I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Clean Up Days
My guys had to run errands in the Emerald City after EJ got out of work Friday afternoon so they got a late start and didn’t arrive back here until 11 p.m. They were extremely tired and glad to be home. As soon as they arrived, I began washing the dirty laundry they always bring back with them. I was able to get the last load into the dryer before we headed to bed.
A good night’s sleep re-energize my guys and we had a tremendous weekend together.
Saturday was Spring Clean Up Day–the day in which the Village rents huge dumpsters so villages can get rid of unwanted junk for free.
Friday morning I had filled the pickup truck with junk that we wanted to get rid of–old fences pieces, old windows, broken chairs. Saturday morning EJ and I threw in a few more things and then unloaded it at the dumpsters set up at the Village Department of Public Works. I was planning to help unload, but the dumpsters were too high for me to throw heavy items into. Besides, my help was not really needed. The were several Village workers and men from the dumpster company who helped EJ empty the pickup.
When the pickup was emptied, we drove back home to refill the pickup. EJ went up into the second story of the garage–actually the garage is only one and a half stories–and threw stuff down which I dragged to the pickup. We pretty much emptied the garage of junk, except for the tires and old air conditioners which the Village wouldn’t take. When we had a good-sized load, we went back to the dumpsters and EJ and the guys threw it in.
After our second load, I had to leave with JJ. He had opened an account at a bank in the Emerald City and wanted to close his account at the bank down here. Afterwards we drove to a store because I had a few things to get. Mostly I needed paper for the printer because the printer was out. We have paper at home….but it’s packed in a box and buried under a mountain of other boxes and I didn’t want to bother trying to find it.
While JJ and I were gone, EJ saw his old Lazy-Boy chair, which finally broke last week and he decided to haul it to the dumpsters. When JJ and I returned, I profusely thank EJ for remembering to take the old chair. I was so focused on ridding the garage of junk that I had totally forgotten the old chair. We got to talking about his current old chair, which is also not in the best of shape and not worth moving to the Emerald City. We decided we had just enough time to take it to the dumpsters. The DPS worker laughed, “Wow, every visit you bring chairs that look better than the last!”
We would have preferred to wait until we moved to buy a new Lazy-Boy for EJ but after hauling the two old ones to the dumpsters, he had no place to sit. Our couch hurts his back. So we drove to the furniture thrift shop and found him a really nice Lazy-Boy for not much money.
This morning as we drank coffee together, we observed some of our coffee and end tables and other little tables. We weren’t sure we wanted to haul them up north because they were a bit battered. I considered trying to refinish them–most of them would be worth refinishing–but we weren’t all that attached to them and didn’t want to have to bother with it. We have bought all our living room furniture at thrift shops or yard sales for little money. We have fun “treasure hunting” and EJ had said there were a lot of thrift shops up there where we could buy nice tables. So….we searched the house and found seven coffee tables, end tables, and other little tables that we didn’t want to move to our new house and we loaded up his Buggy with them. Then we drove to the closest Goodwill and donated them. When we left the “Donate” door, we went around to the front door because EJ wanted to see if he could find some shirts. I found some T-shirts and jeans. I needed jeans but often have trouble finding any at thrift shops because my legs are short so “average” jeans are much too long. I’ve learned to just look for short jeans hanging among the longer-legged ones on the racks. I found several pairs of short jeans in my size.
As we browsed the store, EJ pulled me over to show me that there was an end table in the store that was exactly like the one we had just donated a couple of minutes before. We thought it was amazing that there were two matching end tables in the store because they were a bit unusual. But a few minutes later I saw in another part of the store, another end table that was a duplicate of the one we had just donated–one whose legs had been painted blue (not by us). These were not duplicates but the exact tables we had just donated. We laughed. We had not expected the tables to get taken into the store so quickly after we dropped them off.
If felt good to get rid of so much junk this weekend. We declared that we have made a lot of progress and we had a very fun weekend. It was hard for us when the guys had to leave for the north, but I remind myself that there is only three weeks left before we close on the house and I can go North.
Sweltering
I spent all Wednesday sleeping–not because I was lazy but because I didn’t feel well. I had an achy head, chills, and nausea. I felt too awful to be awake. I kind of wonder if the damp rainy days aggravated my sinuses or something.
Thursday I felt better, so I went outside and scraped old paint off the outside of the back porch. I had to reach high above my head at times, and the flaking paint rained down on me. Some of it apparently got into my eyes. They have felt itchy and burning ever since. Hopefully, they will recover soon.
After I scraped paint, I painted. Halfway through our mortgage officer called with papers I had to get to her. I printed a form she emailed me and signed it, found the other papers she wanted, and then drove two blocks to our bank and had them faxed to her. I have one more form to get to her but I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for so EJ will help me find it when he gets home. After I took care of all that business, went back to painting. I was able to complete two sides of the back porch before I had to stop. We are supposed to have several days of rain, but when we get another sunny day I will paint the third side and then paint a second coat before moving on to the front porch. When I get all the cream painting done, I will paint the trim green on the house and garage.
We are supposed to have storms this afternoon so I did not paint. However, I was able to accomplish a lot of things.
Every year in May our village has “Clean Up Days.” They rent some huge dumpsters and the villagers can haul their junk there for free. When we first moved here, we used to be able to haul the junk out to the side of the road and the village would haul it away, but nonresidents started bringing in their junk to their resident friends and relatives so the Village starting providing the dumpsters and checking ID. Even so I think some people take advantage of it. I think one year people got in to where the dumpsters are at and filled them up before the villagers could get to them. It’s always the unscrupulous few who ruin things for the honest folk.
Anyway, I spent the morning loading up EJ’s pickup truck with junk we need to get rid of. At least it will be one less trip we have to make to the junk yard.
When I finished loading the truck, I mowed the lawn. Then I took Danny for his walk. It was sweltering outside and I had to take frequent breaks to cool off. I am certain that I have snowman DNA because when it gets hot, I begin to melt.
I have a couple of friends who live in Texas. One of my Texan friends had to move to Pennsylvania for a bit and she hated the long-lasting cold and couldn’t wait to move back to her beloved warm Texas. Another friend and I enjoy comparing our weather. “Brrr!” my friend says. “It’s really cold here in Texas today. “Oh,” I reply, “It’s really warm here in Michigan. How cold is it in Texas?” She answers, “80 degrees! How cold is it in Michigan?” I say, “It’s a very warm 65 degrees.” Then we laugh. But, seriously, I don’t know how they can endure the heat. When we first began to tell people that we were moving, several assumed we were moving south. It’s reasonable that they would assume that because many wimpy Michiganders get tired of the cold and move south, at least for the winter. We exclaimed, “South? Ugh, no! We are moving NORTH!”
The last time I talked to our mortgage officer on the phone–yesterday–she said the weather was very nice in the Emerald City and asked me about the weather down state. I told her it was sweltering (in the 70s). She told me that the Great Lakes are like an air conditioner blowing cool air into Michigan so the weather stays really nice and bearable. I can’t wait to get there!
This afternoon I gave Danny a bath. He hates baths but he patiently endures them. He patiently endures a lot of things he dislikes. His fur is so thick that it takes two or three days for him to dry.
The receptionist from JJ’s current oncologist called this morning. The transfer of JJ’s medical stuff to the north is progressing.
