I Love To Go A Gardening
Growing Our Life in Northern Michigan
Peeper & Cuddles
Since EJ didn’t have to work today–it being the weekend and all–he was able to enjoy the ducks’ swim time. I actually asked him to carry the ducks, one by one, so I could video them. The ducks are forming their own personalities. One is very vocal, yelling “PEEP, PEEP, PEEP!” very loudly like an alarm. We call him “Peeper.” The other is quieter and more cuddly and we have named her “Cuddles.” Of course, we don’t really know their gender, but we think of Peeper as a male and Cuddles as a female. We could be totally wrong.
The little chicks are growing. They now have most of their feathers. They do not yet have as much personality as the ducklings and they are more skittish and harder to photograph, but I was able to take a video today while the ducks were swimming in the bathtub:
JJ got his first paycheck from his new job yesterday. This first time was an actual printed check instead of direct deposited so he had to drive to our bank this morning to deposit it in his account. The bank is located clear on the other side of the Emerald City. Since JJ had offered to pay for half of the chicken coop EJ went with him so JJ could pay him–plus, JJ wanted the company.
I stayed home and made homemade pizza for lunch.
After lunch, EJ and I drove to the farm store to get food for the ducks and chicks and cats and dogs. Also, EJ wanted to get a few cherry trees. EJ bought a few hazelnut trees at the farm store, but he decided to go to a nursery for the cherry trees. We drive past the nursery every time we go to the Emerald City but had never stopped. They are just getting the plants in this year. I had thought the nursery was just a little farm stand alongside the road, but it stretches for several acres behind the buildings that we see along the road. It is actually one of the biggest nurseries I had ever been to. Eric bought two large-ish cherry trees and another hazelnut tree.
We had a nice conversation with the woman at the nursery. We told her that we had just moved to the area last year. She asked what made us decide to move up here and we explained about JJ’s cancer, EJ’s job–and that we had just always loved this area and wanted to live here. We continued to chitchat while we found the trees we wanted, and mixed in with our conversation she explained that even though the trees are rated for our zone, it sometimes gets so cold in the winter that the trees get frost-bitten or frozen. They will probably do better at our place because we live on a hill. The cold tends to sink into the low valleys. How cold is cold? Two years ago, she said, it was about -30 to -40 F. She sounded as if that is quite normal. Brrr. This last winter was quite mild because of El Nino.
But today was a beautiful Spring day with temperatures in the 70s. We opened all the windows in the house and wore T-shirts.
When we got home, JJ helped EJ plant the trees. They planted the cherry trees along one side of the driveway and the hazel nut trees on the other side of the driveway. Besides being pretty and providing us with good things to eat, it is our plan that the trees’ roots will be another measure to hold the soil and prevent erosion. Our other measures included–last summer–filling in the deep gullies that had nibbled away at our driveway with gravel and topsoil, putting potato rocks along the driveway to slow the rush of rain water, and planting grasses to hold the soil.
I asked EJ, “Do bears like cherries?” He said yes. Yikes!
After EJ and JJ planted the fruit trees, they put together my chicken coop. It went together amazingly quickly and looks really cute. We needed to get it together soon because on April 27 we are getting more baby chicks. Our current chicks were “straight run” chicks, which means they could be any gender. They could be all hens or all roosters or some of both. Since we want our chickens to lay eggs, we decided we ought to make sure we actually have some hens so EJ ordered some. Our current chicks are New Hampshire Reds. Our new chicks will be Rhode Island Reds. When the new babies come, we will need to move the ducks and older chicks into the coop so the younger ones can have the horse trough in the hallway.
We have thought and discussed and debated where to put our chicken coop. We finally decided to put it where the previous owner had his dog pen. Danny never uses the dog pen–he’s always with us. EJ is going to put the coops inside the pen, but he’s going to rebuild the pen with sturdier posts and fencing so it will be as predator-proof as we can make it. The previous owner left behind two very sturdy dog houses and we are going to convert them into additional coops. Our cute little coop only fits 4-6 chickens and we will have 10 chickens and two ducks. We plan to let our birds roam free during the day, but at night they need to have secure shelter.
While we were outside, JJ pointed out a large wolf spider in the driveway. I yelled, “Kill it! Kill it now!” but EJ and JJ refused. I grabbed a shovel to hit it with, but JJ blocked me. It has always been our family policy that we kill creepy crawlies in the house but let them live outside. I told JJ that the policy is totally voided when the spiders are really big, but he didn’t listen and the spider ran away. Ha! I told him that I will kill the spiders when he and his Dad are not around. Also, I have chickens and ducks that will eat bugs, including spiders.
See (No) Evil
Usually I write about the day-to-day happenings of my life, but occasionally something happens that vexes me. Usually it involves the topic of abuse. It feels like a sliver in my spirit and the best way I know to get it out is to write about it. However, it is always such a hugely immense topic with so many thoughts and sub-thoughts that I don’t know how to write about it. When I try, I feel inarticulate and inadequate. And even if I did write about it, I have found that the most common reaction is a total lack of understanding. It feels like an uphill battle that is impossible to fight and most of the time I just give up. But, still, sometimes I try because it’s very important.
Today I am trying.
Throughout this post I’ve often linked to articles that describe the concepts I’m trying to explain in more detail. Just click on the links to read more.
Recently someone on FB complained that some Christians were not forgiving him, wanted nothing to do with him, and were not giving him grace. Immediately, he was encouraged by some Christians who tut-tutted that they couldn’t understand how any Christian could be so unwilling to give grace. I wanted to ask (but didn’t), “Did it ever occur to you that those people you are condemning might have a very good reason for not wanting this guy in their lives? EJ and I know this person very well, and we know that he has taken advantage of the generosity of people who have tried to help him in the past (including us). He has lied, manipulated, used, defrauded, stolen from, and destroyed property. He talks about being a Christian but his life doesn’t reflect it. And even though he occasionally “apologizes” he hasn’t really changed.
Because of this incident, I want to talk about abusers and the church. Again. This is not Christian-bashing, by the way. I think that if any person, group, or organization is doing something wrong–including and especially the church–they need to honestly deal with it, not sweep it under the rug. It seems to me that people are reluctant to point out abusive behavior because 1. they are afraid of judging (I’ll address that in a bit) and 2. they are afraid it will reflect badly on Christ to bring things out into the open. However, covering up evil actually reflects more badly on Christ. Besides, I don’t think that everyone who calls himself a Christian, or every place that calls itself a church, actually is one. A true believer’s life will reflect Christ…but I don’t think it always looks like what many people think it does.
Even though Christians theologically and theoretically speak of evil people, few seem to actually believe that they exist in real life. I’ve found that if a victim speaks of an abuser, he is usually told by Christians that “no one is perfect,” “we all sin,” “don’t judge,” “he’s just wounded,” “we just need to give him grace,” and other such things. However, the Bible is filled with descriptions of both righteous and wicked people. That means that there are actually righteous and wicked people out there. Surprisingly, I’ve encountered more nonChristians who believe in the actual existence of evil people than Christians. Just talk to the average abuse survivor–they know.
It seems to me that we wouldn’t be given descriptions and warnings about wicked people if we couldn’t judge between the wicked and the righteous.The Bible warns against wicked people with such phrases as Be Alert! Be Aware! Watch out for! Avoid! Stay away from!
