that she can’t get free of? But if a daughter cannot find freedom, and if she dishonors herself, her parents, and her family if she tries, then why has God said this:
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me. (Ps 27:10)
Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
Forget your people and your father’s house.
Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord. (Ps 45:10-11)
Sometimes friends contact me to share their stores of abuse and ask for help. Should I tell them to stay with their abusers? Because I won’t. I will never tell a victim of abuse that they must stay with their abuser–not if the abuser is a pharaoh, or a dictator, or a killer/rapist, or a husband, or a relative, or a parent.
I walk away from abuse and support the victims because of verses such as the following. I believe that we must live in balance between two extremes. Most people are aware of the verses about loving enemies and forgiving those who harm us. I don’t need to share those. However, few people seem to have read THESE verses, which are also in the Bible. Both must be taken into account. And I can’t resist adding my comments because I want you to consider that the verses must apply to everyone:
But now I am writing to you NOT TO ASSOCIATE WITH anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—NOT EVEN TO EAT WITH SUCH A ONE. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.” (1Cor 5:9-12)
Unless, of course, such a one is family. Why can we purge the spiritual brother but not the biological brother? Hmmm. How do we resolve the conflict if the biological brother is also a spiritual brother?
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. AVOID SUCH PEOPLE. (2 Tim 3:1-5)
Unless these people are family. Then you must keep in close contact with them. And, for the record, I was an extremely obedient daughter. I became “disobedient to parents” only at 28 years of age when I wouldn’t let my Mom take control of my marriage. I believe that when we marry, our primary relationship is husband-wife, not mother-daughter. I believe that in getting married, a couple doesn’t just ditch their parents. However, the role changes. There are problems if the parent tries to usurp the role of the husband. I will stand with my husband first because we are one flesh.
As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, HAVE NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH HIM, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. (Titus 3:10-11)
Many times a truth-teller who speaks out about wrong is accused of causing division. This is not what this verse is talking about. If it is the truth-tellers who are the ones that this verse is talking about then Jesus was self-condemned because He caused MUCH division by speaking the Truth.
You shall not spread a false report. You shall NOT JOIN HANDS WITH a wicked man to be a malicious witness. You SHALL NOT FALL IN WITH THE MANY TO DO EVIL, nor shall you bear witness in a lawsuit, siding with the many, so as to PERVERT JUSTICE, nor shall you be partial to a poor man in his lawsuit. (Exodus 23:1-3)
Unless, of course, he is family. We must join hands with family to do evil and pervert justice…Right?
A scoundrel, a vicious man, lives by crooked speech, winking his eyes, shuffling his feet, pointing with his fingers. With deceit in his heart, he is always plotting evil and sowing discord. Therefore disaster suddenly overcomes him; unexpectedly, he is broken beyond repair. There are six things Adonai hates, seven which he detests: a haughty look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that plots wicked schemes, feet swift in running to do evil, a false witness who lies with every breath, and him who sows strife among brothers. (Prov 6:12-19)
Wow! So God hates these types of people? But we must have higher standards than God Himself and love them.
God is a righteous judge, a God whose anger is present every day. If a person will not repent, he sharpens his sword. (Ps 7:11-12)
You mean God doesn’t try to reconcile with a person who is unrepentant? And He’s angry with them every day? Does that mean that He is an angry and bitter God?
“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and IF THEY REPENT, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I REPENT,’ you must forgive them.”
We must forgive them IF THEY REPENT. And repentance in Hebrew does not mean a mere “I’m sorry.” It’s turning from wickedness. God does not hold us to higher standards than He keeps Himself.
“Don’t suppose that I have come to bring peace to the Land. It is not peace I have come to bring, but a sword! For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, so that A MAN’S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS OWN HOUSEHOLD. (Matt. 10:34-36)
Wait! What? He didn’t pursue peace? And before you jump on the “a daughter against her mother” consider that there is more than one way for a daughter to be “against” her mother. A daughter can mistreat her mother, but a daughter can also be obeying God while the mother isn’t, which sets daughter against mother. I was NEVER against my Mom. I ALWAYS sought reconciliation until the very end. Besides, I think these are examples of the types of hostile relationships. I don’t think it excludes a mother who is against her daughter.
The wicked plots against the righteous and grinds his teeth at him; but Adonai laughs at the wicked, knowing his day will come. The wicked have unsheathed their swords, they have strung their bows to bring down the poor and needy, to slaughter those whose way is upright. But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken…The wicked keeps his eye on the righteous, seeking a chance to kill him. But Adonai WILL NOT LEAVE HIM IN HIS POWER OR LET HIM BE CONDEMN when judged.(Ps. 37 12-15, 32-33)
Unless, of course, it is a daughter. Then God will leave her in the power of the wicked and make her suffer. Correct?
But Adonai is righteous; he cuts me free from the yoke of the wicked. (Ps 129:4)
Unless I am a daughter with wicked parents/family. Then I must be yoked with them forever.
Like a muddied spring or a polluted well is a righteous person who gives way before the wicked. (Prov. 25:26)
Unless I’m a daughter. Then I must give way before my wicked parent. Isn’t that what I’m being told?
He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous — both alike are an abomination to Adonai. (Prov. 17:15)
Of course, it’s ok to justify the wicked if he/she is a parent or family member. And it’s ok to condemn the righteous if she’s a daughter. While it might seem arrogant to claim I am righteous, I claim righteousness because I did not mistreat my family, I asked them to forgive me whenever I felt I acted wrongly, I always sought reconciliation, and I always did good to them when I had the opportunity. I never even defended myself when they accused me until my last letter to my Mom, in reply to a question she asked.
Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers (Ps 1:1)
Of course, if I’m a daughter, I MUST walk, stand, and sit with the wicked if the wicked are family.
I hope you can understand what I’m trying to say here: Yes, we must honor our parents, we must seek to live at peace with all people IF IT IS POSSIBLE, we must do good to those who wrong us. However, those things do NOT mean that we have to keep ourselves in the power of the wicked. I don’t believe God sets everyone free from the yoke of the wicked except a daughter or son. I DO believe that we must forgive IF a person repents, which my family has never, ever done. They have never acknowledged any wrong, any hurtful action at all. Harmful, damaging, dangerous actions are not to be tolerated just because a family member does it. The Bible is full of paradoxes and we have to take into account EVERYTHING it says.
I do not believe that I am being angry, bitter, dishonorable, unreasonable, or not understanding Scripture by believing this or taking the actions that I did.
I Love To Go A Gardening 