My guys have a couple of errands to run in the Emerald City and then they will be driving down to join me for the weekend. We have a lot of tasks to do. Ugh. There’s so much to do that it feels overwhelming and I don’t know how we will get it all done. Only 24 more days to go.
A Somewhat Slow Rainy Day
Yesterday the temperatures were well into the 70s. This morning I awoke to a cool, rainy day with temperatures reaching only into the upper 40s. It was the sort of day that makes me want to do nothing more than cuddle with cats and watch movies on Netflix.
I did accomplish a few things, but not many.
I walked to the Township Hall to vote on a proposal to raise state sales tax from 6% to 7% in order to fix Michigan roads. Because of the freezing and thawing, such terrible potholes form that they could almost be called sinkholes. Ok, maybe not quite that bad, but bad enough. I won’t tell you how I voted (but I prefer potholes to taxes). EJ and JJ weren’t able to vote because they are in the Emerald City instead of here in….I don’t have a fantasy name for our place in the south.
JJ is eager to vote, but he hasn’t had the opportunity yet. First, because he was busy battling cancer and now because he isn’t down here. I told him that as soon as we can after we move into the new house we will register to vote up there.
Danny had wanted to go with me when I left to vote but he isn’t registered to vote so he had to stay home. However, as soon as I got back home I took him for his walk. It was drippy, not rainy, at that time, but I took an umbrella just in case.
Later I washed the dishes. Being home alone, I don’t dirty many dishes so I only wash them when enough accumulate that it makes it worth my effort. I’m living like a bachelor–eating when I’m hungry, washing dishes when I have to, doing laundry now and then, and sleeping and waking when I want. I would trade all of that to be reunited with my guys.
I am counting the days. I discovered a widget for my blog that lets me count down the days to an event. Only 27 days left until my exile ends–until we sign the papers that make the new house officially ours and I can join my family in the north. Yay!
Our bank allows us to check the status of the loan online. I am not sure whether I like this feature or not. It’s nice to know how our loan is progressing, but it also makes me impatient. There are six steps. It took a week to accomplish Step 1, which was setting up the loan. We’ve been stuck at Step 2 (Underwriting) for more than a week. I started to wonder if it was normal to take so long, or maybe something was wrong and we wouldn’t get our loan or…..? Wouldn’t it be totally terrible if our loan was denied and we couldn’t buy the new house????!!!!
Today when I picked up the mail at the post office, I found a package filled with forms from the bank. I figured they were copies of the forms we’ve already signed, but emailing the mortgage officer to ask about them gave me the opportunity to innocently ask how the loan was progressing. To my relief, she replied,
“Everything is going well on your request! Your file is in underwriting and I anticipate it coming out very soon (maybe even today). Once the underwriter has reviewed everything, they may request additional items, if so, T. or I will let you know. We are getting close to closing!”
Yippee!
Tonight EJ and I went over various tasks that he needs to accomplish and I need to accomplish regarding the houses. Some things he does better than me and other things I do better than him. Like he will arrange to rent the U-haul truck because he knows more about what we need while I’m arranging getting JJ a new oncologist up north. Tonight EJ had to deal with the 401(k) from his old company. I laughed when I asked him if he had to fill out a form or if he had to call someone and he replied, “I’m going to scream it like Tevye at the wedding telling Lazar Wolfe to keep his diseased chickens.” That is a Fiddler on the Roof reference. I tried to find a clip of the scene to share here, but couldn’t. Fiddler on the Roof is one of my favorite movies.
My guys always make me laugh. This weekend JJ told me with great excitement that he and his Dad had seen a porcupine! I exclaimed that oh, wow, that was so cool. He confessed, “Well, it was dead alongside the road, but it proves there are porcupines up north!” LOL.
JJ worked his second evening at his new job. During his break he told me that his second day went really well. I’m so thrilled!
Weekend Stuff
The last few days have been quite productive.
Friday I went outside at 9 a.m. and painted the garage until 5 p.m. I completed two additional sides of the garage. When I was on the ladder painting the side nearest the house, I heard a sound and saw a robin with a worm in its mouth land on a branch of the tree at the corner of the garage. As I watched, it moved to its nest and settled in. I was a bit nervous that it would go into “defense mode” when I moved my ladder closer to the nest, but it didn’t seem upset. I enjoyed glancing over now and then and seeing it sitting on its nest.
My guys got home from the north later that night. It was really good to see them!
Saturday I went out to put a second coat of paint on the garage using a thick roller instead of a brush. EJ fastened a very long handle to another roller so he could reach up high to get the parts I wasn’t tall enough to reach. Then he climbed up into the second story of the garage and reached through the window to paint the very top. Meanwhile, JJ scraped off the old loose paint from the fourth side of the garage next to the woodshed and he also got a start painting it. With EJ and JJ’s help, we were able to get the entire three sides of the garage completely painted. We weren’t able to finish the fourth side but I will paint it later in the week when there is no more danger of rain. I will also paint the trim green, which is what it was originally.
When I finish the garage, I will begin scraping the flaking paint from the front and back porches of the house and paint them.
Saturday afternoon we put away our paint supplies. EJ went to his friend’s place so he could rotate the tires of his Xterra “Buggy.” Meanwhile, JJ and I went to a couple of thrift stores to find him clothes for work. He needed black dress pants and dark blue dress or polo shirts. We were able to find everything he needed. At the first thrift store we stopped at, they had a special “fill a bag for $10” sale so I bought me some new t-shirts. That was fun. My favorite t-shirt is one that has a large paw print on the side. I told JJ that I had been marked by a werewolf. I told EJ that it was my “animal whisperer” shirt.
My guys went back north on Sunday afternoon. Each week it is harder to see them go and leave me behind.
Photo from kapanlagi.com
This morning I had to take Danny to the veterinary to get his stitches removed. Just outside of our small village is a sheep farm. As we drove by, I saw two tiny little lambs standing on their wobbly little legs next to their Mama. I think they must have just been born and were standing for the first time. They were adorable.
When we move up north, I am going to miss this sheep farm. They have a Great Pyrenees dog that guards the sheep. I have a friend who had a Great Pyrenees and she said that at twilight the dog barks to announce to the world that it is now on duty and then it guards the premises from all intruders. I think that is awesome. Great Pyrenees are white and it is not easy to distinguish them from sheep so we play a “I Spy the Great Pyrenees” game every time we drive by the farm.
When Danny and I arrived at the next town, we went first to the plant nursery where I bought some grass seed and a flat of flowers. I have leveled the area where EJ had had his vegetable garden and I wanted to make it look grassy instead of bare ground. I put the flowers in the raised beds that EJ had made for some of his veggies. I thought it would make the back yard look attractive to prospective buyers of our house.
Danny was having a great time riding in the car until we arrived at the veterinary. Then he got scared and whimpered. Despite his fear, he was very calm while his stitches were being removed. I told the vet that we were moving to the Emerald City and he wished us happiness. He said that he was retiring and had sold his practice. We’ve taken our pets to this vet for more than 20 years. Whether we moved or not, we would have had a new vet to care for our animals.