Which brings me to the topic of judging: I’m sure we have all suffered wrongly from people who were, in fact, self-righteous, arrogant, judgmental, condemning. That is a wrong type of judging which God says don’t do. However, people have become so afraid of judging wrongfully that they have, apparently, lost all discernment and common sense. The Bible never says that we can’t judge at all. (Again, if we can’t judge at all then why tell give us descriptions and warnings about the wicked?) Instead, the Bible tells us that we must be very careful to “judge righteously.” The “judge not” and “consider the log in your own eye” verses that so many fling around is actually addressed to the hypocrites who were ignoring their own evil to point out the small specks in the lives of the righteous. Evil people are now using these very verses that were directed at them as weapons to divert attention away from themselves and to accuse their victims.
Oh, and yes, hypocrites. Every so often memes like this one appear on my FB page:
This meme reveals an ignorance of what hypocrite actually means. A hypocrite is not a believer who honestly longs to follow God but who sometimes sins–and then genuinely repents. Those genuine but imperfect believers are, indeed, like the out-of-shape people who go to the gym in an effort to become healthier. Conversely, a hypocrite is someone who deliberately wears a mask, who intentionally pretends to be something he is not, who purposely seeks those whom he can devour. In other words, a hypocrite is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. If a church has hypocrites in its midst, it has a very serious problem and it needs to address it before the flock is ripped apart and destroyed. A person who doesn’t want to attend a church filled with hypocrites is wise. He is the sheep who smells a wolf and runs.
An ex-police detective once told EJ that one of the favorite hunting grounds of predators (abusers, sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, molestors, con men, etc.) are places like churches. Abuse experts say the same thing. The reason predators love churches is that they find people there who are willing to love unconditionally, to forgive without requiring repentance, and who are tolerant and reluctant to talk negatively about others or to judge. Love, forgiveness, and refraining from negative talk and wrongfully judging others are good things unless they are naively used to aid abusers. Christians can (and have) develop a gullible “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, judge no evil” mentality that makes them easy prey for the wolves and put the vulnerable at risk. There is no virtue in letting yourself become a predator’s victim or helping them oppress others.
Remember, we are warned in the Bible that evil people will disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 11: “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness.” Peter said in 2 Peter 2: “But among the people there were also false prophets, just as there will be false teachers among you. Under false pretenses they will introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, and thus bring on themselves swift destruction.” Let it sink in that these people appear to be very righteous people but they are false. Because of predators’ ability to appear righteous and their ability to remove opposition, they often rise to positions of leadership.
Abusers tend to “groom” their victims to accept abuse, which is a tactic of overcoming a person’s defenses by slowly desensitizing his or her natural reaction to abusive behaviors. A predator will identify and engage a victim and work to gain the target’s trust, break down defenses, and manipulate the victim until they get whatever it is they are after. I often wonder if the message of “cheap grace” has been taught by false teachers so that their flock will accept their abuse. If a Christian is taught not to judge, to never offend anyone, to forgive without requiring repentance, to accept all people without reservation no matter what they do, they lose the ability to see, recognize, or resist the wolves.
Pretending to be righteous is one tactic of a wicked abuser. Another tactic is to pretend to be the innocent victim to gain pity. An abuser will accuse the victim of judging him and of not showing him love, grace, forgiveness, reconciliation, submission, etc. He will insist that none of us are sinless and that God uses less than perfect people in His Kingdom. What is not acknowledged is that God used each of these people when they humbled themselves and REPENTED. God says He is opposed to the proud and arrogant and unrepentant. Pitying an evil person and giving him grace is just what he wants.
Even if pity [some Bible versions say “grace”] is shown to the wicked, he still doesn’t learn what righteousness is. In a land of uprightness he will still act wrongly and fail to see the majesty of Adonai.(Isa. 26:10)
Because of the abuser’s ability to appear righteous and/or the innocent victim, he can skillfully and deliberately manipulate people into supporting him against the victim. The niceness of the “nice people” actually becomes a tool that the abuser uses to oppress and enslave his victim. As Narcissists Suck has written, “It can be nearly impossible for a victim of a narcissist to press their claims when so-called good people form a protective ring around the evil-doer and divert the slings and arrows back to the victim. This behavior of the ‘good’ people actually guarantees the narcissist will continue to have access to his or her victim as well as access to new victims in the future. If that isn’t evil in itself, I do not know what is. If we do not exercise our frontal lobes, that is, our ability to judge between things, then we guarantee that evil will prosper in our presence.”
Many churches do not understand abuse. Many times their teachings actually supports and empowers the abuser and causes his violence against his victim(s) to increase, and even become life-threatening. (Click here to learn what a victim can expect in a typical church.) At the Cry for Justice website, one woman shared her experience about what happened when she tried to get help with her abusive husband. Her story is told here and is just one of many. Abuse victims often share their stories in the comments under the posts at this site.
It is appalling and very serious when a person or church sides with the abusers against victims. Psalms 82 says “How long will you go on judging unfairly, favoring the wicked? Give justice to the weak and fatherless! Uphold the rights of the wretched and poor! Rescue the destitute and needy; deliver them from the power of the wicked!” Psalms 97:10 says “Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.” Ps. 11:5 says that “The one who loves violence His soul hates.”And Ps 12:6 says “Because the poor are oppressed, because the needy are groaning, I will now rise up,” says Adonai, “and grant security to those whom they scorn.” Ally yourself with an evil person and you put yourself in direct opposition to God.
Many times I see memes at Facebook that make the assumption that people who stop attending a church are leaving merely because of hurt feelings, or because their eyes are on men rather than God, or because they do not want to hear “The Truth.” I’m sure that is sometimes the case. However, I think it is arrogant and simplistic to assume that it is always the case. The Bible warns “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” (Matt. 7:15). The Bible also says “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” (2 Tim 4:3). Finally, it says that the true sheep hear and follow the voice of the true Shepherd. (John 10:27) Did it occur to anyone that maybe the reason many people leave a church is not because they have hurt little feelings or are rejecting God or His truth, but because they do not hear the voice of the Shepherd in that place and they are fleeing the wolf-led flock? Maybe God is rescuing the sheep from the wolves by leading them away. Ezekiel 34 has this to say:
Thus says the Lord God: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat ones, but you do not feed the sheep. The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered; they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them. “Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: As I live, declares the Lord God, surely because my sheep have become a prey, and my sheep have become food for all the wild beasts, since there was no shepherd, and because my shepherds have not searched for my sheep, but the shepherds have fed themselves, and have not fed my sheep, therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: Thus says the Lord God, Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.
We once attended a very small church. As time went on, alarm bells went off inside of me. The pastor was extremely controlling, uncaring of the needs of the congregation, and unethical. At first I ignored the niggly doubts about him, but they grew in number and intensity. When I told close friends about my concerns, they said things such as: “No pastor or church is perfect. We need to submit to and support church leaders. How do you know YOU aren’t the one with the problem…?” I struggled with this, but we ended up leaving. The advice from my friends made me question how a person could ever stand against false teachers if they were supposed to see not, hear not, speak not, judge not, and submit? People sometimes wonder why a victim remains in abuse, but is it so surprising when they receive advice like this? I remember when the cult leader Jim Jones led more than 900 of his followers into committing suicide by drinking poisoned Kool-aide. Jim Jones started out as a methodist minister. I have sometimes wondered how many of his followers had had doubts about him when his teaching first seemed “off,” and might have escaped, but were urged that no one is perfect and they needed to submit to their leader?