I have to find JJ a new oncologist in the Emerald City now that we are moving up there. I’ve research oncologists on-line and after Danny and I got home, I called the one we had decided on. The receptionist told me that they will be happy to have JJ as a patient but they must first have a referral from his current doctor. So I called our Cancer Center and the receptionist said she’d inform JJ’s oncologist. Meanwhile, when JJ comes south this weekend he has to sign and mail a release form to his current Cancer Center giving them permission to send his medical records to the new one. We had picked up the form when JJ went in for his last port flush. We hadn’t filled it out because there were too many unknowns. Now that JJ has a job and knows his schedule, and we are closing on a house soon, I feel I can start transferring his medical care up north.
After I got the medical stuff started, I went outside and worked in the yard until late afternoon.
JJ began his new job today at 5 p.m. During a break he texted me, “First day is good so far. I am learning. Should be fine.”
This weekend I got a bit stressed because although several people have said they would help us move when we were house-hunting, none have told us that they will be available on the actual date that will hope to move. If we have help then we’d rent a U-haul. Without help, I worry about EJ trying to move all the heavy things like appliances and furniture with his damaged back. Although JJ and I would help, we are not as strong as EJ so he’d be doing the heaviest lifting. So then I thought that maybe we could hire professional movers to move the heavy things, but I talked to a few and they seem to be awfully expensive. Plus, I read that sometimes unscrupulous movers won’t deliver a family’s possessions unless they pay extra fees they suddenly add on. Yikes! I think we have decided to rent the U-haul and ask people if they will help us.
I was also stressed because we have only a few weeks before we move and we have lots of projects still to do. I don’t want to have to spend every weekend this summer running down to the old house to work on projects. I want to put an end to our old life and begin our new life.
So I stressed a bit, and I got a bit upset. This triggered the effects of emotional abuse. Emotional abusers use manipulation, guilting, blaming, gas lighting, and other tactics to destroy their victim’s sense of identity and reality, causing their victims to not know who they are, to second-guess themselves, to feel inadequate, to blame themselves, and even to not like themselves for not being good enough. So last night these feelings were triggered and I began to wonder if I was justified in being upset or not, to wonder whether I should speak or be silent about things that upset me, to wonder how I am supposed to act, to wonder who I am (am I a good person or a terrible person?), to blame myself for maybe being unkind, for feeling like an awful person, and to feel waves of helplessness and insecurity. This evening I found a really helpful article at FB shared by After Narcissistic Abuse – There is Light, Life & Love. It’s about allowing ourselves to be who we are, to feel, to mess up, to be less than perfect, to not live up to others’ expectations or approval. The article was so helpful that I thought I’d share it here:
I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY
by Anonymous
I must give myself the right to be me – to function as I see fit. It is impossible to have a sound self-concept until I am true to myself and accept full responsibility for my own individual life, my own need fulfillment. At any instant I can start a new life.
I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM – I DEMAND OF MYSELF THE RIGHT:
To recognize myself as an important and interesting person in the world – a unique and precious part of life.
To feel warm and happy, kind and living toward myself.
To realize that at my divine center I am no better or worse, or more or less important, than anyone else in the entire world.
To be different, to make mistakes, to be “wrong,” to be inadequate.
To take the time and effort to fulfill my own needs.
To share my voice, my truth, my feelings, my thoughts, my opinions.
To be happy and free – to be harmonious and effective – to succeed.
To be open and kind, loving and lovable – compassionate and helpful.
To be keenly sensitive and aware – radiantly healthy and energetic.
To do less than perfect – to be inefficient, to procrastinate, to “goof off,” to kill time.
To have “unacceptable” thoughts, images, desire and experiences.
To allow others to make mistakes, to be “wrong” – to be ignorant, to be “screwed-up.”
To act spontaneously, to resist, to change my mind, to be stubborn.
To be emotional – to love, to cry, to be angry, to be selfish and uncaring.
To drop all masks and images – to not fulfill other’s expectations and images of me.
To be criticized condemned, disapproved, disliked and unwanted.
To fail and to learn from it.
To be loyal, courageous, and exceptional – in both my person and my work.
To accept my own authority – to follow my own “knowing.”
Paint Memories
This morning I paid bills while I drank coffee and ate breakfast. Then I went outside to paint the garage.
Well, first I had to scrape off the old paint. The garage is actually quite weatherbeaten so most of the old paint was already off. I just scraped off most of the remaining loose bits from the front and one side. I couldn’t get the peak of the garage because it was out of my reach. I don’t know how I’m going to paint there. I really, really need someone taller to help me–or someone with a taller ladder who isn’t afraid to climb it. I start getting scared at about the second step up our stepladder, but I force myself to climb to the top–not the very, very top, but the next step down. EJ had called a former co-worker who did home improvement on the side to see if he’d finish the drywall and maybe paint the garage, but the guy never stopped in to look at what we wanted done.
I was eager to paint, so after I scraped as much old paint as I could from two sides of the garage, I began painting the front. I’ve been wanting to paint the old garage for years and EJ had considered siding it and fixing it up, but we spent most of our efforts working on the inside of the house and never quite got to the garage. The garage is dilapidated so I don’t have expectations of making it look good. I’ll be happy if it’s just looks less bad. We had chosen a tan color to match the trim on our house, but it turned out being a bit more yellow. With all the zillion and one paint choices available, it’s really difficult to get the right shade to match the old. This presents a problem because I was going to use the leftover garage paint to paint the outside of the back porch because the paint is peeling there. So if I paint the back porch, I will have to paint the trim of the whole house so it will match. Sigh.
Before I started painting, I put on my paint clothes. My paint clothes are old clothes that I use to paint in. They end up getting splashes of paint all over them. I never wash them so over the years they have splashes of all the paint from all the painting projects we’ve done. It’s sort of like “paint memories.” It is fun to remember that we had once painted our bedroom that color, and the bathroom used to be this color. I had to find new paint clothes because the old ones stopped fitting and one day in a frenzy of cleaning, I threw them out. So now I am starting over with “this is the color we painted the old garage where we used to live.”
Thinking of paint splashes reminded me of a time years ago–JJ might have been 9 or 10 or so–when he and I painted the porch. At some point, one of us–I’m not sure exactly who–accidentally painted a streak of paint on the other. That one said, “Hey! You painted me!” and retaliated by painting a streak of paint on the painter. “Don’t paint me! It was an accident! I’m going to paint you back!” It wasn’t long before we forsook our painting altogether and used our paintbrushes as weapons, painting each other with abandon. By the time our paint battle was over, we were both covered in paint. It was lots of fun.
It was sunny and warm (in the 50s) so it was very pleasant to paint–at least until afternoon when it got a little cloudy and a bit chillier. But I really enjoyed painting, and as I painted I thought about my guys up north. Yesterday EJ had texted me, “I’m the happiest i’ve ever been in my career. I look forward to going to work, even on Monday.” He had also texted, “JJ says he is wonderful, very happy.” It fills me with joy to know that my guys are so happy.
I really enjoy painting the front of the garage, but I was really tired by the time I was finished. And hungry. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I put everything away, took a shower to scrub off the paint from my skin. Then I eagerly started making myself food, but before I could finish the mortgage officer called to warn me that I was going to receive a call from the structural inspection people to get permission to do their inspection. The woman from the structural inspection company called a short time afterwards and I gave my permission to do the inspection. The cost is coming out of our mortgage, but if we pay for it up front it’s much cheaper than if we wait for closing. I paid for it with my debit card, and then turned off the stove and oven so I could drive to the next town to transfer money from our credit union savings to our bank checking account before the bank closed. I had enough in the account to cover the cost of the inspection, but I didn’t want to risk our balance dipping too low. While I was in town, I stopped at the grocery store so I’d have food for EJ and JJ when they come home tomorrow night.
When I finally got home, I was beyond starving so I grabbed a raw steak from the freezer and started gnawing on it. Ok, no I didn’t. I actually turned the stove and oven back on and finished cooking my food, which I devoured.
Finally I took Danny for his walk. He thought I had forgotten, but I hadn’t. While we were on our walk, Danny tried to eat some food that had been dropped on the ground. Danny is always finding dropped food on the ground and eating it. I try to prevent him from doing it–because who knows what he’s eating? But I have a retractable leash and I let Danny sort of roam and he is sneaky. If I pull him away from food one day, he will remember it the next and meander over to it when I’m not paying attention. Chomp. It’s especially bad for the month or two after Halloween because the kids eat their candy and drop some of it, which Danny finds. I thought that that’s one thing I won’t have to bother about when we move up North. We will be in the country and Danny won’t find so many dropped candy, cupcakes, ice cream, pizza, or whatever else he gobbles down before I notice.
While we were on our walk, I also saw a bumblebee. This made me think of the poem I learned as a child to recite every spring. I still say it every spring.
“Spring is here,” said the bumblebee.
“How do you know?” said the Old Oak Tree.
“I just saw a daffodil dancing with a fairy on a windy hill.”
Now I am exhausted. I will spend the rest of the evening relaxing.
JJ’s Interview
7:30 a.m. is not too early in the morning unless a person has spent half the night thinking exciting and planning thoughts. Then it is much too early. Ugh. JJ texted me when he got back to the motel after dropping his Dad off at work. I replied, but my mind was foggy and my eyes are blurry and I couldn’t really see the letters on the phone. Who knows what I sent him. A gift of introverts is that we think very deeply. A curse is that we can’t always shut it off, especially when there are exciting things happening.
JJ was very excited and nervous about his job interview. I told him to just do his best, be polite and act confident, and he would do fine. When serious encouragement didn’t decrease his nervousness, I used humor. I told him to remember that he is the descendant of mighty Norse berserker warriors (on his Dad’s side) and of Irish storytellers who had kissed the Blarney Stone and were skilled with words (on my side). He replied, “So you are telling me that I can overpower the interviewer with BS?” Well…uh…exactly?
JJ had made sure he had interview clothes with him just in case he got an interview. When he had gotten dressed for his interview, he sent me a selfie. I thought he looked great and told him so.
So off he went for the interview. A while later he called me in great excitement to tell me that he got the job! He starts Monday! Woot! JJ had worried that having to quit working and drop out of college because of cancer would affect his ability to get a job. However, he said the interviewer was very nice, and that she had a son named “JJ” and that her father had had cancer. So they were able to connect.
While JJ was preparing for his interview, I got a message from our loan officer that she was still waiting for us to sign forms. Apparently she had emailed them on April 21 but I had never received them. She suggested that they might have gotten caught in the spam filter–which is where I found them. Oops. So I quickly printed out and signed my forms and then went to our local bank and faxed them. EJ went to his northern bank as soon as he got out of work to sign his copies.
The survey and inspection of our new house was scheduled for this morning. EJ had to work and couldn’t be there, but the realtor was there. When EJ first went to look at the property, they noted where they guessed the property boundaries were. After the survey today, the realtor told us that “where EJ and I thought the lines were, we were WAY OFF! There’s actually a lot more room than we thought there was!” That’s cool.
Here There Be Spiders
This morning after I drank coffee and ate breakfast, I went upstairs and mudded the drywall for a bit. I really don’t mind this task. It’s sort of fun.
When I came downstairs, Danny asked to be let outside. I headed for the back door, but he indicated that he wanted to go out the front door instead. Ok. So I took him out the front door and let him in through the front gate. When I came back, Little Bear made a dash out the door and ran under the porch before I could grab him. Sigh. I went inside and got a small sample can of moist cat food that occasionally comes in a bucket of kitty litter. I opened it and plopped some of it in piles near the porch. Then I waited. As soon as Little Bear came out from under the porch and started eating the treat, I grabbed him and took him inside, leaving the treat for the outside cats to enjoy.
After Little Bear was safely inside, I went to paint the bathroom. I’m repainting it the same color it was–just making it look fresh. I thought the gallon of paint was already in the bathroom, but when I opened the can I discovered that it was the brown color we had used to paint the stairs. Bummer. That meant I had to go down into the scary basement to find the correct color of paint.
Our unfinished basement is divided into two sections, a little room and then a big room. The chest freezer we use most often is in the little room. I avoid going into the big basement room whenever because there is no light switch to turn on the lights. When EJ goes into the big room, he plugs in lights and then unplugs them when he leaves. I know more or less where some of the lights are, but not exactly. The basement is filled with stuff, making it a maze. It is very dark and spiderwebby and I am always afraid of stumbling into a sticky spiderweb or of spiders dropping down onto my head. I also imagine a huge spider lurking like the one that pounced on Frodo in The Lord of the Rings.
It takes a lot of courage for me to go down into the dark basement, but no spiders–real or imagined–are going to keep me from my appointed tasks. So I got EJ’s battery-powered lantern and headed into the black nether regions of the house. I held the lantern in front of me as I navigated the maze to the shelves where the paint is kept. I moved cans of paint–occasionally feeling the touch of spiderwebs. Shudder. I finally found one that said “Bath and Kitchen” paint but in the feeble glow of the lantern I couldn’t really tell what color it was, so I took it out of the basement for a better look in stronger light. It was the wrong color. I turned the lantern back “on” to head back into the dark basement. It stayed off. I jiggled the lantern. It still stayed off. Seriously? NOW it dies? Well, at least it didn’t leave me stranded in the dark, right?
(Photo from weknowmemes.com)
I couldn’t find any other flashlights, so I used the very faint glow of my cellphone to feel my way to the other side of the basement to where I could faintly see a light. I bravely reached up into the dark ceiling and turned on the light. I found another light and turned that on. Those gave me enough light to enable me to see the shelves of paint. Using my cellphone for a tiny bit of extra light, I was able to find the correct color of paint for the bathroom.
Relieved, I escaped the basement. No spiders had dropped on my head (that I am aware of). No giant spider pounced on me or wrapped me in its web to feast on later. However, I left the lights on in case I have to return.
For the next several hours, I painted the bathroom. I got it all done except on the wall next to the washer and dryer. I just could not get the stackable washer/dryer to budge even the tiniest bit. I will have to paint that section after we move everything to the new house.
After I finished painting, I took Danny for a walk in the bright sunshine.
While courageously ventured into the dark basement, in the North Country JJ is bravely preparing for his interview tomorrow.
Progress
I woke up groggy from a night of little sleep. Ugh. A lot of nights I don’t sleep very well because my mind is busy with the excitement of the coming move, as well as trying to plan everything. For example, we close on the house on a Monday. I will have to drive north for the closing but then back south because I need to take care of the cats. (Danny will ride up and down with me). I also can finish last minute things. We won’t be able to actually move until the following weekend. Then there’s the logistics of taking seven cats on the long trip to their new home. I also think about when to switch JJ to an oncologist in the Emerald City. There’s so much to think about. I am tempted to do more packing, but I’m making myself wait until closer to the move date. I don’t want to have to unpack any more packed items because suddenly they are “essential.”