As for those who think that Christian grace and love means never offending and always keeping people in our lives no matter what they do. It is true that God has made us accepted, has drawn us near to Him, and made us part of His family and kingdom. However, these are promises given to those who become His children. These promises are not for the unrepentant. As Luke 17:5 Ministries says, “There is NOT ONE INSTANCE in Scripture of the Lord forgiving anyone who remains ‘stiff-necked’ (stubborn) and unrepentant.” In addition, when God became “the Word made Flesh” and walked among us, He actually offended more people than He attracted (John 6:66, etc).
Furthermore, the God who includes is also the God who separates. From the very beginning, He has separated light from dark, the water from the land, Israel from the nations, the righteous from the wicked, the sheep from the goats, etc. We are not unloving or unChristlike when we choose to separate from those who are wicked. To pressure victims to remain with the abusers who enslave and mistreat them is not following the God who declared that He loves the downtrodden and brokenhearted and that He came to set the prisoners free. In fact, we are told to rebuke and separate from evil people. Here are just a few of many verses:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you…2 Cor. 6:14-17
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers… (Ps 1:1)
And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “Say to the congregation, Get away from the dwelling of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram.” Then Moses rose and went to Dathan and Abiram, and the elders of Israel followed him. And he spoke to the congregation, saying,“Depart, please, from the tents of these wicked men, and touch nothing of theirs, lest you be swept away with all their sins.” So they got away from the dwelling of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram. (read the whole story in Numbers 16)
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud,arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. (2 Tim 3:1-5)
Don’t make friends with an angry man, and don’t be a companion of a hot-tempered man. (Prov. 22:24)
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Cor. 15:33)
“Moreover, if your brother commits a sin against you, go and show him his fault — but privately, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. If he doesn’t listen, take one or two others with you so that every accusation can be supported by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to hear them, tell the congregation; and if he refuses to listen even to the congregation, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax-collector. (Matt 18:15-17) How were pagans and tax-collectors treated in Bible times? Click here: Ancient Tax Collectors.
If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4) [Repentance, by the way, doesn’t mean just saying, “I’m sorry.” repentance is turning away from the wrong behavior. It means genuine change.]
There are many, many verses about separating from the wicked. I could go on but you get the picture, I hope. We need to stop being naively deceived by appearances, we need to stop unquestioningly pitying the abusers, we need to stop allowing ourselves to be their tool.
This might seem to some as if I’m describing a God who is mean, and unforgiving, and merciless. I’m doing just the opposite. He is a God who cares deeply for the oppressed and He will defend them against the wicked.
I wish Christians would educate themselves on the topics of abuse, of good and evil, and the other things I’ve mentioned in this post. Two good places to start are the websites, A Cry for Justice and Narcissists Suck. Both address these subjects Biblically. As A Cry for Justice warns in its post She’s Marrying a Sociopath and There’s Nothing We Can Do to Stop it: “Churches, Christians, pastors, elders!! We must STOP closing our eyes to evil among us in our churches! We must be done with this foolish naiveté about wickedness. We must learn about sociopaths and psychopaths and narcissists and abusers and we must become expert — wise as serpents the Bible calls it — in discerning the tactics of these vermin. They are oppressing the sheep that the Lord has charged us with protecting.
GPS Meltdown
JJ had his periodic appointment with his oncologist today to make sure he is still cancer free. I went with him because he doesn’t want to go to medical appointments alone–especially not to oncologists. I wouldn’t want to either.
We’ve only been to this new oncologist once, shortly after we moved here last June so we used the GPS on JJ’s smart phone to make sure we found our way. We got there with 15 minutes to spare, which is about right. I like to get to appointments a little early, but not too early. When we went up to the building, I was surprised to find the door was locked. Then we noticed a sign that said their offices had moved.
Yikes! I was afraid that the offices might be clear across the city and we’d be horribly late. JJ programmed his GPS with the new address that had been listed on the sign on the door, and we learned that the new office was only about 3 miles away. The GPS (whose name JJ said is Sasha) calmly gave us directions until suddenly she had a complete meltdown. “Turn on M– Street!” She yelled. “Turn on M– Street! Turn on M– Street! Turn on M– Street NOW!” “Calm DOWN!” we told her. Sheesh. She acted as if she was having an anxiety attack. She was stressing us out.
The oncologist’s new office was located in a brand new Cancer Center attached to the hospital. It was really nice. The oncologist is really nice and good at explaining stuff to us. He’s only met us once, and he said he couldn’t remember my name. I said that my name is TJ…or Mom. He told he me would call me “Mom”–even though he is about my age. It’s easier to remember. He said JJ health looks good. He had JJ get a blood draw afterwards to check his cancer markers, and has ordered a CT Scan and chest X-ray in June to make sure everything is clear. Assuming the tests all come back good, JJ’s next appointment with the oncologist is next October.
On the way home we stopped at our favorite restaurant. I didn’t order anything because I was going to eat supper with EJ at home, but JJ wouldn’t have had time to eat at home before he had to head for work–so he just ordered take out and ate as we drove home. We got home about 30 minutes before he had to leave for work. Days when JJ has medical appointments and tests are always difficult days for him, but fortunately he only had to work four hours today.
Every morning I carry the ducklings to the bathtub for their daily swim. I can’t believe how quickly they are growing. They are losing their yellow downiness and getting more and more of their white feathers. They are also developing separate personalities. One duck loudly screams a piercing “PEEP! PEEP! PEEP!” as I carry it to the bathroom. The other mostly just rests its head against my arm.
The chicks are also growing fast, although not as fast as the ducks. They are mostly feathers now. I always talk to them when I check on them. I can’t get good pictures of them in their horse trough in the hallway.
Danny is totally fascinated with the birds. He always wants to come into the bathroom to watch the ducks as they swim. He hardly ever makes a sound, but he has begun whining as he observes them. He also insists on going into the hallway whenever I go out to check on the ducks and chicks. Tonight Danny was a little upset with a cat who was eating from from their dish on a bench next to the trough. I think Danny thought the cat was too close to HIS birds.
Here is one of this morning’s videos of Danny watching his ducks.
Ducklings in the Bathtub
Yesterday was JJ’s first official day on his new job. He came home happy. He really likes it at the new place.
It snowed again today. We got several inches–and I think we are expecting several more inches. There is a Winter Weather Advisory for our areaWinter just doesn’t want to let go.
EJ said that when it got warmer, we’d buy a little pool for our birds. I got to thinking that the large bathtub in our master bedroom looks a lot like a pool. It’s so large that it takes forever to fill it and we have only used it once. (We use our separate shower instead.) I suggested that the ducklings might enjoy swimming in it. So we put a few inches of water in the tub and put the ducklings in it. They had a wonderful time swimming around. After a while, we lifted them out onto towels on the floor and watched them dry their feathers.
I think we make terrible farmers/homesteaders. Our “livestock” become our pets.
Duck Love
It was very foggy and rainy all day today. I think the fog makes the landscape very pretty, although I worry a bit when my guys have to drive through thick fog.