This morning I drank several cups of coffee and ate a quick breakfast of toaster pastries. They aren’t health food, but they are delicious and quick to fix. After my mind had cleared of sleepiness, I went upstairs and did some more drywall mudding. It’s kind of fun and makes me feel productive.
When I finished the mudding, I went outside and contemplated the fence. There’s one piece of wooden fence that has been propped into place. I decided that I could easily install it permanently and that’s one more job that we can check off our list. When I placed the fence into place, however, I saw that it was a smidgen too long so the gate couldn’t close properly. I went and did other tasks while I thought about it and later decided that either EJ could shorten the length or the new owners of our house could. So I got out EJ’s post hole digger, dug the hole and then placed the post into place. It was too long and needed to be cut. Hmmmm. I set that post aside and pulled up from the ground a shorter post that had a bird house on top–after first checking that there were no birds or eggs inside. I put it in the hole and it was just right. I could find only two nails that were long enough, so I put one at one side of the fence and other at the other side. It will do until EJ can find more nails. At least now a stiff wind won’t blow the fence down. It’s amazing what tasks suddenly get done when a person decides to move.
Tomorrow I think I am going to paint the downstairs bathroom.
JJ was rather discouraged this weekend that he still didn’t have a job. Although, really, when you think about it, he hasn’t been looking all that long. Today begins only his third week in the North. The first week he explored and got his bearings and the second week he started looking for a job, which means that he’s only been job hunting for one week. I told JJ this morning that only three months ago, we weren’t even imagining moving–and look at all that has happened since then! EJ and I keep telling JJ to not get discouraged but to just keep looking.
Most companies these days seem to require people to fill out job applications on-line. When JJ got back to the hotel last night, he filled out an application for Kmart in a town located between the Emerald City and the new house. This morning JJ received a call asking him to come in for an interview. He scheduled it for Wednesday morning. “See?” I told him, “Life can change in an instant.” Now he has gone from discouragement about not having a job to the terror of having an interview. LOL. Fortunately he has interview clothes with him. Tonight he is going to have his Dad help him learn the way to Kmart.
Weekend Work
Friday morning I woke up early–groaning because I didn’t sleep well the night before–to take Danny to the veterinary for his surgery. It took a few tries to get him in the cage at the vet’s. I stooped down, gave him lovings, told him he would be ok, and gently pushed him into the cage, but before I could draw back and latch the cage, he’d push himself out. At one point, he tried crawling into my lap. Poor dear. He hates the vet’s–and I hate to leave him. However, we thought it was best to remove the small growth near his eye before it could grow and cause complications.
After I left the veterinary, I stopped at the grocery store for a few items, and then drove to our bank to fax a form to the inspection company, giving them permission to do the inspections on the new house.
Later in the afternoon I went to pick up Danny. They said the surgery had gone well. I had been told that he would need a cone so he didn’t scratch the stitches, but they couldn’t find a cone that would fit him. One with an opening big enough to put around his neck would be much too long for him. I decided that if Danny started to scratch I’d just make a cone for him–possibly using poster board. So far Danny hasn’t even seemed to notice that he has stitches. He is such a calm, gentle, easy-going dog.
Later in the evening my guys arrived home from the North country for the weekend. The pets and I all greeted them warmly. Luke missed JJ so much that he cuddled close and trilled songs to him.
Since the pictures of our new house on the real estate site weren’t all that great, EJ drew me a diagram of the layout of the house. Saturday morning we discussed paint colors as we drank our coffee, as well as moving strategies, etc.
After breakfast I went back into the attic. I dragged out bags of JJ’s old toys and asked him to sort through them, deciding which to keep, which to donate, and which to throw away. He had fun re-discovering toys he had forgotten. He actually kept fewer keepsakes than I had expected. While he went through the toys, I dragged out other bags and boxes to sort through. I took bags of “throw aways” to the trash can, and put the boxes of donate stuff in the car. I’ll take them to Goodwill some time in the next week.
After lunch, EJ and JJ worked on getting some more drywall up in the hallway. They didn’t get it all done, but they did make progress. Meanwhile, I did dishes and laundry.
Sunday morning EJ taught me how to do drywall mudding so that I can make progress on the house while I’m here. Mudding sort of uses the same method that I use when I butter toast: spread it on and then scrape it off.
While EJ hung a few more pieces of drywall, I dragged JJ out to the garage to help me try to pull down a dead limb that’s on the roof. He first tied a stick and then a hand rake to the end of a rope and threw it up onto the roof like a grappling hook, hoping it would catch on the limb so he could tug it down. We didn’t have much success, but it did give us plenty of opportunities to laugh. He finally made a loop in the rope and lassoed the end of the branch. We tugged and tugged and couldn’t get the limb down. It must be tangled in the branches of a living tree. We finally gave up. Oh, well.
After the guys left for the North, I took Danny for his walk and then I went upstairs and mudded. I kept thinking of The Karate Kid as I worked: wax on, wax off, spread it on, scrape it off. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I figure I have to start somewhere and EJ can correct my technique when he comes home next weekend.
I did a bit of mudding for a while and then I went out to the garage and dragged out the mower. Our grass is getting a bit tall-ish in places so I thought I’d try to cut it. I didn’t have much hope of getting the mower started after its winter’s rest. Last year I struggled half the summer with mowers that wouldn’t work and was about to declare war on all mowers everywhere. To my amazement, the mower started quite easily today. Yay!
The weather is forecast to get increasingly warm as the week progresses so I’m hopeful that I can get started painting the garage. I anticipate that this week I will be quite productive.
Little Bear & Danny
Yesterday it snowed off and on through the day. The falling snow looked like a snow globe. The snow did not stick on the ground. Today I didn’t see any snow, but it’s been a bit cold. I wore my winter coat, hat, and gloves when I took Danny for his walk today.
I wanted to feel productive so yesterday afternoon I went to the store. I mostly wanted to buy a few more plastic totes to pack breakables in–although I do not plan to do much packing into it’s closer to our move date. I have most everything packed except “essentials”–and even then my guys are always asking where this item or that item is when they come home. I keep saying, “It’s packed….It’s packed…It’s packed…”
This morning I tackled one of our attics (we have two). It’s not crammed with junk–mostly old papers, a few pieces of furniture, and JJ’s old toys, stuff like that. I got about half of it emptied but then my sinuses swelled up and I had to stop. At least I made some progress.
Early this afternoon I had to print and sign a form the survey company emailed us, giving them permission to do a survey of the new property. Then I took it to our bank to fax it to them. Meanwhile, EJ arranged for an inspection of the new house.
I took Little Bear and Danny to the veterinary this afternoon. Let me tell you, it’s not easy taking a cat and a dog to the vet all by myself! Carrying the cat carrier and managing the dog was an ordeal! I had to fight to get Little Bear into the cat carrier and then he meowed all the way to the vet.