Because of remodeling we had done over the years at the old house, we couldn’t get our box springs downstairs so we had to leave them behind. EJ built a platform for our mattress here in our new house. At first it was ok but over the months it has gotten more and more uncomfortable and we weren’t sleeping well. I finally googled box springs last week and discovered that they didn’t cost much at all. (We had ordered our left-behind box springs with the mattress several years ago and all I remembered was that it was rather expensive.) Anyway, we ordered new box springs last week and I eagerly counted the days–er, nights–for them to be delivered. It was today! Yay!
I had read in an email that Sears sent me that before the delivery guys showed up, pets had to be contained. It only makes sense. They wouldn’t want to be bitten or blamed for letting pets escape the house. So as soon as I saw the truck coming up the driveway, I yelled for JJ to help me put the cats in his room, and I put Danny in the hallway. The delivery guys wanted to see where they’d be putting the box springs before they got it out of the truck, so I let them in the house to show them. As soon as Danny heard them, he came rushing through the cat door. I told the guys he was friendly and they petted him. Danny has always loved people and used to greet everyone he encountered when we walked in our old town. Up here, he rarely sees anyone so when a stranger appears, he wants lots of lovings.
One of the delivery guys said that he had delivered our washer/dryer when we first moved here. They set up the box springs for me, helped me put the bed skirt on them, and then put the mattress in place.
Our little chicks and ducklings are growing up. Every morning they are noticeably bigger than they were the night before. The little chicks are beginning to get tiny feathers. We give them lovings everyday. EJ and JJ always hold the ducklings, which are their favorites. I always hold a chick or two so they don’t feel left out.
Danny loves the little birds as well, and insists on accompanying us whenever we go look at them. We put boards on top of the horse trough that we put the birds in. We weigh it down so the cats can’t get it off. Tonight one of the cats was on top of the horse trough, which upset Danny so he snapped at him. JJ gets nervous if the cats are too near also.
I took some videos of our EJ, JJ, Danny, and the ducklings.
JJ, a duckling, and the chicks
EJ and a duckling. The duckling keeps biting his beard.
Today was JJ’s last day of work at his company. He told me they all gave him hugs when he left. He starts his new job tomorrow.
Enchanted Homestead
Downstate we had friends who lived in the country and had chickens for a few years. I thought they were very beautiful and interesting. I decided that if ever we lived in the country, I’d raise chickens. The eggs are healthier than store-bought eggs and if we had extra eggs, I could sell them and maybe make a little extra money.
Our new neighbor across the road has chickens. Every time I hear their roosters crow, I think, “I would like to have chickens! Well, today I was browsing on the Internet, and I found a cute little chicken coop on sale at a local farm store. We could use some of our tax refund to pay for it and JJ said that if we bought a coop, he’d help us pay for it. So EJ and I jumped in the Sub and drove to the farm store and bought the coop. We will have to put it together, but one reviewer on the website said that she and her husband easily put it together in 45 minutes.
There were baby ducks and chicks in horse troughs at the farm store. An employee told me that they’d be there for the first week or two of April–or until they were sold. So we decided to buy some today. We bought four chicks and two ducks. When we got them home, EJ moved an old horse trough into our unheated hallway that connects the rest of the house to the garage. He had bought the horse trough several years ago at a garage sale and had used it as a raised garden bed at our old house.
JJ had just enough time to look at the chicks and ducklings before he had to leave for work. He thinks they are cute too.
Timmy and Little Bear are interested in the new babies, but EJ constructed a cat-proof lid for the trough. Danny is also interested, but he is so gentle that I don’t think he’d ever hurt them. I showed him one of the chicks and he sniffed it a little.
I think our little babies are adorable. I have never lived in the country before or had chickens. I am excited about starting a little enchanted homestead! Hopefully we can keep our chicks safe from foxes and coyotes and owls and bears.
I told EJ that I would like to consider raising bees for honey. One of EJ’s sisters raises bees, and maybe she could teach me.
Cousin Jenny’s Pasties
The snow that was dumped on us this week is already beginning to melt as the temperatures warm. There are still several inches of snow on the ground, but it is shrinking a bit and in the driveway it is slushy.
EJ’s birthday is Sunday. Yes, JJ was born a week before his Dad’s birthday. Since JJ didn’t have to go to school or work today, we celebrated EJ’s birthday tonight. He asked for a Pennsylvania Dutch Apple Cake, which is our favorite cake and very yummy. I made it this afternoon.
EJ got out of work early today because there wasn’t much work for him to do. We had to do some banking, so we left for the bank soon after he got home. Afterwards, I was looking at the stores that we were driving past, and I saw a restaurant called Cousin Jenny’s which sold a meat pie called a pasty.
The name Cousin Jenny and the pasty comes from miners from Cornwell, England. When the tin and copper mines failed in Cornwall during the mid-1800s, many Cornish men and women immigrated to the mining frontiers of North America. They were called “Cousin Jacks” and “Cousin Jennies” in the new territories. When Cornish miners migrated to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, they brought with them their beloved national dish: the pasty. The Finnish miners that followed adopted these meat pies as their own. The pasty is often made of beef, rutabaga, carrots, onions and potatoes. The shape and construct of the pasty made it not only portable, but if it should get cold, it would be relatively easy to warm up. In the mine, this was often done by putting the pasty on a shovel and holding it over a head-lamp candle. In the workplace, a pasty wasn’t eaten with a fork; it was eaten end to end, held upright to keep the juices in.
Pasties are especially popular in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, but you can find them in Northern Michigan as well. EJ’s mother used to make pasties as he was growing up and he loves them. They are one of his “comfort foods.” It seemed the perfect birthday meal for him, so after I spotted the restaurant, we knew we had to stop in. The owner gave us a choice of having cooked pasties or uncooked ones that we could take home and bake ourselves. Since we had to stop at the grocery store on the way home, and we wanted to take one to JJ, we chose to buy uncooked ones that we could bake at home and eat hot. I told the owner that this was our first visit to her restaurant and that it was EJ’s birthday. She gave him a large free cookie as a gift, which we divided and ate as soon as we got in the Sub.
As soon as we got home, I put the pasties in the oven to bake. Oh, my goodness, they were delicious! I think Cousin Jenny’s will become a favorite restaurant.
After we ate our pasties, we sang ♫ Happy Birthday ♫ to EJ and then enjoyed his cake and ice cream.
Afterwards, I made homemade bread.
Yesterday & Today
JJ needed to get his driver’s license renewed. With his busy schedule, it’s difficult to find time to do extra activities but since he didn’t have to work last Monday, I went with him to the Secretary of State’s office. (That sounds very official, but Michigan’s Secretary of State is what other states call the Department of Motor Vehicles, or DMV.) We celebrated JJ’s birthday last Saturday, but his actual birthday was Monday and the last day he could get his license renewed without a late fee.
At the Secretary of State office, we sat in the back row of chairs while we waited for JJ’s number to be called. I leaned over and whispered, “Today you get your Big Boy’s license. Cool.” In Michigan, teens have a youth license until they turn age 21. It is taller and narrower than the adult license. JJ said, “You are so weird, Mom.” When it was his turn, he went up to the counter alone while I remained seated. “If you need me,” I had told him, “just flash me the Bat Signal.” I just about cracked up when I heard the SOS clerk tell JJ, “Ooooh! You get your Big Boy license today!” It seems that Moms will be Moms. LOL.