I took Little Bear to the vet because his face was a little swollen and JJ feared he had an infection. Except for the slight swollenness, he appeared fine. The vet said that it was either an infection or a minor abscess or something. She rattled off a long name of the condition, but I can’t remember it. It would no doubt win a triple word score in Scrabble. The vet gave Little Bear two injections–one for the infection and the other for the other thing. One or the other should take care of whichever problem he has, she said. I was glad she gave him the injections so I didn’t have to try to give him any pills at home. Little Bear hates pills and giving him any is a two person job–and I am alone with my guys up north.
Danny had a little thing by his eye–like a skin tag or something. The vet said that as long as it didn’t bother him or didn’t grow, we could probably leave it alone. Or he could have it removed with minor surgery. I texted EJ and we decided to remove it while it’s still small. It’s so close to his eye that if it grows the surgery will be more complicated and expensive. I made an appointment to take Danny in tomorrow. He should be able to come home later in the day. Since he will probably have to have a couple of stitches, he will have to wear a cone for a couple of weeks. Poor thing. I hate watching a dog stumbling around with the cone of shame. 😦
When we get up north, we will have to find a new veterinary. So many new things to do and arrange and experience.
The Herd
EJ is busy in the Emerald City this week running around doing house buying stuff after work. There’s a lot to arrange and do, ugh. I’m his “hero support,” texting him information that the realtor or mortgage person emails me and letting him know the information he needs to get to them or what task he needs to do.
I woke feeling drained and fuzzy-headed. I suspect the blustery, rainy, damp weather is not helping the infection I’ve struggled with for at least five weeks. Bleagh. I took cold medicine and cuddled with Luke on the couch for the morning.
Last week I found an interesting excerpt from a book called Narcissistic Predicaments – A Biblical Guide To Navigating The Schemes, Snares, And No-Win Situations Unique To Abusive Families. With Renee’s permission, I am sharing the excerpt because I think that it’s important to understand this Narcissistic abuse. Because the abuse is so subtle and there are no bruises or broken bones, very few understand this type of abuse.
As I shared in a post a while back, this abuse is very subtle and damaging. I think that one of the most difficult aspects of this type of abuse is that the Narcissist is such a skilled liar and manipulator that she (or he) is able to keep the abuse hidden. Because she can appear to be very warm and loving to everyone except the victim she is devaluing and smearing, she wins supporters who help to further isolate and abuse the victim.
The following excerpt describes the “herd mentality” in narcissistic families. It sounds unbelievable, but I experienced this in my family whenever I didn’t submit to their demands. It really is true that if you anger one, you anger them all. They all will close ranks against the one who “rocked the boat,” and will shun and/or smear her if she doesn’t submit and rejoin the herd.
Narcissists refuse to accept boundaries. They don’t choose to see where they end and other people begin. Rather, they see others as extensions of themselves, attached to them as if joined at the hip. You only exist for their use and benefit. Outside of their world, you cease to exist. In their delusional minds, everything you say or do affects them, whether or not it actually has anything to do with them. You will notice that any independent decision you make in your own life is regarded as something you are doing to the narcissist, to spite him or upset him. Anything you say, any opinion you voice, is viewed as a direct challenge to him. It’s like you’re a part of his body that refuses to do what he wants it to. The narcissist believes that the entire world revolves around him- and you are part of that world.
Just as a single narcissistic abuser refuses to allow others their autonomy apart from him, the abusive narcissistic family does not see and accept each member as a separate individual. The uniqueness of each person and the differences between them are not celebrated. Instead, individuality and free thinking are perceived as threatening, and not allowed. Everyone is just part of one larger sick organism–kind of like a big, ugly, smoldering, rotten lump. This thing moves as one, thinks as one, acts as one. One part cannot separate itself from the lump and speak out on its own. All the parts have to agree with what the other parts say. Because they are not emotionally separate individuals, but merely enmeshed parts of one big whole.
Nobody in such a family thinks for themselves. There is one way of thinking, one collective decision-making process, one opinion for all of them. Anyone who breaks from the group mentality will become an outsider, quick to be shut up or shunned. If you want to be an insider and remain in the good graces of the big ugly lump of enmeshed parts, then you can have no mind of your own. You have no choice but to go along with the group and be of one mind with them. Being right or wrong doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is being the same.
The abusive family’s idea of togetherness is a totalitarian vision carried to the extreme. It’s one for all and all for one–a kind of weird Cold War regime where a select few people dictate what everyone else has to think, say, and do. And the secret family police keep an eye on everybody and keep them all in line, reporting any signs of independent thinking and carrying out the necessary “dissuasion.” In their warped pathological perception, if you offend one of them, you offend them all. If you set a boundary or stand up and say something to one, it’s as if you said it to the whole tribe. If one is mad at you, they’re all mad at you. If one isn’t speaking to you, they’re all not speaking to you. And if one suddenly ups and decides that they are speaking to you again, then everybody is speaking to you again. The only wild card they never consider is whether you will want to speak to them again. They simply assume that you will passively go along with whatever the group decides. Just like all of them do.
Think of a herd of buffalo on the prairie. When they run, it’s as one. If they turn left or right, they all turn together. When they stop and graze, they all stop and graze at the same time. And it only takes one to start a stampede. As soon as one gets spooked and starts running, they will all run, blindly following the first one’s example, even though they have no idea why they’re running or what they’re running from. Think of lemmings, all following each other to their deaths off the cliff, never stopping for a second and saying, “Hey, wait a minute. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all! Maybe there’s a better way.”
The same herd mentality auto-pilots our abusive families. No one ever says “Hmmm…now, let’s see. How will my taking sides and shunning so-and-so help resolve this situation?” No one has the brains or the foresight to think, “Hey, wait a minute! If I go along with betraying someone who never did anything bad to me, then what? How might this come back and bite me in the future? If I change my mind later on and want to make up, how will I undo what I did? If, somewhere down the road, both of my feuding relatives mend fences, where will that leave me?”
Thinking, speaking and acting as one big dysfunctional lump of lemmings, and blindly following whoever puts on the most theatrical performance, our narcissistic relatives manage to make sure that a disagreement between just two people, which might eventually have been resolved had it stayed limited, turns into a huge feud involving the whole family and causing hard feelings for years to come. The chances of the original problem ever being resolved amicably drops exponentially with each additional person added to the mix. This results in rifts that can never be healed, and a family that will never be the same (which is probably a good thing!). In an act of collective suicide, the selfish troublemaker will influence the foolish herd to follow her right off the cliff, effectively killing the whole family structure. And they will ignorantly gloat in their smug self-righteousness all the way down, right up until the moment they hit the bottom.
Busy Plans
EJ is going to be very busy this week. He has to get the earnest money to the realtor, arrange with the mortgage person about our loan, and schedule the property inspection and survey. All this at the end of his busy work days. He says he doesn’t know how people on first shift get things done before everything closes for the day. He much prefers working second shift because he has all morning to get tasks done.
Meanwhile, JJ is trying to find a job. He wants to start getting back into life and earning money. This transition time is difficult because he has to work around his Dad’s hours and weekends home.