Officially, JJ stops working at his current job on March 31 and begins his new job on April 1. However, the new manager had asked him, if possible, to come in before his official first day for training. JJ said he could come in on Wednesday afternoon. He actually ended up training and working from 4:30 p.m. until 10 p.m. He came home in high spirits. He said the people are all nice there, the customers were nice, and it was an awesome place to work. He was also excited that his job is local so there is a chance he can meet people in our own community.
We have been enjoying Spring weather during most of March. The temperatures warmed up and the snow all melted. Although I knew that it was still early and it was very likely that winter weather would return, I couldn’t resist setting up our patio furniture and park benches outside. I tried to resist, but it was quite impossible. It was nice trading in our coats for jackets, and our boots for shoes. Last night winter returned for another punch. It snowed all night and day and we have gotten close to a foot of snow. We have also gotten freezing rain. EJ said that the drive home today was quite treacherous. JJ’s college class was canceled today–since he was homeschooled, this is one of the first “snow days” he’s ever had. With the weather so bad, he called his current job to tell them he wouldn’t make it in. I took pictures yesterday before it snowed and pictures of the same scenes today to show the difference between yesterdays and today’s weather. A day really makes a difference!
The good think about snow in the Spring is that we know it won’t last. Sooner or later, Winter will loosen its grip.
Life in March
Wow. It’s been more than a week since I’ve last written. An awful lot has happened in that time.
We had some warm weather–warm enough for jackets and shoes instead of coats and boots. It melted all our snow, which is wonderful because I’m a bit tired of four-wheeling up and down our driveway–although I did enjoy sledding down it. The weather was so nice that I sort of got Spring Fever and I brought took our patio table and park benches outside even though I know it’s only March and we could still get more winter weather. Sure enough, “an accumulation of snow” is forecasted for later this week. Oh, well.
I have been keeping busy crocheting. I had an order for 50 apple bookmarks and another order for 20 daisy bookmarks. That kept me busy. I didn’t have to get the apple bookmarks finished until autumn because they are being given as Rosh Hashanah gifts, but I like to get my orders completed as quickly as possible. After I finished those bookmarks, I designed a cherry bookmark. There are a lot of cherry orchards in my area–and even a Cherry Festival–so I’m hoping to sell some of my bookmarks locally as well as through my Etsy Store. I might also sell the pattern if I can get it written up. I haven’t gotten the bookmarks at the store yet.
For the last month or so, EJ has been building me library shelves. When we first moved here, I considered buying shelves or bookcases from a store, but we have a lot of books so I’d need several floor-to-ceiling shelves. Most bookcases are only 6 feet high and even cheap ones are expensive and would have cost a lot of money. So eventually we decided to just buy brackets and boards and built our own for much less. We don’t need anything fancy, we just need shelves to hold our books. EJ is building very sturdy bookcases. As soon as he gets each shelf completed, he lets me put books on it. I have emptied many boxes of books already. However, I still have many boxes left so I think I’m going to run out of shelf space before I run out of boxes of books. However, EJ and I will sort through the books and sell any duplicates or books that we no longer want.
At our old house, our library was tucked away upstairs. I’m really excited about having all our books just in the next room, and very accessible.
JJ’s 21st birthday is tomorrow. We celebrated this Saturday, however, because EJ was home and JJ didn’t have to leave for work until mid-afternoon. In our family, the birthday person gets to choose his birthday meal and the type of cake he wants. For several years I made a unique cookie cake that I had created–I put a large brownie covered with chocolate frosting on top of a giant peanut butter cookie. It was delicious, but very rich.
This year, however, JJ wanted something different. He chose to have a homemade pizza and a carrot cake. I found candles at the store that had different colored flames. It was cool. Because he had been so busy with work and college, JJ also said that he would prefer to stay home and have a Doctor Who marathon. So that is what we did.
JJ currently works at a store that is very well-known nationally. However, a competing store opened last November just a few miles down the road. The new store has everything JJ’s store has and much, much more, and business at JJ’s store dropped 50% after it opened. Many of his co-workers have found other jobs or have been fired. JJ has been wanting to find a new job, since he’s not sure how long his store will remain in business. Months ago JJ applied for a job at a little grocery store just a few minutes from our home. It is the store we usually shop at. Last week they called him and asked if he was still interested in working for them and when he said “yes,” they set up an interview for the next day. After the interview JJ said that he wasn’t sure how well he had done so he wasn’t certain he’d get the job. However, Friday they called to tell him that the job was his. He is really excited. The store is only two miles away instead of the 20 miles he now drives, which will save him time and money for gas. Also, there is a chance for advancement at this store. He has given his two-week’s notice at his current job and begins his new job on April 1.
Early March
Last Tuesday EJ came home from work sick with the awful flu that has been going around. He was so sick that he didn’t go to work for the rest of the week. When he contacted his company to tell them that he was going back to his first job, they told him not to bothering coming back. It makes sense, really, since he had only worked there for three weeks–and he was sick for most of the third week.
So rather than give two weeks’ notice that he was leaving, which is customary, he was able to begin his old new job on Monday. Last year his first day with this company was on March 9th and this year his first day at the same company was March 7 so both his first days at this company was almost exactly one year apart–and both times he was sick. He said everyone told him that they were really glad to have him back. Even the “big bosses” came by to shake his hand and welcome him back.
Yesterday was actually EJ’s first anniversary of moving up north. He moved north the day before he started his new job, and he lived in a motel for about three months while I stayed behind to take care of things downstate. My anniversary day is not until June 1st–the day we closed on this house.
EJ kissed me while he was sick so it was inevitable that I would get sick as well. I think kissing is a habit (a good one) and we forget that the other person is sick until, “Dog-gone it, you KISSED ME! And you are SICK!” All weekend I stayed in bed, sometimes shivering with chills, sometimes drenched with sweat, and always aching and coughing and groaning. I was so sick that I didn’t eat for days; I wasn’t hungry. I am just now beginning to eat again. Fortunately, EJ was on the mend by then and he was able to take care of me. “On the mend” actually means feeling less bad.
With two people sick in the household, it isn’t surprising that JJ has gotten sick too. Fortunately, I am on the mend (feeling less bad) so I can take care of JJ. I feel really bad for JJ because although he could stay home from work and recuperate, he cannot stay home from school and he still has to study. He looks terrible and is doing a lot of groaning. We’ve had to scramble to make sure our medical insurance is reinstated so that JJ can go to the doctor and get an excuse for missing work. EJ called me after work today that everything was A-OK and JJ immediately called his doctor.
Yesterday was Michigan’s election primary. JJ felt too sick to vote, but EJ and I voted. It was kind of a weird experience because for the last 20 years we voted at the same place, and the same volunteers worked at the polls, and we encountered familiar faces waiting in line. Now, here we were doing the same familiar procedure but at a completely new place, with new faces, knowing no one. It felt sort of like when you visit your hometown after being away from it for years–both familiar and strange.