While my guys are busy up north, I feel at a standstill in the south. The weather is rainy and very blustery so I can’t work outside. Until the drywall is completed, I can’t paint rooms inside. I have most of the nonessential things in the house packed. I want to wait until closer to our move date to pack any more items. As it is, EJ and JJ often ask me “Do you know where [item] is?” and I keep saying, “It’s packed.” The basement and garage still need to be packed, but I’m not sure what EJ wants done with his stuff, and I’m reluctant to go into the musty basement when I’m still struggling with an infection. I did go do the banking and paid bills…
Although physically I am not busy, mentally I am. I woke in the night excited about moving. I was wondering how to get up north for the closing at the beginning of June. I can take Danny with me, but I can be away for only a couple of days because of the cats. I’m rather nervous about driving to the Emerald City alone because I’ve never driven so many hours at one time and I am severely directionally challenged, which means I can get lost anywhere. It is my super weakness. It will take much courage for me to make the trip. Hopefully VIKI will be helpful. Otherwise I am doomed.
My mind is also filled with how and when to get all the pets up north, the logistics of moving, including change of address, utilities, and so on and so forth.
My faithful reader Lucindalines commented that she’d like to see the inside of the house. The pictures at the real estate site weren’t all that good and didn’t show as much of the interior as I would like to have seen. Here are a few of the better pictures:
I don’t like the kitchen’s red walls. EJ says that the living room walls are a dark blue, which I don’t like either, so we will paint them. I’ve been on-line looking at paint colors. I love warm neutral colors. However, it’s difficult to know what colors to choose when I don’t really know what the rooms are like. So I guess I will have to wait until I get there to choose colors.
We will also need to replace the carpet. I’d prefer to get laminate flooring because it’s easier to clean up after pets. If possible, I’d like to choose the flooring and have it professionally installed so it’s done quickly and we don’t have to worry about it. I was looking at Lowes’ flooring on the Internet today.
Other than the floors and painting the walls the colors we like, everything is perfect. EJ says it’s a tremendous house.
Despite everything that has to be planned, scheduled, organized, and accomplished, I think it’s really fun to have a fresh start.
I try to image what life will be like in the North country, but it will be totally different from what I’ve ever experienced. I grew up about 30 miles from where we currently live. EJ grew up on a 40 acre farm where any strangers who drove passed their house were lost. I have always lived in a town. My only experience with “country” living was the time I was caring for the cats of some out-of-town friends who live about 15-20 minutes from us. JJ was about 8 or 9 or 10 at the time, and we went to their house (with their permission) intending to spend Halloween night snacking on snack food and watching movies. We got so spooked by the darkness and unfamiliar country sounds that we decided to abandon the idea and go home. EJ and JJ say that in the North, the night is much blacker and we will be much more remote than anything down here. I expect to be scared at first until I get used to it–but I think it’s sort of a excited, shivery fear like hearing scary stories around a campfire.
Mostly I think about all the things to do and see and experience up there.
I’m excited!
There’s No Place Like Home
Friday after work my guys drove home for the weekend. It was so good to see them! I love for the weekends!
Saturday we drove to the home improvement store to buy paint so that I could paint the garage, back porch (inside and out), and front porch. I was really looking forward to beginning these projects this week, but then I saw that it’s supposed to rain and get colder this week so I will have to delay my work.
JJ hates going to the home improvement store, but he set up our new GPS for us and wanted to test it so he went along with us. We had to give our GPS a name. My sister-in-law named her GPS “Gracie” after George Burns’ wife. I think that’s a cute name. We decided to name our GPS VIKI after the artificial intelligence in the movie I, Robot. She felt that humans were a danger to themselves so she sought to “protect” them by tightly controlling them so they could do no harm. If the GPS had had a male voice we would have named it “HAL” after the murderous computer in the movie 2001: A Space Odessy. No sweet little GPS personality for us. We like science fiction and have watched too many movies about computers taking over the world.
As we drove along, VIKI called out directions. EJ, who rarely gets lost and doesn’t need VIKI like I do, disregarded her directions and drove the route he wanted. JJ and I told him that he was making VIKI upset and if he wasn’t careful he’d turn her into a controlling psychopath who twisted Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics to “protect” us. I think we are going to have fun with VIKI.
During Saturday afternoon, EJ and his friend worked on his pick up truck, to get it running. Once we get it to our new home, we will use it to plow our driveway in the winter. While he was off doing that, I washed the guys’ dirty laundry.
Today EJ and I drove to the city to get the tires rotated on his “Buggy”–the Xterra. None of the tire places were opened today, however. It would have been a totally unsuccessful trip except that EJ and I had a pleasant drive together and I got to play around with VIKI so that I could get familiar with her before I have to depend on her for real.
Friday EJ asked the realtor to write up another offer on the house we are interested in. We waited all day Saturday to hear from the sellers and all this morning. Nothing. I told EJ this morning that since life has not changed for me–I’m still living down here, still in our old house, still walking Danny the same route, still shopping at the same stores–going to the Emerald City seems like a dream to me. It’s like when you say that someday you will travel the world, but you can’t imagine it ever becoming a reality. It’s just something you dream about.
At 2 p.m. EJ and JJ packed their stuff into the Buggy and prepared to leave. I said my goodbyes and then went into the house and checked our email. Then I rushed outside, just before my guys began to drive away.
“We got an email from our realtor!” I shouted. “We have a deal! They accepted our offer!”
If everything goes well–the inspections and financing–we will close on June first. WHOO HOO! Soon our dream will become a reality for us all.
Our house has everything we wanted. It is a one story house with three bedrooms that need little work. We will just need to replace the carpet and paint the rooms the colors we prefer. It has a huge pantry, and a huge garage for EJ. It is located on five beautiful acres. This is what our house and property looks like:
I can’t wait to get there and begin my new life.
NOT Counting Chickens…
Ugh. I couldn’t get comfortable on the couch last night so at about 2 a.m. I went upstairs and slept in my bed. I didn’t wake coughing–so either I’m finally beginning to make progress with this stupid sickness or the cough medicine worked.
When I had dragged my sorry butt out of bed and had drunk at least one cup of coffee, I checked our email and found an email from the woman at the bank who is helping us with our mortgage. She told us how much we’d need at closing and it was less than we expected, and we think we can do it, so we are making another offer on the house. Although I’m trying hard to not count my chickens before they are hatched, I really expect the sellers to accept our offer. They had counter-offered with several options, such as if we paid the full price, they’d help pay for the closing, but the less we paid for the house the less closing costs they could help us with. Since it’s the closing costs we are most concerned with, we are offering full price with help with the closing.
JJ decided not to have the car today so he wouldn’t have to get up at 5:30 a.m. to take his Dad to work. He had told me that he was planning to spend the day writing. He also is trying to find a singles group or something in the area so that he can meet people his age. JJ said he’s really excited about life up there.
After reading what JJ wrote about his first week up north, I told him he should write a blog about his experiences. I wasn’t sure if he’d want to invest so much time to it, so I asked him if he wanted to become a contributor on this blog and occasionally write about his experiences up North. He agreed so as soon as I can set it up, expect to see some posts from him. If he doesn’t get too busy, that is.
I took Danny for his walk early this afternoon, and then went to the post office for the mail. Then I spent the several hours this afternoon working in the yard. The weather was really nice–in the mid-70s–but I was working so hard that it felt almost too warm. I thought, “It’s a good thing I’m moving up north where the temperatures are a little cooler.” I used to like warm temperatures, but I think I have some snowman DNA in me.
My guys are coming home–they are on their way right now as I write. They should be home in a few hours. I can’t wait to see my guys. After I finished working in the yard, I made homemade pizza for them.