Yesterday I was finally able to do some light housekeeping. While I was vacuuming the carpet, the vacuum cleaner died. We have only had it for less than a year. I remember that we have had other vacuum cleaners suddenly quit working and it was a simple fix, but I couldn’t remember what the problem had been. Then today I figured out that dog hair and other debris had gotten packed in the hose. So I sat on the floor and using a bunch of tools, including a stretched out wire hanger, which worked inadequately, a pair of tongs which were too thick to be of any use, a fork which was too short, needle-nosed pliers which were also too short, and finally two shish-kabob skewers which worked the best, I patiently teased out the hair until with a great gulp of air, the vacuum was unclogged and began to work again. This is good because Danny sheds so much that I could make a whole new dog out of the hair that is comes out of him each time I brush him. I always throw out his piles of hair for the birds to line their nests with.
We have enjoyed watching the deer coming to our house to eat. They come in groups of two or four or six. Most of them are small yearlings and a couple of them are quite tiny, which means they were born later in the season last year. It’s very hard to take pictures or videos of them because they spook really easily and the slightest movement or noise causes them to vanish. But I was able to get a video of six of them before they leaped gracefully away.
The turkeys haven’t visited for a couple of weeks, but I looked out my window yesterday and the yard was teeming with them. They move around a lot so it’s hard to get an accurate count, but there was about 40 of them, give or take a few, which is twice as many as we’ve ever had before. They returned again today. They came two different times today. I think there were two different groups rather than one group returning.
The weather has been very warm–with several days the temperature up into the 60s. This morning it was very misty and I watch clouds of misty fog writhe around trees and slither across the driveway. It was gorgeous. I love that different types of weather changes the look of our Enchanted forest.
With such warm temps, a lot of the snow has melted and we can see the grass and bare driveway again. Although I will miss sledding down the hill, it will be nice not to have to go four-wheeling up our driveway or worry about getting stuck in the snow. Unless, of course, winter returns for a final punch or two. When JJ was a child, I used to tell him that Spring and Autumn were when Winter and Summer fought.
One thing I am not looking forward to–no, not at all–is a return of the spiders.
Plot Twist!
The story of our lives has taken a new direction. I guess you could call it a plot twist.
As those of you who are reading our story know, business at EJ’s company slowed down to historical levels so EJ got laid off from his job about a month ago. That was scary, but he quickly found a new job, and he likes his new company as much as he liked the previous one. However, at this new job EJ earns two dollars less per hour than at his previous job, and finances that were already tight–since we still haven’t sold our old house yet–are even tighter. Two dollars per hour less is $4,000 per year less. Yikes. Also, we don’t have medical insurance for 90 days, which is kind of scary, especially since EJ has health problems and JJ needs to have regular appointments with his oncologist to make sure he remains cancer-free. In addition, EJ was hired through an employment agency so technically he works for them as a temp until his contract with them expires. The advantage of this new company is that it has long-term contracts so the chances of getting laid off are very slim.
Well, late last week EJ got a call from his previous company–the one that laid him off–and they offered him another job at the same pay he was getting before, which means he’d get his $2 per hour back. Also, he’d be a “direct hire” which means he wouldn’t work through an employment agency. In addition, the new position would involve working in a different department on a “core product” which means there is less chance of getting laid off than before. However, the owner of the company is older and will probably sell his company in a couple of years and the work environment could change drastically with a new owner. And what if the company lays EJ off again? His current company would unlikely want to hire him again if he left after working less than three weeks. So we’d be permanently closing a door.
Despite the increase in pay, EJ is happy at his new job so he was going to decline the job offer to go back to the other company. But then he was told that he would immediately have medical insurance. That is a HUGE advantage.
We had to quickly make a decision. It’s hard to make a decision when the choices are both good. It’s hard to decide when both have more-or-less equal advantages and disadvantages. It makes me feel like the game show, Let’s Make A Deal, in which a contestant is given something of value and then given a choice of whether to keep it or exchange it for a different item. Does EJ keep what he has or risk it for possibly something better?
We decided that the $2 more per hour and the immediate medical insurance were too necessary to pass up. EJ is returning to his previous job.
Meanwhile, I’m a member of a popular INFJ Facebook page. Apparently, my comments always get a lot of likes so the senior admin has been urging me to become part of their team for the last year or so. I’ve always declined because there was always too much going on in our lives–like moving, for example, and trying to recover from burnout. However, I finally agreed to co-host a weekly segment about being an INFJ. I would actually share duties with another host so I’d have to do it one day every other week. That is more manageable than hosting it every week, especially since I’m also trying to get my Etsy store going. I’ve spent the last days trying to learn about my new duties. Who knows where this will lead?
Meanwhile, JJ is hoping to move on to a new job. Since a new Meijer store opened up in November, his store’s business has been cut about 50 percent and the corporate office is eliminating positions throughout the company, which is causing stress. JJ thinks it’s time to move on. He is really good at his job and he frequently has customers urge him to work at their companies. A co-worker who works as a park ranger has been urging JJ to apply so he filled out an application and dropped it off a few days ago. We shall see what happens with that.
My family has always been very cautious and Hobbit-ish, but in the last year or so, if feels as if we have been taking, oh, so many risks. New move, new jobs, new roles, new opportunities. I feel a bit like Bilbo Baggins:
“Then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking-stick.”
The End of February
I’m surprised that I haven’t written since February 17th. Time went fast.
The second half of February has gone better than the first half, although I do feel a bit worse for wear.
I have mostly been busy crocheting. I have an order for 50 bookmarks. I don’t have to finish them until late summer, but I like to get orders done as soon as possible so I’ve been working hard at them.
In addition to working on the bookmarks, I was able to set up a Facebook page that is linked to my Etsy store AND I was able to put a link to my Facebook page and store in this blog. It’s at the left side of my blog. How cool is that? I think that if you click on the name of my store–Teric’s Treasures, you will go to the Facebook page, but if you click on an item, you will be taken to my Etsy store.
The weather has really been warming up around here–into the 40 and 50 degrees. We still have a lot of snow but it’s melting. We actually can see some of our driveway here and there amidst the snow.
EJ says that with the weather warming up, the bears could start waking up soon. I read that bears can wake up as early as March depending on the weather–but normally bears come out of hibernation in April. Bears wake up very hungry and will often raid bird feeders, so I have to start thinking about putting away the feeders before they find them. I read that normally bears are very shy and will avoid humans, but if they find a food source–like bird feeders–they could get used to humans and become dangerous. I hate to put away the bird feeders because they draw the birds into the open where I can see them. It’s much harder to see them when they are hidden in the trees. Still, I don’t want bears.
I went outside a couple of days ago to refill the suet feeders and found one of them missing. Only part of the chain was left hanging on the hook. I looked around the area in case it had fallen, but couldn’t see it anywhere. I wondered if a bear could have taken it away, but EJ said I would have definitely seen signs of a bear–like footprints–if it had been a bear.
For a while the wild turkeys were coming by every two or three days to eat the seeds that had fallen from the bird feeders. But suddenly they stopped coming. I suspected they might be mating and laying eggs. I looked it up and found an interesting article about turkeys from the Michigan Department of Natural Resources that said:
…Turkeys are social birds and in winter often separate into three distinct groups: adult males (toms), young males (jakes), and females (hens) of all ages. These flocks begin to disperse in late winter or early spring when courtship and mating rituals begin. Toms set up territories and begin gobbling, strutting, and displaying in hopes of attracting a harem of hens. Most hens, regardless of age, will breed with a gobbler each spring. Egg laying begins in April, and each hen will lay a clutch of 11 to 12 eggs over a two-week period…
I think it’s interesting to learn about the wildlife that we encounter.