Northern Experience
Tomorrow will complete my week without my family, another week at work for EJ, and JJ’s adventurous first week in the North. I think we are all having adventures of one sort or another and growing through them.
I have been alone for a few days before when EJ and JJ have gone on hunting trips in November. When they are away on hunting trips, I know that it’s only for a few days so it feels like a vacation to me–a few days to enjoy doing whatever I want and whenever I want. But this time, even though they are home on the weekends, I have no idea how long I will be without them so I miss them terribly.
I have trouble getting motivated in the mornings–I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not sleeping well or because I’m still struggling with this stupid illness that EJ gave me a month ago. I slept on the couch for the first couple of days this week because the cats settling around me made me feel not so alone. But they wake me with their comings and goings. Kee Kee paws me whenever he comes and then either nestles in my arms or settles on my neck. It’s sort of difficult to sleep when there’s a weight on my neck and I’m breathing in cat hair, so I shift him a bit. Luke sleeps on my stomach or legs, and Little Bear sleeps either on my body or on my head. Timmy doesn’t like to share, so he has been sleeping on the mountain of packed boxes. He sometimes joins me during the day when none of the other cats are near. All this activity wakes me through the night. Wednesday night I decided to go upstairs to sleep in my bed. The cats aren’t allowed upstairs so I would be undisturbed. A couple of hours later I woke coughing and vomiting the phlegm that closes off my throat at night so I went back downstairs to sleep propped up on the couch.
In the afternoons I have been mostly working in the yard, cleaning up not only the winter’s debris but also with the intention of making the yard appealing when we go to sell. When the weather gets warmer, if I’m still down here, I want to paint the garage and front porch. Inside the house there is a little bit of drywall to put up and quite a bit of mudding. I’m not able to put up the drywall, but I asked EJ to teach me to do the mudding so I can paint the already drywalled areas. I might as well be productive while I’m down here.
EJ spent the week learning a technique that I think he’s never done before. It’s called “bead blasting” or something like that. It’s been difficult and he leaves work exhausted. Because of that, we haven’t been able to move forward on the house we are interested in. The sellers owe almost as much on the house as they are selling it for so they can’t lower their price. We have to figure out if we can afford it. I think the monthly payment won’t be a problem as much as the money we will have to pay at closing. We have to be able to have money for inspections, surveys, and closing, as well as money for EJ and JJ’s hotel (until we move into a house), to move, to complete projects on our house down here, and stuff like that. I think EJ and the realtor are trying to work on figuring what we can do. I’ll let you know.
JJ has had an adventurous week. If he wants to have the car, he has to get up about 5:30 a.m. to take his Dad to work. Such an early morning is tough on him because he’s always been such a night owl.
There is a lot of construction going on in the Emerald City which is really making the roads congested with traffic. JJ is not used to driving in heavy traffic in unfamiliar places so it’s been stressful. Also, he hasn’t driven much since he had cancer, so he’s out of practice. He drove around on Monday and found the awesome library. Tuesday he decided to walk instead of drive. He had planned to walk to a local market to apply for a job–there are “help wanted” signs in the window, but I guess there was a lot of construction obstacles that made the walk difficult so he gave up after a bit and turned back. His route took him past a pretty park and he stopped there for a moment. I found the following picture of the park on Google maps. It’s really such a beautiful area.
Wednesday JJ also didn’t drive. He was tired so he pretty much stuck around his motel. However, today he was back on the road. He got turned around for a bit and ended up at another lakeside park, but he found his bearings again and made it to the market where he courageously asked for a job application. They told him to apply on-line. I guess most businesses do that nowadays.
Sometimes JJ gets anxious about all these new experiences in a totally unfamiliar area, but he’s overcoming it and doing great. When he got back to his hotel room after his morning of adventuring, he texted me:
I think I did alright. I took a road I was scared of taking, to a place I was scared of going, and then back to the hotel, while the fear was real.
JJ left early to pick up his Dad from work today. He had quite a wait in the car so he wrote about his first days in the North. JJ is a tremendous writer and I enjoyed what he wrote so asked if I could share it on my blog. He said that while he hadn’t intended for it to be public, I had his permission to share it. Here is what he wrote:
I’m sitting in “the buggy,” an older model Nissan xterra. The rain is starting and I’ve got another hour to kill before my dad gets out of the very square, very tan building where he’s been working for the past month. It’s the tail end of his first month here, the tail end of my first week. It’s a very different experience from what my life downstate was, startlingly so. As I sit here, casually reading my book and continuing a conversation via sms with my mom, I wonder if this life is really possible to maintain. Or if it will devolve into a cruel twin of the one we left behind. Oh, I very much hope not.
I’m looking out over the airport now. Lots of small planes brave the gloomy weather to ascend from the ground to allow their pilots the freedom of the skies. As someone who’s afraid of heights, I’m personally very much okay with enjoying the freedom of the ground.
I haven’t eaten anything today yet, as my stomach growls I search for anything edible within reach. I see what might be a banana, but as I pick up the bag it resides in, the contents shift and the peel reveals itself fully as a disappointment.
A flag of packaging catches my eye from the back seat, jackpot. I had forgotten that there might be something in the back from our drive up. I turn the bag around, and my luck fails. Buffalo wing kettle chips. While kettle chips are normally delicious, these are not. As evidenced by the mostly full bag that’s been sitting in the car for the entire week. Stale chips, still better than nothing. Chomp.
The first bite reveals that I was wrong, woefully wrong and that nothing is indeed, MUCH better than these disgusting potato oblongs that have been adulterated by buffalo powder. (Made from the tears of actual buffalo don’tcha know.)
As I’m still making a face from the terrible taste of the chips, a coast guard seahawk (or something similar) makes an approach, its orange and white paint a startling contrast to the gray of rain bearing clouds. It lands about two hundred feet away, creating the illusion of weightlessness as its wheels touch down. The ground crew scramble as it’s rotors slowly spool down, each revolution taking slightly longer then the last until it finally grinds to a halt. Neat.
My stomach growling snaps me out of my rapt attention for the aircraft. I could really go for something other than these chips. Maybe we can stop somewhere for food once my dad is out of work. Somewhere with a milkshake my stomach insists. Dons, a diner/drive-in close by, comes quickly to mind with its cherry milkshakes. Those were wonderful.
I’ve made my decision, I feel freed, much more able to pursue what I want. I feel kind of like a freed prisoner though, not quite sure what to do with the freedom, not quite wanting to test the boundaries for fear of reprisals.
This land of black squirrels, rats with wings overhead, (normal people call them “gulls” which I find a boring descriptor.) And murderous traffic, (I’ve found myself wanting to attach spikes to my wheels or some other implement designed to defend myself from stupid) is, for some reason, both sides of two extremes for me.
On the one hand, it’s a source of freedom, a breath of fresh air, a land of opportunity. On the other hand, it’s a place of new, terrifying things. Of dense, rush hour traffic, uncertainties, and unfamiliarity. The first half of that outweighs it all though. I look forward to my time here, even if I am utterly terrified of it at times.
When EJ’s shift ended and he joined JJ in the Buggy, they went out to eat and then drove around together. JJ texted me that he saw buffalo.
The North is so good for EJ and JJ. I’m so glad we are doing this! Now I just need to get up there with Danny and the cats…
I Love To Go A Gardening 