When the turkeys stopped coming by, some new visitors began making an appearance to eat the cracked corn that we had bought for the birds and squirrels. At first, we saw only one or two deer. They came by early in the morning, about mid-day, and at twilight. Tonight SIX deer came to eat the corn. They were right outside our windows! Most of them are quite young–yearlings, we are certain. The deer are very cautious. The slightest movement spooks them and they run off. So whenever the deer appear, we don’t make sudden movements and we talk in a whisper. If we have to move through the house, we try not to let the deer see us so we duck under windows or slide past doors. Often the deer will look right at us through the windows so we hold very still. The deer are so beautiful. We love to watch them.
The pictures below are some that I took a couple of mornings ago. I wanted to photograph the six deer that came tonight, but my camera was in my purse, which was on the table in the other room, and I didn’t want to risk moving and spooking the deer.
We have three different types of squirrels at our feeders: Fox squirrels, gray squirrels, and red squirrels.
It’s really fun watching the wildlife.
Although I’m a bit tired of snowblowing snow, and it’s not fun getting stuck in deep snow, the slippery driveway sort of scares me, I’m sort of sad to see winter leave because I get to see so many more wildlife in the winter. Also, when the weather warms up, the bears wake up and so do huge scary spiders. But, still, the warmer months are beautiful too.
Frightful February
February has been such a loooonnnnnggggg, awful month so far. Ugh.
I cannot share most of the story of what has made February so awful because it involves others so I only told a few close friends who I knew would pray for us. That untellable part of the story has made me feel, battered, beaten, overwhelmed, stressed, saddened, soggied, and somewhat angry.
In addition to the untellable parts of the story, EJ got permanently laid off from his job, which I already shared, and which was scary. He immediately got hired at a new company. He started Monday and I hoped and prayed and hoped and prayed that this would be a good company. I was totally relieved when he said that he liked it even better than his last company. People there have told him that his previous company has a habit of hiring people and laying them off, while his current company tends not to because they have long-term contracts so there’s always work. The work is complicated, but EJ was told if he could handle the complicated work at his last company, he will have no problem here–in fact, he probably was hired because he was doing well at the previous company. And EJ again will work four 10-hour days each week, but there is a good chance for overtime, which will help our finances. So despite all the stress and anxiety of EJ getting laid off, and finding and starting a new job…Whew!
EJ’s previous company paid him for unused vacation days in addition to his regular (last) paycheck, so that will help until he gets his first paycheck from his new company.
Since EJ didn’t work all last week, he was going to build my bookshelves in our library. Instead, we spent the week ferrying JJ to school and his job because the Buggy was stuck in the driveway. We also spent a lot of very exhausting hours digging the Buggy out of the snow, only to have it slide into another snowdrift along the driveway. Sunday evening I had to sit in the Buggy and push on the gas and steer while EJ tried to pull it out with the Suburban. No luck. I am totally inexperienced at this sort of thing, so it was very, very stressful for me. On Monday, while EJ was working, I snowblowed behind and in front of the buggy, which by this time was stuck near the bottom of the driveway. I also did my best to dig out the snow under the Buggy. Later that evening we dug a bit more and then with JJ in the Buggy this time, EJ tried again to pull it out with the Suburban. This time we were successful and we got both vehicles up the hill and parked in front of the garage.
In our efforts to get the Buggy unstuck, its tail lights were smashed. JJ didn’t want to drive it yesterday. For some reason, he is always anxious about getting stopped by police, even if only for a “fix-it ticket.” This week EJ is on first shift while he is trained; I think he will start working second shift next week. First shift begins at 6 a.m., so EJ has to get up at 4 a.m. I got up with EJ yesterday, and rode to work with him and then drove the Sub home with the goal of taking JJ to school later. EJ had explained to me how to put the Sub in 4-wheel-drive to get it up the driveway, but on the way to his work a light came on saying “Service 4wd” and when I got to the driveway, I couldn’t get the 4wd to engage. I got stuck in the driveway; the Sub slid and blocked the whole driveway. My stress level–already high–went even higher because I am inexperienced at getting vehicles unstuck, and if I couldn’t get it unstuck, I wouldn’t be able to pick up EJ from work later in the day. (I considered calling a taxi for him if necessary.) Neither would I be able to get JJ to school or work. I felt like crying.
It was still early and the sun hadn’t yet risen so it was very dark. I trudged up the driveway and waited until dawn. I woke JJ up and told him he needed to help me get the Sub unstuck. While he got dressed, I grabbed a shovel and went back down the hill to the Sub. I started the Sub and this time the 4wd engaged, but the tires spun and went nowhere. I went back up the hill and grabbed the kitty litter (I put it on a sled and sledded down the hill with it 🙂 ) and sprinkled some kitty litter in front of the tires for traction. JJ got into the Sub and was able to drive it up the hill.
I was exhausted. I took a nap until it was time to get ready to take JJ to school.
We left at noon. I prayed all the way down the driveway that we wouldn’t get stuck again, and we didn’t. Whew! I successfully dropped JJ off at the college. JJ’s class was about 2 hours long so it wasn’t worth driving all the way home and back again so I stayed in the city. To pass the time, I stopped at Joann Fabrics and browsed through the store. I recently had gotten an order for 50 bookmarks, so I bought a couple skeins of red crochet cotton. I also bought a couple of bottles of bubble solution for EJ and me. I had read that when it’s cold, the bubbles freeze and I thought it would be fun to try. We need quiet, relaxing fun in our lives. After I had browsed through all the aisles of Joann Fabrics two or three times, I drove to a seed store and bought some suet for the birds and dog food for Danny. I still had time to kill, so I stopped at a grocery store and wandered through it. Then I drove back to the college, picked up JJ, and took him to work, which was a few miles down the road.
Then it was time to pick up EJ. I found my way to his company with no problem. I just look for the “Sith” sign. Actually, the sign is his company’s initials, which is nothing like the word “Sith,” but the font makes it look as if it says “Sith” so I tell EJ that he is now working for the Siths.
We went out to eat at our favorite restaurant. Then we went to Goodwill…just because. Then we went to the auto parts store across the street and bought tail light tape for the Buggy. It will do until we can order an actual tail light replacement. Then we drove across the city to Lowes to exchange an item that was the wrong size. Then it was time to pick up JJ from work.
We got home about 9 p.m. As we drove up the driveway, I felt incredibly stressed and anxious that we’d get stuck again. That driveway is both a blessing and a curse, a pleasure and a pain. I love that it winds around and hides us from the road, and I love sledding down it. I dislike that it caused us so much work and money last summer and that it’s treacherous to drive up in the winter.
EJ had been up since 4 a.m., but he took the time to show JJ how to tape the tail light. Meanwhile, I took our day’s purchases into the house and took Danny outside. I was so relieved to finally get to bed.
I have my phone alarm set for 4 a.m. as a backup to EJ’s phone alarm. Usually his phone is set to vibrate and I don’t want him to not hear it and be late to work. I confess that when my alarm sounded this morning, I turned it off and snuggled back into bed. But then Danny told me that he needed to go outside so I got out of bed and took him out. I made EJ’s breakfast to eat now and lunch to eat later and said goodbye to him before heading back to bed.
Today I am staying home. Going nowhere. I am cleaning, and doing some laundry, and making homemade bread. Later, I will start working on the bookmark order. It’s a custom order, so I might have to adapt a pattern or make up my own.
February has been awful. February has totally stressed me out. I am ready for February to be over with. Sadly, we still have twelve days left in this month. I’m not sure I will survive February.
Winter Work
Yesterday a few women read my last post about the depression and anxiety that I was feeling and they suggested that I start taking Vitamin D3. As soon as they said that I thought, well, duh! Our doctor downstate had once told us that she had done research about Vitamin D deficiency and discovered that it is at epidemic levels in Michigan because we don’t get enough sunlight. And my current doctor had suggested that I take Vitamin D when I told her that I had been struggling with anxiety and depression. I had taken it for awhile and it did help, but then I forgot. So I was grateful for the reminders.
It’s easy to think that anxiety, depression, and feelings of being overwhelmed are caused by a lack of faith or positive outlook. However, I know that chronic stress can really affect the body–and we’ve had chronic stress for a long time which I think really depleted us. Stress affects EJ in physical ways. Last summer he actually experienced numbness and faintness and we were afraid he was having a stroke or heart attack, but we found out it was due to stress. His doctor told him that stress has killed of the probiotics in his intestines so he has to be careful what he eats until he can build them back up. Meanwhile, my stress comes out more in emotional symptoms–feeling terribly overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed. This morning I took Vitamin D3 and a few other vitamins and I did feel much better. I still feel a bit of anxiety over finances and EJ starting his new job–new jobs are difficult and this job is complicated and EJ has to learn a new machine language. I always worry about him until I see that his job is going well. But I am not feeling anxiety to the unbearable levels that I had been experiencing.
Overnight we got about a foot of snow. I can’t believe how much snow we get up here in the north–and this has been a mild winter. I’ve read at a weather site that usually we get about 120-150 or so inches of snow during the winter.
The buggy is still stuck in the driveway so EJ has been taking JJ to school every day. I didn’t want EJ to get the suburban stuck this morning, so after I refilled the bird feeders this morning, I sneakily got out the snowblower and began to clear the driveway. EJ does so much that I try to help out when I can. I am supposed to fill the snowblower with gas before I start it, and I did try, but the 5 gallon container of gas was very heavy to lift and I didn’t get it as full as I should have. I went down our 500 foot drive, back up the driveway, and then down again and then the snowblower ran out of gas. Rats! I called EJ and he said he would bring the container of gas down, but he wasn’t even dressed yet so it took him a while to get down to me. I had run out of gas right at the very edge of the road so I couldn’t just leave the snowblower there. It was very cold today and I was sure I was going to freeze to death before he joined me.
I didn’t freeze to death…although I might have come close. EJ eventually came down the driveway pulling a sled with the gas container on it. He filled the snowblower and then took over clearing the driveway while I pulled the sled with the gas container back up the hill. I was freezing when I got in the house, so I sat down with a cup of hot coffee. But before I could take more than a sip or two Danny wanted outside and he never likes to go out without me. So I got my coat, hat, boots, and gloves back on and took him outside. Then I came back in and got all undressed and sipped my coffee again. But then I saw that EJ was returning after two trips down the driveway, so I got my winter clothes back on and went out to take my turn again even though I was still cold. He waved me away and went down again so I went back inside to my coffee. I tried twice more to take my turn at snowblowing, and EJ only let me take over the second time to clear the little bit of driveway in front of the garage because he needed to change out of his work clothes to take JJ to school.
I ended up going with EJ when he took JJ to school. We didn’t really have time to go back home, so EJ and I stayed in town and went to a couple of thrift stores until it was time to pick up JJ. EJ and I love treasuring hunting at thrift shops. It’s inexpensive fun. We also stopped at a seed store to get pet food.
After we got home again, EJ and I went outside to trying digging out the buggy. The last time EJ tried to get the buggy unstuck, the steering wheel wouldn’t turn so he was afraid something had broken or bent. We cleared the snow from the front of the buggy and EJ slid under it to take a look. Nothing was broken or bent and he discovered a huge ball of icy snow had caused the problem. So he got that out and we shoveled the snow from around the buggy. Then EJ started the buggy to try to get it unstuck. This time he could turn the steering wheel (yay!) but the tires spun. They couldn’t get traction on the slippery snow. We walked up the hill intending to get boards to put under the tires, but we were so exhausted from all the physical work we had done in the cold today that we just didn’t have the energy to work anymore. We called it quits for the night. Well, mostly. I still did a bunch of chores–like made popcorn, washed dishes, did laundry, and cleaned out the kitty litter….
We need to get the buggy unstuck before EJ starts his new job or JJ won’t be able to get to school or work.
Over the weekend, forecasters are predicting that we could get more snow–like maybe even as much as another foot. And it’s supposed to turn much colder. That is life in the north.
A Day and A Half
As you know, Friday EJ was permanently laid off from the wonderful job that enabled us to move to our beautiful enchanted forest in Northern Michigan.
EJ told me that as soon as he got into his suburban, he called the head hunter (a person who connects companies with job seekers) and set up an appointment with him for Monday. His meeting with the head hunter lasted an hour, and 20 minutes after he left he was called by a company wanting him to come in for an interview. He missed the call at that time because he was driving but he called back later and set up an interview for Tuesday morning. He went to the interview on Tuesday and the company immediately hired him. He starts next Monday.
The pay is a little less than he was getting at the other company–but at least EJ has a job. All of the new company’s contracts are long-term so it’s very unlikely he will ever get laid off. He’s also back to working ten-hour days for four days a week. With less income, money will be tight, but JJ has taken over paying for his phone bill and his medical bill for cancer.
Thank you all who have prayed for us. EJ was technically without a job for about a day and a half (not counting the weekend). I’m so relieved and thankful that he has a job so quickly. I pray that he loves this one even more than the previous one.
Our buggy is still stuck in the driveway. EJ believes something is preventing the steering wheel from turning so that he can’t pull it out. He has been driving JJ to school and work. I’m not sure what will happen when EJ begins working.
We had a scare today. EJ took JJ to school, then went to fill out paperwork for his new company, and then picked JJ up from school. I was surprised when JJ came to the door and I didn’t see any sign of EJ or the suburban. JJ said, “Dad is stuck at the bottom of the driveway.” He had come up to get a shovel. We had gotten several more inches of snow. A guy driving by saw that EJ was stuck and stopped and pulled him out. It turns out that he’s a neighbor that lives down the road, and EJ and he had a nice chat. I was relieved that we didn’t have two vehicles stuck in the driveway. After EJ got the sub up the driveway, he and I took turns snowblowing the driveway.
I tell EJ that I feel so easily overwhelmed and anxious and depressed these days–with an intensity I’ve never felt before. It’s as if I have no shields to protect me and everything hits me hard and deep. I don’t know if it’s a symptom of Caregiver Burnout or what. I hate it. But whenever I get overwhelmed, EJ says, “Don’t worry. I am your Samwise and I will help you.”
I Love To Go A Gardening 